AFTER IMPACT
by J.Alana1
Summary: Third Impact has occured. Shinji Ikari & Asuka Langely Soryu are left alone. Now they must struggle to survive from day to day and face the awful truth that they were left to inherit the Earth. What lies ahead? What is the course of life After Impact?
1. Chapters 1 thru 12

**_AFTER IMPACT_** by J.Alana

Edited for on Neon Genesis Evangelion & End of Evangelion by Hideki Anno

Licensed through Gainax. I do not own any of the characters associated with this story. Neon Geneisis Evangelion & End of Evangelion are the trademark(s) of Gainax. ADV Films & Viz. This story is being written just for fun.

Forward:

Like many anime fans, I truly enjoyed watching _Neon Genesis Evangelion_. I thought it was fantastic in its concept and that the characters were rich and evolving. I, like many fans was disappointed with the last two episodes of the series. I, like many fans, was delighted when I saw _End of Evangelion _as the real ending for the series. I loved _End of Evangelion_ but also like many fans I wondered: _what happened to Shinji & Asuka after that?_ Did they become part of something greater? Did they ever find a way to get together? Was the Earth ever renewed? Did their friends ever come back? I began the process of asking myself, _what happens to Shinji & Asuka now?_

There have been many stories to continue the story of Evangelion but none have ever explained Third Impact. I had this idea for a while and I decided to write about it.

I hope you enjoy this story. I tried to stick to the core elements of what made _Neon Genesis Evangelion_ great. As many people have said, it wasn't so much the science fiction as it was the interaction of the characters that made the series what it was. I have tried to stick to the core of the characters and make them as believable as possible. All though you may want to count how many times Asuka calls Shinji an idiot.

It has taken me over a year in my spare time to write. Hopefully it serves as a possible explanation of what happened to Shinji & Asuka but…. it is not the official explanation. Hopefully someday, we shall see that become a reality. .

Please enjoy reading _After Impact_ and forward any comments that you may have about this story, positive or negative.

This contains language, (profanity, strong adult situations), strong violence, and sexual situations/references. This story is not recommended for those under the age of 18. Edited for

PART I. SURVIVAL

Chapter 1.

Visions clouded his head, as he looked back towards the light that he felt himself being carried to.

At first the images were not making sense, he was seeing his past: his father, mother, Asuka, Misato, Rei, Toji, Kensuke, Kauro, Kaji and then he was seeing other images. He saw a large mountain, a small house and a woman smiling at him. He didn't know this woman and yet he felt connected to her somehow.

There was only one thing he was sure of, she had the same eyes as his mother, and her hair was red with a large reassuring smile. Then the images would repeat, over and over again.

"Who is the one?" It was his voice speaking back to him as he traveled upward towards the light as color and light streaked past him. "Who is the one you will choose?"

As he looked back to the face of his mother, he heard her say with a smile as she touched his cheek. "Will you be all right, love?"

He smiled at her and nodded his head as he could feel himself coming back to the world. "I'll try…." He told her.

"Choose." The voice said. "Choose the one to share your life with…the one for the hope."

He breathed in and then only one word came out of his mouth. "Asuka…."

His mother's face smiled back at him. "Now, go life live. Don't be afraid any longer. Embrace your existence."

"Mother…" his voice trailed off as he got further and further away from her and then he looked up towards the light and felt himself break through the barrier.

Chapter 2

He came up from the water and breathed in the air. He looked around, the devastation was horrific and the sea was orange. He couldn't believe that this was what Third Impact had done. Tokoyo-3 stood in ruins.

He turned and saw the giant face of Rei, staring back at him; it put a fear into him like he never knew before. He began to swim towards the shore, feeling tired.

Finally he felt the sand beneath his fingers and crawled out of the orange sea. He stood up and looked around, in the center of his hand, he held Misato's cross and clutched it. Then he collapsed onto the sand, shutting his eyes and breathing in out, his exhaustion overwhelmed him and he fell asleep.

Shortly, he woke up and sat up on the shore of the beach, watching the orange waves crash upon the shore. He looked out and could see the devastation caused and the fury unleashed by man's selfishness and arrogance.

_Third Impact_. He thought. _The desire of SEELE and the end of life as I know it._

He took a deep breath not knowing quite what he had just experienced and not knowing if he was really alive or dead. He lay back down onto the sand and shut his eyes.

He turned his head slightly and then he saw her, his eyes widened and he smiled.

She was laying on the beach, wearing the skintight red plug suit, the uniform that designated them both as pilots of the EVA. Her hair was the fiery auburn that he loved. There was a bandage over her right eye and a bandage over her right hand and upper arm.

He wondered. _Could this really be her? Is this real?_

Then he felt anger.

He remembered that so far nothing had been real. Everything had been an illusion and with all his fury, he leaped on top of her, straddling her with his hands were around her throat, squeezing as hard as he could.

_You're not real_. He thought. _You're just a ghost, an apparition. You're not alive! Why must I be tortured like this? Why are you doing this to me? Asuka's dead. This isn't her!_

She suddenly felt her vision come back to her. She felt pain around her neck. She couldn't breathe. She felt her life-force going and in front of her she saw him, he was trying to kill her, strangle her.

_What was he doing? Why was he doing it?_

She didn't know what to do at that point and so she reached up with her hand and lightly touched his face.

He froze_. Her touch was real. She wasn't a ghost or a fake._ _It's really her! Asuka, you're alive! It's you! It's really you! Oh my God, Asuka! _

It wasn't like before in that dream state when he had strangled her and then she disappeared in front of him to be replaced by Rei.

This was real.

She was real.

This was the now and they were alive.

He loosened his grip on her throat and then her hand slipped down his cheek and fell at her side. He took his hands away from her throat and looked down on at her.

She looked up to him with fear in her eyes.

His eyes welled up with tears and a there was a smile across his face that went with it.

_Asuka. _He started to cry and laid his head on top of her chest holding onto her as if she was the only thing in the world that mattered to him.

She looked around thinking, _what happened?_ The last thing she remembered was being in Unit 2 when she was attacked. She remembered something going through her eye and slashing across her arm. She remembered saying "I'll kill you. I'll kill you."

Then she was descended upon all at once. They came at her fast and started eating away at the red EVA unit. She felt like her body was being ripped apart and her entire existence was being erased and she didn't remember anything more after that except for two things.

A scream.

A horrifying high-pitched scream and she wasn't sure of whom it was. It screamed out her name.

The next thing she remembered was white, a blank void of white, and that was all.

Now she was here. _What am I? Why is he with me? Did he save me? No, if he had…he wouldn't have tried to kill me now would he_? _Idiot! _

She looked down at him as he cried.

All she could think of saying was "Feel sick."

She was repulsed. _How dare he cry all over me like that? Fucking idiot._ "How disgusting."

"Asuka, I didn't know…I'm sorry."

He looked up at her as she sat up with him and looked around.

"Get off of me!" She growled.

Shinji got off of her and sat next to her, he couldn't stop looking at her.

She touched her face and felt the bandage around her head. She had no pain though. She removed the bandage from around her head. To her amazement, she could see out of her eye.

"Do I have a wound?" she asked.

"No." he said.

She quickly unwrapped the bandage on her hand and stared at it. She had no injury, not a cut or a bruise. It was the same arm that had been slashed. She had watched her arm split and felt the horrific pain and now she was fine. She opened and closed her fist and breathed out with wide eyes.

"What the fuck happened?" she asked as she looked at him. "Shinji, what happened? What in the hell happened? Third Impact? Why are we alive still?"

"I…don't know." He said as he looked at her.

Then he stared into her eyes and she gave him an annoyed look. "What?"

"Your eyes." He said as he looked at her.

"What about them? Do I have a wound?" She asked as she touched her face.

"No." he said as he leaned forward. "Your eyes were blue, right?"

"You mean…. they are blue, right?" Asuka asked.

"They were, right?" he asked.

"What do you…mean…by…. **_were_** blue?" She asked. "What color are they?"

"Brown." He said. "They're brown, like Misato's eyes."

"BROWN?" Asuka yelled out as she touched her face. "What the fuck is going on?"

"I…I…don't know."

"You don't know?" Asuka asked. "How could you not know?"

"I DON'T KNOW!" Shinji yelled out as he turned his back on her and bought his knees up into his chest and cried.

Asuka stood up and looked out. She saw the giant face of Rei Ayanami staring back at her in the LCL Ocean and she felt a chill right down to her core.

"You don't…remember anything?" Asuka asked.

"I don't want to remember." Shinji said through his tears. "Its…. too much."

"Why am I here?' Asuka asked.

"Because I…wanted you to be here." Shinji said as he looked up. "They said, wish for the one that you want to be with you. I asked for you."

"You…. asked for me? What happened exactly? All I remember was being attacked and then…nothing…then I was here and why… Why did you just…why were you trying to kill me?" Asuka asked as she kneeled next to him. "Shinji…. why?"

"I don't…know." Shinji said nervously. "I didn't think you were real. I thought it was another one of their visions or something! I don't know anything. I don't even know why I'm here…why?"

"You said you chose me?" Asuka asked.

"Yeah." Shinji told her.

"Why did you do that? Why me, Shinji?"

"HOW CAN YOU ASK ME THAT?" He yelled out as he felt the tears come down his face. "How can you…"

Asuka stood up and looked around. She took a deep breath as she felt fear well up in her core. "We have to get try to get away from here. We have to find something to survive on."

"Survive?" Shinji asked.

"Yeah." Asuka told him as she looked down at him.. "We're alive, Shinji. We have to try to stay alive."

"What's even the point?" Shinji asked.

Asuka growled and then went over to him. She pushed him down on the ground onto his back and then towered over him, looking down at him. "You've got to stop being weak. You've got to start standing up for yourself. If I am stuck with you then I am not going to put up with your whining, crying, low esteem garbage! You will not be weak any more! Okay, Shinji, here's reality! Reality, we're here. We have to try to survive and I am not going to do this without you. You wanted me here; well then you have to work with me now! From now on, Shinji, I am in charge! Got that?"

He only looked back to her, feeling angry, humiliated, like she usually made him feel but at the same time, that fire, that spark in her, it made him feel like pushing on.

Asuka held out her hand to him and put her other hand on her hip. "Get your ass up!"

Shinji reached out for her hand and she pulled him up. He got to his feet and looked at her.

"Now, let's go."

"Why?"

"Because, we have to." She told him.

"Where do we go?"

"Anywhere but here. Wonder Girl's face is freaking me out."

Shinji looked at her and then she began to walk away from the beach with Shinji walking behind her.

Chapter 3

They walked further and further away from the shore, they began to notice that for the most part the world looked devoid of life. Burnt trees and hollowed out buildings were everywhere.

They were walking in what appeared to be the ruins of Tokoyo-3. The devastation was horrific and then Asuka saw something and took off running.

"Where are you gong?" Shinji asked as he ran after her. He saw what she was running to and then shook his head. "Asuka, what are you doing?"

"I need clothes." She called out. "I'm not going to wear this fucking plug suit all the time! Are you going to wear that white shirt and jeans constantly?"

"Okay you got a point." He told her as he walked into the building with her. He looked around and it was severely beaten down. Clothes were strewn about but that didn't seem to bother Asuka as she went through them.

Shinji felt uneasy in that clothing store and for some reason, he wasn't sure of something was telling him that they would be better off getting out of there as soon as possible.

"Stop looking like that." Asuka told him as she shook her head. "You're always scared about something."

"I am not scared!" He protested. "Just I'm cautious…. that's all."

"Yeah, exactly what I said: you're scared!" She shook her head and continued to go through the clothes and then Shinji's head twitched as he heard something.

"Asuka…."

"What?"

"Asuka, we have to get out of here!" Shinji said with urgency.

"Oh please knock it off!"

"Asuka, I mean it!" Shinji said.

"Oh will you stop being a…" Then it seemed like the whole room started shaking. Asuka's eyes went wide and she looked at him paralyzed with fear.

"COME ON!" He yelled out as he grabbed her hand and ran for the entrance.

Asuka shook as he held onto her. He saw the doorway and ran out as fast as could.

Looking back they watched as the structure crumbled. They ran across the street and he threw her against wall of a building, shielding her with his own body.

Asuka looked over after she had watched the roof cave in and then looked back at him amazed at what she saw and especially at what he did.

"You saved me." She said to him.

Shinji breathed hard and then stepped away from her, looking at the now destroyed building.

"This is why we don't go into buildings unless we know what we're dealing with!" He told her as he looked back at her and then sat down, leaning against the wall.

"What are we in for?" Asuka asked him as she looked at him.

Shaking his head he answered. "I have no idea."

Chapter 4

They kept walking until both of them were tired and knew the awful truth about the only two being left alive. They had no home to go. Right now they only had each other.

Shinji did his best to make a fire. Both of them were hungry but there was no food. He settled up against a tree on the outskirts of town. All though there were buildings, Shinji didn't trust how stable they were and Asuka had agreed with him on that.

As he sat, he bought his knees up and wrapped his arms around him. Asuka sat down next to him and stared at the fire. He just looked straight ahead and said nothing.

"What are we going to do?" Asuka asked.

"I don't know." He whispered to her.

Asuka growled and then said sarcastically. "You better start thinking of ways! We both have to! Our survival depends on each other now."

Shinji looked over at her and nodded. "Are you angry at me?"

"Angry at you?" Asuka asked.

"Yeah." He said in a low whisper. "Are you angry that I asked for you?"

Asuka turned her attention back to the fire and then said quite coldly. "Well, being dead would suck. However, I don't know how it could get much worse."

"Asuka, I'm sorry." He told her.

"Why?" She asked.

"I don't know." He told her. "I just am."

"You've got to stop doing that." Asuka told him.

"What?"

"Saying your sorry for everything! It's not your fault that this happened! Its not your fault, Shinji!" Asuka said to him.

"If its not, then why do I feel like it is?" he asked her.

"What happened to you?"

Shinji closed his eyes and shook his head. "You couldn't possibly understand. I don't even get it."

"Did you…. did you…. scream out my name…. right before the…. prototypes attacked me?" Asuka asked.

Shinji looked at her with a tear coming out of his eye, he shut his eyes and then said. "Why?"

"Because…right before…it was all over…I thought heard you call out my name…did you?" She asked him.

Shinji nodded his head and then looked away. "I thought you were gone."

"For a while there, I thought so too." Asuka laughed and then said. "However as fate would have it, here I am."

"I don't know how to make it work, Asuka." Shinji said in a low voice.. "I don't know how I can…I don't know what to do."

"We have to do, what we need to do, Shinji. We have to try to stay alive." She said to him.

"It would be easier for us to just…"

"Don't you dare talk like that!" Asuka growled. "You wanted me here well guess what, I'm here and you and me we're going to make it, Shinji. We have to survive. We have to! Don't even think about committing suicide! That's a coward's way out."

"I didn't say that." He said.

"No but you were thinking it." Asuka said. "You're not the only one you know. I refuse to give up though. I am alive and so are you and we have to make it work, somehow!"

Shinji sighed and then nodded saying. "Okay."

"I need to get some sleep. Sleep with your back facing me, okay?"

"Okay." He told her.

"Okay, good night." Asuka said.

"Good night." Shinji said to her as he watched he lay on her side with her back facing him. He sat up and grabbed a large stick, keeping it nearby, looking out into the darkness.

Chapter Five

Shinji couldn't sleep. He woke up and leaned against the tree. He felt miserable as he looked at the fire and then he heard an unusual sound. It was coming from Asuka.

They were whimpering sounds. Then as he listened more closely, he knew that she was crying. He had seen her cry that time she crawled into bed with him and he wondered if this was a regular thing.

"No…." he heard her say in a whisper. "Oh no more…no.no…NO!"

Her eyes flew open and she shuddered as she swallowed hard and sniffled. His eyes were on her and he stayed where he was.

Asuka looked out of the corner of her eye and breathed hard, then she said sharply. "Listen up, you idiot! Whatever you just heard? Never say a word about it ever again! Understand?"

Shinji nodded and said meekly. "Okay."

"Okay." She said as she wiped her tears away. "I'm going back to sleep. You should get some rest too."

"I'm fine." He told her. "I can't sleep."

"Do you want to talk?" She asked in gentle voice.

"About what?" he asked her.

"I don't know, idiot! How about stuff…stuff we didn't get to talk about…"

"What kind of stuff?" Shinji asked.

"Just…. stuff, y'know."

"Nothing to really talk about." He said flatly. "What do you want to talk about? Let's see the world ended yesterday. You and me are the only people, so far, that are left. We have no home. We have no belongings. No family. No friends. Nothing! Everyone we love and everyone we know is gone. Our futures are uncertain. We don't even know if we'll be alive tomorrow. So in essence, we have nothing, Does that pretty much sum it up?"

"You're wrong." Asuka said.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, we have each other and that's something."

"Yeah and you hate me for bringing you back." Shinji said as he looked straight ahead.

"Shinji, I would rather be alive then dead." Asuka told him. "I am alive. That means I have to try to stay alive and so do you."

"You still hate me for bringing you back though." Shinji told her.

"No, I don't." Asuka said.

Then she felt something next to her and she turned to see him laying on his side looking at her. His eyes were so lonely and so devoid of emotion. She nearly felt her heartbreak looking at him.

"Tell me something?" he asked her. "Why do I feel…why do I feel so…horrible?"

"Its okay." Asuka said. "Its called grief. You are allowed to feel that way."

"I miss them, Asuka." Shinji said to her as a tear came out of his eye. "I miss them so much. I even miss my own father. I guess I thought one day my father and me could reconnect to each other. That one day he would want to be my father. I'll never know…."

"You have a lot of pain, don't you?" Asuka asked him.

Shinji nodded his head as he looked at her. "Do you?" he asked her.

Asuka wasn't one to be vulnerable or allow anyone to be close to her but she figured he was going to be companion from now on and she better get used to the idea of trusting someone.

"Yeah I do." She said in a whisper as she bit her lip. "I always acted like I never needed anyone. It's so different when you're alone. I should know though, I've had a lot of practice being alone. My parents shipped me off to college when I was ten. I never knew what it was like to be a kid. I think the only time I was a kid was when I was with you."

"I've been alone my whole life." He told her in a whisper. "The only family I knew was you, Rei and Misato. Even though my father was alive, he wasn't really my family. He was my commander. My mother died when I was little. I think that was the only time in my whole life I felt loved. When she died, I had nothing. My father turned inward and then he walked away from me. I don't think I ever knew what a family was, what a father was, or a mother. Misato was the closest thing I ever had to a parent. Now she's gone too. How did you handle it? I mean, how did you handle being lonely?" he asked her.

"I fight for myself." Asuka said. "I remember who I am. I remember what I was meant to do and I let nothing stand in my way or anyone. I hold my strength close to me and I make sure that I do what I need to do."

"I can't do that." He said to her.

"You have to." She said to him. "You're right, Shinji, we don't have any possessions or a home. Everyone we love and all of our friends are gone. There is something that you and me both have though. Its important, Shinji. Do you know what it is?"

"No." he said flatly. "What?" he asked her as he put his arm underneath his head and leaned on it.

"Strength." Asuka said. "My strength is what I need to survive and it's the only thing is this world that is uniquely mine. You have it too. You are strong, Shinji. You may not think you are but you are."

"I've never felt strong. The only time I had that strength or power was in EVA. I felt unstoppable. Now though, I just feel ordinary. I don't feel strong at all. How do I find my strength?" Shinji asked her through a yawn as his eyes started to flutter.

"You look deep inside of yourself. Whenever you need it, you will call upon it and it will get you through."

"It will?" he asked her as he yawned again and shut his eyes.

"Yeah." She said as she smiled. "It will. You have to find it, Shinji. It's the only way you'll get through this."

"Okay." He said as he yawned again and turned over onto his side with his back facing her. He yawned a few more times and then Asuka could tell by the way he was breathing that he was asleep.

Asuka sighed as she looked at his back and then as she sighed, she moved up against his back and wrapped her arm around him with her hand against his chest.

Shinji's eyes opened as he looked down and saw her hand against his chest. He breathed in as he felt her snuggle against his back and then he gently took his hand and covered hers with his own.

He shut his eyes and went back to sleep.

Asuka's eyes opened slightly and she smiled. Then she cuddled against him and went back to sleep.

Chapter 6

Dawn was about to come and the air was cold. Shinji stood by himself and looked around. He felt alone and empty. There were so many emotions going through him and his head was full of questions.

He felt so weak and unsure. Never in his entire life had he ever felt this way before. He turned and looked at a sleeping Asuka. He wondered how she had been able to sleep when he tossed and turned all night.

How could he have wanted to return to this world? _There was nothing. No people. No life signs. There is just Asuka and I. What did that mean? Are we the new Adam and Eve? Are there others that don't know_ of?

He was insecure about a great many things but now more so, then ever before. As he watched her sleep, he saw how peaceful she looked. He was glad at least one of them could sleep.

_Where is this strength that Asuka keeps speaking of? _He asked himself as he looked straight ahead_. Why is it I can't find it? Why is it I feel so…lousy? Everything is gone. What's even the point of survival? We have to go on though; we can't just sit around and wait to die. Both of us need each other. We have to concentrate and go forward_.

Asuka stirred slightly and looked up to see him standing looking out towards…nothing.

"Hi." She said as she sat up and rubbed her eye. "Oh crap. My back is sore. Sleeping outside sucks."

"We better get used to it." He said flatly as wind blew through his hair.

"Still bruiting?" Asuka asked.

"What do you think?" he asked her.

"Yeah, you're still bruiting." Asuka said as she looked around. "Hey, where's the food?"

"What?" he asked.

"Food? F-O-O-D. You know, nourishment? The thing that prevents starvation."

"We don't have any." He said.

"We have…no food?" Asuka asked.

"Well, what do you want me to do?" he asked her. " Should I call the nearest take out? Oh wait, forgot! There aren't any!"

"Listen up, you idiot!" Asuka snapped as she got to her feet and walked over to him.. "There is no need to get testy with me just because you're hungry!"

"I'm what?" Shinji asked. "You were the one just asking about food!"

"Well, duh!" Asuka yelled. "We better find some."

"Where do you suppose we look?" Shinji asked.

"Oh, I don't know how about some of these fucking buildings that are still here?" Asuka said as she pointed to the buildings.

"You want to go back into a building?" Shinji asked. "After what happened yesterday? You want to go back into a building?"

"We need to get supplies, idiot!" Asuka barked. "We can't just sit around and waste away! We need clothes, backpacks, first aid, water and soap! We need a lot of stuff."

Shinji groaned and said. "I don't want to go into another building."

"Stop being such a wuss!" Asuka barked.

"Wuss?" he asked her.

"Yeah, a wuss, wimp, coward!" Asuka growled. "You get the picture?"

Shinji groaned and crossed his arms as Asuka looked at him.

"Well, c'mon. Move your ass." She said.

"What?" he asked her in an annoyed tone.

"Move! Your! ASS!" Asuka growled.

"Asuka, c'mon, I mean…you want to do all of this now?"

"Oh, I'm sorry." Asuka said firmly. "Did you have plans? Yeah, I see where your schedule would be full doing nothing!".

"Very funny." He said.

"Well, then, c'mon, let's go. Move it." Asuka said as she walked forward.

"All right! I'm going!' Shinji said as he walked forward and grumbled.

Chapter 7

All day long, the two of them gathered supplies. Asuka ditched the plug suit for a pair of jeans and boots with a red shirt. Shinji opted for a blue fleece pullover, a pair of jeans and hiking boots as well. They also gathered other articles of clothing that they would need.

They picked up things like camping gear, sleeping bags, blankets, and two large backpacks, hunting knives, bandages, cans of soup and other non-perishable items. They tried to think of everything that they could possible require out in the open and had pretty much figured that they had everything.

Asuka had an argument with Shinji over one thing that they felt they needed.

"I am not carrying a gun!" he snapped.

"Oh, really? Do you really feel as if we are that secure? We need a gun!" Asuka yelled.

"Then, you get the gun!" Shinji told her.

"I am not carrying a stinking gun! You're the guy. You're supposed to carry a gun." Asuka told him.

"That's a bunch of crap!" Shinji yelled. "We live in an equal opportunity society! You can carry a gun!"

"Oh yeah? Well, my rule is you carry the gun! I don't want to carry a gun!" Asuka yelled. "You should carry the gun."

"I will never pick up another gun as long as I live!" Shinji told her.

"Well, how are you supposed to protect us?" Asuka asked.

"How am _I _supposed to protect _us_?" Shinji asked. "Protect us from what?"

"What if there is a crazy person out there somewhere who wants to rape me?"

Shinji shook his head and chuckled as he began to walk away. "A crazy person who wants to rape you?"

"Yeah, what if he tries to rape me? What will you do? Talk your way out of it? Oh, better yet, would you…_run away_?"

Shinji narrowed his eyes at her and then said. "I don't think there are any people left alive, Asuka. You and me are it."

"Okay, well what about animals with rabies?"

Shinji crossed his arms as he said. "Animals with rabies?"

"Yeah. What if a crazy dog picks up on our scent and tries to bite me? Are you going to let a crazy dog maul me to death?"

"Asuka…"

"Shinji!" Asuka protested. "We need to think of these things!"

"What are you getting at?" he asked her.

"You are such a fucking idiot!" Asuka snapped. "We need a weapon!"

"A weapon?" Shinji asked.

"Yeah, a weapon."

"Well, what do you call this?" he asked as he pulled the six-inch hunting knife from the holster on his belt. "This is one nasty knife!"

"Oh, that's just great." Asuka said. "A knife. What are you going to do? You can't go stabbing something to death! You'll get hurt! You need a gun! You can stand at a distance and BANG!" Asuka said as she held out her hand and raised her hand in the shape of a gun.

"I am not carrying a gun." He told her.

"What about a rifle?" Asuka said as she pointed to the rifle. "How about a shotgun?" She said as she pointed to the shotgun. "Shinji, you can use a gun!" She growled as she bought her hands to her sides. "You know how to fire a gun. You had firearms training at NERV."

"So did you." He told her.

"I don't want to carry a gun."

"Well, neither do I." He told her.

Then, he looked over and in the corner he saw it. He walked over to it and picked it up. He held it in his hands and tested the weight of it. He tightened his grip on it. Angrily, he smashed it against the wall with all of his strength. .

"You idiot! What are you doing? Put that bat down!"

Shinji smirked and swung it in the air again. "This is the weapon of choice."

"A baseball bat?" Asuka asked.

"Yeah, this works for me." Shinji said.

"So, you're going to defend us with…a_ baseball bat_?" Asuka asked.

"Its not just a baseball bat." Shinji said. "It's titanium grade. That's pretty strong and its light too. Yeah, I can use this fine."

"Shinji, I will say this again, " Asuka growled. ", a gun would be a better idea."

"I am not carrying a GUN!" Shinji yelled out. "Its this or nothing."

"Fine." Asuka growled. "Let's go set up a campsite somewhere and make dinner."

"Okay." He said.

Chapter 8

They were standing in the middle of the ruins of the once busy town, which used to be Tokoyo-3. The buildings for the most part were completely in ruins. There were no signs of life anywhere to be seen.

Asuka stood in front of once was her favorite store to shop in and she looked into the broken plate glass window before her.

_Who am I? _

She could see her reflection staring back at her but as she looked at herself, she thought. _I don't recognize that person staring back at me. I used to know. I don't think I know anymore. Things are so different. I am so different. Who am I really? Why are my eyes different now? Why do I feel…this way? I know nothing. Why am I here? Why did he want me back? Does he care for me that much? Where is my strength? I'm so confused. I don't know who I am anymore. I have no purpose. I want to die. Everyone is gone. I wish I were still dead._

As she kept staring at the person in the reflection, she saw someone come from behind her and she breathed in as she stared back at him.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

"Yeah." She responded. "I'm fine."

"Okay." He told her.

She turned to him and then with a deep breath said. "What do you think we should do?"

"You're asking…. me?"

"Duh!" Asuka snapped. "Whom else would I be talking to?"

Shinji and then said. "I don't know what to do."

Asuka sighed and then she said. "I think we should get away from here. We can't stay here."

"Where should we go?" Shinji asked.

"Out there." Asuka said as she raised her arm and pointed.. "Maybe we can find someone. Maybe we can contact somebody and get help. Maybe, we can…. I don't know. All I know is we can't stay here."

"I know." He told her. "It's like there's death here."

"So, do you think we should go forward, you know, to out there somewhere?" Asuka asked.

"I guess so." Shinji replied flatly.

"Okay, we'll do that then." Asuka said. "When do you want to start?" she asked.

"Well," he said as he looked up at the sky. ", we should go tomorrow when its morning. We'll settle down here for the night. We have enough supplies to get us through I think."

"So here starts survival." Asuka said.

"Yeah." He told her. "I hope we make it."

"We will." Asuka told him. "We have to. We have no choice."

Chapter 9

It had been four months later. In that time, both of them had become skilled campers but more so, they were determined to find more remnants of civilization and hopefully, others that may have been alive somewhere.

Everyday they walked and every night they settled down somewhere to make camp.

Though the sleeping bags were comfortable, Shinji and Asuka missed the comforts of having an actual place to call home. They missed the comforts of having a couch or a kitchen.

They had gotten used to using the outdoors but sometimes the weather made their journey a tough one.

When it rained, the two of them found shelter somewhere or patched up a tent that they had found in the destroyed sporting good store.

One night they were blessed. The weather wasn't too hot or too cold, it seemed just right.

They had just finished making up their campsite. Asuka had built a fire. Shinji took the sleeping bags and set them up side by side.

He had taken two cans of soup out of the pack and poured into the small pot for their dinner.

They ate their dinner quickly and then afterwards, Asuka saw him doing his usual thing. He was standing outside of the campsite, arms crossed, looking out into the distance.

As she watched him, she noticed two things. One, he looked taller and she could have sworn he might have even bulked up from all the physical labor. The other thing was something that had been irking her since the first time she had noticed it.

"You know something?" She asked as she sat down and looked at him.

"What?" he responded while he still looked out.

"Your hair looks like shit." She said.

Shinji rolled his eyes, pushed his hair back with his hand and groaned. "Well, the nearest barber is…. let's see…oh wait, there are no more barbers."

"Not really." She said with a smirk as she picked up a small set of scissors from her pack and clipped them together.

Shinji watched her with the scissors and swallowed as he said. "What are you suggesting?"

"Let me cut your hair."

"NO!" he said quickly.

"It looks like shit! It's getting way too long. You may not know this but I know a thing or two about cutting hair." Asuka said.

"You do?"

"Yeah." She said. "I cut mine when I feel it's getting to be crappy."

"How?" he asked.

"With these!" She said as she held up the scissors.

"No way." He told her. "Where did you get those anyway?"

"At the last stop. I got them because I at least care what I look like! Don't you care about your appearance? I see you shaving every morning but do you care what your hair looks like?" Asuka asked.

"Asuka," he said as he rolled his eyes. "There is nobody here. Who cares what I look like?"

"I do!" Asuka snapped. "Shinji, if I cut it it'll be a lot cooler for you too. It won't fall into your goddamned eyes when you're working. Get over here."

"No." he protested.

"If you don't, I'll cut your hair in your sleep." Asuka said with a smirk.

"No you won't!" he told her angrily.

"Oh yes I will. Try me." Asuka told him.

Shinji groaned and then said. "What if you fuck it up?"

"I won't." She said. "Just find your razor and bring it to me."

Shinji rolled his eyes and groaned. "Fine, Asuka."

"Okay, go get your razor and also a pot of water." Asuka said as she got up to make a small sitting area.

Shinji did as she instructed. He grabbed one of the empty pots and then went over to the stream near the campsite. He filled the pot up with water and then came over to her as he handed her the pot. He then went over to his backpack and pulled out his shaving razor and handed it to her.

She took the pot and then placed it on the fire. As she held the scissors she looked up at him and smirked as she said. "Pop a squat."

He shot an annoyed look at her as he groaned and sat down beside her. She looked at his hair and bit her lip as she scratched her head.

"Okay, this is gonna be tough." Asuka said.

"What?" he said. "Okay, that's it! I'm outta here!" He said as he began to get up.

"Knock it off." Asuka said as she grabbed the back of his pull over and held him down. "I just mean…ah, I know. Okay, this is gonna look good. You better take off your shirt though."

He turned to her and then asked. "Why?"

"Because then the hair will fall down your shirt and make you itch! Just take it off. It'll be easier."

"Really?" he asked in an annoyed tone.

"Oh for God Sakes, are you self conscious about that? If you are that self-conscious, leave the other shirt on underneath, okay?" Asuka growled.

"Fine." He grumbled as he reached for the back of his pullover and pulled it up over his head, leaving the green t-shirt underneath.

Asuka got up and then tested the water in the pot. It was warm but not too hot. She bought the pot over and then dipped the scissors into the pot and swished it around.

She also picked up a small comb and began to comb through his hair. He sat and groaned as she combed his hair.

Taking a sigh, she took one of the small clean cups by the fire and filled it with water. "Turn to the left." She said.

Shinji did as she instructed and then looked up at her with an annoyed look.

"Put your head back." She told him.

Shinji put his head back and then she came around to him as she poured the water over his head and let it fall back. Shinji closed his eyes as he felt the warmth of the water go through his hair.

Asuka then picked up a small bottle and poured some liquid into her hand where she worked it through his hair.

Shinji smirked, as it felt good. He closed his eyes and let her continue to wash his hair and then breathed out as she rinsed the shampoo out with the warm water.

"Okay." She said as she took the comb and combed his hair back.. "This is going to be easier now."

She combed a small amount of hair and then held it in place with her fingers as she picked up the knife and then gently began to cut the hair away.

He grimaced as he heard the scissors clipping away. He had visions of whole patches of hair missing from his head and then having to be bald because of Asuka's mistakes.

Shinji took a deep breath as she cut away.

She breathed in as she looked at the haircut she just gave him and then picked up his razor and dipped it in the water. Gently, she shaved the back of his neck and by his ears.

Then she smiled as she picked up one of the towels she had laid out and rubbed it over his head. After his hair was dry, she again combed it back and smiled as she said. "Not bad. It's a good look for you."

Shinji rubbed his hand through his hair to find it was indeed shorter and nervously said. "Get me the mirror."

"Don't you trust me?" Asuka asked.

"Just…. get me the mirror." He said nervously.

Asuka went over to her pack and pulled out her mirror and then came over to him and handed it to him.

Shinji looked at her and slowly bought the mirror up and then stared at himself. He turned his head to the right and then to the left and held it above his head and then grinned as it said. "Yeah, it looks okay. It's not what I would have done but it looks good. It's a lot shorter on the sides though and the back is short. It's sort of like…the cut Touji used to have. Not bad, Asuka."

"Well, I figured with all the labor that we're doing you're better off with the back being short and the sides too. It means that mop won't hang in your face any longer."

"Thanks, Asuka." He said as he stood up with a smile.

Then as he stood he shook out his shirt as he felt pieces of hair underneath. Without caring whether she was nearby, quickly, he reached for the back of his t-shirt and took it off.

Asuka raised her eyebrows as she saw him. She had never seen him without his shirt off and as he stood there shaking it out, she couldn't believe what she was seeing. _Where in the hell did that body come from? _She thought to herself. _Damn, he looks…. really good. Are those muscles just from all the physical labor or was he like that before? _

Asuka felt her face become flushed as he looked back at her and said. "Something wrong?"

"Uh…. no." She said nervously. "Put your shirt back on!"

Shinji looked at her and raised his eyebrow as he caught her face turning red. "Does this make you…. uncomfortable?" he asked as he shook out his shirt.

Asuka again tried not to look at him as she said. "No, it doesn't bother me. Why do you think that bothers me?"

"I don't know." He said as he smirked. "Hey, you know this looks really cool. You did a good job, Asuka."

Asuka breathed in as she said. "Of course, I did! I know what I'm doing!"

Shinji chuckled and then said. "Why does the dirty laundry stuff go?"

"Over there." She said as she pointed to the small bag near the backpacks.

Asuka breathed in as she looked over at the corner of her eye at him. She had always thought he was kind of cute but as she looked at him, without his shirt, on she couldn't stop watching him.

Asuka thought to herself. _Wait, this is Shinji we're talking about. Who cares! He's still a fucking idiot. Wipe it out of your mind, Asuka. Cut it out. Don't go there. _

Chapter 10

A few days later, Asuka woke up in the middle of the night as her nightmares drew her out of a deep sleep. They had pitched the tent from the sporting goods store and she had been inside of it.

Her eyes had been full of tears and quickly she wiped them away. Asuka sat up and looked around, she noticed that Shinji was nowhere to be found. She came out of the tent and looked around the campsite.

She swallowed and her breathing became heavy as she looked around. The campfire was still going but he was nowhere in site and it frightened her to suddenly realize she was alone.

She tried to look into the darkness for him and then as she stood she heard a noise, it was faint but it sounded like…

…Shinji?

Asuka tried to follow the noise and as she went into the darkness of the woods, she heard it was getting louder.

Is he out there?

As Asuka walked deeper into the woods the sound got louder and then she saw him.

He was sitting in the darkness underneath a tree with his knees up to his chest, there was a flashlight by his side that was still on, his head was buried on his arms and his body was shaking.

She breathed in as he realized that he was sobbing. She could hear it and it sounded like he was full of pain.

Asuka had never seen him cry before except for the first day that they found out that they were alive.

It broke her heart to see him like that. As she looked at him, she felt something inside of her and she took a deep breath as she walked forward.

"Shinji?" Asuka asked.

Shinji raised his head. He saw her. He wiped his eyes as he cleared his throat, picking up the flashlight as he stood up. He turned around to look at her. Asuka took another deep breath as she saw his tear-stained face.

"Are you all right?"

"Y…. yeah." he said as his voice sounded raspy and weak.

"Are you sure?" She asked.

"Yeah, Asuka. Why are you up?"

"I…couldn't sleep." Asuka said. "I noticed you weren't there. I got worried."

"Okay. Why don't you go back to camp?" he asked her. "I'll…. be there in a second."

"Why were you crying?" Asuka asked as she looked at him.

He turned his face away and she could see that there was a shade of red in his cheeks even in the darkness and the small amount of light that was showing through.

She knew she had embarrassed him and then quickly said. "I'll…. just go back then. I didn't mean to intrude on you."

As she turned her back to walk away, he said. "I'm in so much pain, Asuka."

Asuka turned around to him again. "What kind of pain? Did you hurt yourself?" she asked.

"Not the physical kind." He said. "My heart…it feels like…its been torn out of me. I don't feel…like I'm alive. I don't feel anything. I feel like all of this is just…some kind of nightmare and soon we'll wake up…only, it's real. There is nothing! Everyone is gone. I just feel so alone."

"I'm here." Asuka said to him in a low voice.

"Asuka, you don't have to pretend to like me. I know that you never did."

"That's a lie!" Asuka said to him as her voice cracked. "I know I always call you an idiot and things like that but…its just because I'm used to calling you that!"

Shinji managed a small smile. She looked at him again and then came towards him. He looked at her as a tear rolled down his face. He turned away from her so she wouldn't see it but she all ready had.

Asuka took a breath and then she said. "You're not the only one here in pain. I hurt too, Shinji. I miss them too!"

Asuka could feel the tears coming to her and quickly, she turned her head and bit her lip, she shut her eyes and then breathed in.

Looking back at him, she said firmly. "Look, I know your hurting. You can't let this pain destroy you though. You have to fight back, Shinji! It's like I told you, you need to find your strength!"

"That's the thing, Asuka." Shinji said weakly. "I don't have any."

Asuka looked deep into his face. She could feel his sadness and loneliness. She could see his pain. Then for some reason, she wasn't quite sure of; she walked up to him and then gently put her arms around him.

It caught him off guard as he tensed up. _This was not like her at all_.

It was then a light rain started to fall.

She put her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes. She felt just for a minute, she was being weak but she allowed herself this one moment of weakness.

Shinji breathed in.

She could feel his body trembling. She knew this is what he needed. He needed to be comforted, he needed to know somebody cared about him.

"From now on," Asuka said to him gently. "its you and me in this world. This will be our major rule: where you go, I go. I'm your friend, Shinji. I know I've never said that to you before but I am your friend. Let me help you find your strength because you need it now more then ever."

Shinji breathed in and then his tears started to fall. The comfort and gentleness she was providing for him at this moment was very un-Asuka-like but it was helping him. He closed his eyes and put his head against her head. He started to sob. His arms went around her and he held onto her.

For the first time in his life, Shinji Ikari didn't feel alone. He knew that someone cared about him. Someone else was comforting him when he needed it and as he breathed in, he could feel his pain and every emotion he had pushed down come up to the surface.

Asuka felt uncomfortable as he began to cry but she knew that his pain was great and he needed to get this out so he could continue.

The first time she saw him cry at the beach it had actually repulsed her how weak minded he had been and she had even said. "How disgusting." More so, she had told him that she "felt sick."

Weakness was something Asuka despised. She hated weak people, she used to make fun of them and call them "losers." Now though, she couldn't have him be weak he had to get stronger. He had to beat this.

She too knew a thing or two about being weak lately. She felt every time she had a nightmare. _Those damned nightmares_, she thought, _they torture me. I keep seeing it over and over again. I am ripped apart, every part of me raped and mutilated, then nothing, just white and that damned scream…God, I hate it._

His body began to tremble more as he said. "I'm sorry, Asuka. I don't mean to…"

"Its all right." Asuka whispered as she tried to control her own tears from falling. "I'm here, Shinji."

"You don't have to…." He said in a raspy whisper as he sobbed.

"Yes, I do." Asuka told him. "Its all right."

"Oh God, Asuka…." He cried out.

His sobbing became louder as he thought about when Misato died and learning that Kaji was gone too. He could see Asuka's Unit 2 lying mauled and knowing that she was dead. He remembered when he was "forced" to kill Kaoru and "forced" to hurt Touji.

Then the experience he had right before he came back to Earth, that alone confused him most of all. They had taken all of his emotions and turned them against him. They had used everything from his anger, love, hatred, fear, loneliness, guilt, sexual urges, and frustration to turn it against him and make him face it dead on. All of those images that he saw didn't make any sense. He had heard voices screaming at him calling him names "liar" "pervert" "wimp" "coward"

He missed his two friends Kensuke and Touji.

_Misato. _He missed her most of all. She had always been there for him. She had helped him, nurtured him, and been a surrogate parent. She was more then that though and she was gone too. She had risked her life for him and then the last time he saw her, that was deep inside of him hurting him like no pain he had ever known before. He remembered what she did right before she pushed him into the elevator, and as he looked back at her, wishing that moment could be frozen in time, he saw in her eyes what he wished he had: _strength._

They had used the image of Asuka to get to him and penetrate into his worst fear. Rejection. That had made him turn into a rage and in the vision, try to kill her until he screamed out her name and found himself in yet another scenario.

He cried over never really knowing his father and now knowing that he was dead, never having been able to connect to the man.

He felt cold and alone.

But he wasn't alone anymore…he had her.

He would have never have expected her to show him this type of affection but then again, they only had each other now. It seemed like things would be out of the ordinary considering the circumstances.

Asuka could not believe what she was doing.

In the past, she wouldn't have done this. She would have called him a name and walked away from him. She would have let him cry alone and turned her back because then to comfort him meant to show weakness_. I hate being weak. I hate this but I feel the same way. I feel alone. I don't feel like me. Where is this compassion coming from? Why am I doing this? All I know is he needs me. I need him. I don't feel totally like my old self. I don't think I ever will again. Father, what is it you used to say? I am the only one who matters to me? Not anymore. Now, it's only him and me. We're the only ones. He needs to find his strength; I can help him do that. I can't be the way I used to be. _

He felt her move her palm along his back as he continued to cry loudly and now uncontrollably as she held him.

He cried so much that he began to sink to his knees.

Asuka did not stop holding him. She too went down on her knees and let his head rest on her shoulder as he cried his heart out to get rid of all of the pain, the sadness, loneliness and grief that ran through him. Asuka held him tighter and breathed in as she could feel his pain and hurt run through her.

"Asuka, you don't know…." He told her through sobs. "…. You don't know what happened. It was horrible!"

"Its okay, Shinji." Asuka said to him. "It'll be okay."

Even as the rain fell upon them, the two of them did not move. She held onto him and he cried onto her, holding onto her.

Asuka's own heart ached. She thought about all the brave fronts she had put up and the walls that were around her. She thought of her father. She was very much like him. He had put up brave fronts his whole life. He had been a lucrative businessman and a brilliant scientist. Even after her mother died, he waited a short time after her death to remarry mostly because, he wanted a wife and Asuka's stepmother served that purpose well.

Then, she thought of Shinji. He had always been kind to her and she had always been cruel to him. She realized that she couldn't be that way anymore. He was going to be her companion from now on and their survival depended on each other. All he ever wanted in all of the time that they knew each other was to reach out to her and connect to her. She knew it. She rejected it though, her strength was a more prized asset that the growing feelings inside of her and therefore, she pushed those away.

As the rain fell and began to soak the both of them, Asuka let her tears fall, hoping that the rain could disguise them.

Shinji raised his head, shutting his eyes and let the rain fall on his face_. Just take it away_. He thought to himself_. Purge all of it out of me. Cleanse it away. Make me strong. Take away all of this hurt, the anger, frustration, grief and pain. Take it away now. Give me my strength. Give me my courage. Help me through this. _

Asuka would not let go. She would stay with him until she was sure it was all out. He needed this right now.

As Shinji breathed in and bought his head back, allowing the rain to fall upon him, he held her tighter. He gently held the back of her head his hand ran down her soaked hair and then suddenly, he felt something inside of him. It was coming to him. It was small but it was there and he felt better when he could feel it and it was getting larger.

He took a deep breath as he held Asuka and he gave a small smile. "Asuka," he said gently as he breathed in. ", I can feel it. I've found my strength."

Asuka breathed in and nodded her head as she said. "Now that you have, you need to use it, Shinji. We both do. I have to rely on my strength just like you need to rely on yours. We need to rely on each other. We have to work together. We need to get through this."

Shinji took a deep breath and as she raised her head to look into his eyes, she could see the confidence inside of him start to grow.

"I'll do it." He said to her firmly as he sniffled.

Asuka smiled at him and gently, she touched his cheek as she said. "I know you will. You are strong. You just need to realize yourself."

Shinji stared into her eyes and smiled gently at her. As he looked at her, he felt the same way he did when he found her in his bed that time.

As he looked into her eyes, those eyes called to him and in them he could find comfort and safety. She made him feel like no other. As he breathed in, he stroked her hair and then gently pressed his lips to her forehead.

Asuka closed her eyes as she felt his lips brush against her. She wanted to melt against him and hold him as close to her as she could.

As his lips parted from her forehead, she looked up slowly into his eyes and there she could see it:

_His strength_.

It was there.

It was growing and getting larger and she could see a change in him. More so, as she looked at him she could feel her own strength and she breathed in as she looked into his eyes.

He gently brushed the hair from her face and smiled at her as he simply looked into her face.

She put her hand on his shoulder and then stood up. She smiled down at him as she extended her hand out to him. "Come on. We need to get out of this rain."

Shinji nodded at her. He reached for her hand and she helped him up. As he looked at her, he thought to himself. _You've given me my strength, Asuka. Asuka, I don't want to let you go. I want to hold you right now and I never want to let you go. I want to kiss you, Asuka. Really kiss you. Kiss you for real and not like the time you pinched my nose. Asuka, you're doing something to me I can't explain and I don't want to let this go._

"Come on, Shinji." Asuka said again as she let go of his hand and began to walk back.

Shinji simply stood and looked at her, not moving, frozen, unable to speak.

Asuka turned around and asked. "Are you coming?"

As he looked at her, Asuka could see something in his eyes. There was no more sadness or pain. There was something else and it scared her.

"Shinji!" She barked. "Its fucking raining and I'm getting soaked! C'mon, idiot! Let's get back to camp."

Then the compassion that she had shown a few minutes ago was replaced with her typical style. .

Shinji took a deep breath as he looked at her. _I want to kiss you, Asuka_.

Asuka felt uneasy as she looked at him. _Uh oh. I shouldn't have been that compassionate. _

She knew what he wanted but right now, she wouldn't allow it to happen. _This could be a problem. _Asuka thought to herself as she looked at him. _Call his bluff maybe he'll snap out of it._

"Why are you looking at me like that?" She asked in a slightly annoyed tone.

Shinji couldn't answer her as he stood in the rain looking back at her. He could only breathe deeply, captivated by her, wanting to be with her, wanting to hold her, wanting to kiss her.

Right now the feelings inside of him swirled around like no other before, it excited him and as he looked at her, he couldn't stop staring.

"Look, idiot, snap out of it!" Asuka said. "It's fucking raining for Christ sake!"

He took another deep breath as he said. "Asuka?"

Asuka became worried as she looked back at him. Then she said, "Yes?"

"Thank you." He told her as he smiled.

Asuka managed a small smile and then said. "Your welcome, Idiot. Now c'mon. It's fucking raining."

Shinji smiled at her and walked forward as the two of them began to walk back to camp. As they walked the rain became harder and it was soaking them both.

They ran back to camp. At the camp, they quickly got inside of the tent.

"Weather is going to be a bitch." Asuka said as she sat in the tent with a towel drying her hair.

"Yeah." Shinji said as he looked outside and watched the rain fall.

"What time do you think it is?" she asked.

Shinji took a look at his watch and then sighed as he said. "Four AM. It's going to be morning soon."

"Yeah." Asuka said as she pulled out a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants.

Shinji turned and looked at her.

Then she said in annoyed tone. "Turn around, Idiot. I'm going to change."

"Here?" he asked.

"Do you expect me to change in the rain?" Asuka growled.

"No." he said.

"Then turn around and if I see you looking, I'll slap the shit out of you." Asuka said.

Shinji nodded and turned to face the entrance of the tent. He could hear clothes rustling and then he heard her say. "Okay, you can look now."

Shinji turned and saw her getting ready to settle down onto the sleeping bag. As she settled into the sleeping bag, she looked at him and said. "Are you going to sleep in those wet clothes?"

"I think I'll stay up." He told her.

"You're not tired?" she asked.

"No." he said. "Not really."

"You've been up all night and you're not tired?" she asked.

"No. I slept for a bit before and that's when I woke up…. and…."

Then Asuka asked. "Do you have nightmares?"

Shinji didn't want to admit that he did. It was true that sometimes flashbacks from his experiences would torture him in his sleep and wake him up but he also didn't want to lie either.

"Sometimes. Do you?" he asked her.

Asuka breathed in as she said. "Yeah."

"Are they bad?" he asked.

Asuka nodded her head as she leaned on her elbow. "Yeah, they are."

"Is that why you cry?"

Asuka's eyes narrowed that time.

She didn't want that part of it to be revealed and angrily she said. "I told you, I don't want…. you to say that again. Don't ask me why I cry."

Shinji breathed in and nodded as he said. "I'm sorry…. I didn't mean to."

Asuka wasn't in the mood for a fight tonight especially after she told him that he could rely on her and so she said. "It's all right. Just…. I don't like talking about it." She looked back at him again and said. "You're shirt is soaked. You better take it off before you get sick."

Shinji's face blushed and then said. "You're here though."

"So what. It's only your shirt." Asuka said.

Shinji nodded his head and began to unbutton his shirt. He took it off and then put if off to the side as he moved over to sleeping bag and then laid down on his back with his arm over his head.

Asuka watched him as he lay next to her and he turned his head to look at her. She stared back at him and smiled.

He smiled back at her. He took a breath as he looked at her and then that's when Asuka reached out for his hand and held it.

He could only smile gently at her and then he saw her close her eyes.

Shinji breathed in, and turned his head, he continued to look up at the tent and then as he held her hand, he turned over on his side and looked at her. He moved closer to her, as he watched her sleep.

So many emotions swirled within him right now but all he could do was just watch her sleep.

Shortly after he too closed his eyes and fell asleep, lying beside Asuka, still holding onto her hand.

Chapter 11

It was almost a year later. So much had happened in that time and in that time; Shinji and Asuka continued to wander looking for some signs of life.

They were walking on a road that curved along side a cliff. They had been walking for most of the day.

It had been a hot day. With the weather changes, they had been able to adjust pretty well. Now it was a year later, they both were almost sixteen and in that time learned a great deal about the other and about survival.

Shinji stopped for a minute to grab his canteen off his belt and take a sip of water. He had been wearing a t-shirt and jeans. He wiped the sweat from his forehead with his arm and then took his backpack off and settled in beside him. "How about a short break?" he asked.

"Sure." Asuka said. Asuka opted for a lighter wear. She had been wearing a light sea green sundress. It was sleeveless and fell right before her knee.

He had told her she'd be better off wearing jeans and the hiking boots but Asuka had said. "Its too out today, Shinji. I want to be cool. Besides, we're only walking."

Shinji had been stealing glances as they walked; he thought she looked beautiful in the sunlight. Actually, he had been glad she wore that it made the day a little more bearable with the heat. It gave him something nice to look at.

Asuka liked it because the breezes swept through her and kept her cool. She figured not much could happen while they were walking and why not? Even though they were stuck in hell, there was no reason why she couldn't at least look good while she was here.

Shinji saw changes in Asuka. Her body always looked good but lately, it had looked even better as she was getting older.

Over the past year since Third Impact, Asuka had noticed he had gotten a little bit taller and Asuka had noticed definitely stronger and more muscular.

The heat from the sun beat down on both of them. The summer was definitely not a fun one. Everyday the weather had been hot, humid and he hated it. He wished it would cool down just for a while and as he looked around, he saw her as she walked over near the edge of the cliff.

"Careful." He told her as he sipped his water.

"I'm fine." She snapped as she stood at the edge and looked out. It was hot as hell today and as she looked out over the distance, she could see just far they had been traveling. The giant crater left over from Third Impact was in the distance. As she stood, she looked over to her left. She smiled as her eyes widened and she bent down near it. "Hey!"

Shinji wiped his mouth with his arm as he hooked the canteen back on his belt and looked over at her. "Get away from the edge!" he called out.

"I'm fine." She said as she turned her head to him. "Look at this though."

"What is it?" he asked in an annoyed tone.

"It's a…flower. A lily. Its so cool."

Shinji rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. "Okay, so it's a flower."

"Do you realize what this means?" she asked.

"No."

"You don't get it, do you?" Asuka asked.

"No." he told her. "What's so important about that flower?"

"It means that life is brimming, Shinji. If this flower is here and it's living then, somewhere other creatures might be living too besides us. We may not be alone. There may be people somewhere. I mean we've seen birds and smaller animals so if they are alive, people might be alive too!"

Shinji nodded his head as he looked at her. "It's a possibility. Now get away from the edge. You're making me nervous."

"Oh, quit worrying." Asuka said. "Hey you know? I know so far we haven't been able to find an intact phone system or a way to communicate but we should try something when we find the next rest stop."

"Ok, Asuka. Now get away from there. You're too damned close to the edge!" Shinji called out.

"Oh stop. I'm fine. This ground is secure." Then Asuka looked down at the flower and pulled on it and as soon as she did, the ground beneath her gave way, and she shouted out. "SHINJI!"

Shinji turned and saw her as she fell.

"ASUKA!"

Shinji's eyes widened, his heart raced, and his breathing quickened as he took off like a shot after her.

"Asuka!" he called out as he ran to the edge.

He looked down and saw her.

She was holding onto the root of a large plant and she looked up at him as she dangled from it, below her was a dangerous drop.

"HELP ME, YOU IDIOT!" She screamed.

Asuka swung her body towards the cliff and then fixed her feet on the side of the cliff as she held on.

Shinji got down on his stomach and reached his arm down, extending as far as he could to grab her. "Grab my hand!" he said to her.

Asuka was holding on with both hands to the root. She took one of her hands and reached up trying to grab hold of his, as she did, the root started coming out and started to crack. "FFFFFFFFFFFFFfUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKK!" Asuka screamed.

Shinji also noticed that the ground was starting to feel unstable as he lay across it, sweat came off of his forehead, and he continued to reach.

Asuka saw cracks in the dirt and looked up at him with pleading eyes.

"Shinji! Get away! The ground…. its getting loose!" Asuka called out.

"NO!" he said to her as he tried to reach for her. "NO! NOT WITHOUT YOU! I WON'T!"

"Shinji…. get away! We'll both die if you try to save me! Don't risk your life for me!" Asuka said as she looked up at him.

"NO! NOT WITHOUT YOU!" he yelled out and then he inched himself forward more and grabbed onto her wrist, holding her wrist with all of his might. "Give me…. your other…. hand." he breathed out as he tried to hold her, her backpack and his own weight. "Give it to me NOW!" he strained as he bought his other arm down and reached for her.

"Shinji…let go." Asuka said as she looked at him.

"Never." He told her.

"Let go, Shinji." Asuka said softly as she looked at him.

"NEVER!"

"Shinji…." Asuka whispered.

Shinji's face crossed into a scowl. "Where…. you go, I go!" The ground started to feel uneasy as he lay across it and then he said to her. "Give me…your other hand…now!"

Asuka stared back into his face. She let go of the root and then reached up with her other hand as he grabbed a hold of both of her wrists.

He breathed heavy as he looked at her. He strained to hold her feeling the weight may have been too much but he was determined not to let go.

As he looked at her, he breathed in and then he let out a loud roar as he pulled her up all of his strength.

Asuka's eyes went wide as he pulled her up with a strength that she never knew that he had.

Asuka came up over the cliff and then Shinji grabbed her around her waist and quickly backed away from the edge of the cliff as the ground beneath them shook and began to fall.

Shinji kept backing away with sweat pouring down his face and his eyes wide, Asuka shrieked and then he leaped over to harder ground, holding her close to him, just as the ground that they had just been on, gave way and fell.

He sat up, holding her against him and breathed heavy.

Asuka breathed out as she removed her backpack and tossed it off to the side. Shinji's arm was still around her.

Shinji looked down and watched as the earth plummeted to the ground below and breathed heavily, holding onto her.

As he looked down at the dangerous drop, he shut his eyes and breathed out a sigh of relief. Never he had been as afraid as he had been at that moment, not even when he piloted EVA was he that afraid. As he held Asuka in his arms, he could feel her shaking.

Asuka pulled back from him and stared into his face, she had been so terrified that she would fall and part of her had wished he hadn't risked his life for her. She couldn't believe how strong he had just been. The other part was grateful to him for saving her.

"Shinji…. oh my God…." She whispered as she looked at him.

"Asuka…." He breathed out as he opened his eyes and looked back at her.

Asuka was breathing heavily too and she was trembling.

"Thank God you're okay!" He called out in a cracked voice as he crushed her against him and held her tight, breathing in and out heavily. "I almost lost you." He told her tearfully as he held her. "Don't ever do that to me again." He whispered to her. He could feel the tears form in his eyes and he held her as close and as tight as he could to him as he breathed heavily, and shut his eyes.

"Shinji…." Asuka whispered as she shut her eyes and wrapped her arms around him. She had never seen him show that kind of backbone before or that type of courage. It was something refreshing and it was something she never thought that this shy, lonely boy would ever show her.

"Shh…." He said to her as he kissed the top of her head and felt a tear come out of his eye.

Asuka raised her head and looked into his face. "Shinji, what………"

Her words were caught off as his lips came to hers and kissed her gently. Asuka's eyes went wide as he kissed her. It was something she didn't expect.

She looked at him amazed as she parted lips from him. She stared into his face. She could see a tear roll out of his eye.

He held her against him as his eyes shut and he breathed out.

Asuka was speechless. His arms around her made her feel secure as he held her. Then, she breathed in as drew him to her closer and parted her lips.

Shinji kissed her again. Both of their eyes closed as their arms went around each other.

His kiss to her was sweet and gentle.

This kiss was nothing like the time she had pinched his nose. That kiss had been stale and the kiss she was receiving now was something different. It was gentle, sincere and real.

As he kissed her, he held onto her hand and when he parted from her lips, she opened her eyes slowly and looked back him.

"Shinji?" She breathed out as she looked at him.

He blinked at her and his face turned a shade of red. _I can't believe I just did that!_ He thought to himself. He forced a small grin on his face, looking slightly embarrassed. "I…. um…. I…"

She looked at him and blinked. As she looked into his face, her eyes darted to his lips and her lips parted.

She pulled him to her, as her hand went to the back of his neck. _Just shut up and kiss me again, damnit. _Asuka thought as his lips came back to hers.

Shinji's thoughts ran amuck through his brain as he kissed her and held her.

His arms held her up against his body as they sat by the cliff, kissing each other with the wind lightly blowing over them.

As they kissed, he turned and cradled her body in his arms as he held onto that kiss as long as he could.

She too did not want to let go of him.

He never thought that he would ever do this to her, in fact, in the entire time that they had been with one another…it was something he had wanted to do…. but to do actually do it?

He never could find the nerve.

It wasn't until now, at this moment, when he thought of losing her forever, that something inside of him had snapped.

He only thought of one thing and that was to save her and then as he held her, something else inside of him took over and made him kiss her.

As they parted and looked back at one another, they both didn't know what to say. They were still in each other's arms and simply looked deep into each other's eyes.

_What just happened? _Asuka thought as she looked at him.

_What did we just do? _Shinji's mind was flooded with the same question. He couldn't believe they had kissed one another like that. It had happened just like a reflex, like a reaction, he hadn't even thought about doing it. He just did it!

She equally couldn't believe it herself. She never thought she would have ever reacted to him the way she just had.

His arms were around her, cradling her and she, looking up at him, with her hand on the back of his neck and her other arm around him.. They seemed like they were frozen and they were simply looking back at one another.

Shinji blinked his eyes and cleared his throat as he said. "We…we…we should go now."

"Okay." Asuka whispered.

"Yeah." He said as he looked back at her and moved his face closer to hers. "We…should…. go…"

"Yeah…" Asuka said as she closed her eyes and parted her lips.

Then just as he was within a breath of her lips, he stopped, blinked and cleared his throat as he raised his head. "Umm…. ready?"

She opened her eyes and took in a breath. "Yeah."

She sat back up and bought her hands back around as she got to her feet and dusted herself off.

Shinji took a deep breath and also stood. He looked at her but when she turned to look at him, he quickly turned his face away and turned red. "Okay, let's get going." He said.

"Okay." Asuka said as she watched him walk forward. She took a deep breath and then picked up her backpack and followed behind him.

She smiled as she looked at him and then sighed as she though to herself. _Wow, that was…. cool._

Chapter 12

Throughout the day, they didn't say anything to each other. They just walked and had continued to walk through a dense tropical area. Shinji stole glances at her but didn't know what to say.

Asuka too was speechless, thoughts ran through her brain, but she wasn't sure of what to say to him either.

_I wonder if that could have been considered our first real kiss. _Asuka thought to herself as she looked at him. _I admit that the time I pinched his nose was very unfair. He couldn't even breathe! No wonder that kiss sucked and this one had been so great. There's something deep inside of him that is lying beneath all the shyness. Why does he hide it from me? Why is he afraid?_

Shinji was ahead of Asuka as they walked. He looked at her out of the corner of his eye at her and tried to think of something to say but he couldn't. Words weren't coming to him and even if he could, what could he say. _I still can't believe I kissed her like that! Me, of all people, to just grab her and kiss her like that. Wow! I never knew I had that in me. It's so weird. We are all by ourselves in this world with basically nothing except for what's in these backpacks and the clothes on our backs. We have nothing and there's no place to go to call home. We walk all day long looking for barren towns, villages so that we can restock on supplies. We only have each other for company and we can only count on each other for survival. Would dying be easier? Sometimes I think it would be but it is also something we fear. We want to live and survive and see if we can make it. I am so confused about things. I care for her. I know I do otherwise, why would I have kissed her like that? Yet, I remember when she was lying comatose in the hospital my greatest fear was losing her, just as it was a few hours ago, and that's why I did it. I can't lose her. I care for her. I couldn't imagine ever losing her. _

As Asuka walked, she looked up at the sky and saw that the sky was a crimson red.. "The sun is starting to set. We should make up camp."

Shinji stopped and looked around, then nodded his head. "How about here?"

"I guess so." Asuka said as she stopped and took off her backpack. "Do you think we'll find a village soon?"

"I hope so." Shinji said as he removed his backpack and set it down, taking out their camping supplies and then gathering sticks and rocks to make a fire.

Asuka settled down onto the ground and then pulled canned stew and went over to Shinji's backpack taking out the can opener. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure." He said as he tried to get a fire going.

"Why did you kiss me this afternoon?"

Shinji looked up at her from the fire and then went back to it,. "I don't know." He said, as he turned red in the face.

"You mean, you just did it and you don't know why?" Asuka asked.

Shinji took a deep breath and then looked back at her. "I…. was afraid I almost lost you. I care about you. I didn't want you to die."

"So that's why you did it?" Asuka asked.

"Did you…. not want me to?" Shinji asked her shyly as he watched the fire start to burn.

Asuka giggled as she said. "I don't think I had enough time to think that."

"Well…why are you asking me why I did it?"

"Because you've never been that way before." Asuka said to him as she opened up the can of stew and poured it into a pot. "Is the fire ready?"

"Yeah." He said as he watched her come over beside him and settled the pot onto the fire. He looked at her as she sat beside him, he couldn't stop looking at her. Inside of him, he could feel that same urge to take her into his arms start to call to him. As she turned to look at him, he smiled at her and she looked back towards the fire.

"Shinji?" Asuka asked as she stirred the stew. "I don't know what's happening."

"What do you mean?" he asked her.

"Shinji, we've been traveling around for a long time and we have never done anything like that before." Asuka said.

"It's really not a big deal." Shinji told her as he looked at her.

"It is kind of." Asuka said.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I mean…. it's caused me to think that…maybe…. between you and me…there's something…."

"Something?" he asked her.

"Yeah, something."

"Like what?" he asked her.

"Like maybe…. you know what I mean, Shinji."

"No I don't." he told her as he breathed in.

Then as Asuka looked up at him, she saw a look in his eye that she hadn't seen before and, she could feel butterflies going off in her stomach and it made her feel uneasy. "I…. thought…that…there was something…"

"Like what?" he asked her as he looked at her.

"Like…." Asuka couldn't finish. "Oh, look dinner's ready." Asuka grabbed the pot and poured it into two bowls, she handed him one and then took the other one and sat away from him.

He looked at her as she backed away and he wondered what was going through her head. He said nothing as they ate and neither did she. Both of them stole glances at one another as they ate and then after they were done, Asuka stood up and looked around.

"Do you think there's water nearby?" She asked.

"Maybe." He said.

Asuka grabbed the pots and listened carefully then she nodded her head. "There is, it's this way."

She got up and followed the sound she heard, he followed her, and then he saw a small pond. Asuka went down to it and washed the pots out in it, then she walked back to camp and he followed her.

He stood as he watched her and as she felt his eyes on her, she turned around and stormed up to him. Her face had an angry scowl and her eyes narrowed. "Stop doing that!"

"Doing what?"

"You know what I know I'm talking about!" She growled.

"I do not." He said as he looked at her with his face blushing.

"Oh yes you do! You're watching me! You're staring at my ass!"

"I am not!" Shinji protested.

"Yes you are!" Asuka growled. "Knock it off right now!"

Shinji sighed as he looked up at her. "Okay, I'm going to get some sleep." He lay down near the fire and then a few minutes later, he felt Asuka, she was next to him.

He turned his head and looked at her, she was turned on her side with her back facing him. He turned over onto his back, looking up the sky and then raised his arm to look at his watch. "You know," he said to her. ", Its early. We could watch the sunset and maybe…talk or something?"

Asuka turned around to him and looked over at him, "I feel tired. What time is it?"

"My watch says eight thirty."

"Like I said, I'm tired. We've been up since five." Asuka said as she turned back onto side with her back facing him. "I'm tired."

"Okay." He said as he looked up at the crimson sky and watched as light seemed to dance on the clouds, then he turned his head towards her.

"Do you want to know the real reason why I kissed you?" Shinji asked her.

"Yeah." Asuka said in a sleepy tone as she yawned.. "Tell me."

Taking a deep breath, he said gently. "I can't face this world without you. I need you. You make me feel whole, Asuka."

Asuka breathed in, as her eyes opened and then breathed out slowly. "I know." She whispered. "I need you too. I couldn't be here without you either."

"Asuka, maybe there is something between us." He said. "I'm not afraid of it though."

"There could be." Asuka said.

Shinji then took a deep breath as he turned on his side and slowly moved closer to her. He placed his hand against her back as he moved his hand up and down her back gently rubbing her shoulders and breathing in out and nervously as he did it.

Asuka's eyes shut as he felt the gentle caress he gave her. It felt so good and she liked it.

He again moved closer to her so he was up against her back and breathed in as his arms came around her and drew her up against his body.

Asuka breathed in with wide eyes as she felt him against her. "Shinji?"

"Is this okay?" he whispered to her.

Asuka thought about for a moment and then she answered. "Yes."

He smiled and then he laid his head against her, breathing in her scent as he buried his face into her hair.

Her normal reaction would be to turn and slap the crap out of him but it had comforted her. She breathed in feeling his warmth and the comfort he provided.

"Good night, Asuka." He whispered to her.

"Good night, Shinji."

Then they both fell asleep.


	2. Chapters 13 thru 33

PART II. COMING OF AGE.

Chapter 13

It was almost two years later and they had wandered, helping each other, taking care of each other, working together. They had been companions and made each other laugh even in the face of disaster.

She thought this was hell but she also had come to the understanding that this was reality and she knew that there if she had to pick the one person to be left alone on Earth with, it would be him.

She remembered right before her attack in Unit 2, when she thought it was all over, she had uttered "Schist!" Then as she felt it was all over, she had whispered in her head. "Good bye, Shinji."

Then she heard that scream that God-awful scream that echoed in her head. It was filled with grief and fear. It was filled with heartbreak and she knew _that had been him screaming for me._

Her wit and strength had been pushed to the max the last few months. They had tried to summon every bit of training that they had encountered to survive. Both had used their military training in order to survive but more so, both had relied on each other.

She knew that if he hadn't been here, she would have taken her life herself and she knew he probably would have done the same.

She was grateful for him, even though she put him through hell with her nagging and yelling, and she knew that he in turn was grateful to her.

She wondered though, _in all the time that they had been alone, since that day, why hadn't Shinji made a move yet? When was he going to? _

He hadn't tried to kiss her once, since that day, and she wondered if it was because he was scared of being rejected or scared of his own feelings.

Asuka enjoyed the coolness of the waterfall as she took a much needed and restful bath. They had found a small tropical forest and it had amazed them. It was odd to her that some places in the world were still beautiful and untouched by the disaster of Third Impact.

She was amazed to see this part of the thick tropical forest was still unharmed. She had gathered since they had been on the move for nearly two years now and in that time had to have covered a lot of ground.

She wasn't sure of how much ground but from her calculations she had to gather at least 3000 square miles on foot alone.

She decided that she was going to relish in this small luxury and she wondered if Shinji had heeded her warning and his distance. She had told him firmly. "I am going to take a bath and if I so much as sense you around, I will kick your fucking sorry ass!"

Shinji had nodded his head and said. "Okay, I'll…. just stay here and make up camp."

She would never tell him but when he had gone to take a bath one day, she had caught him. At first, she was shocked and went to turn to walk away but then she couldn't stop watching. She hid for the entire time and watched him. He was naked and she looked at his body thoroughly. Then, she had seen him do something she hadn't expected. She saw him jerking off and she never had been able to get that image out of her head especially when she heard call out her name as he did.

Since that time, she had usually gone to spy on him. In fact, she frequently went to spy on him whenever he did take a bath and she wondered if he ever knew. Was she wrong for it? Yes, kind of. However, she couldn't deny one thing, she was starting to desire him. That worried her.

They slept with each other every single night and not once had touched one another sexually. However when it was late at night and she was sure he was asleep, she would cuddle up to him to feel comfort and safety and it was usually after she had cried. She of course always denied that she did it the following morning but at night it was different, it was like she could allow that little bit of vulnerability to come through. Sometimes, he would cuddle up to her and wrap his arms around her and she always allowed it.

She knew that he had chosen her to share his existence with and she also knew that they were possibly the only two people left on the Earth.

It made sense then to go to the next level.

She had to admit for the most part, she was being mean to Shinji and she knew why. It was because of her feelings for him; they were starting to run deeper. Yet, her strength and her pride were greater. She didn't want to admit that to him. To admit it meant to lose her strength and it was something she could not lose.

She wondered though if he could tell she was lying.

She also wondered if he was harboring the same desires as her. A few times as she slept, she had heard him in his sleep calling out her name. She wondered if that was because he was dreaming about having sex with her or if he was dreaming about her nagging him to death.

Thoughts pounded through her brain as she enjoyed her shower. As she caught herself in the reflection of the water, she pondered the same question she seemed to ask herself since day one of Third Impact. _Who am I?_ She thought to herself. _What am I?_

Asuka had felt different since the first day that they had found out they were alone. She didn't feel totally like herself and then again, she wasn't sure of what they had experienced during Third Impact.

She wondered what to do. She wasn't sure either way. She was afraid of losing her strength and her pride and she knew to reveal herself to Shinji would make her vulnerable. She would never allow herself to be vulnerable ever to anyone, least of all him.

Chapter 14

Shinji walked through the forest and wasn't quite sure of why he even bothered to venture out into it. After all, if Asuka caught him in there she would surely beat the crap out of him.

Shinji had been sitting at the camp long enough and the temptation was too great to just sit and not do anything.

Quietly, he walked through the forest and then he saw her.

Quickly, he turned his back and shook his head. "Don't do it." He said under his breath. "If she catches you, you're fucked." Then, slowly he turned his head and his eyes widened. "Okay, so she beats the crap out of me, no big deal. What's she going to do? Run away, never talk to me again…. nah, fuck it."

Shinji turned his back again and started to walk away. Then he shut his eyes and turned around again and looked back to her. "Fuck it." He said as he knelt down in the brush, making sure she couldn't see him and then he watched her, taking in every glance he could of her. He smirked as he thought to himself. _Of course, I'm not going to listen. I feel so ashamed for doing this but I can't resist the urge. Ikari, you're so fucked up._

Now Shinji was hiding, he knelt down behind a tree and then watched her in the pond as she bathed. He eyed her thoroughly and enjoyed watching her. He felt guilty for doing it though. He knew he was intruding on her privacy and for that he was very wrong. Yet, he was a teenage boy and like all teenaged boys, the temptation to look was just too great and that overruled morality.

Shinji hated to admit the fact that he spied on Asuka whenever she took a bath. The first time it had happened was about two weeks after Third Impact, he had seen her in the brush, giving herself a sponge bath and it had happened accidentally.

She had gotten up before him and he had wandered into the woods to go relieve himself and while he was relieving himself, he saw her from the back washing herself and he couldn't stop watching her. He remembered that while he was watching her, his breathing had increased and after he was done relieving himself, he relieved himself in another way.

She had never known he was out there. Plus right before she always took a bath, she announced she was going to take a bath and he'd better stay where he was or get his ass beaten. When she issued that kind of warning that had been almost like a challenge to him. A game.

Chapter 15

Asuka had a weird feeling that he was out there and she smirked knowing that if she caught him that she would beat the crap out of him. However she wondered that if he was staring at her right now, should she jump out of the water right now, change and go to find him to beat the crap out of him or would she give him a little show?

She thought about it for a second and looked out of the corner of her eye and then she caught it. "Idiot." She whispered. "Thinks he can hide, huh?" She had seen a hint of a yellow shirt in the brush and then she knew he was spying on her.

It was a weird feeling to have knowing that he was watching her in the brush.

She had caught him spying as she took a bath before and that time, she had chased him down and knocked the crap out of him.

She had issued a warning saying. "If I ever catch you spying on me again, I'll beat you up worse then this!"

Then she had caught him again and another beating ensued.

Then yet again, she caught him once more and gave him another beating.

She knew he was bigger and stronger then her and could easily stop her from beating him up. Yet, she never really hit hard. It was more of a slapping frenzy then anything that usually ended up in a wrestling match. She wondered if that was why he did it. She always noticed that there was a huge smile on his face when they started to wrestle.

It was the only time where they actually groped one another and usually found themselves laughing hysterically. It ended by her giving him a short kick to his rear and watch as he ran back to camp usually laughing with her screaming. "IDIOT!-"

Later on at the fire, he would say. "Did you get out all your aggression?"

Then they would laugh about it as she said. "Pervert."

She wondered if she should torment him somewhat and so she called out loudly. "Shinji! I know you're out there. If I find you, you are dead meat! I mean it, Shinji. I will kick your fucking ass in! You have one opportunity to get out of here right now! If you leave now, you escape the beating! If I find you in here, Shinji, I will kick your ass!"

She wondered if that threat would be enough to scare him away. She looked out of the corner of her eye and had seen that the hint of the yellow shirt had not moved. _Persistent, are we?_ She thought to herself._ Maybe he wants another beating today._

Chapter 16

Shinji's heart was beating a mile a minute as he sat in the brush and stared at her. Sweat came down his forehead and he eyed her and breathed heavy, smirking as he heard her idle threat._ I will not move from this spot._ He told himself. _She can't see me_. _She only thinks I'm out here she doesn't know I'm out here. If she confronts me later, I'll lie. I'm good at that. If she finds me well, there's another beating that I deserve, even though I don't mind those either._

So far he had been successful at her not finding him. Then as he watched her, he began to second part of his spying, and began to undo the button on his jeans. He breathed heavy as he reached down in his jeans and freed himself and then he began what he felt guilty for doing, but couldn't resist no matter how many times he said he wouldn't.

He couldn't stop watching her. He loved every moment of this. He felt guilty for watching her and he also truly felt like a spying pervert for watching her and pleasing himself at the same time but he couldn't help it. _How the hell did she just expect me to stay there at the camp and not do anything when she announced she was going into the forest to take a bath and I'd better not look or I'd get the shit kicked out of me! Ha! That was an open invitation practically! Ambiguous at best! I've known she's watched me as many times as I've watched her. Sicko_! _Pervert! Peeping Tom! Stalker!_ He thought to himself. _You are still so fucked up. No, you are really and totally fucked up…_

Shinji had known that she spied on him too. Once as he was taking a bath he saw her. She was standing off to the side and she was watching him. She never said a word about it after the fact but then he knew, she was just as guilty as he was, maybe even more so.

He hadn't caught her doing just once either. He had caught her a few times but unlike Asuka, he never chased her down or issued warnings he simply made like he never knew.

Chapter 17

Asuka knew he was out there. It was obvious but what would she do? _Get out of the water and find him, then beat the crap out of him? That was too easy. Why not torture him a little? It could go either way. Either he would get flustered or run away or he would stay and watch and possibly try something later…. to which I'll knock the crap out of him if he tried…. or will I? _

Asuka was confused. Her feelings were all in knots. One thing she never feared was Shinji attacking her. She knew he didn't have that within him and so she never feared that he would actually try to seduce her or force himself on her.

The emotions she felt lately were stronger then ever.

She had seen a side of Shinji that she never thought existed. When faced with either survival or death, he had taken the route of survival.

A year ago, he had saved her from certain death. Then he had pulled her to him and kissed her.

Since that day, it never happened again and she wondered what was going through his head? Not even in the many "beatings" she had given him, which ended up in groping wrestling matches where their bodies twisted with one another and they laughed did he even try to kiss her.

It had been over a year since that day.

Asuka enjoyed herself thoroughly_. I don't give a damn if he was out there or not._ _If he wasn't, fine. If he was, fine_. She honestly didn't care either way. She was enjoying this way too much. _Am I crazy doing this in the open where he could possibly see me? _She thought. _Who cares? I hope he's going through torture watching me do this. Serves him right. _

Chapter 18

Shinji felt the sweat drip from his forehead as he watched her and breathed heavily It felt so good to do this and watch her at the same time but still he felt terrible for being a spying pervert.

Then his eyes widened as he watched her do something he didn't expect. His mouth fell open and he began to please himself faster as he watched her and breathed in and out. _Oh my God! I can't believe she's doing that! Does she know I'm out here? Maybe she does, or maybe she doesn't. Goddamnit, I'm such a pervert. Oh my God! What the fuck? Holy shit! _

His eyes stayed on her, watching her move and wash herself, the corners of his mouth turned upward into a smile, his breath quickened and watched her enjoy herself as he did the same.

He watched her throw her head back, he scrunched his eyes closed, groaned as quietly as he could and then felt himself let go. He breathed heavily still having his eyes shut. His fist tightened and then he bowed down, breathing heavily and when he looked up, he saw she was out of the waterfall.

He looked around hoping she would not have caught him by sneaking around the side waiting to kick his ass with his pants down. It would be bad for her to know he was spying on her, it would be worse if she knew he was spying on her and jerking off at the same time.

He breathed out and took out the small cloth he carried in his back pocket for such activities and cleaned himself off. Then he pulled himself together and recovered from his activity.

He took another deep breath and stood up, and then he began to walk back to camp. Then as he turned a corner, he saw her.

_Asuka!_

His mouth dropped open as his eyes trailed down her body and he gripped the tree as he stood frozen, unable to move and unable to think.

Shinji's eyes focused on her body, taking in every glance, his thoughts were a jumble. _She's so beautiful. Every part of her is just…. so beautiful. _

Chapter 19

Asuka was drying herself off with the towel she had bought with her. After she had finished drying herself off, she began to get dressed by picking up her undergarments and putting them back on. She picked up her yellow sundress and shook it out and then began to put it on, as she was buttoning it up, Asuka heard a twig snapping.

It startled her.

She turned around quickly and then she breathed in as she saw him.

"Shinji?" She asked in an annoyed angry tone.

Shinji looked at her and breathed out and felt like he was stuck.

Shinji froze in his tracks and his face became flushed. He quickly tried to hide behind the tree but it was too late, he had been caught. _She's going to beat my ass. _He thought as he slowly looked over to her and breathed in and out as he looked at her.

She stared at him with an open mouth and wide eyes. She gasped as she saw him and, the look on her face was pure rage. She was about to run and beat him senseless. _What the fuck is he doing? That little shit! How dare he!_

Asuka knew about the spying but right now he was directly in front of her. He had watched her get dressed and he hadn't been hiding when he did it. That was a first.

Shinji could only stare back. She was dressed now. She wore a yellow sundress and he thought to himself that she looked beautiful as she glared at him with her arms crossed. He could not move as she fixed her eyes on his. He felt frozen but his eyes trailed down her body and he breathed heavily as he looked back at her.

Then as Asuka looked back at him, she found that his eyes were burning into her own. She found herself lost within his gaze and saw something in him that again, she had never seen before and it captivated her.

She suddenly found that she was no longer angry with him and the urge to beat him up had gone away. She suddenly had another thought. _Shinji, why are you looking at me like that? The way you're looking at me it's making me feel something weird. It's not a bad weird though, it's a good weird. It's like I want you to look at me and I want you closer. Why am I feeling this way? What is this? What's happening to me?_

As her eyes looked into his, the look on her face softened and she took a breath as she watched him straighten up and come out from behind the tree.

_What's going through my head? I want to go over to her. I want to be with her. I want to hold her and touch her and…oh my God, I can't believe these thoughts I am having! I've never thought this way when it came to her. Well…. no, that's not true. I've dreamt about being with her like that. She wants to be with me. I can see it. She wants me to be near her. _

She looked back at him and did not move, she simply stood with her arms at her sides and let him look at her and he did. _I want you near me, Shinji. Shinji, this feeling is so strong. I want you near me. _Then she spoke. "Shinji, come here." She said in a soft voice.

He breathed heavy as he looked back at her and swallowed hard. _She wants me to come to her. She wants me to be with her? _"Asuka?" he breathed out as he looked at her. He couldn't stop watching her, he couldn't move or say anything. He just looked at her, feeling himself become hard again and feeling strange urges inside of him that confused him like no other before.

"Shinji, its okay."

Shinji took another deep breath.

These urges were familiar yet unfamiliar as he felt like running over to her and taking her into his arms. He felt like holding her against him as he kissed her. He wanted to let his mouth and hands wander her body…he felt like…. then he breathed in.

_Oh my God…I don't think I'm ready for this! I can't move…I can't think…I'm not ready. I can't do this! I have to get away!_

His eyes went wide as he turned around and ran away as quickly as he could.

Asuka breathed in as she watched him run off, she felt nervous and unsure of herself. It was odd. She looked back in his direction, and took off running after him.

Chapter 20

As Shinji ran through the forest, he ran out of breath and leaned up against a tree. He squeezed his eyes shut, then raised his head and took a deep breath. Then as hard as he could, he slapped himself in the face. "Damnit!" he growled out. _What the fuck is happening to me? What was I thinking? I can't believe that! Why did I wimp out like that? I wanted to be with her. I wanted to…so, why didn't I? What's wrong with me? I'm not ready yet. That was it. I'm not ready and I'm unsure of myself. I don't know…. I just know…I care about her…but I think it's more then that, I think…. I don't know though. I'm so scared._

"Shinji?"

He turned his head and then he saw her. He breathed out and turned a deep shade of red as he looked at her. He went to turn around and run and then he heard her say.

"Don't run away from me!"

He turned back to look at her and as she looked back at him, she could see he was greatly confused and scared.

She came towards him through the bush and he stood motionless. She stood and looked at him.

"What's wrong?" She looked back at him and raised her eyebrow, taking a deep breath. "Shinji, why did you run away like that?"

Shinji knew he was caught red-handed and nothing he could do would get him out of the trouble he was in now. "I…uh…. I…uh…."

"What are you doing out here?' She asked.

"I don't know. Asuka…I just… I just…" he said to her as he turned red. _I mustn't run away._

"Shinji, what the hell are you trying to say?" Asuka said to him as she looked at him.

"Asuka, I…."

"Well, what are you trying to say?" She told him as she looked at him.

Shinji took a breath and looked at her, sweat poured off of his forehead and his cheeks became flushed. _Why can't I speak? What the hell is wrong with me?_

Asuka narrowed her eyes at him. "Damnit, Shinji!"

He looked back at her and she saw fear in his eyes. "Wha…what?" he asked her.

"Why are you so goddamned afraid for?"

"I don't…I don't know." He said to her in a low voice.

_Cat got your tongue, Pervert? What's the matter? Are you afraid of me? Do I make you quiver? Good! You deserve it. Did you have fun watching me? Did you get yourself off? I hope you did. Now, I'm going to make you suffer. _"Hey! Hello? I'm talking to you."

Shinji cleared his throat and looked at her, he still couldn't speak and his heart was beating like crazy while his stomach was turned up in knots. _Say something, stupid! Anything! What the fuck is wrong with me? Why can't I talk?_

"Uh, Shinji?" She said as she walked forward and stood in front of him.

Shinji's eyes widened as he looked back at her. He wanted to run away from her or back away but he didn't. He simply stood his ground, unmovable, frozen in that spot, more terrified then he had ever been before and more excited then he had even been before as well. _I can't stop looking at her. _He thought. _I can't move. Why? Why can't I move? What's wrong with me?_

"Do you have anything to say?" Asuka asked as she looked up into his eyes. _You are so afraid of me. _She thought to herself. _I bet you I could practically push myself up against you and tackle you to the ground and you would be petrified beyond belief. You're as frigid as they come! I can't believe how afraid you are at this moment! Serves you right! What is that though that I see in your eyes, its not fear…. what is that? Could it be…. desire? What do you want at this moment? Show me. C'mon, damnit, make a move! I dare you to!_

"I…. uh…. uh…." He said nervously as he looked at her and swallowed hard as he stared at her.

_Wimp. _Asuka thought to herself. "Shinji?" _He's going to wuss out on me! Figures. He's still too afraid, too unsure of himself, he hates himself too much to have any confidence! Ugh! Why do I bother? C'mon, Shinji, take the next step. I want you to! Wake your ass up and make a move! _

"I…. I…" Shinji's voice trailed off as he looked at her and then Asuka stepped even closer.

"What?" Asuka said as she looked into his eyes. _Kiss me, Shinji. Do it. Do it all ready! C'mon! Either you do it or I'm going to have to! _Asuka's heart was beating quickly as she looked at him. Her stomach was in knots too. True, she should have been angry with him for doing what she knew he had done but right now, she wanted him to kiss her, then she'd get him good for spying.

"I………" Shinji stared into her eyes he breathed heavily and felt sweat pouring off of him as his heart pounded and his stomach tied in knots.

"What?" Asuka whispered softly as she reached up and touched his cheek.

He breathed in and shut his eyes as he felt her touch, he bit his lip and then slowly opened his eyes and looked deep into hers.

"What are you trying to say?" _Kiss me all ready. I'm dying to have you do it. Kiss me._

Shinji didn't know what to do.

He was stuck.

He didn't want to run though and he didn't wan to back away.

_Fuck it. _He thought to himself as he stared at her. _She'll either beat my ass or it'll have the opposite effect. Either way, I'm going for it. I don't care. Fuck it. I'm not holding back anymore. _

Looking deep into her eyes though, there was only one thing he could do and so he did it.

Asuka's eyes widened, as he placed his hands on her shoulders and then felt his lips come to hers. His arms wrapped around her and he kissed her tenderly with a gentle pressure. Then as he parted from her and she looked back to him, she took a hold of his shirt, drew him to her again and he kissed her again.

This time the passion unleashed itself and the fire raged. _This is what I mean. This is what I know you're capable of. Oh my god, this is so good. I never knew you were this good or I'd never had pinched your nose that time! Oh my God, Shinji._

Her arms went around him and he held her close to him, kissing her like he had always wanted to. His hands ran down her back and through her hair. The kiss was full of pent up passion and frustration. Both of them breathed heavy as they kissed one another. Then suddenly, Asuka put her hand on his chest. .

Then as he parted from her lips and looked back to her, with a small smile breathing heavily, she stared back at him and smirked. _Now you're going to get it. _.

Smack!

Shinji closed his eyes and rubbed his cheek as he looked back to her and yet, he couldn't help to smile at her.

"You know what you did, right?" Asuka asked. "I'm not talking about this kiss…. you know what I mean?"

Shinji took a breath and nodded his head.

Asuka smirked, got up in his face and said. "The next time I catch you spying on me, I'll really beat your ass."

Shinji looked back at her, grinned at her and nodded his head and then looking back at her, without caring whether she slapped him or not, he pulled her to him again and kissed her again.

Asuka let out a small squeal as her eyes became wide as saucers. Yet, his kiss was so gentle and tender that she couldn't help but to fall into it, shut her eyes, and kiss him back.

Her arms fell behind his neck and he held her against him as he kissed her long and gently. She loved every moment of it and never wanted the kiss to end. It made her swoon in his arms and he equally never wanted this to end.

She imagined tearing his shirt open but knew she wouldn't do that. The kiss made her think of a million things and more so, it made her feel wonderful.

She couldn't believe what he felt as he kissed her. So many thoughts zipped in and out of her head. She never wanted to let go of him; she wanted him to kiss her forever.

He equally did not want to let go of her. He held her against his body and ran his hands down her back; he held her tight and kissed her long and gently.

Then as they parted from each other's lips, she almost fell back. He quickly caught her. Her hand went up on his shoulder and she stared back at him.

She breathed out and looked at him and he smiled back at her.

She cleared her throat and then regained her footing and then said with an angry scowl. "How dare you kiss me again!"

"Why?" he asked her.

Asuka growled, and then trudged past him, as her back was turned to him, she giggled slightly as she touched her lips and smiled.

It was certainly a hell of a kiss but I won't let him know that.

Shinji simply looked at her and laughed. "Crazy." He said aloud to himself. "Very crazy."

Chapter 21

Shinji stayed out in the forest for a while at least until the sun was starting to set. When he walked back to camp, he saw her sitting by the fire and she looked at him as the wind blew

Shinji sat opposite her, with his knees up to his chest as he wrapped his arms around them, trying to avoid eye contact.

"So," Asuka began as she looked at him and smirked. ", You decided to come back?"

Shinji cleared his throat and said. "Yeah."

Asuka smirked at him and then said. "Out of curiosity, how long were you watching me?"

"Not long." He told her as he turned a slight shade of red. "I just saw you and then ….I turned around and walked away and then I happened upon you in the forest…"

"You just…. turned around…and walked away?" She asked. _Bullshit! I saw you out in the brush. Liar! Ooooooo, what a liar you are! This is interesting to know. Shinji LIES!_

"Yeah." He told her as he stuck a stick into the fire and poked at it. "That's what I did." _Liar. You know you watched her and stared at every part of her. You watched her while she masturbated and then you jerked off as she did it. You're such a liar._

"Pervert!" Asuka said.

"Well, have…you…. have you ever watched me?"

"What?" Asuka asked as she laughed. _Yeah, right! Like I'd tell you that I go to spy on you too. Keep dreaming buster._

"I asked you if you ever watched me before. Have you?" he asked her as he smirked back. _I know you have, Asuka. I've seen you do it. Let's see if you lie too._

"I can't believe you asked me that!" Asuka said with a smirk as she began to get red in the cheeks.._ Nope, not gonna tell ya_

"Well, your not really answering the question, I would think the answer is yes." Shinji told her with a laugh. _Oh, you lie too? Interesting._

"You think…. that I would want to watch your sorry ass?" Asuka asked. _Yeah how many times have you watched his sorry ass? A lot! I am ashamed to admit, it turned me on. Liar._

"Have you?"

Asuka chuckled and then looked back to him as she blushed. "I don't believe your asking me that question!"_ Not gonna tell ya for all the tea in China._

"You have, haven't you?"

"Change the subject!" Asuka growled with a laugh.

"Okay." Shinji said as he looked back at the fire. He took a glance at her and then looked back at the fire and then as he took a breath, he looked at her and asked. "Did you like…kissing me this afternoon?"

Asuka took a breath as she remembered the kiss. It was something fantastic. It had made her feel so wonderful and to say something like "it sucked" or "you sucked" would only be cruel. As she looked into his face, she thought to herself. _Ah what the hell throw the doggie a bone…._

"Well," he asked her as he swallowed hard. ", Did you?"

Asuka looked over to him from the other end of the fire and then said with a smile. "I liked it. We haven't…. in a long time, you know. Not since that day. It was nice."

Shinji smiled at her. It was a very un-Asuka-like answer. Usually she would have thrown an insult at him but that was an honest answer.

"Okay." He told her as he looked at her.

"Why is it you havent'….since that day?" Asuka asked.

"I don't know." He said. "I guess…. we never had the opportunity to kinda. I'm not really sure why…."

"Oh." Asuka said with a nod. Asuka looked down at the fire and then smiled as she said. "You know we…. could…try that again."

He looked over to her and then smirked, turning a bit red and asked. "Try…. try what again?"

Asuka rolled her eyes and then said. "Do you want to…kiss me again?"

"Oh?" Shinji asked nervously.

"Well," Asuka said as she looked at him. "Do you want to or not? Because if not then…. we could just…. go to sleep. We could make a game out of it. Would you like to?"

"A game?" he asked her. "What do you mean?"

"We could…. try different ways of kissing each other but we won't go farther than that."

"Oh, really." Shinji said as he swallowed hard. "Uh…. that would be an interesting game."

"Yeah, wouldn't it?" Asuka said with a smile. "We could do that or go to sleep. Up to you."

"Well, we could do that." Shinji said.

"Go to sleep?" Asuka asked.

"No, I meant…. the other thing." Shinji told her.

"Oh, you mean…the kissing game?"

Shinji nodded his head and then smiled. "Yeah, that's what I meant."

"Okay." Asuka said. "Why don't you come over here?"

"Oh? Over there?" Shinji asked.

"Idiot!" Asuka growled. "How the fuck do you expect to kiss me from where you are sitting? Come over here!"

Shinji smiled at her and then stood up. He looked at her and then walked to the other side of the fire and sat beside her. He looked at her and stared into her face. "Okay, now what?"

"Now, " Asuka thought for a minute and then she turned to face him. ", kiss me how you did in the forest before?"

"Oh?" Shinji asked as he moved his face closer to hers.

"Yeah." Asuka said in a whisper as her face came closer to his and then his lips kissed hers gently and tenderly, as he had done before. He closed his eyes and she equally closed hers and she enjoyed a sweet and gentle kiss from him. Her arm went around his shoulder and then her hand went to the back of his neck. Her hand went down from his shoulder and up and down his back..

He equally bought his arms around her and held her close to him as he breathed through the kiss and then he felt her open her mouth and lightly trace her tongue against his lips. In which he opened his mouth and kissed her deeper.

_This was even better then before_, Asuka thought to herself.

_Oh my God, this is incredible_. Shinji thought to himself. Shinji hadn't realized it but somehow his weight was leaning against her and gently he was laying her back.

Asuka wasn't aware of it. Then she parted from him and put her hand against his chest, looking at him wide eyed. "What the…" She growled.

"What?" Shinji asked as he breathed heavily and looked back to her.

"Uh…duh!" Asuka said as she looked down. "You are breaking the rules!"

"Oh!" Shinji said as he realized that she was on her back and he was leaning against her. "I…. uh…. I…. uh…didn't mean to do that…. you know…. I…I…guess I must have…."

"…. Gotten too horny?" Asuka finished.

"No! No!" Shinji protested. "I just…. I…uh…. uh…. I don't know." He said as he swallowed and looked at her breathing heavily.

Asuka sat back up and looked at him with a scowl. "Shinji! You tried to seduce me!"

"What?" he asked her as he sat up and looked at her. "Seduce you? I swear I didn't!"

"Oh you are such a liar!" Asuka said as he glared at him. "You tried to get me ON MY BACK!"

"I…. I honestly didn't realize it. Asuka, I…I. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to." He told her nervously.

Asuka growled and then said. "Okay, you lose round one. If you get too horny, you lose. I think we better stop."

"Huh?" Shinji asked as he looked at her. "Wh…. why?"

"Because you are just TOO DAMNED HORNY!"

"Am not!" Shinji growled.

"You are too!"

"I am not!"

"Bullshit!" Asuka said as she crossed her arms and smirked at him. "You're just…. one great big horn dog, aren't you?"

"Stop." Shinji said with a laugh.

"Yeah, you are just horny as hell, aren't you?" Asuka said with a teasing laugh.

"Knock it off." Shinji said with another smirk.

"You just have horniness coming from every part of you, don't you?"

Shinji laughed at her and then said in a very direct voice with a raised eyebrow. "How much would you like to see?"

Asuka raised her eyebrows as she looked at him. "Careful." She told him with a smirk.

"Or what?" Shinji said as he looked at her. "You'll smack the crap out of me, right?" He smiled at her and she laughed as she looked at him.

"You are just weird." Asuka said to him as she laughed.

"You like it though." He said as he caressed her cheek gently.

"Shinji…" Asuka said in a breath as she felt his touch.

"C'mon, let's keep up with this game. Let me have another chance? You won the first round, let me see if I win the second."

Asuka's eyes widened. He had never been that direct with her before but either way it was something she enjoyed. "Do you think you can control yourself this time?"

"I think so." Shinji said with a smirk. "The question is, will you be able to?"

Asuka chuckled. "You think that I won't be able to…you think you can get me that hot and bothered? Okay, let's see you."

Shinji smirked and then sat beside her once more and kissed her lips gently. She smiled through the kiss and quickly, found herself to be lost within his gentle embrace and soft kiss, and then as he parted from her, he smiled at her and brushed the hair from her face. "How was that?"

Asuka smirked and then nodded her head as she said. "That was okay."

Shinji raised his eyebrow and smirked then asked. "Just…. okay?"

"Well, okay is good. However, it didn't cause me to go out of control."

"Just what exactly is…out of control?" he asked her with a smile.

"That would be dangerous. Are you sure you want me to attempt that?" Asuka asked.

"I would like that very much." He answered her. "We could stop before it gets to be too much."

"Do you think you handle that?"

"Well," Shinji said with a smirk. ", I'm willing to try."

"Okay, get ready. Here I come."

"I'm ready. I won't lose this time." He told her as she kissed him and as she kissed him, he felt like there were fireworks going off in his head especially the way she held him. Then he felt her tongue penetrate into his mouth and he thoroughly enjoyed the sensation, it fueled him with passion and then before he knew it as he parted from her and opened his eyes he saw that Asuka was laying on her back again and smiling up at him.

"I knew you couldn't handle it." Asuka said with a smirk.

Shinji smirked. "Okay, so you're right."

"You lose." Asuka said as she looked back to him and smiled.

"No, not really." he told her as he sat back up.

"How so? You lost." Asuka asked while she bought herself back up to sitting position.

"It's a loss I can deal with."

Asuka laughed at him and said. "So, you're happy about losing?"

"Yeah." He said with a smirk. "I think I can make you lose too."

"What are you talking about?"

"Want me to show you?" he asked her.

"If you can keep your paws off of me." Asuka told him.

"Deal." He told her, and then he leaned in and kissed her again gently and tenderly and with the technique that she had just showed him. She wrapped her arms around him and felt herself drawing him closer to her. She breathed out and let out a small sound as he continued to kiss her. It made her feel lost within that kiss and feelings swirled inside of her like never before her.

She felt his hands run over her back and through her hair, she felt like she was in seventh heaven.

Asuka parted from him and looked back to him. He smiled up at her as he was lying on his back.

"You lose!" he told her with a grin.

"Okay, so you won one round." She told him with a smirk. She too felt elation going through her system. "Well," she said to him with a smirk. ", I see what you mean now."

Shinji smirked at her. "Want to try and win again?" he said with a smirk as he sat back up.

"Most definitely." Asuka told him.

Lightly, he brushed the hair away from her face and then he drew her to him for another kiss.

For hours they played this kissing game of theirs. They thoroughly enjoyed it but they were also feeling like they both wanted more then this.

"Okay final score: 10- 7 me. I win!"

"You were keeping score?" Shinji asked her with a smirk.

"Of course. How we were supposed to know who won?" She said. "Okay game over."

"Does it have to be?" he asked her with a smile.

Asuka quickly nipped that in the bud as she said. "It's getting late. We should go to sleep."

Shinji breathed in as he looked at her, wanting to continue this some more but then he nodded his head and said. "Okay."

He went over to the sleeping bag and put his backpack behind his head and then as he looked at her, he said. "Come over here."

Asuka looked over at him and saw him smiling at her and told him. "The game is over now. We really should go to sleep."

"I know." He told her. "Come here anyway though. I won't try anything I promise. Let me hold you."

Asuka smiled at him and then came over to him. She lay next to him and cuddled up against him. She laid her head on his chest as she listened to his heart beat and her other arm came around his torso. His arms went around her and held onto her. He looked up at the stars and breathed in happily as he held her against him.

"I like the way this is." Asuka whispered sleepily.

"I do too." He told her. "That was a lot of fun tonight, wasn't it?"

"Yeah." Asuka said as she cuddled up to him and smiled as she felt the warmth of his body and the safety of how he held her. "It was a lot of fun."

"Can we…do that again sometime? Maybe…. not as a game though?"

"Sure." Asuka said.

"Good." Shinji said with a smirk. "I liked kissing you, Asuka." He told her as he held her.

"I…. did too." Asuka said with a smile.

"So, we will do that again sometime, right?" he asked her.

"Yeah." Asuka said as she yawned.

"Go to sleep. I'll stay right here with you." He told her as he gently stroked her head.

Asuka smiled as she felt sleep getting closer and closer to her. Then right before she fell asleep, Shinji heard in a murmur. "Shinji, I… …" And then there was snoring.

Shinji smiled. He looked up at the stars and saw how bright they were and then shortly after, fell asleep as well.

Chapter 23

In the morning when they awoke, they did their usual clean up duty, changed clothes, packed up and began to head to a new destination.

The walked along rocky roads and as they walked Asuka almost tripped to which he quickly reached out his hand for her and snatched her wrist before she fell. She lost her footing and then wound up falling against his chest.

"You okay?" he asked her.

Asuka nodded and then said. "Yeah, just tripped."

"Okay." He told her with a smile as he turned and as she looked down at her hand, she saw he was still clutching onto hers.

Asuka looked over at him and smiled and then allowed him to lead her by the hand up the rocky trail. A short while later, Asuka stopped and turned to look at him. He saw he was still holding her hand and then released her.

"You hungry?" Asuka asked.

Shinji thought for a second and then nodded his head. "Yeah."

"Let's make up a quick lunch and then we'll continue, okay?"

"All right." He said.

Then they took off their backpacks. Asuka pulled out a can of stew from the backpack and Shinji built a small fire. Asuka opened the can with the can opener and then put the can directly on the fire.

"Why are you doing that?" he asked her.

"Its easier to cook it in the can."

"It won't cook evenly." He told her. "Give me the pot. I'll cook it."

"Shinji, this is easier."

"No, it won't cook evenly." Shiinji told her. "Let me go get the pot."

He got up and went to get the pot and then noticed that he had to go relieve himself. He sighed as he said. "I'll be right back Asuka. I need to take a leak."

Asuka hated when he used that phrase. "Too much information, Shinji."

"Well, when you have to go…"

"Just go!" Asuka growled.

"Be right back." He said to her as he went into the woods and looked for a large tree that would block Asuka's view.

Asuka shook her head and stirred the soup can. "Complain, complain." She quipped. "_Oh, Asuka_" she said as she mimicked him. "_The soup won't cook evenly in the can. You need the pot_." She sneered and then said. "Idiot."

As she cooked, she heard a noise. It sounded like a low growl. A pit formed in her stomach and she looked around. She couldn't see anything and then she shook her head.

"Nerves." She said as she went back to stirring the soup can.

Then, she heard it again and it was louder. It was coming from right behind her. Asuka froze and her eyes widened as she began to shake. On her belt she carried a hunting knife in a leather holster, carefully she reached for it and then heard the growling get louder, it was right behind her.

Fear ran through her and she dropped the knife. More so, she could feel hot breath directly on the back of her neck. Asuka froze and was terrified beyond belief.

"Shi…. Shin…. Shinji." Asuka squeaked out as she became petrified with fear.

Chapter 24

Shinji had finished relieving himself and came out from the woods, zipping up his fly and buttoning his jeans.. As soon as he stepped out, his eyes got wide and he stopped dead in his tracks, as he couldn't believe what he saw standing behind Asuka.

"Oh my God." He said under his breath.

Asuka took a look over at him. Her eyes were full of fear and she was shaking. "Shinji?" She whispered fearfully.

"Don't move, Asuka." He said nervously as he swallowed hard. "Don't move a muscle."

Asuka shut her eyes as she felt fear go through her. Then she felt something warm and slimy lick the back of her neck and she whimpered as she felt it. The animal came close to her and breathed heavy on the back of her neck, growling.

"What…what…is it?" Asuka asked nervously.

Shinji began to breathe heavily as he saw the danger she was in. He was scared to death. He didn't know what to do.

"Some kind of cat." Shinji said as he moved closer to his backpack.

"Cat?" Asuka said nervously.

"Yeah, a wild cat." He said.

"House cat?" She asked.

"Definitely not a house cat." Shinji said as he watched the creature carefully.

Shinji saw his backpack not too far from where he was now standing. He glanced over at it and swallowed hard as he felt his body shake. He could see the baseball bat sticking out and carefully he moved toward his backpack.

Rescuing her from falling was one thing, tangling with what was directly behind her would be quite another yet he knew that if he didn't do anything, Asuka would surely fall victim to the predator that was directly behind her.

"Asuka, when I tell you to…. _Run_." He said.

"Shinji…" Asuka said nervously as she shook as the animal behind her growled again and breathed against her.

Shinji tried to be quick and yet careful as not to make any sudden movements as his eyes fixed upon the animal behind Asuka. He reached for the handle of the baseball bat, and then pulled it out of the pack. He held the bat in his hands gripping it firmly.

"HEY!" Shinji called out loudly.

The animal growled and then turned its head and saw him letting out a loud piercing roar. Asuka shrieked and the animal turned its attention to her. The animal raised its large paw and then Shinji charged forward. Asuka rolled out of the way as the animal's claw came down on her striking her boot. The animal growled at her. Asuka's eyes got wide and then she saw Shinji running toward her with the bat in his hands.

"RUN, ASUKA!" Shinji yelled out as he ran towards the animal. He stood between her and the animal. Breathing heavily, he swung the bat at the creature, making it back away from her. Asuka's eyes got wider as she got up and quickly ran over to a tree and hid behind it

The animal started to go after her and angrily, Shinji swung the bat down on the animal's rear.

The animal then turned and growled at him.

"ASUKA, STAY THERE!" He yelled out as the animal growled and hissed at Shinji.

Shinji shook. He was terrified of this animal. He didn't know exactly what type of animal it was but it was large and tan and it had long teeth and sharp claws. To him, it resembled a large house cat but he knew that this cat was a deadly one.

In his life, Shinji had gone head to head with some of the most dangerous opponents out there.

As he stood opposite this wild creature in front of him, he realized that when he had done battle before…. it had always been in the safety of his EVA unit.

Now it was man vs. nature and all he had to rely on was his strength, wit, speed and the weapon in his hands.

As he watched the animal carefully, Asuka hid behind the tree, shaking. She was scared to death as she watched him with the animal.

Then he swung at it again, hitting the baseball bat on the ground yelling out. "GET OUT OF HERE!"

The animal growled and saliva dripped from its mouth. Shinji breathed heavily as sweat ran down his forehead.

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" Shinji yelled out again as he smashed the bat at the animal, making it back up and then he watched as the animal jumped to the side, and then jumped at him, swatting him with its claw.

Shinji called out in pain as he felt the animal's claws rip through the fabric on his pullover and penetrate the flesh on his upper arm.

Asuka gripped the tree and gasped as she saw the wound on his upper arm. "SHINJI!" She screamed out.

Shinji winced in pain from the wound as he looked at what the animal did and then turned his attention back to the creature, which growled, hissed and roared as it circled him. Shinji yet again winced in pain and smashed the bat against the ground.

"GET…. AWAY!" He said with pain in his voice.

"SHINJI, NO!" Asuka yelled out. "GET OUT OF THERE! SHINJI, DAMNIT, GET AWAY FROM THAT THING!"

The animal growled again and leaped at Shinji. Shinji fell back. The animal was over him.

Asuka's breathing quickened as she went for the knife on her belt only to realize it wasn't there but by the campsite. She began to breathe heavy and swallowed hard as she feared that Shinji was in mortal danger.

Shinji put the bat between him and the animal as the animal tried with all of its might to swat at him. Shinji struggled with the animal, holding the bat with both hands at opposite ends putting it between him and the animal.

Angrily, he called out and kicked the animal as hard as he could in the stomach.

The animal whimpered and went across the ground landing on its side but it quickly turned over and growled at him, hissing loudly and roaring.

The animal got ready to pounce as it looked at him.

Shinji raised his head and saw the animal coming towards him; he quickly fumbled for the knife on his holster.

The animal came towards him fast.

Shinji's eyes widened as he grabbed the knife from his holster.

"SHINJI!" Asuka screamed out.

She saw the animal leap on top of Shinji and she heard him yell out.

Then she heard a large whimper and watched as the animal froze.

Asuka's eyes widened as she watched the animal fall to the side.

Shinji's knife was plunged into its chest.

There was blood was everywhere.

**_"SHINJI!" _**

Chapter 25

"**_Shinji!"_** Asuka yelled out as she came out from behind the tree and ran over to him.

She saw Shinji lying on the ground on his back. His arms were outstretched, his eyes were shut and he was covered in blood.

All she could see was blood all over him. He was doused in it. He wasn't moving. Asuka's eyes got wide as she knelt down beside him and shook him.

"Shinji?" She asked. "Shinji, are you okay?"

Shinji's eyes opened slowly and he looked back at her. He shut his eyes again and swallowed hard. Then he opened them again and looked around. His head turned to the side and he stared at the animal with the knife plunged into its chest.

"Its dead." Asuka said to him.

Shinji looked back at her and nodded his head at her. "Yeah." He said.

"Are you hurt?" She asked.

He nodded his head again and breathed heavily.

"Can you sit up?" She asked.

He nodded his head again and sat up as he winced in pain, putting his hand over his arm. Asuka took his hand away and saw the wound on his arm.

"Oh my God." She said as she looked at the wound. "Are you hurt any place else?" Asuka asked wide eyed as she put her hand on his cheek.

"No, just my arm. The blood on me is from the cat." Shinji looked back to her and said. "Its not too bad."

She took a deep breath as she looked at him. "You…saved my life. You know, you're starting to develop a habit of doing that."

He smiled at her with a chuckle and then said. "Yeah." He looked over at the animal and then said. "What do you suppose that is anyway?"

Asuka looked at it and then said. "I think its some kind of bobcat thing. I don't care. Its dead."

"Yeah." He said as he breathed heavily.

Then Asuka's arms wrapped around him and she held him close to her as she felt tears come down her face. She whispered to him as she kissed him on his cheek. "Oh God, I was so scared…I was scared I was going to lose you."

Shinji held onto her and breathed heavily as he smiled. "It's okay."

"Thank you."

She had never said that to him before and it surprised him to hear it. "Your welcome." He responded.

Asuka parted from him and looked into his face. She could see he was in a great deal of pain and then she said. "Can you get up? I want to get you over to the fire. We've got to take care of that wound."

"Okay." He said as he started to get up holding onto Asuka.

Asuka put his arm around her shoulder and helped him over to the fire where she rested him down against a rock.

She took a look at his arm and breathed out as she said. "Take your shirt off. Let's see how bad it is."

Shinji winced as he lifted his pullover but then dropped his arm. He called out in pain as he looked at her. "Can you help me?' he asked her.

Asuka nodded and then reached for the hem of the pullover and the shirt underneath. He winced in pain as she tried to pull it off of him and then she breathed out as she looked over at her knife in the dirt.

She got up and walked over to it, picking it up and then walking over to him with the knife in her hand.

"I'm sorry that I have to do this." Asuka said as she took the knife and then cut the pullover down the center. Then she cut the sleeves off. She put the knife down and then eased the cut pullover down off of him as he breathed heavy. He wore a green t-shirt underneath and it too was stained in blood.

Then as she held the fabric of his t-shirt, she began to cut that away too as Shinji shut his eyes. She cut the sleeves around the wound. When she was finished she took it off of him leaving him with no shirt, lying bare-chested while the wound on his arm bled.

Asuka took a look at it. The animal had swatted him with its claw and two large deep claw wounds were on his upper arm near his shoulder.

She breathed out as she tried to remember her first aid training and then looked up at him as she said. "Shinji, this is going to hurt. I need to make sure that this doesn't get infected."

Looking at her knife, she placed it into the fire. He looked at the knife nervously and looked back at her saying. "What are you going to do?"

She breathed out and then said to him softly. "What I have to."

"DON'T CUT OFF MY ARM!" He yelled out.

"Idiot!" Asuka growled. "I am not going to chop off your arm! The wound isn't that bad enough! I'm just going to make sure that the wound doesn't get infected because if it does, then you can DIE!"

"How are you going to do that?" he asked her as he looked at the wound.

"Just….trust me." Asuka said to him as she got up and went over to the backpacks. She unzipped it and fumbled around, then she pulled out their first aid kit that they had thrown together.

She came back over to him and looked at the wound. .

The animal had swiped him across his bicep and luckily it hadn't punctured a vein or an artery. Mostly it was a flesh wound and Asuka took a deep breath as she poured alcohol on the rag and then pressed it on the wound.

"ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Shinji bellowed as he felt pain rip through him. "DAMNIT, ASUKA!" He looked over at her and gritted his teeth as he said. "That fucking hurts!"

"It's cleaning the wound." Asuka said as she pulled the rag away and then glanced over at the knife in the fire. She picked up a wooden spoon and handed it to him.

He looked at her strangely as he asked. "What is this for?"

"Bite down on it." Asuka instructed.

"Why?"

"Bite down on it and shut your eyes." Asuka said firmly.

"Why?" he asked.

"Just do it, idiot!" Asuka demanded.

Shinji took a look at the wooden spoon and then placed the handle of the spoon in between in his teeth, biting down on the handle.

"Shut your eyes." Asuka said.

Shinji squeezed his eyes shut and then Asuka picked up the knife.

Taking a look at him, she took a deep breath as she held the knife. She swallowed hard and then quickly, placed the flat end of the blade on the wound and heard sizzling noises.

Shinji growled in agony as he felt pain go through him and could smell burning flesh and smoke.

The smell made Asuka sick. It smelled like burned, rotten meat.

"Take it easy." Asuka said. "I have to stop the bleeding and cut down chance of infection."

Shinji yelled as the spoon fell from his mouth and he laid his head back with sweat pouring down his forehead. "Asuka, that fucking hurts!"

"I know. I know." Asuka said. "I had to do it, Shinji. You can get sick from this. There's no telling what the hell was on that animal's claw."

"You know, Asuka." Shinji said as he breathed in with a chuckle. "Maybe a gun wouldn't have been such a bad idea."

Asuka resisted the urge to say, _I told you so. _She was more concerned with getting his wound under control. She took the knife away and placed the blade back into the fire. She took a look at the wound. The bleeding had stopped. She had no sutures but she was sure by cauterizing the wound that would be enough. She took the bandages out of the kit and then slowly and gently began to wrap up his arm and then tie it off.

"You're going to have to rest for a few days." Asuka said. "We can't go traveling around while your hurt."

"I'm okay." He said.

"No, we'll rest here today and tomorrow. "

"We have to keep going." He said to her.

"We will but first, you are going to rest up. If that wound isn't taken care of properly then, you can get sick and if that wound gets infected, then I might have to chop off your arm!"

Shinji swallowed as he said. "You're being a bit dramatic."

"Dramatic?" Asuka asked with a sneer. "Idiot! You have a wound on your arm! If you don't' take care of it, it will get infected and then you will get sick and then I will either have to chop off your arm or let you die! I'm not going to let you die! I don't want to chop off your arm! So, therefore, Shinji, I'm not going to let that get infected!"

She went back to the first aid kit and pulled out a bottle of pills. She opened the bottle and then looked at him as she said. "Are you allergic to penicillin?"

Shinji thought about it for a minute and then shook his head saying. "No. I don't think so. Where did you get that?"

"At the last stop. There was a pharmacy there, remember? I broke into it and took some of the medicines, bandages and whatnot while you were off getting food and clothing."

"Looks like I'll have to get another pullover." Shinji said as he looked at the torn bloody pullover that was now on the ground. "Too bad. I liked the pullover."

"Well, I couldn't get it off of you without hurting you. I had to cut it off." Then Asuka took two pills out and put them in his mouth. "Swallow it." She said. "Its penicillin. It will cut down the risk of infection. Its an antibiotic."

Shinji forced the pills down his throat and then breathed out as he looked at her.

Asuka turned and looked over at the dead animal and then said. "What do you think we should do with that?" she asked as she pointed to it.

"Well, I don't want to eat it." He said with a chuckle.

"Neither do I. Maybe we should…burn it."

"Burn it?" he asked.

"Yeah, if it stays there flies and gross things will get attracted to it. After lunch, I'll go take care of it."

"I'll help." He said.

"No, I can handle it." Asuka said as she grimaced. "You rest up."

"Okay." He said with a smile.

As she looked over at him, she went back to the small pot and filled it with water from the canteen. She took a small rag and then dipped it into the water and rubbed soap on it. Shinji watched her as she came back to him and then handed him the rag.

"Here, you might want to try to wash some of that blood off of you."

Shinji took the rag and then began to wash himself while he watched her.

Asuka then turned to put the first aid kit back in the backpack. She took a look at him and then rolled her eyes as she came back over to him and took the rag from his hand and then began to scrub him down.

"Asuka, what are you doing?"

"Shut up." Asuka snapped. "You aren't getting any of the blood off." She said as she scrubbed his chest and shoulder. "I can do it better. Besides your hurt."

"Uh, Asuka. I can bathe myself." Shinji said as he began to get red in the face.

"Shut up and let me do it." She said. "It'll be faster."

Then as he felt her scrub his back, he smirked and cleared his throat as he said. "Asuka, I can bathe myself. I don't need you to do it for me."

Asuka looked over at him and sighed saying. "Oh excuse me for doing you a favor! For God Sakes, I wasn't getting turned on by washing you if that's what you meant by it!"

Shinji looked away and then turned around to her saying. "I didn't mean to sound like…. I'm sorry, Asuka. I'm just in some pain here."

Asuka nodded her head and said. "Okay. Turn around so I can finish this."

He did as she instructed and then let her finish her sponge bath, which didn't last too long. She went back to the backpack and pulled out another t-shirt for him and gave it to him. She helped him on with it and then went back to the fire and saw that the soup on the fire was ready.

She picked up the two bowls that were nearby and poured the soup into them. Then she came back to him with the two bowls and handed him one.. He took a deep breath and chuckled as he held the bowl in his hand.

"What is it?" She asked.

"Good lunch break, huh?" he asked with a smirk.

Asuka shook her head saying. "Idiot."

Then as she looked at him she laughed and so did he as they continued to eat.

Chapter 26

Asuka was laying in her sleeping bag trying to rest, she could hear him breathing as he slept next to her She turned her head to look at him, and his back was facing her. She took a deep breath as she stared at him. _What he had done today was so brave_. She wondered if somehow little by little the shy boy was starting to change slightly.

It had been over two years since Third Impact. They had become close to one another. They were each other's best friends. Asuka had felt that she noticed a change in him, as he was getting older.

He had gone to sleep in his jeans and t-shirt. She too had slept in the same clothes they wore that day. She wondered how it was that he could sleep with the pain he was in.

After the animal attack, they had moved their campsite away from the dead animal carcass. Asuka had decided to cremate the animal and then decided to move the campsite since it stunk when it burned.

They moved deeper into the forest and had set up camp in a comfortable spot.

Both had been tired but Asuka found she couldn't sleep. The last two days had been something different. With him kissing her in the forest and then playing that game the other night, they were becoming different towards one another. After what he had done today, she wondered if she should push that further.

She moved closer to him, she snuggled up against his back and felt him breathe in.

Her arm came around him and she placed it against his chest. She breathed in as she enjoyed the way he felt, her eyes shut and she got ready to go to sleep, and then she heard him in a sleepy tone. "Asuka?"

Her eyes opened as she heard him. She swallowed hard and her breathing quickened. She didn't know what to do. _Answer him back? What would happen next?_ As she looked at him, she thought to herself, _I want to be closer to him_.

She bought her body in closer to him so that she was right up against him and hugged him tighter. Her head nestled against the back of his neck. Then she heard it again. "Asuka?"

She again breathed in as she heard him. She felt him cover her hand with his own and hold it gently against his chest.

She didn't know if he was asleep or awake.

It seemed as though at night, there was a special intimacy between them. In the daytime it never existed or was spoken of but night was a time where she could allow herself to seek warmth and comfort from him.

She would allow herself to be vulnerable just for a short time, just long enough to get her through the night because otherwise, her dreams would torture her. Whenever she lay against Shinji, he took away the bad dreams. When she started to cry, the minute she would feel his arm come around her she could rest easy and go back to sleep.

Gently, she moved her hand up and down his back It was a gentle and light touch, her fingertips trailed from the top of his back all the way down and then back up again.

She heard him breathe in and hold her hand gently as he caressed it.

On the other side, Shinji was awake.

He was wide-awake

He enjoyed the soft gentle caressing from Asuka and the warmth of her body up against his. His heart was beating rapidly as he wanted to turn to her and take her into his arms. He took a deep breath as he tried to think of whether he should or not.

As Asuka cuddled up against his neck, she bought her lips to the back of his neck and lightly, brushed her lips against the back of his neck.

He swallowed and shut his eyes as he felt her. It was so gentle and tender. He breathed in and then he felt her do it again and then again.

He smiled and then breathed out. "Asuka."

Asuka took a breath as she watched as his body began to turn and then quickly, she shut her eyes. As he turned to face her, he whispered. "Asuka?"

She did not respond. Her eyes were shut and she was breathing as if she was sleeping.

Gently, he reached over and caressed her cheek. All though Asuka was faking being asleep, his touch was warm and it was tender. She parted her lips and breathed out as she felt the gentleness of his touch. She wanted to reach for his hand and draw him near to her; her heart was racing inside of her.

Shinji stared down at her. He watched her while she slept and then despite the fact that she was asleep, he took a breath and then leaned forward.

Lightly, his lips brushed ever so gently against hers as he applied just enough pressure. Then as he looked back into her face, he smiled at her and whispered. "Asuka?"

He stared down at her for a while, wanting to hold her, wishing she'd wake up. However, he didn't know if she was awake or asleep either and then sighed with a nod.

He turned back over onto his side and went to sleep with his back facing her.

Asuka's eyes opened slowly and she looked back at him as she touched her lips with her fingertips and then gave a short smile.

She took a deep breath and then turned over to her side with her back facing him. Taking another deep breath, she yawned and shut her eyes, giving a short smile and then she felt him.

He turned over and his arms wrapped around her. Asuka's eyes opened as he felt him hold her close against him. She breathed in but she thought to herself it felt wonderful.

He held her close against him, pulling her against his chest. Asuka breathed in and then she felt him lightly kiss her on her ear, and then her neck, and he snuggled up against her. She loved the way he felt against her and then she closed her eyes and went to sleep.

In the morning, this would not be spoken of. It would be kept quiet and would remain quiet.

For now though, it was making her feel wonderful.

It made her feel as if he needed her and she loved that feeling.

For him he equally felt the same way.

She was his companion and he wanted to keep her safe.

Holding her the way he was made him feel like she could be more to him then just a companion but to cross that line?

That would be the hard part.

For now though, they would share this intimacy with another and in the morning, it would be back to the same and this would not be spoken of again.

Chapter 27

It had been over a year later. It was in the middle of the summer. They were walking in the humid, hot weather.

They didn't say anything as they walked. They were quiet except for one thing, he held her hand as they walked and she allowed it.

A year ago, she would have never have allowed it but now, she didn't seem to mind and sometimes as they walked, she would reach for him if he didn't reach for her. They had become closer to one another.

Sometimes at night, they engaged in a kiss right before they fell asleep. Other times, they would hold onto each other and fall asleep that way but again, that was the furthest they had gone.

Asuka wondered, _why are we holding back_?

Sometimes, when they just walked together they didn't find the need to speak and it was fine. Their emotions and actions were conveying their feelings and as they looked at one another they wondered if both of them were changing in their feelings towards one another.

For Asuka, he had become her sole companion and best friend. She also wondered as she looked at him was he becoming more to her then that? He felt the same way.

As they came down a road, Shinji released his hold from her hand as he ran towards what looked like a street sign.

Asuka picked up her pace and followed him and then she heard him exclaim.

"YES!"

As he stood looking at the street sign he said happily. "There's a village two miles up ahead. We could replenish our supplies and maybe find some shelter tonight."

"That's good." She said as she nodded. "Hey, maybe we'll get lucky tonight and find a town with a hotel in it. It would be nice to sleep in a bed for a change."

Shinji chuckled. "I can't remember the last time I slept in a bed."

"You know something? Neither can I." Asuka said with a laugh. "I miss beds. Tokoyo-3 always had comfortable beds. The best bed I ever slept in was in Paris. That was incredible. It was a king size bed and I had it all to myself. You know what I used to do when I was alone in the hotel?"

"What?" he asked her.

"I used to jump on the bed for hours! Then when my father came back to the hotel, I pretended like I had been studying for hours."

Shinji chuckled. "How is it you were sent to college at ten?" he asked her.

"I was smart, Dumb Ass." She told him.

"I know that but why college?" he asked her again.

"That was my father's doing. He was the head coordinator for the German EVA project. He worked with the United States and Japan. Him and my mother were the chief designers behind Unit 2. My mother used to work very closely with your mother, Shinji. My father used to say that I was not a conventional child and he wanted me to grow up fast. So, when it came time to decide who would pilot, well, I was selected right off the bat. My father said that I had the best sync ratio of any pilot for Unit 2 because it was designed with my psyche in mind."

"You were just like me." Shinji said to her. "Unit 1 was designed for me."

"I suppose except, I wasn't a fucking idiot." She joked. "Hey, what do you miss the most about Tokoyo-3?"

Shinji stopped, looked at her and then he smiled as he said. "Misato."

Asuka looked at him and breathed in. "Oh." She said.

"Well, you asked me what I missed the most." He said to her as they walked.

"Did you love Misato?" Asuka asked as she looked forward.

Shinji looked over at her and then answered. "Yeah, I did."

"You did love her?" Asuka asked as she stopped and looked at him.

"Not in the way you think though." Shinji said as he looked back at her. "She made me feel safe. She made me feel happy. She also…. saved me you know."

"Saved you?"

"Yeah." He told her with a smile. "When NERV was attacked, I hid under a staircase because I was just so confused about stuff and the soldiers came and put a gun to my head. I didn't care if they killed me though…then Misato came. She shot the soldiers, all of them, and rescued me. Then right before…. well, anyway I wasn't going to pilot Unit 1 again, y'know and she convinced me that life is worth living and there are things worth fighting for."

"Where was I during all of this?" Asuka asked.

"You were in a coma." Shinji said. "They were going to kill you too. Misato had you put into Unit 2 so you would be safe."

"That's why…."Asuka said. "I…. never knew how I got there! I just remember hearing myself say I don't want to die, I don't want to die, and then I woke up saying that I didn't want to die and I began to fight! That's why I was there. I thought…"

Shinji took a deep breath as they kept walking. "It seems so long ago, doesn't it?"

"Yeah." She said. "How long has it been now? Nearly three years right?"

"Yeah." He said. "Nearly three years."

"You mean to tell me, that I have been hanging out with you for all this time?" Asuka asked.

"I know." He said with a chuckle. "Doesn't seem so long does it?"

"Not really." She told him. "What month is it? September now right?"

"Yeah." He said. "Its September the fifteenth I think."

Asuka thought for a second and then said. "When is your birthday?"

Shinji stopped and looked at her, raising his eyebrow. "My birthday?"

"Yeah." She asked.

"Why?" he asked her.

"Because I'm curious."

"Well you have to be at least seventeen now, right? How old are you now? Seventeen right?"

Shinji laughed and then said. "Do you know when I turned seventeen?"

"When?" She asked.

"About ten months back. I'm almost eighteen now."

Asuka chuckled and shook her head. "What? You're older then me? I never knew that! I thought you were younger! Wait that would mean that…. Hang on, Shinji! You're birthday is right around the same time as…"

"Yeah, I know. My birthday and Third Impact have a lot in common. Three days after Third Impact." He said. "Funny isn't it?"

"So that means you're going to be eighteen in about two months from now?"

"Yeah." He said. "When was your birthday?"

"A while back." She said. "February. I turned seventeen."

"Why didn't you say anything? Why didn't you tell me?" Shinji asked.

"Why? What kind of a birthday would it have been?" Asuka asked. "How come you never said anything?"

"Asuka, you should have told me! Asuka, I could have done something for you. It's funny nearly three years and none of us have ever celebrated a birthday."

"It's really not a big deal." Asuka said.

"I didn't think my birthday was as significant." Shinji replied.

"I guess we both weren't much for celebrating." Asuka said.

Shinji laughed and then said. "This is such a lame conversation, isn't it?"

"Not really." She told him. "It's good to talk like this from time to time."

"Yeah." He said as they walked. "Man, it's so hot out."

"I know." Asuka said. "This summer has sucked."

"You know what would be cool right about now?" he asked.

"What?" She asked as she looked at him.

"A swimming pool."

Asuka smiled as she thought about it and sighed. "Yeah, a swimming pool would be cool. I could go for a dip."

"Yeah that would be good. I would give anything for that!" he said with a smirk.

"I know what you mean. Hey maybe the next town over will have a pond or something like that? Hey you know what, we could try to find the coastline?"

"The coastline?" he asked.

"Yeah." She said. "Wouldn't you like to hang out on the beach, in the sunlight? Shinji, we could go anywhere. We can do anything. There are no laws. There are no ramifications for anything that we would want to do. We could get even get drunk and run around naked if we wanted to. We could do anything we want. When the world is truly your oyster, you can do just about anything you ever wanted to do."

Shinji stopped as he looked at her and raised an eyebrow. "Whaaaaaaaaaa?"

Asuka blushed as she realized what she had just said but then she chuckled and then said. "Yeah right, like I'd ever want to run around naked with you! You fucking idiot!"

Shinji chuckled at her as he looked at her and then said. "Well, you were the one who bought it up."

"I did not! It was just a figure of speech!" Asuka said defensively. "I was…. just…. talking…. rambling…you know…off the top of my head."

"Still," Shinji said with a smirk as he looked at her. ", It's odd how you said we could get drunk and run around naked, don't you think?"

"What?" Asuka asked as she looked at him. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"I wasn't the one who said it!" Shinji said with a smirk.

"It was a figure of fucking speech, you fucking idiot!" Asuka growled. "Knock it off all ready!"

Shinji chuckled again as he looked at her. "Hey, you know…"

"Shut up!" Asuka growled.

"I was just going to say…."

"Shut…the fuck…. UP!" Asuka growled.

Shinji laughed again and then said. "Okay, I won't bring it up…. until later."

"SHINJI!" Asuka growled as she began to walk towards him.

Shinji laughed and then began to walk faster. She picked up her pace and then he began to run with the backpack on his back and Asuka chased after him smirking.

"I'M GOING TO BEAT YOUR ASS!" Asuka growled.

Shinji laughed as she chased him and then as he was running, he heard her scream out. He turned and went to look for her and saw she was nowhere in site. "Asuka?" he called out. "ASUKA!" he called out again.

"Shin…ji!" Her voice called out.

Shinji ran in the direction of the voice and then stopped as he saw that Asuka had fallen and was gripping her ankle. He breathed out as he looked at her and then knelt down beside her.

"What happened?"

"I fell in a hole." She said in an annoyed voice.

"Are you hurt?" he asked her.

"No shit!" She growled as she winced in pain.

"Where does it hurt?" he asked her.

"My ankle." She said.

Shinji moved down and picked up her ankle, putting his hands around it to feel it, she shrieked as soon as he grabbed it. "Oh crap." He said as he looked at her.

"What?" She asked.

"I don't think you broke it. I think you might have a sprain."

"Terrific." She said in a growl.

"Can you walk at all?"

"I don't think so." She said as she looked at him.

Shinji set her ankle down and then came over to her. He helped her off with her backpack and then put it on over his shoulders on top of his backpack. Then he took a deep breath as he put his arms underneath her back and her legs. "Hang onto my neck." He told her.

Asuka put her arms around his neck and then he breathed in as he lifted her up into his arms and got to his feet. The two backpacks were heavy and knowing that he had a distance to walk was going to be tough but he knew she couldn't walk and so he began to walk carrying her in his arms.

"Are you crazy?" She asked as she looked at him.

"What…. am…. I…supposed…. to…do?" he said as his voice strained. "You can't walk."

"Its too much weight, idiot!" Asuka growled.

"I…. don't…. care." he told her as he walked. "I am strong…enough. I am a guy. I can handle it."

"Chauvinistic pig." Asuka growled.

Chapter 28

Shinji walked with Asuka in his arms and felt himself being doused in sweat as the sun beat down on them. He stopped only a few times to get a drink of water but for the entire distance, he carried her and the two backpacks. Asuka was amazed at how strong he had actually become.

Despite the summer heat, and the fact he felt tired and sore, he continued to walk and then finally after walking for about an hour and a half they arrived in the town.

The town, like all the other towns, was devoid of life. There was nothing except the buildings that remained.

Shinji carried her into first building he saw. He walked in and sat her down on the floor, and then leaned up against the wall, wiping sweat from his brow and drinking the water from his canteen. He breathed heavy and looked around the building, then he laughed as he realized what type of building they were in. "That's funny." He said as he looked around.

"What's so funny?" Asuka growled.

"We're in a bar." He said with a chuckle as he looked around.

"A bar?" she asked. "You carried me into a stinking bar? I don't know, Shinji, maybe did you think a hospital or a hotel might have been a better idea? Idiot!"

"It was the first building I saw, Asuka, cut me some slack!" he said to her as he looked around and then walked over to the wall and chuckled. "Well, if we ever wanted to get drunk, this looks like the place to do it."

"You idiot!" Asuka growled. "You're thinking about getting drunk?"

"Well, we are in a bar." Shinji said with a smirk.

"Terrific!" Asuka said as she shook her head.

"I am going to go out and look around for supplies." Shinji said as he took off the backpacks and then set them down on the floor next to her. "I won't be too long."

"You're going to leave me here?" Asuka growled.

"Asuka, I won't go far." He told her.

"No! I don't want to be alone in bar!" Asuka said as she crossed her arms.

"Asuka…. there's nobody here! You'll be fine!"

"Don't leave me!" Asuka said as her voice cracked.

Shinji rolled his eyes and then he sat down next to her and smiled, nodding his head. "Okay. I'll stay right here. Okay?"

"Okay." She said as she looked at him.

"Are you okay?" he asked her.

"Yeah." She said. "It hurts a lot but I'm sure it'll be okay."

"All right." He said as he moved down to her ankle and settled it in his lap. He undid her boot and took it off and then removed her sock as he looked at her ankle. He held it gently in his hand as he felt it and then rubbed it gently.

Asuka breathed out as the small massage he gave her felt so good.

"It's a little swollen." He told her. "I'm gonna see if I can find something to cool it down."

Shinji got up and then looked around the bar. It was a typical bar. It had a few tables, some chairs, a long bar against a wall with stools and everywhere he looked there was liquor of all types on the wall.

He walked around the bar and went into the back, he noticed that there was a staircase and as he walked up the staircase and opened the door, he found another door and saw it was locked.

With his foot, he kicked in the door.

He walked into another room. It was dark and he reached his palm along the side of the wall and then his eyes went wide as he started laughing. "Holy shit!" he called out.

Asuka looked over in his direction and called out. "What?"

Shinji looked around and was amazed. "You won't believe this!"

"What?"

"I'll show you! Hang on!" he called out as he came out of the room, ran down the stairs and then came over to her. He went over to her and then put her arm around his shoulder and his other arm around her waist and he helped her up. He walked her over to the staircase and then picked her up in his arms as he carried her up the stairs.

Chapter 29

"Wow!" She said as her eyes went wide with a smile as they walked in the door. "There's…. there's…Shinji, this is an apartment and the electric is on too."

Shinji smirked at her and then bought her in the room. It was a small studio apartment. It had white walls but it also had a couch in it, a small kitchen, and a bed. More importantly, the lights were still on.

Asuka smiled as she looked at him and he carried her into the apartment and walked over to the bed, setting her down on it. Asuka breathed out as she felt the comfort of the mattress and looked back at him.

"Okay, so it's not quite a hotel." He said to her with a smile.

"No, its not but it'll do for now." She said with a smile. "How do you think its possible that the electric is still on?"

"I don't know." He said as he looked around. "I don't care though. This is the best place we've found yet. It'll allow us to rest up for a bit."

"Oh my God!" Asuka said with a laugh. "This is so great!"

Then he looked over and saw something in the wall and his eyes widened as he ran over to it, he smiled as he turned a switch, and then closed his eyes happily as he felt it. "A.C."

"What?" Asuka asked.

Shinji looked back at her as he leaned his palms against the wall and said happily. "Air conditioning! Its air conditioning and it feels…. so good." He said with a smile as he shut his eyes and felt the coolness of the unit.

"I can't believe this!" Asuka said. "For years we've been sleeping outside with the bugs, the dirt, and now…. we have…. a bed…. Electric…air conditioning…. what about food?"

"You know," Shinji said with a smirk. ", This is a bar. There's probably ramen downstairs or…. there might be even something better. Let me go check."

"Wait…wait…. what…. what if there is a… bathroom?" Asuka asked with a smile.

"Bathroom?" he asked her as he smiled. He looked around the room and then saw two doors. He opened one and found a closet full of clothes. "Nope not here but there are some clothes that we can take." He shut the door and then turned to the other door on the other side of the room and opened the door and then he laughed. "Bingo!" he called out happily, as he flipped a switch on the wall and saw the lights come on. "It's a bathroom!"

"A real bathroom?" Asuka asked happily. "Does it have a toilet, shower, sink and everything?".

"Yeah!" He said with a smile as he looked at her. "It does! Asuka! It's a real bathroom!"

"Check to see if there's…. running water." Asuka said happily.

"Running water? Asuka, we got lucky on the electric. I don't know about that one."

Shinji took a deep breath and then looked at the bathroom sink, he turned the faucet and then saw water coming out of it. He smiled widely and then laughed. "YES!" he called out happily, and then he turned to the tub and the shower and also turned on the faucet as he saw water come out of it. "YEAHHHHH!" He called out happily. "Running water!"

"Running water?" Asuka asked with wide eyes as she looked at him.

"Yeah!" He said as he turned off the faucets and came out of the bathroom, staring at her with a huge smile.. "Running water!"

"Really?" Asuka asked.

"Yeah!" he said as he came closer to her and then sat down on the bed.

"You're not joking right?" Asuka asked.

"NO!" he said with a smile. "It's a real apartment with running water, and electricity, and booze and food!" he began to laugh and then she threw her arms around him as she also laughed.

"I can't believe we're so lucky!" Asuka said. "Oh, Shinji, I am dying to take a bath."

"I know what you mean!" Shinji said. "I feel like I stink."

"This is just so great!" She said with a smile.

"I know." He said back to her as he got up from the bed. "I'm going to have a look around."

"Okay." She said as she settled down on the bed and relaxed.

Shinji went out of the apartment and ran down the stairs. A few minutes later, he came back up the stairs with lots of packages and the backpacks and then in another hand, Asuka laughed and shook her head as she saw what he had.

"Beer?" She asked.

"Why not?" he said to her as he put the packages on a small table in the kitchen area. "I got some really cool stuff. There's a freezer downstairs full of food! Good stuff too! I'm going to make us a great dinner. First though, I want to take a shower. I feel like I stink. Would you mind if I took a shower first?"

Asuka shook her head and then said. "No. Go ahead."

"Okay. I won't be too long."

Shinji went into the closet and looked around. He saw a shirt that would fit him well and he took it out and then he saw a pair of jeans and took them out as well. He also saw a towel on a smaller shelf and grabbed that, and then he went into the bathroom and turned on the faucet.

Shinji quickly threw off his dirty clothes and then stepped into the shower, he turned the water on to a cool temperature and enjoyed the coolness of the water as it hit him. He shut his eyes and let his head fall back as the water came down on his body and cooled him off.

It felt so great and he breathed out as his mind started to drift.

Shinji's mind started to wander as he washed himself in the shower and then poured shampoo into the palm of his hand and began to wash his hair.

He was almost eighteen now and almost a man. For three years, Asuka had been his companion. The farthest that they had ever gone was kissing and that was it. The most sexual activity he had done involving her was when he spied on her taking a bath in the wilderness. He wasn't one to complain about it but lately his feelings for Asuka were becoming more physical. Her body was changing in so many ways.

First off, the two of them were in the best shape that they had ever been in. Because of the harshness of Third Impact, physical labor was part of survival. Because of that, he had gotten stronger, more muscular and over the past three years, taller. He gathered he must have been at least six feet tall now. He had also noticed that all though she had always been in very good shape, lately she had looked even better.

He thought about it though, there was no denying that. He felt so good in that shower and as he took the bar of soap that he had bought with him and started to scrub himself, he couldn't help but to also grasp his manhood and enjoy himself in another way.

He breathed hard as he pleasured himself in the shower. It had been far too long since he had a shower, except for the times he bathed in ponds, rivers and streams, and all though Asuka was in the next room, he felt it would be a very long time before he got any type of sexual satisfaction from her, if that was even what she wanted. Shinji shut his eyes as his stroking became faster and he felt himself build up.

He breathed heavy as he imagined what he would do with her if she were here with him right now. He put his hand against the shower wall and let the water come down his back as he continued to please himself and feel himself get closer and closer to a release.

When his eyes opened, he saw he was against the shower wall.

He breathed heavily as he recovered from the sexual fantasy he had just played out in his head, which caused him to have a massive orgasm. He took a deep breath and then rinsed himself off, feeling very satisfied, but at the same time, wishing that the fantasy he had just dreamt about would become a reality.

He stepped out of the shower and dried himself off, and then changed into the clean clothes.

Shinji opened up the bathroom door and walked into the apartment. Asuka was lying on the bed. He felt nervous as he looked at her.

"Did you have a nice shower?" Asuka asked as she sat up on the bed.

Shinji nodded his head as he started to turn red. "Yeah…. it was…fine."

Asuka nodded her head and then said. "You know, I'd love to take a bath."

"Oh?" He asked as he looked at her.

"Yeah but I can't walk to the bathroom. Do you think you could…. help me?"

"Help you?" he asked her.

"Yeah." She said.

"How?" he asked.

"Could you run the bath for me? Make it hot. I like hot baths."

"Is that all?" He asked.

"Well…. could you help…. I feel weird for saying this but could you help me?"

"What?" he asked her.

"Its not like a sexual thing and of course, I'm going to make you keep your eyes shut but it would just really help me since I can't really walk."

Shinji's face became red hot as he looked at her and then he nodded his head saying. "Uh…yeah okay."

"Okay, so would you mind getting my bath ready?"

"No. Not at all."

He walked back to the bathroom and turned on the faucet in the tub. He made sure that the water was not too hot and not cold. When he felt there was enough water, he came out and then walked over to her. He helped her off the bed and then helped her get to the bathroom where he sat her down on the toilet.

"Okay." She said to him as she looked at him. "Shut your eyes."

Shinji nodded his head and then shut his eyes. He heard clothes rustling and then he heard her say. "Okay here's my arm, help me up and don't open your eyes or else I'm going to beat your ass!"

Shinji nodded his head and reached out for her arm, he held onto it and pulled her up. Her arm came around his shoulder and by the way his hand went around her waist, he could tell she was naked and he liked the way he held her.

"Okay, turn to the left."

Shinji did as she instructed him to do and then he heard her get into the tub, he lowered himself slightly, so she could get in and then he heard her settle down by sounds of "Ahhh, that feels good."

"Good." Shinji said as he opened one eye and took a glance at her, feeling his face become red and then quickly shut his eye again.

"Okay you can go now." She told him.

Shinji straightened up, with his back turned to her and said. "I'll be…. outside if you need me."

"Ok." Asuka said as she watched him walk out and then shut the door.

Shinji slapped himself in the head after he shut the door.

He walked over to the table and took one of the beers; he opened up the cap and then sat down on the couch and began to drink it. The beer tasted good as he looked at the bottle and as he drank, he thought to himself. _I guess I'll just get drunk. _

Chapter 30

As Asuka settled down into the warm bath, Shinji had finished off three beers and enjoyed the sensation of feeling a nice buzz come over him. He had also found a few cd's and played them on the CD player. He hadn't heard music in so long and missed his old SDAT player. It used to comfort him at night and hearing music again was comforting to him. He sat back down on the couch and opened yet another beer and then he heard Asuka.

"Shinji…. can you help me get out? Get me my robe out of my pack too."

Shinji smirked and drank down the remaining beer in the bottle and then he stood up and went over to her backpack, opening it and taking out her bathrobe. He staggered over to the bathroom. He opened the door and looked at her, as she stood up in the tub in front of him, naked, holding onto the wall for support with her other ankle raised and he smiled at her "Hey there." He said as he walked forward with a smirk as he hung the robe on the door.

"Shinji, shut your eyes!" Asuka growled.

"Why?" he asked her as he walked over to her and eyed her. "You look really good."

"Are you drunk?" Asuka said as she looked at him.

Shinji laughed and then nodded. "Uhhhhhh…yeah! Just a little though. I've never been…. drunk before. Its cool!"

"Well, can you get me out of the tub?" Asuka asked.

Shinji eyed her once more and then said. "Sure thing." Then he saluted her and put her arm around his shoulder and his other arm around her waist. "Okay, and up and out."

He said with a laugh as he lifted her up and out of tub and then looked into her eyes. "You are so beautiful." He told her with a smirk.

"Shut the fuck up, asshole." Asuka growled as she reached for a towel and began to dry herself off. "Shut your eyes."

"Why?" he said with a frown. "I like looking at you like that. You look…. so good."

"You are drunk!" Asuka said. "Damnit, turn around."

Shinji huffed as he turned his back. "Yeah, so?" Shinji asked. "I thought you wanted to run around naked and be drunk?"

"It was a figure of speech! Shinji…. knock it off!" Asuka growled as she reached for the robe on the door.

"Bah!" Shinji said with a frown. "Yer no fun!"

"Just…. get me inside, idiot!" Asuka growled as she tied her robe.

Shinji chuckled and then walked forward saying. "Heh heh. You called me an idiot."

"You are one!" Asuka said.

"I love it when you call me an idiot!" Shinji said with a smirk as she put her arm around his shoulder and then he helped her over to the bed and watched her as she pulled her dress out of her pack.

"Turn around damnit!" Asuka growled.

"You know, I think you like when I watch you." He said as he turned his back and crossed his arms. "How does your ankle feel now?"

"It's still a little sore but not as bad. I think I can walk on it."

"Oh cool." Shinji said with a smirk.

"I think you're an idiot." Asuka said as she raised her eyebrow and put on her dress.

"Wanna beer?" he asked with a smirk.

"NO!" She said as she buttoned her dress up.

"No?" he asked. "Well, I'm gonna have another beer."

"Don't you think you've had enough?"

"Nope." Shinji said as he went to the table and opened another beer and drank it. "Ahhhhh!" he said with a smile as he raised the bottle. "Good stuff!"

Asuka shook her head as she watched him and chuckled. "You sound just like Misato used to."

Shinji looked back at the beer and then chuckled. "Yeah." He said as he looked at the bottle in his hand and then she saw his face, there was sadness in it.

"What's wrong?"

Shinji looked over at her and then said sadly. "I miss her so much, y'know?"

"I know. I do too." Asuka told him.

"No. I mean…I really miss her a lot." He said as he looked at Asuka and then sat down on the couch, drinking his beer. As he held the bottle and looked at it, he said. "She kissed me once."

"What?" Asuka asked with a hint of jealousy. "What do you mean she kissed you? What kind of kiss was it?"

Shinji smirked at her and then said. "That bothers you, doesn't it?"

"No, it doesn't!" Asuka snapped. "I…. just…. I'm curious…. I mean she was like…. a woman and you were like fourteen and she kissed you? How did she kiss you?"

"How?" he asked.

"Yeah, was it a kiss on the cheek or was it…. you know…. like…a real kiss?" Asuka asked.

Shinji smirked and then said. "It was a real kiss.."

"WHAT?" Asuka yelled out but then as Asuka looked at him she thought. _So that's how he learned how to kiss that well._

Shinji nodded his head and smirked. "Yup. Right before she died. She was trying to get me to Unit 1 and then SEELE forces shot her. Right before she put me in the elevator, she made believe that I needed to fight. Then, she kissed me. It was a real kiss. It was a great kiss. That was something incredible. She said, _that's a grown up kiss and that we'd do the rest when I got back_. She told me _to find my strength_ and then she pushed me into the elevator. She put the gun she had been holding in my hand. That's why I never wanted to carry another gun. I had my fill of it. I looked at her as she smiled at me when the doors shut. I sat there crying and I saw her blood on my hands and I knew she died to save me. It's strange when you know that someone loves you enough to risk their life for you and believes in you. Then, I knew what I needed to do."

"Oh my God." Asuka said as she looked at him. "I…. never knew that."

"I never told you that." He said to her. "I never told you a lot of things."

"Like what?" Asuka asked.

Shinji smirked at her and then stood up, he went over to the CD player and then he heard a song that he hadn't heard in a while. He moved his head to the beat and looked over at Asuka with a smile. "Like, I never told you that I've always wanted to dance with you."

"I can't dance, my ankle hurts! You are such an idiot! You probably suck at it."

Shinji laughed. "C'mon. You told me your ankle was feeling better."

"Shinji! You're nuts you, idiot." Asuka said. "I can't dance!"

"You don't need to. Just kept the leg that hurts, up. I'll do the rest."

"Shinji…."

"C'mon, Asuka." He said as he walked up to her and stood before her. "Dance with me?"

Asuka looked at him with a smirk and then extended her hand out to him, he took it and then pulled her to him as he held her hand against his chest and his other arm went around her back.

She raised her foot and then he began to show her what he meant by being able to do the rest. He practically lifted her into his arms, as he danced with her in the center of the room and even dipped her with a smirk on his face. She hardly had to do anything as he danced with her and as she did, she had a large smile on her face.

"Did anyone ever tell you that you are silly as hell when you're drunk?"

"No. I've never been drunk before. How could someone tell me I was silly if I've never been drunk before? Am I that silly?" he asked her.

"You're such an idiot." Asuka told him as she held onto him.

Shinji laughed at her as he looked at her. "I think you like it when I'm silly."

"No, I don't." Asuka said to him with a smirk. "I think you're an idiot."

"I may be." He told her. "But I'm idiot that you like."

"Oh really?" Asuka asked.

"Yeah, really." He told her.

"What makes you think that I like you like that?" Asuka asked.

"I can tell by the way you look at me."

"So, that's how you think…. it is?" Asuka asked.

He smirked at her and then said. "I know that's how it is."

Asuka smirked at him and changed the subject. "How do you know how to dance like this?" She asked.

"Misato taught me." He said to her in a low voice as he danced with her and spun around.

"I don't remember Misato teaching us how to dance."

Shinji laughed and then said. "Misato taught _me _how to dance. You were off getting a test. You had a sync test and Misato and me were all alone in the apartment. She was listening to this really cool song and I was just standing there, watching her, she was swaying back and forth. I never told anybody but there was something about watching her ass move that just used to ….get me going." Shinji laughed and then said. "So, I'm standing there watching her sway and move. She turned and saw me. She looked right at me into my eyes and then said, _come on over here. Do you know how to dance?_ I said no. She asked if I had ever danced with a woman before and I said no and then she said, _well you're going to learn how_. I got nervous, red in the face, protested, but you know Misato she always had her way. I had no choice. She showed me how to dance and it was cool. She showed me how to hold someone properly, how to move in sync, she was joking with me and told me that dancing is like sex. If you can move well on the dance floor, you'll move good in the sack."

"Misato told you that?" Asuka asked.

"Yeah." Shinji said with a laugh as he moved his hand into the small of her back. "I think that was the first time I looked at her as something other then a guardian or as our commander. I looked at her like a woman that day and after she was done, she said, _okay now you've got a good tool for seduction_."

"I can't believe Misato told you that!" Asuka said with a smirk.

"Sometimes, when no one else was around, I would ask Misato to dance with me and talk to me. She would. She would always say the same thing…_Shinji, don't be afraid to come out of your shell. Don't' be afraid of anyone_." He took a deep breath as Asuka saw sadness in his eyes.

"You really miss her, don't you?" Asuka asked as she looked at him.

"I miss her very much." Shinji told Asuka as he held her closer. "I never told you but right before the end happened, the end meaning, Third Impact, I was so afraid I was going to be all alone with no one. Asuka, remember how you asked me what happened to me?"

"Yeah." She whispered.

"It was like I saw everything." He told her as he shut his eyes. "I could see all of you. Sometimes, you were nice to me and other times you weren't. I saw my mother. I saw Misato. I saw Rei. You know I had a choice. I could stay in a world that only knew pleasure; love, happiness or I could come back here. Then I saw you. It was like that day we kissed for the first time, remember?"

"Yeah, I remember." Asuka said.

"Remember, how you sat at the table and looked me? It was like that. I said I wanted to stay with you and I wanted to help you. No matter what I said, you didn't want me and I got so angry that in that vision, I strangled you."

"You strangled me?" She asked as her eyes went wide.

"When I realized what I was doing, I cried your name and then it all vanished. Then I heard these voices. Different people I've known in my life telling me I was a wimp, that I made them sick, I was nothing. I was a coward. I felt so alone. After that there was something so peaceful that swept over me. It was so different. I felt peace and love. I wanted to stay there but you weren't there. Then, I said, can I go home? They said yeah and right before I was sent back, I saw these images. They came at me fast and I don't remember any one in particular except blurs. They asked me _whom will you choose_? I said: Asuka. Then I was in the water and I swam to shore. I passed out and when I woke up, you were there but I didn't believe it was you. Then I realized it was you."

"Why did you do that?" Asuka asked as she looked at him. "Why did you ask for me?"

"Because I didn't want to lose you…. ever." he told her as he stared into her face. "When I saw those prototypes attack you in your EVA I thought you were gone forever and it hurt more then you could ever know. I wanted to save you more then anything and knowing I was too late, knowing I had missed that chance to save you and that you were gone…. I didn't want to live anymore. You mean so much to me. Asuka, you've done something to me. Remember how you told me to look inside of myself and find my strength? I found it. When you fight with me, you give me strength. When we're together and its night, I feel it. When I see other sides to you, I know there's more to you and I want to know all about you."

"Why not Misato? Why not Rei? Why me?" She asked.

"I wanted you, Asuka, that's why." He told her. "I wanted you to be with me. I could have said Misato. I could have said Rei. I didn't want them as much as I wanted you back. I need you, Asuka. Do you realize that by now? That's why I've risked my life for you, that's why I can't stop thinking about you…that's why…"

Asuka became nervous as she looked at him and then asked. "Hey, listen aside from dancing…is there anything else Misato taught you?" Asuka asked.

"She taught me one thing very well in particular." He said.

"Which was what?" Asuka asked.

"This." He told her as his lips came to hers and kissed her gently.

Asuka fell into his kiss and let him hold her against him, as her arms went around him and they kissed long and tenderly. She felt his hands run over her back and hold her against him as she enjoyed the sweetness that came from his kiss.

As he parted from her lips, he caressed her cheek and continued to dance with her even as the song ended. As he looked at her, he smiled. . She looked at him and bought her hand to the side of his face and then he kissed her again gently. His arms went around her and he held her as they kissed one another. He lifted her up and bought her over to the couch where they both settled on it and kissed each other even more.

As she looked back to him, she became nervous that they were about to go further with each other and she cleared her throat and said. "Are you hungry?"

Shinji was hungry but not exactly for food yet, he just looked at her and said. "Yeah."

"How about we have some of that food you bought up?"

"Okay." He said to her as he got up from the couch and went over to the table. He prepared dinner for them both and then shortly came over to her with two plates as he handed her one and sat with her on the couch as the music played.

As they ate, they both stole glances at each other and smiled innocently. Shinji smiled as he said. "I haven't heard music in so long. It sounds so great."

"Yeah, this place is awesome." Asuka said.

"How does your ankle feel?" he asked her.

"Okay." She said as she looked back at him. "What just happened?" She asked.

He looked back at her and then said. "Something I wanted to."

Asuka breathed in as she heard his answer. Before he would have said, "I dunno" or simply ran away. As she looked at him, she said. "Oh."

"I didn't cross the line, did I?" he asked her.

"No." She said softly as she looked up at him and she breathed in as she became nervous and felt her head spinning.

"Are you finished?" he asked her as he looked at her plate.

"Y…yeah." She said as she felt her stomach forming butterflies.

He stood up and then took the plate from her. He walked into the kitchen and then picked up another beer from the table as he looked at her.

She looked back to him and then he left the beer on the table and came back to the couch, sitting beside her.

She looked over at him and he looked back at her and then he came towards her and their arms wrapped around one another as they began kissing again. They immersed themselves in a heavy make out session with one another as they held each other on the couch and felt their heads swimming.

Then as their lips parted and they looked back at one another, he turned on his back and she cuddled up against his chest as his arms came around her and held her.

"You know," he said as he breathed in. ", I am kind of sleepy."

"Go to sleep then." She told him.

"Can we stay right here?" he asked.

"Why don't we go to bed?" She said.

"Go to bed?" he asked her.

"Yeah, it's a big bed, Shinji. When was the last you slept in a bed? While you were in the shower, I changed the sheets. I found them in a drawer. They smelled clean."

"Okay." He told her. As she stood up, he picked her up and carried her over to the bed. He gently laid her down on it and was finding it hard not to want to be close to her as he looked back into her eyes.

He straightened up as he looked at her and then began to unbutton his shirt and take it off.

She watched him and breathed in as she watched him. Then she saw him remove his jeans and stand before her in his boxers. He looked at her and stood there not moving.

After he was done, he reached into his pack and put on a t-shirt.

"Shinji, could you reach into my pack and pull out my slip?" She asked him.

Shinji did as she wanted him to and then handed it to her. Asuka looked at him and then smirked as she said. "Turn around and shut your eyes, idiot."

Shinji turned his back and then shut his eyes, he listened as he heard clothes rustling and then he heard her say. "Okay you can open them now."

When he did, his mouth dropped open as he saw her in the slip. It outlined the curves of her body perfectly and it was short as it came up right to her upper thigh. He watched as she pulled back the covers on the bed and crawled underneath.

"Oh, this is good." Asuka said as she breathed out. "Come on." She said as she looked at him and patted the bed. "It's a big bed, Shinji."

Shinji swallowed hard as he took a deep breath and then lifted up the covers of the he got into bed with her. He settled down into bed and then she cuddled up close to him, laying her head on his chest and hugging his body. "Its good to have a bed again." She said.

"Its good to be with you." He whispered as his arms came around her. He looked down at her and then said. "Asuka?"

Asuka raised her head from his chest and looked into his eyes saying. "Yeah?"

He wanted to at that point hold her close to him and kiss her. He wanted to let all of the urges inside of him bubble up to the surface and take over. Yet, he only smiled at her, kissed her forehead, and said. "Good night."

Asuka stared back at him breathed in and then said. "Good night."

Then she settled back down onto his chest and both of them drifted off to sleep.

Chapter 31

A couple of days later, they were still at the bar and just enjoying being there. Asuka's ankle was feeling better and she was walking around the apartment looking around, checking on what the former owner had left behind.

Shinji had gone out for a few hours. He said he wanted to look around the deserted town and Asuka opted to remain behind. It was late afternoon, almost evening, and she was growing bored waiting for him.

She went over to the dresser and opened up the top drawer. Asuka rummaged through the drawer and then she saw something she couldn't believe and she laughed when she saw it. "Mecha Large? Oh please! Yup, this was a guy's apartment." She said aloud as she reached into the drawer and pulled it out. "Figures." She said as she looked at the small square object wrapped up in blue packaging.

Then as she looked at it, she saw that there was writing on it and she said aloud. "Expires: 6/13/19. 6/13/19? Hmmm…its still good." She looked at the object in her hand and then a thought came to mind. "This is still good…. it could be useful…maybe tonight it could be useful, and then again, maybe not."

"Hey I'm back."

Asuka quickly put her hand behind her back and turned red in the face. "In here." She called out.

Shinji walked into the room with a large box as he said. "I found some things which might be useful." He told her as he set the box down on the table and took out the objects. "Flashlight, cigarette lighter, extra rations, two bottles of booze just in case we feel like having some and I like some of those pullovers and what's that behind your back?" he asked as he looked over at her.

"Nothing." Asuka said nervously. "What else did you get?"

"Whoa!" Shinji said as he smirked at her and walked over to her. "That's not nothing. What are you hiding from me?"

"Nothing!" Asuka said.

"Asuka, c'mon!" Shinji said with a smirk. "What is it?"

Asuka rolled her eyes and then bought her hand forward and opened her palm as she scrunched her eyes closed.

"Oh?" Shinji asked as he glanced down at the object in her hand and then chuckled. "Is that what I think it is?"

"Depends." Asuka said as she opened her eyes. "What do you think it is?"

"I don't know." He said with a smirk. "What is it?"

"Are you that stupid and naïve? You…. idiot!" Asuka growled. "Do you mean to tell me you've never seen one of these before?" She asked as she held it up.

Shinji started to laugh as he looked at her with half a grin. "Had you going, didn't I?"

"You idiot!" Asuka growled.

"Half the time, I just want to hear you call me an idiot!" Shinji said with a laugh. "I know what it is, Asuka. Where did you find a condom?"

"In the drawer." Asuka said as she looked at him.

"So, what's the big deal!" Shinji said with a smirk. "It's not like we're going to use it."

Asuka took a breath as she looked at him and then said. "Maybe…. we should."

Shinji raised his eyebrow for a second and cleared his throat as he said. "S…sorry? What was that?"

Asuka took another deep breath and then said. "Well, it says its good until 6/13/19. Its still good, it won't expire for another two years."

"Are you serious?" Shinji asked her. "What the hell is up with you, Asuka?"

"Nothing is up with me, Shinji. It's just…. I'm curious about y'know?" She said with a smile. "I'm curious what it would be like. Aren't you?"

Shinji shrugged his shoulders and then said. "I…. I…guess so."

"Think about it." Asuka said. "We've been together alone for three years. Three years, Shinji. We've kissed each other, we've slept with each other every night and we've never…. we've never touched each other…. in that way."

"Oh." He said nervously.

"Haven't you ever…. wanted to? I mean we're a lot older now and…yeah I think about it."

"I see." He said nervously.

Asuka took another breath as she said. "I mean, that night, you and me were really…. but we didn't…and…I was just thinking that…. well, Shinji, we're a lot older now and…."

"Uh…uh…." Shinji became red as he looked at her.

"You're scared, aren't you?" Asuka laughed.

"No, I'm not!" he protested.

"Are you scared, Shinji?" Asuka asked as she looked at him with her hands on her hips. "What's the matter?" She said teasingly as he looked at him with a half grin. "Are you scared, Shinji?"

Shinji looked at her with a raised eyebrow and then cleared his throat. "This is not like the time you wanted to practice kissing, Asuka! This goes a lot further then that! I hope you're kidding!"

"You are scared." Asuka told him as she looked at him and sat down on the bed.

"I am not scared." Shinji said defensively, then he cleared his throat and said. "Well, okay…I am scared…just a little but…. Asuka, we…. shouldn't…. do that…. just because we have a condom and we can doesn't mean that we should."

"Shinji…." Asuka said with a smile. "…Are you saying you don't think about sex at all?"

"Sex?" he asked nervously as he scratched the back of his head and leaned up against the wall, crossing his arms. "Sure I do," He told her, as his face became bright red.

"Have you ever thought about you and me…. having sex together? I mean I've thought about it but to do it? I thought because we'd might…. you know…. screw up and have me pregnant…. but there have been times when I wanted to…. go further with you. Haven't you?" She asked him with a smile.

Shinji's face got even redder and he took a deep breath and swallowed hard as he said. "I…I…. I'd be lying if I said no."

"So, we've both thought about it and obviously there's curiosity..." Asuka said. "That's why we should do it. We should satisfy our curiosity. We have protection right here. It could be really awesome, Shinji."

Shinji took a deep breath as he looked at her. "I have no doubt of that."

"We both are curious. I sometimes imagine what it would be like to be with you like that. Don't you ever think of me like that? Do you want to try that maybe? I mean I've caught you spying on me. Wouldn't you like to see me in front of you like that without having to spy? Don't you want to touch me all over? Don't you want me to touch you?"

Shinji swallowed hard as he looked at her and could feel himself getting hard from what she had just said. "Asuka, you…"

"Then, why don't we?" Asuka asked him.

"Well…." Shinji said as he scratched the back of his head and cleared his throat. "Uh…. there's…There's much more to it then that, Asuka. I mean, there are emotions to consider and the consequences of doing it with each other. I mean are we even old enough to consider something like this?"

"Oh God, Shinji! You are such a girl in a man's body!" Asuka snapped.

"Yeah and what about you?" Shinji asked her. "You're acting like a guy with this attitude concerning sex. Oh sex, okay, let's try it, and woo hoo! You're acting like there are no consequences from this!"

"Well there really aren't!" Asuka said.

"Yeah there are." Shinji told her as he walked over to her. "Asuka, that condom could fail and if that happens, you and me we could…well you know…. I could get you pregnant!"

"Well that's like a one in a million shot! Condoms don't really fail."

"Asuka!" Shinji said to her as he looked into her face. ", Look at where we are right now. This was a one in a million shot! This is the end of the world. We are the only two left alive or so we think. One in a million shots happen! Right now we have nothing, we don't have a stable home, we're not married…what if I got you pregnant, Asuka, what would you do? How would you react? Asuka, these are things to consider. I don't want a child to be raised like this! I just I don't feel its right yet…and I'm not sure…if ….you are honestly sure about this. I think you are approaching this like some kind of sick game. Asuka, it's not a game. Its real. Why can't you stop acting like a silly girl for once and start acting more like…."

"…More like what, Shinji?" Asked defensively asked. "More like Rei? More like Misato? What should I act like?"

He took a deep breath as he looked at her and then said. "Start acting more like a woman and less like a girl. Think about what you are saying before you say it. Think of what you're proposing here. Asuka, I don't want to have sex with you just because I can. I want to have sex because I want to be one with someone in body and soul. I want to _make love_ to the woman _I've fallen in love with_! This is important to me! This is something that you don't seem to care about. You are thinking this is one big game! Shinji's an idiot, let's fuck him and see what its like, right? Wrong, Asuka!"

"Shinji, I…. don't think like that!" Asuka took a deep breath as she looked at him and then looked at the condom in her hand. "…. I don't think of this as a game!" She said angrily. "Reality is that we are the only two left alive so reality dictates that eventually we'll be…. like that."

"Like how?" Shinji asked her as he looked at her.

"Like…how you said." Asuka said to him as she held back from saying the words.

"Like…. what though, Asuka? That's what I don't understand."

"You know what I mean." Asuka said as she began to fidget on the bed.

"No I don't, Asuka." Shinji said to her as he looked at her and walked over to her. He sat beside her on the bed and then looked at her. "Tell me what you mean…. how you answer this question is very important."

She looked back at him and then said. "Like how…." Asuka could feel her strength getting away from her and she became scared as she trembled at the thought of saying what was in her heart. "It's like…. how you s.s.said that…you wanted to be with somebody…you know…. how you said…. you'd be…when you wanted…to make love to somebody…"

"You mean," he said as he looked at her. ", How I said I wanted to make love to the woman I fell in love with?"

Asuka looked at him and nodded her head. "Y…yeah. Just like that."

Shinji smiled at her and then said in a low voice as he took his hand into her own. "Yeah…but…. there's something else too…I would also have to know she loves me too. I won't love without being loved back; I did that my whole life. I. I need to know the woman I love, loves me. Then I can share myself with her physically because I'd be joined to her in my heart."

"Really?" Asuka asked.

"Yes." He told her with a smile. "Its important not just to love but to know someone loves you just as much as you love them. Asuka, during Third Impact, I realized something about myself. I realized that when I loved, I wanted to fully love somebody and when I decide to make love to you…. I want to be sure. I need to know if you feel the same way, then only then, can I go forward with that."

"What if…. they aren't ready for that? To admit that they are in love?" Asuka asked.

Shinji looked down at his shoes and then said as he looked into her face. "Then, they should wait before they want to have sex with me."

"What if they want to hear it first?" Asuka asked as she looked at him. "What if that person needs to know that she is loved first? What if she needs to hear it because she's… never been loved before by anyone?" Asuka could feel a tear form in her eye that rolled out down her cheek.

As Shinji looked into her face, his heart started to break, and gently he caressed her cheek as he wiped away the tear. "I know what you mean." He told her gently. "I'm not ready to say that though. I'm not sure."

"You're not?" Asuka asked.

"No, Asuka." He told her. "I'm not ready. So, as much I want to have sex with you, I won't do it for the wrong reason. I want to be sure."

Asuka looked away as she sighed and tried to turn her head so he wouldn't see another tear come out of her face. "Why do you have to put such emotional value on something like this? We both have desires, we both have curiosity…Shinji, and it's only us! What if…. what if I want to do it because…I need to know…what if I think I am but…by doing this I'd know for sure…"

Shinji took a deep breath as he looked at her and then said to her. "I'm not ready but I'm getting there." He told her as he reached for her hand and drew her to him, taking her into his arms and holding her against him. "Listen to me," he said. ", Sometimes the things you do, the mind games you play, it makes me doubt it. Asuka, you need to be real with me. You need to stop hiding. You need to show me your heart. Once you do that, I can fall in love with you. If you don't, I can't. I'm not sure. I want to be sure. When it comes to you, I care for you so much but I don't know if I am in love with you. You need to help me with that."

As Asuka looked into his face, she took a deep breath and then turned her head away as she felt a tear come down her face. She could feel herself becoming weak and vulnerable. She didn't like that feeling.

As she stood up and walked over to the window, she thought to herself. _What in the fuck are you doing to yourself? Why are you acting weak? Why are you giving away your strength? Are you falling or have you fallen in love with him? No, you can't do that! Your crazy if you do. He's a fucking idiot and you need to remember that! Nip it in the bud before it goes any further. If you want to fuck him, then fuck him and don't give in to the love garbage. You maintain control here, Asuka! He can't stop you from wanting to enjoy yourself. Make him see beyond his little theory. You want to try sex. Make him see how great this can be. Keep the emotional value in check. You're strength is worth more to you then that._

Asuka took a deep breath and then answered. "Physical satisfaction is much more intense."

She turned to look at him and stared right into his eyes, his heart started to beat rapidly as he looked at her. She came over to him and stood before him, he looked up at her, and she chuckled as she said. "Shinji, listen to me…you still have desires, like any normal man. I have desires too like any normal woman. Here's the cut and dry version, with no mind games attached." She said as she ran her hand through his hair, which made him shut his eyes and breathe heavy. "We have physical desires for each other." She told him softly as she ran her hand up and down his chest and shoulder. "We should act on them. Despite the risk that something could happen, with proper precautions, we don't have to worry. As for the emotional value, if it fits, it fits. If it doesn't, it doesn't. If we take precautions, we avoid the risk."

"Yeah but…Asuka…."

Asuka then pushed him down onto the bed. He fell on his back as he looked up at her, with wide eyes, and saw her straddling him.

"Risks are worth taking, Shinji. Life is risky." She told him with a half grin as she leaned down and then kissed him, whispering to him in a soft voice. "You can't sit back and let life bypass you."

Shinji's eyes shut as he breathed heavy, "Oh God, Asuka…you make it so hard to say no."

"Then don't say no." She whispered to him.

Her hands ran up and down his body and he shut his eyes as he felt the sensations going through him. She bought her lips to his ear and sucked on his earlobe, hearing him moan. Then her lips brushed across his neck and he moaned again.

She bought her lips to his ear and there she whispered seductively. "Imagine, for a minute, what it would be like? Can you see me lying naked underneath you? Imagine that I'm letting you do anything you want to me and I do mean anything. Every fantasy that you've ever had in your head about me can come true right now and I know you've had them. You're a man now and I'm a woman. We're ready for this now. All those times, Shinji, that you've watched me bathe just so you could look at me, imagine having that in front of you now. Imagine, your hands on my body and my hands on your body. You could make it happen. We both could. Imagine and make it a reality. Take the risk." She took the condom and placed it into his hand. Then she kissed his lips open mouthed and passionately.

He felt her kiss and responded to her as she kissed him. He clutched the object in his hand and then put it beside him. His hands started going across her back and through her hair. He imagined exactly what she had just whispered to him and suddenly, he had forgotten what he said earlier.

As she parted from his lips, he breathed heavily as he looked at her, she grinded her hips against his hips and could feel his erection through his jeans. His eyes fluttered as he felt her move and grind against him.

The look on his face showed he was extremely aroused as he looked back at her and thought to himself. _Maybe she's right. Ah what hell! You only live once._

"What do you want, Shinji?" She asked him softly as she looked into his eyes.

He breathed in as he felt himself suddenly develop more backbone then he had ever had before.

He reached up, crushed her to him and then flipped her over onto her back as he said. "You."

Then he kissed her deeply as his hands ran over her body. .

Underneath him, he made Asuka moan and swoon beneath him as his lips went to her neck and down her throat.

Her hands ran all over him and then went to the front of his shirt as she rubbed his chest and then started to undo the buttons on his shirt.

They continued their deep kissing and in his mind, he imagined what he was going to do to her over and over again. She equally thought the same thing.

He felt her undo the buttons on his shirt and then open up his shirt as she ran her palm along his chest and stomach. Her lips lightly kissed him on his chest, his eyes shut and he breathed heavily.

His lips came to hers once more and then he felt her roll his shirt down over his shoulders slowly and then down his arms as it fell to the floor. Her palms ran up and down his back and he moaned from her soft touch.

He looked down at her and then back in her eyes, she could see he was filled with desire. She too wanted him like never before. He stared down at her dress and moved his hands along her thighs. She closed her eyes as she felt his warm hand glide along her thigh.

As he stared down at her, he leaned onto his side as his hands went to the front of her dress. Slowly he began to unbutton her dress.

As he pulled it open and looked at her in her bra, he ran his hand from her stomach up over her chest and throat. He stared at her breasts in front of him. This was his favorite part of Asuka to stare at and as she lay in front of him he smiled knowing what was coming next

He pulled her towards him and wrapped his arms around her as he stared at her and kissed her lips gently.

They both sat up, still in each other's arms, kissing one another deeply and passionately, their hands running over each other's bodies.

His lips moved to her neck and she felt his hands pull her dress down over her shoulders, as his lips kissed her shoulder and neck. Her dress fell at her waist. His hands went to her bra straps on her shoulders and he eased them down.

Asuka breathed in as she felt gentleness of his nuzzling. She moved her head back while he kissed her on her throat, neck and shoulders. His hands lightly moved down to her breasts and lightly caressed her breast, wanting desperately to tear off her bra with his bare hands.

He looked into her face and Asuka breathed in as she stared into his eyes. She reached around to her back with both hands. She took a deep breath as she unsnapped her bra and then slowly pulled the straps down her arms and let the bra fall off of her.

Shinji stared at her exposed breasts in front of him; and then he felt Asuka take his hand and place it against her breast as she covered it with her own. Shinji looked into her eyes and bought his lips to hers once more.

She moaned through the kiss as she felt him touch her. Their kiss turned deep and passionate, his hand slid up her back and through her hair.

He gently laid her back down on the bed with his hand behind her head.

He worked off the rest of her dress as he slid it down her legs and then ran his hand up her leg and thighs. She was lying underneath him in only her panties. He eyed her body thoroughly as his hands ran up and down the entire length of her.

She smiled at him as he touched her. His touch felt wonderful and she smiled knowing that this was something that was meant to happen. It was their next experience and their first sexual experience.

He came back over her and once again kissed her gently which soon into a deep, passionate kiss. His lips moved from her lips back down her throat and across her neck and shoulder and then as he moved down further, he saw her breasts in front of him and then he placed his mouth over her breast.

Asuka shut her eyes as she felt enjoyment from his caressing. His other hand ran up and down the side of her body and across her thighs. Asuka ran her hand through his hair while his mouth moved all over her chest and set her on fire.

His mouth felt so good on her breast as she felt his tongue play with her nipple as his other hand massage and knead her other breast. She couldn't believe he was so gentle and tender and yet so deeply passionate. She just imagine what the rest of his sexual technique would be like and it excited her as she thought about him moving with her, touching her, holding her body, letting him do whatever he wanted to her and she gladly allowing him to do it.

She had no idea that he was going to be this good She thought at first he would be awkward, shy, and maybe even a bit clumsy but he wasn't. Everything he was doing to her was making her moan and swoon underneath him and she wanted more.

As he came back towards her and kissed her again, her hand went through the back of his hair and then ran down his back and buttocks. She loved the way his body felt against her. He was so much stronger now, so muscular and she loved the way his skin was smooth and his body was tight.

Her hands moved up and down his chest and down his stomach and then her hands went to button on his jeans. As he kissed her lips, she pulled out the button on his jeans and then unzipped his jeans. She reached around to his buttocks and squeezed his bottom, then rubbed her hands over his behind. She went to his jeans and began to push them down over his hips.

Then as he looked into her face, feeling his jeans start to come down over his hips, he fumbled for the condom. He felt her rub her hand across his groin. He moaned and he picked up the package and ripped it open with his teeth.

He looked back to her breathing heavily. He saw the way she was looking at him. He looked back at the small object in his hand and what he was about to do. He wanted to do this. He could feel himself nearly wanting to burst as her hands began to push his jeans down over his hips, leaving him in his boxers. He could feel her touch against his groin and knowing he was that close to having sex with her, thoughts began to go off in his head. He remembered what he said earlier. Everything he had just done with her had gone against that and it was important to him. It was something he believed in.

He took the condom out of the package and then as he held the object and looked back at her, his thoughts started going off in his head. He remembered that he was not just about to have sex with her but to make love with her. He was going to join himself in body and soul to her and right now he felt all though he was extremely aroused, there was something in the back of his mind.

_This isn't right. _He told himself_. I want her. Oh God how I want her. I can't do it like this though. I need to know that she loves me and I don't know that. I don't even know if I love her. This isn't right like this. This isn't how I want this to be. I can't do this. We have to stop. I really don't want to stop but I can't do this yet. God, she's going to think I'm an idiot but I don't care. Ah damnit! I can't do it like this. I want it to be more._

Shinji took a deep breath and then looking back at her, he blinked and said to her. "I can't."

"What?" Asuka asked in an annoyed tone. "Shinji, what the…."

"I'm sorry, Asuka." He told her as he reached for his jeans and pulled them back up. He got up off the bed. He reached down to the floor and picked up his shirt off the floor. He put it on and then began to button it back up.

Asuka looked at him with a raised eyebrow and her mouth wide open. She sat up and looked at him saying. "What the hell are you doing?"

Shinji looked at her and breathed out as he said. "I…just…. I can't, Asuka. Okay? I don't feel like its right."

"You…. can't?" Asuka's face turned to rage as she quickly pulled her dress back on and yelled out. "What do you mean you can't? What the fuck is the matter with you? How can we just…and then…. Stop? Damnit, Shinji!"

"Asuka, I'm sorry." He said to her as he tucked in his shirt and then zipped up his jeans, buttoning them back up.

Asuka just shook her head at him and said. "Are you a man or a boy? What the fuck, Shinji? What real man refuses pussy? I swear! Your such a wimp, Shinji!"

Shinji whipped his head around to Asuka in disbelief. He took a deep breath and then said. "I'm going to go outside for a bit. I'll be back."

Shinji was furious

He walked out of the apartment and then down the stairs and into the bar. He headed right to the wall of liquor and went straight for the whiskey on the wall and not bothering to pour it into a glass, opened it up and drank it straight from the bottle.

He scrunched his eyes closed as he felt the liquor go down his throat and make him feel lousy but regardless, he took another swig from the bottle. He grimaced again.

He settled down onto the floor and took a deep breath saying in his head as he drank the liquor, _Idiot! Idiot! IDIOT! WHAT THE FUCK IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? One minute you give this whole great speech about making love with the woman you fall in love with and the next your wanting to fuck the crap out of her and then you stop! YOU STOPPED? FUCKING IDIOT! You pushed it too far! Stupid! Wimp! Idiot! Fucking asshole! What the fuck is wrong with you, Ikari? You shouldn't have even started. Now she thinks you're a wimp or gay…or, whatever! Make up your mind! Idiot!_

Chapter 32

Asuka sat up on the bed. She was still wearing the same sundress that she had on earlier. Shinji had been downstairs for a long time and she never liked being without him nearby. She looked over at Shinji's watch on the small table near the bed and picked it up. "21:00" She said aloud. "Nine o'clock." She knew she had gone too far with her comment about what kind of a man he was. So, she took a deep breath and got up off the bed and walked to the door.

She went downstairs, it was dark and she looked around. Then she saw him. He was sitting on the floor, his back against the wall. His head was lying back against the wall; he looked like he was asleep.

The only light that came through was the moonlight from the window. Next to him, she could see a bottle of liquor half empty.

"Damnit." Asuka said as she walked over to him and kneeled in front of him. She gently tucked the hair behind his ear and then lightly touched his face.

He stirred and opened his eyes, looking back at her sadly. He turned his head away from her and she felt her heart ache. Then she came close to him, put her arms around him, and kissed him gently on his cheek.

"Shinji, I was wrong." She whispered into his ear. "Please, come back to bed."

Asuka was not one to say sorry. This he knew all too well and she hadn't really apologized, but she did something that she had never done before: admit she was at fault.

"Do you honestly feel that way about me?" He asked her as she looked into his face. "Do you think I'm a wimp? Do you feel like…I'm not a real man?"

"No." She said as she looked into his face. "I was wrong, Shinji. I was cruel. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I got horny and then frustrated…. I was wrong. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"You did hurt me!" He told her. "This is what I mean, Asuka. When you don't get your way, you try manipulating situations and I hate that. So, how can I possibly be real with you if you won't be real with me? I told you I didn't want to do it just because I had desires to but you forced the issue. We got all hot and horny with each other and then when I stopped, you got angry. Asuka, this is what I mean. You want to avoid feeling something. How can I fall in love with you if you hide away and cover up?"

"Shinji…. you don't understand." Asuka said as she looked down.

"Make me understand." He told her. "Why do you hide?"

"I don't hide, Shinji." Asuka said as she felt herself becoming weak again.

"Yes, Asuka, you do." He said to her.

Asuka felt her stomach turning into knots and she felt confused. She closed her eyes and said. "I don't know what you mean!" She growled. "I just try to be myself! Why can't you just accept me for me!"

"What do you mean?" he asked her.

"Exactly what I said!" Asuka barked. "I just want you to accept me and stop making me into someone like Rei or Misato. You don't realize it, Shinji, but I know you miss them and I know you wish they were here too."

"Of course." He said to her. "However, I had a choice. I was asked to pick the one to share my existence with and Asuka, I wanted you. I need you, Asuka."

"I need you too." Asuka said as she touched his face.

"Asuka, I am sorry I said no.," he told her. "You have to understand though. I can't do that until I'm sure. I won't."

"Okay." She said to him with a gentle smile. "Come back to bed though." She said as she stood up and extended her hand out to him. "Just hold me as we go to sleep."

Shinji smiled up at her and then stood up as he took a hold of her hand, then she lead him to the staircase and they went back into the apartment.

They stopped in front of the bed and Asuka looked up at him and smiled. He smiled back at her.

"Kiss me." She said to him gently.

He moved in and gently kissed her tenderly and sweetly. He held her against him and her arms wrapped around him as they kissed one another. As they parted, he held her against him and he breathed in as he said. "Be real with me, Asuka. That's all I want from you."

Asuka looked up at him and then lead him over to the bed. The two of them got into bed with one another and she settled her head against his chest. His arms were around her and both of them felt so good lying against each other like that.

She felt asleep in his arms. He held her against his chest and loved it. For him, holding her like this was almost like making love to her. He loved holding her and falling asleep with her like that. He felt good. He wondered if for a moment he had finally seen the real Asuka come through. He had guessed that he had.

As Asuka went to sleep, she too felt good and wonderful. She loved this moment with him and thought to herself. _This is paradise. I never want to leave here, Shinji. If we stay, we can fall in love here. I wouldn't fight it anymore if we stay. I'll be what you want me to be. Let's stay here, Shinji. Always._

Chapter 33

In the morning when she awoke she was still in his arms, against his chest. He was still asleep and she smiled at him. She got out of bed and took a shower and then changed. When she came out of the bathroom, she noticed he was out of bed.

She heard noises downstairs and as she walked downstairs, she saw him setting up the backpacks on the table, packing up.

"What are you doing?" She asked as she stood in the doorway.

He looked over at her as he went to the wall and took down two bottles of whiskey from the shelf and put them in a backpack. "We're getting ready to leave." He said.

"Leave?" She asked. "No. I don't want to leave. I like it here."

"We can't stay here. You're ankle is better now." He said to her as he continued to pack up the backpacks. "We need to find a better environment. We have to keep going forward."

"No!" Asuka demanded. "Let's stay here. This place has electric and running water. We have food here! We have a town that's deserted, there are tons of supplies here."

"We have to go." He said.

"Why?"

"Because there is no heat here! There's no way to build a fire! When the winter comes, we'll freeze to death."

"But there's electric!" Asuka said.

"There is no heating system. There's a water heater and that's it. We have to go."

"Who are you to make decisions for us like this? You can construct a makeshift stove or something. We can make heat. It's still warm now. How do you know that the weather will shift?"

"After three years let's just say I know the weather pattern and so do you! Asuka, we're further north now and that means the weather will shift. I just have a feeling." He told her. "I feel like we have to go forward."

"Forward?" Asuka asked. "Forward to what? Forward to nothing? I want to stay here! I don't want to wander anymore! Damnit, I want a home!"

"I know you do." He said. "That's why we need to go forward."

"You don't care how I feel do you?" She asked angrily.

"Yes, I do. You have to understand. This was a temporary stop. We can't stay here. Asuka, the ground is not fertile here. We couldn't grow food here. This is not where we're supposed to be, Asuka!"

"How do you know that? What? Can you tell the future now?"

"I just know, Asuka!" Shinji told her.

"Besides we have enough food! There's food in the freezer, Shinji."

"What happens when it runs out?"

"It won't!" Asuka yelled.

"I took enough canned food out of the pantry that will last us a while. If we ration properly, we'll be okay I figure we have a two month ration supply before it goes out."

"Ration properly? I don't want to leave! I don't want to go! Let's try to make this work. Let's stay here."

"We can't." Shinji told her flatly.

"I hate you for this!" Asuka yelled out as she turned her back.

"Asuka, don't be like that." Shinji walked over to her and put his hands on her arms and then kissed the back of her head. "Listen to me," He said gently. "You have to see, Asuka. There's a larger picture and this place isn't right for us. We have to keep going. Just trust me."

'Trust you? Wander some more? I hate wandering! I'm sick of it." She said angrily. "I'm tired of sleeping outside in the dirt with no bed! I'm tired of bathing in streams and ponds! I'm tired of bugs! I'm tired of rationing! I'm tired of filth! I'm tired of inconvenience! I want a home, Shinji!"

"Listen to me," he told her gently as he wrapped his arms around her and buried his face against her neck. ", I will find you a home. It will be a home you love and it will give us everything we need to survive. It'll be a place where we can build a life together. Asuka, we can't stay here. We have to go forward."

"No." Asuka said angrily.

"There's a sporting goods store in town. I checked the building. Its safe. We can get some camping gear and some winter wear. After that, we have to leave."

"Today?" She asked.

"We're better off leaving today then putting it off."

"Why today? Why not tomorrow? Why can't we enjoy our time here! Why, Shinji? I hate you for this." She said as she turned to him. "This is the one thing I wanted! Do you understand that?"

He nodded at her and said. "I know but I know that there is something better out there. I am asking you to trust me."

"This is because of what's been happening lately, isn't it? Now you're the one running away!" She growled.

"No, that's not it." He said to her.

"Yeah, it is. We almost have sex last night and it scared you! That's why you want to leave; you don't want to be grown up! Sure, you're talking about us being together and building a life…. but to actually take steps in doing it? Oh that's another story entirely. You asked me to be real with you. I am being real now. I don't want to leave here! You're the one who's afraid! You're the one who is afraid, Shinji! You don't want to stand up and be a man!"

"That's not true, Asuka." He said to her.

Asuka took a deep breath and then said. "Shinji, this is a place I could call my home. This place is wonderful. We have running water and electric. This place has everything for us. This place would suit me fine. We could stay here. We could live here. We could be together here. We could stay here forever. I'm willing to give it a try if we can stay here."

As Shinji looked at her he took a deep breath and said. "We can be together anywhere. All I need is you. It doesn't matter where we are just as long as we're together. Asuka, I wanted you so bad last night but, the way it was happening…. that's not how I wanted it to be. I want to make love to you, Asuka but I want to be sure it's for the right reason. I want to be sure. I want to be with you but we can be together anywhere and it can work anywhere. We just need to trust in each other. Just trust me when I say that this is not where we're supposed to live. This place is not where we're supposed to build a life. I just feel that way. Don't ask me how I know but I feel it…it's like…. when I woke up this morning, I felt like there was more for us out there and it's there! It's waiting for us. We can find it! I need to find it! You need to find it! It's how we'll get past our insecurities and fear! Asuka, I am a lot stronger now and I'm not afraid of how I feel. I just need you to trust me. As long as we trust each other and believe in each other, we can make it work."

"Shinji, I do not want to leave."

"Asuka, believe me when I tell you that we need to go forward." Shinji said.

"I don't want to go, Shinji!" She pleaded. "Let's try to make it work here. I want to stay here! I don't want to leave!"

"Asuka, be logical. We have to go forward."

Asuka turned her back on him again and he went to hold her. As he did, she elbowed him in the ribs and stepped away from him. "I'll go but I won't like it. Don't touch me." She growled.

"Asuka, don't be like that. We've come such a long way now. Don't shut me out."

"I told you that I wanted to stay here! As for us being more, you can forget that idea for a while. This is something I want! You don't care about that so I'm not even going TO THINK ABOUT forming us into more! Forget it, Shinji." She told him flatly.

"Damnit, Asuka!" Shinji growled.

"Don't you fucking swear at me!" Asuka snapped. "You have to understand that this is what I wanted! You don't give a damn how I feel so now I don't give a damn how you feel!"

Shinji breathed in and then went back to the backpacks. As soon as they were packed up, he said to her. "C'mon, grab your pack. Let's go."

Asuka took a look around and then said. "Fine!"

She packed up her pack and then followed him out of the door.

Before they left town, they went to the sporting goods store and gathered supplies that they needed like camping gear, winter wear, boots, a cigarette lighter, batteries and two larger backpacks.

Then they began to travel to the unknown………and they traveled for two and a half months without finding another town. 


	3. Chapter 34

PART III. THE STORM.

Chapter 34

It had been three years, ten months, four weeks, six days, twelve hours and they didn't know how many seconds since the devastating Third Impact. They had wandered endlessly; looking for supplies, food, clothing knowing the winter was ahead and the summer had been unbearable.

A loud thunderstorm raged outside of the small shelter that they had built. The downpour was horrible, water leaked through the shelter and lightening struck across the sky.

They figured the earth's weather system was severely out of whack because of the disaster of Third Impact and now they had only each other for company and sometimes, they spoke at length other times, not at all. Since they had left the bar, their relationship had changed and had become more cold and distant.

It had been hot that night. Shinji wished he were back in Tokyo 3 with the air conditioning and climate control. Asuka was laying beside him in little more then a dress slip and he hated it. He hated it because every time he looked at her, he wanted to hold her and he knew that if he tried to she would slap the crap out of him. From the first day that they had left the bar, Asuka had been moody and downright irritable.

The first night away from the bar, he had tried to hold her and she had shrugged him off saying. "Knock it off! Go back to sleep!"

It had irritated him and he had turned over on his side, his back facing her. Then a few hours later, he had felt her snuggle up against his back with her arms wrapped around him. He had breathed in as he felt her against him but what had angered him was he had asked her in the morning. "Why is it you're such a nasty person during the day and then at night you cuddle up to me? What is it you really want?"

"Bullshit!" Asuka had growled. "If I did that, I'd know about it! I told you, I don't want us to be more! You denied me the one thing I wanted so now I'll deny you!"

That remark had infuriated him.

Since they had left the bar, over two and a half months ago, she had been moody as hell. Shinji knew she didn't want to leave and he had forced the issue, so they had left and since then Asuka had turned into the _bitch from hell, _as he referred to her in his mindFor two months she had been grumpy, obstinate, nasty and each day that they hadn't found some type of remnant of civilization she had said. "So, this is why we left the bar? For nothing?"

Those days and nights at the bar had been great, no question, especially that one night but since then, nothing like that had reoccurred. Shinji wondered if it was because they had both had been allowed to reveal things to each other they normally wouldn't. Since they left that town, Asuka had been distant and had refused to be affectionate. Anytime he came near her, she rejected him.

The only thing that had happened was Asuka had acted like she had her period everyday.

His back had been turned. He was wearing only his boxers. It was too hot to wear anything else.

Asuka had given him an argument about wearing only the boxers to bed.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing? I am not sleeping with you only wearing your boxers to bed!"

Shinji had gotten angry and said. "Asuka, its too hot out! I am too damned hot! I don't care what you think! You've practically slept next to me naked so guess what, I am wearing this to BED!"

Asuka had insisted he sleep with his back facing her as usual and swore that if he tried anything she'd make him regret it.

Shinji was tired of her attitude and her bossiness. He was getting sick of hearing her bitch constantly. He felt like he did most of the work and she hardly did anything. When he asked her to help out, she said. "I did not want to leave so therefore, I will not work to accommodate you in your quest!"

He was wondering why the hell she had been bought back to him and yet he knew the answer, he had wanted it that way. He needed someone. He needed her. He had wished it and so it had been made a reality.

However that reality had tempered his patience the last two months. She bitched and complained every day.

"Shinji, I'm hungry. Go get food."

"Shinji, I'm thirsty. Go get water."

"Shinji, go away I'm going to take a bath."

"Shinji, get more supplies."

"Shinji, fix the shelter."

"Shinji, carry the backpack."

"Shinji, don't touch me!"

_When was it going to stop? _

Then at night, he would hear the crying and feel her come close to his body and wrap her arms around him. That was the only time she was affectionate with him.

For him, it was a welcome affection.

Even though she irritated him during the day, at night he knew that she would be next to him. It was a trade-off.

She was a bitch in the daytime and an angel at night.

In the morning though, she would deny she even did it.

"Touch you?" She would say. "Yeah, right. Maybe I was sleepwalking. I don't want to be close to you at all. You lost your chance, remember?"

Shinji would hold his tongue though and simple tell her. "Whatever, Asuka."

On one hand, there was Asuka the pain in the ass during the day and Asuka, the scared lonely girl, at night. He hated both sides and wished somewhere in between there would be a happy medium.

He hadn't been able to sleep. The heat drove him insane. It was too hot. His whole body felt sweaty. Twice, he had stuck his head outside in the rain to cool himself down but even the rainwater was hot. It was horrible. He was also keeping guard in case any animals picked up on their scent.

For as mad as he was at Asuka, he was also ready to protect her. He kept the baseball bat nearby and his knife within arm's length and he swore that if anything came forward, he wasn't afraid to shoo it away or kill it.

Shinji took a deep breath as he looked outside of the entrance to the small shelter that he had patched together with pieces of wood and large rocks. It had been big enough to shield them from the rain but water was still leaking in and it was hardly a home. The winds blew harshly outside and the thunder boomed making the shelter shake.

Asuka had gotten into a fight with him earlier about the bar and now having to live in, "a rundown shithole of a shelter." as she called it.

Shinji had just ignored her but he was furious. She had nagged him all day about the bar.

"So this is what we left the bar for?" She yelled out. "Now look at us, we have to sleep outside in this piece of shit shelter that you've wasted all day building! Where's the tent anyway?"

"We had to throw it out, remember? There was a hole in it!" he growled.

"Idiot!" Asuka barked. "Why didn't you get one BEFORE WE LEFT THE TOWN? Is this why we left the bar? Did we decide to go forward for this bullshit? You are such a fucking idiot, Shinji!"

It was her usual _I-want-to-make-you-feel-guilty-argument_, as he referred to it. She frequently had started these up with "_is that what we left the bar for?_" It was then followed by a series of insults and profanities all directed at him and usually ending with. "_You're such a fucking idiot, Shinji_."

He simply continued to build the shelter. Her nagging and complaining had driven him crazy but he hadn't lost his temper or shot back insults at her however, she didn't cut him any slack either. Every few hours, Asuka came running up to him screaming and yelling.

"Look at us now!" She had screamed at him earlier. "We're outside in the fucking hot, humid weather! There are bugs everywhere! There is nowhere to bathe! It rains every fucking day of the week! There is mud and it's muggy! You think that this is an excuse for a house! We haven't moved in three days because of the fucking rain! Our food supply is diminishing and you thought this was better? You are such a fucking idiot, Shinji! Trust me, Asuka, you told me…. well, I did and look at us now! What's next? Where's the home you promised me? Huh? Where is this great future? You want me to be more to you? How can be more to you when you pull shit like this? Why did we leave the bar, Shinji? Huh? Why I trust you and believe in you I have no idea! You're still a fucking idiot, Shinji!"

Shinji had been boiling mad with rage when she was yelling and complaining but still he remained calm and worked despite her yelling all day.

Even as they ate dinner, she had bitched. "Great. More fucking rations! I am so sick of canned soup! I am so SICK OF YOU!"

Shinji had simply looked at her with an annoyed look and then gotten up to stare at the sky. She though continued to yell and complain all night until she said. "I am going to bed!"

Then he had followed her in and she had started with him again about wearing his boxers to bed.

Shinji wondered what it would take to learn how to survive and at what cost to his sanity. He was nearly at the breaking point now.

He also knew something else, as lonely as he was Asuka was lonely too. He had heard her at night. She cried almost every night in her sleep.

Once, a few weeks back, after hearing her cry at night, he had gotten up enough nerve to ask her, "Are you okay?"

Shinji had figured enough time had passed to actually ask her about it. When he put his hand on her shoulder and kissed her neck gently, he had heard her breath in. He was also hoping to bridge the empty space between them. He wished she would turn to him and allow him to kiss her. He had figured three years was more then enough time to ask her about it.

It was obvious that when the crying started she would cuddle up to him. This time, instead of waiting for her to cuddle up against his back, when he spoke about it, and tried to be affectionate the reaction was quite different.

Asuka had flipped around to him, pinned him down and given him a hard slap to his face. Her face had been full of fury and embarrassment, and tearfully she was yelling out. "You fucking idiot! How dare you! Shut the fuck up, go back to sleep and don't EVER bring it up again! I told you! Never ask me about why I cry! NEVER!"

Shinji only nodded and then watched as she turned away from him, sighed and went back to sleep.

Yet only a few hours later, Asuka's arm wrapped around him and she cuddled up against his back, like she usually did. It had pissed him off that she had done that but instead of pushing her away, he held her hand against his chest and went to sleep with her against his back. He couldn't deny that he welcomed this and that it was the only time he felt like she actually cared about him. He knew in the morning, she would be a bitch again but now, during the night, when she cuddled up to him it was always allowed.

He was actually getting sick of this "sleepwalk cuddling thing" as he referred to it. These little affectionate moments at night that were forgotten in the morning were beginning to annoy him greatly. He wished for once she would admit it.

He knew that she hated all of this. Yet, rather then run away or kill herself, she stayed with him. Perhaps it was the thought of leaving him alone that worried her. Shinji knew though that if she died, there would be no point to existing and he would kill himself. He would rather die then live alone for all eternity. He wondered if Asuka felt the same way.

He turned his head to look at her. She was sleeping on her side, her back facing him and then he heard her. Small whimpers. She was crying again.

It killed Shinji to hear her cry. He hated that sound more then anything. When he heard her cry all he wanted to do was wrap his arms around her and hold her close to him. He wanted to tell her that it would be okay and he would make sure of it. Tonight, because of the viciousness of their fight earlier he didn't want to hold her but he was sure that soon she would be cuddling up next to him. He would allow it but in the morning, it would not be spoken of.

It was obvious she didn't want to be there with him. She hated all of this. So if he had showed her affection it would be only right to assume that she would reject him.

He sighed and turned back onto his side and watched the rain, unable to sleep and now listening to Asuka cry.

He listened to her cry for almost ten minutes until it stopped and it seemed like she went back to sleep. He turned his head again and listened for any sounds to indicate she was asleep and then he heard it, more whimpering, softer sounds but cries.

He wanted her to be quiet, he wished he could make her stop but he couldn't say anything to her and if he did, she would only get mad.

He went back to watching the rainfall.

The rain became harder. Shinji raised his eyes up towards the ceiling of the shelter and he turned on his back. He put his arm over his head, sighed and then he heard and saw it. KRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACKKKKKKKK! BOOM!

Lightening flashed almost directly above them and the thunderous boom shook the entire shelter. It had even chilled Shinji right down to his core but Asuka woke up. She jerked upright and then began screaming.

"NO!" She called out in a frightened high-pitched squeal. "NO MORE! NO MORE!"

She threw herself on top of Shinji and held onto him as tight as she could. Shinji's eyes widened and he gasped as he felt the impact of her body against his.

"No more." She cried softly. "Make them stop! Stop them! They're…. killing me! Save me!" She called out as she cried.

Shinji lay frozen as he felt her body on top of his own. He could feel her trembling like a leaf. Her tears fell on top his shoulder and neck and it made his heart break.

"NO MORE!" She cried out. "MAKE IT STOP! STOP THEM, SHINJI! SAVE ME! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE THE EVA'S STOP!"

He almost wanted to cry upon hearing her cry. His arms went around her and he held her tight, putting his head against her own and gently comforting her. He didn't say anything because he didn't know what to say. What could he say? "It's going to be okay." "Don't' worry." "I'll protect you." He didn't even know if that was true.

All he could do was hold her and hope it was enough. He held her tight and then the lightening and thunder flashed again. She cried out in fear and instinctively he held her tight and rolled her onto her side, he squeezed his eyes shut and made like he was shielding her from the danger of the lightening. She screamed into his ear as she heard the large crack. She trembled in his arms and he could only hold her gently.

He again didn't say anything and even he had to admit the sound of the lightening and thunder scared him too. Yet, he had to be there for her. She was frightened and he had to do his best to comfort her. Despite the fight that they had earlier, she was terrified right now. To push her away would be cruel and he couldn't do that, despite her bitchiness he wouldn't ever push her away.

"No more." She whimpered softly. "I can't take it anymore…. it's too horrible. No more."

"They're not here." He told her gently. "The Eva's aren't here, Asuka. Its just you and me."

"Stop them." She whispered tearfully. "They tore me apart, Shinji. They ripped my body apart. My eye was taken out, my arm was split and then I felt pain. It was the worst pain I ever knew. It was unbearable. I wanted to kill them all. Then I heard you…I heard you cry out for me! Shinji, they raped my mind! They destroyed my body! I can't shake it! It's so deep inside of me. I thought I could beat them! I felt like I was strong enough to do it. I finally understood that my mother's spirit is what made me a good EVA pilot and then, they destroyed me! I just want it to STOP! It's every night! The same goddamned nightmare! I am sick of it! I don't want to remember anymore!" She cried out as she shook.

He took a deep breath and he swallowed hard. _This is why she cries. _"Shh…." He told her gently as he held her, brushing his lips across her forehead, while he moved his hand through her hair. Then the words came out of his mouth and it was just like a reaction. "Hang onto me, Asuka." He whispered in her ear. :"I'll keep you safe."

That had seemed to be enough for her because she did just that, she cuddled up to him as close as she could and held onto him as if she was hanging onto a lifeline, her crying seemed to stop, and she stopped trembling.

He in turn held her against him and ran his hand up and down her back and all though he was ashamed to admit it, he liked holding her like this. He knew she was frightened and scared and to take advantage of that was wrong but he couldn't deny that it also felt amazingly good. "Shh…I'm here." He told her gently.

She was also feeling comfort and warmth from his body. They were both very hot from this summer heat and the rain and thunder was very scary to her. It bought back terrifying and loathsome memories. Holding onto him was taking away the fear. It was making her want to be close to him, to want to hold him and touch him, to need him. As she raised her head from his shoulder, she looked up into his eyes.

He smiled at her and then gently wiped her tears away from her face with his thumb. Slowly, he bought his lips to her forehead and kissed her. "I'm here, Asuka." He whispered. "Nothing can hurt you now."

Above his head, she could see the lightening flash from the outside and hear the thunder but she looked into those soft eyes that were lonely and in need of comfort, just like her own.

She was frightened and she was feeling only one thing could take away that fear and sadness and it was him. In him, she found a different kind of strength and it soothed her.

In the morning she would deal with the impact of losing her strength in a moment of crisis, for now she would enjoy this moment with him.

She gently reached up with her hand and lightly placed her palm against his cheek and gave a small smile. "Kiss me." She whispered to him.

As he felt her touch, his mouth parted and he let out a breath, shutting his eyes. His eyes opened slowly, she moved her head closer to him. Shinji looked into those eyes and saw in them only honesty and truth and more so, he could see something else in them, something he had never seen in her before, and it was _real_.

"Kiss me, Shinji." She said again.

She parted her lips and then that's when she felt him come towards her and kiss her gently and tenderly.

She had gone further though and opened her mouth, which he responded, and they found themselves locked into a deep kiss that seemed to get even more passionate with each thunder boom and lightening strike.

He had missed being with her like this and now being with her again like this, he wasn't going to pass it up. She too had missed his touch and the way he had held her, she didn't want to let it go either.

It had been the first time in a long time either one of them had kissed one another like that before. The only other time was when they played the kissing game or the bar but this was something totally different. This was no game.

This they enjoyed a lot more.

This was real.

This wasn't because one had pressured the other or one wanted to have fun.

It was honest and true.

She pressed herself against his body. He slowly moved her onto her back while continuing to kiss her. The kiss that they exchanged was so much more then it had been before, it had been filled with passion and more so, it was filled with something else too.

Something both of them felt for the first time ever.

To her it was better then good.

She couldn't believe the boy that was kissing her at this moment had been the same boy she had known. He had always been shy, lacked self-esteem, was scared, lonely and had been easy to control. Now though, she had never known this side of him existed. There had been passion and fire in that kiss and it more then comforted her, it excited her.

Her hands ran up and down his sweaty back and his hands equally ran along her body.

As her lips parted from his and he looked back to her with a strange look in his eye that she hadn't seen before, she wondered what he would do if she touched him there. Would he get nervous and freak out or would he himself take the initiative? So far, he had shown a side that she never knew existed and she wondered just how deep it ran. Before this moment, every time, he had ran away

His eyes widened as he felt her touch on him. She watched his eyes flutter and he swallowed hard, enjoying the sensation, he breathed out and made a small sound. Her eyes locked into his as she lightly stroked him.

He closed his eyes and began to breathe in and out, he moaned softly. The look on his face showed that he was experiencing pure bliss from her gentle caresses. Then he slowly opened his eyes, breathing heavily; he came towards her and went in again for another kiss.

He kissed her deeply with passion and fire as he moaned while she continued to touch him. She also noticed that his touches were making her extremely aroused, she wanted him to touch her more and hold her and do things to her that had only existed in the safety of her mind.

He bought himself up on his knees so his abdomen had been raised and thereby giving her better access. Hearing him moan and grunt through their kiss, while she touched him, she knew that he was not about to freak out and run away. Instead, he was enjoying this and enjoying her.

His lips moved from her lips to her neck and she moved her head loving the sensation he gave her. _How did he know? _She wondered. _Was this all instinctual and if it was, he was damn good at it. _

He raised his head and looked into her eyes, he was breathing heavily and he felt her hand against his chest. She rubbed his chest and as he looked into her eyes, he swallowed again.

She smiled at him because she knew he was afraid and didn't want to cross any boundaries. She gently tucked his hair behind his ear, kissed his lips gently and decided to be bold.

He breathed out and looked at her wide-eyed.

He shut his eyes as he felt her touch. Her hand ran through the back of his head and through his hair and gently, she reached up and drew him back to her for another kiss.

"Take off my slip." She whispered to him in between the kiss as she looked into his eyes and breathed heavily while she arched her back from the pleasure he gave her.

He breathed out, looking at her and then did as she requested. His hands moved to the hem and then slowly pulled it up over her body and over her head. She saw him staring down at her naked body. His eyes were wide as he went from her face downward. His hands traveled down her body, exploring her and breathing hard as he studied the entire length of her.

As he looked at her, he couldn't believe how truly beautiful she was in front of him. That night at the bar when they almost had sex, he had seen this once before, but this was nothing like before. He felt his breathing increase as he touched her. He looked back into her eyes and she smiled at him. He looked down and took a deep breath.

She also looked at him in front of her. She had noticed that as he sat in front of her, exploring her body and touching her, she had seen just how much he had changed. His chest and arms had become larger, he was more muscular and he didn't look so much like a boy any longer. He looked like a man, a man she was attracted to.

He came back to her lips and kissed her gently as his lips proceeded down her body.

Asuka shrieked loudly into the night as she felt the pleasure she experienced from him. She arched her back and moved her hips as she experienced total and complete pleasure. She never wanted him to stop as she moaned loudly and moved her hands through his hair. She never thought in a million years that this would be something that he would do to her. Yet, as he did this to her, she thought to herself…._ He's so damn good at this. Oh my God, where in the hell did he learn how to do that? When did he learn how to do that?_ She wanted more of it, as it was the most amazing thing she ever felt and as kept shrieking and moaning, screaming out his name.

Then as she felt Shinji get more into his work, she felt herself release.

She arched her back and threw her head back as she screamed out wildly and loudly, moaning as loud as her voice could carry while the storms raged.

She shrieked to the point of where he had her almost to the point of pleasure becoming pain. She had her eyes shut and she was breathing heavily. She opened her eyes and looked back in his. She saw him staring down at her, smiling at her, running his fingers lightly across her torso and that's when she reached up and pulled him to her. She kissed him with fire and passion and then turned him over onto his back while their hands & mouths roamed each other. .

They were both amazingly happy and on fire with one another. Their passion was great and the heat that they generated covered them in sweat. Neither of them had ever known the pleasures that they experienced with one another on this night before. On this night, the two of them found something in each other that was new and fresh and amazing. They never wanted the night to end and they wanted to do as much as they could to each other to make each other even more overcome with passion.

As she felt him turn her over onto her back, still locked in their passionate kiss, he loomed over her. She noticed something about him. He wanted more. He wanted to go further. He kissed her ever so gently and then parted his lips from her to stare into her eyes and gently move his hand through her hair.

She breathed heavy as she looked down and then up at him. Her hands ran up and down his arms as she looked back at him.

As their eyes locked, she bought up her hand on his shoulder and breathed in deeply. She drew him down to her. His lips came to hers and kissed her gently which turned into a deep, passionate kiss.

Her head was swimming and her heart was beating wildly. With his body against her and his kiss carrying her away, she was transported to another world she had never known before. Her hands ran all over him. She wasn't sure of what was happening. She only knew she never wanted him to stop. His arms reached underneath her holding onto her shoulders. Then, she felt him.

She whimpered in pain, gripped his shoulder and she gasped as she looked back at him.

Suddenly, she realized what it was they were doing and she breathed in.

He stared deeply into her eyes. It took away any fear that she had. His hand gently ran through her hair. He wanted to continue so badly..

As he looked into her face though, he could tell he caught her off guard. As much as he wanted to move, he stopped himself from going forward "Asuka?" he breathed out. "Is this okay? Can I make love to you this way?"

She knew what that meant. She did want him and she felt more connected to him then she ever had before. He was asking her permission to go further.

She felt like never before in her life had she wanted something so badly. She wanted him to take her virginity and make her into a woman. She wanted all of him to pleasure her and then she had another thought as she looked at him, if they did do this, something else could happen…something she knew she wasn't ready for yet.

He looked back to her breathing heavy, his eyes wanting her and his body ready to go forward if she gave him permission. She knew that was what he was waiting on. Nothing could stop him from doing it. He could have done it without saying a word and odds are she wouldn't have stopped him.

If she said yes, it would be her first time and his as well. If she said yes, everything about them would change from this moment on. It all ready had but with this, it would mean more. They would be connected to each other. They would be more then just companions and friends, they would be lovers and possibly even each other's mate.

Then there could be the chance she could get pregnant from this.

That scared her!

She didn't want to be pregnant!

Not now!

Not while they were wandering with nothing!

She was too young to have a baby!

She wanted him though, she couldn't deny that, and she wished she had that condom right now. Yet, even if she did, it would still be the same. They would be connected in body and soul.

She knew that was just like him to always be considerate and kind. Her heart wanted to say yes to him and engage in it, to go further but logically, her mind was saying, that if they did do this she could get pregnant.

If they did do this, they would forever be different with one another. What they had just done was, a giant leap alone, but now to go further and take that next final step in an adult relationship, with the ramification of producing a baby, was a huge undertaking to ponder.

As she looked at him, knowing full well he wanted her, and she equally wanting him just as badly, she took a deep breath and said to him. "No."

_Damnit_, he thought as he looked back to her.

Asuka looked back at him and whispered. "We don't have any protection. We can't go that far yet. We have to hold back. We have to wait."

Shinji breathed out in frustration and then lowered his head onto her chest. .

He raised his head slowly and looked back to her and nodded his head, he was pulling back from her, and he sat up and looked down at her. She sat up and looked into his eyes. . He looked back at her as she stared at him and breathed in as she smiled at him.

"We don't have to stop enjoying ourselves though." She told him. :"Come here, Shinji. There are other ways to pleasure each other; there are other ways to make love. Let me show you." Asuka threw her arms around him and kissed him, his eyes went wide as he made a small noise, she was holding him tight and pushed him onto his back.

He locked eyes with her and then his eyes fluttered as he felt an intense joy go through him. She kissed him open mouthed, thrusting her tongue into his mouth, intertwining with his own, and pressed her body against him and it was setting him on fire.

He wanted her so bad.

"Asuka." Shinji breathed out. His hands started to roam across her back and then he felt her lips move to his neck and shoulder.

Shinji shut his eyes and was moaning loudly but he wanted more, it was all but torture not to go further then this. As Asuka kissed him all along his chest and stomach, he breathed in and kept his eyes shut enjoying the sensations.

Asuka took a deep breath as she thought about what she was about to do next and then she did it.

His eyes flew open and his jaw dropped. He called out loudly. It was incredible to him and amazing and he moved his head back, moaning loudly in enjoyment as he breathed heavy.

He couldn't believe that something this good or amazing could ever exist. He also couldn't believe what he was saying as she continued.

As she continued he called out loudly and felt himself build up with pure pleasure. He wanted to let himself go so bad. It felt so good and he wanted to release.

Finally, he couldn't take it anymore. He scrunched his eyes tight as his face twisted with tension. He snapped his head back, and he let himself go as he shouted through a moan. "ASUKAAAAAAA!"

He felt passion and pleasure collide throughout his body while thunder boomed and lightening flashed. Then he breathed in and out with his eyes shut as he felt the after effects of bliss sweep over him and sweat cover his entire body.

He never imagined something could ever be that amazing. He was just lying there, his eyes were shut, and breathing in and out, he felt great.

As he opened his eyes, he saw her in front of him. She was on top of him, laying over him. He looked into her eyes and kissed her. He held her face in his hands and looked back to her breathing heavily He kissed her deeper, then his hands went down her back

He held her tight against him as they kissed one another. Then, breathing heavily he flipped her over onto her back.

He stared into her eyes and couldn't believe how badly he wanted her at that moment. He felt like a ravenous animal about to devour his prey.

Asuka looked back at him seeing the look in his eye and became nervous wondering what he was going to do. She felt his lips come back to hers as he kissed her wildly and uncontrollably.

It made her feel like she never wanted to let go of him. His touch and his body made her think to risk a potential pregnancy may be what she wanted. She didn't want him to stop. She never wanted him to stop.

His mouth moved to her neck and he passionately ate at it her neck, sucking onto it and making her throw her head back. .

He wanted her so bad and honestly did not feel like he wanted to hold back but as he looked at her, he realized that he couldn't do that. She had told him no and he had to respect that of her. So another idea came to his head and he smirked at her.

"One more." Shinji said to her as he looked into her face and kissed her lips gently. "Let me do it to you once more." He said as he kissed her again.

Asuka looked at him strangely and then felt him attack her neck with his lips as he proceeded down her body with his lips and then she realized what he meant by "one more"

This was incredible to her. She had never in her life experienced the type of pleasure that he had given to her on this night. She moved against him, arched her back and extended her neck as she felt him pleasure her.

While he did this to her, his hands moved along her thighs and over her body and sent shivers up her spine. She kept moaning over and over again and wished he'd never stop.

He loved it. He loved doing this to her. He held nothing back as he did this to her. He was wild. Uncontrollable. He never wanted to stop.

Then when he was sure she had enough, he came back up to her and held himself above her with his arms and smiled down at her.

Asuka looked back at him and gently reached up, tucking his hair behind his ear. "Come here." She said as she ran her hand up and down his chest.

He breathed in as he lowered his body down to hers and gently kissed her lips, holding onto that kiss for as long as he could, relishing the way she felt underneath him.

She too didn't want to let go. She held onto him as if he was the most precious thing in the world to her. His body against her felt so good. The two of them felt like they were one with one each other, connected to each other's hearts.

He turned over on his side and he pulled her close to him. Their arms wrapped around each other and they kissed gently and lay with one another.

She smiled at him and gently cupped his cheek and he kissed her again and held her and his hands ran over her body.

She turned around so her back was against his chest. Shinji wrapped his arms around her and spooned her against his body as he kissed her neck and shoulders. He had his arms around her tight, holding her against him, never wanting to let her go.

Throughout the night he held her as if she was the most important thing to him in the world, and, she was.

As he held her, he had also noticed that for as long as he had known her, except for one other time that she didn't cry herself to sleep. Every night she cried herself to sleep. Tonight, after their passionate experience, she didn't.

She wrapped her arms around his and wanted to be as close as she could to him. She smiled as she felt him lightly brush his lips against her neck and shoulder while she lay against him. .

She fell asleep in his arms, she felt safe with him, with his face buried into her hair, nestled against her neck and a smile of contentment across his lips. Right before he fell into a peaceful quiet slumber, he wondered if what they had done with each other had changed things, and, _would it be different in the morning_?

(scene edited for The storm scene was originally a bit "lemony." This scene has been edited for Uncut version of After Impact will be available on author's website.)


	4. Chapters 35 thru 44

PART IV – RAMIFICATIONS

Chapter 35

That night the storm subsided and a cool breeze swept over their campsite, which penetrated into their shelter and swept over Shinji's body. He woke up from the chill he felt. He saw Asuka shudder and turn to face him. She cuddled up against his chest and he and reached for the blanket nearby laying it over him and Asuka. She was still asleep. He looked down at her and then bought his arm around her underneath the blanket and drew her close. He saw her breathe in and he smiled as he looked at her and gently ran his hand through her hair.

He heard her moan out sleepily and saw the corners of her mouth turn up into a smile. He couldn't stop watching her and he drew her closer to him as he felt her hand against his chest and her head nestled against him.

"I've never felt this way before." He whispered to her as he watched her sleep. _It's new and exciting. I can't believe the way I feel! I have never been so happy or secure in my entire life. Is this what it's like to fall in love_?"

"Asuka, I love you." He whispered to her as he gently brushed the hair from her face and smiled. _You've made my dream come true. I have someone to love and I know you love me just as much as I love you. I wish you were awake. I want to tell you so badly. In the morning I will. I'll hold you so close. I'll look into your eyes and tell you that I love you and that I want to be with you forever. Then, I'll make love to you again and then, you'll be my wife. My mate. I love you, Asuka._

Shinji smiled at her, he kissed her forehead and held her close to him. He took a deep breath, and then he shut his eyes, breathing in with a large smile on his face, as he fell asleep holding Asuka close to him.

Asuka's eyes opened slowly as she stared at him. She couldn't believe what he had just said. _He loves me? He's fallen in love with me? You love me, Shinji? _Asuka breathed in as she heard the words, they touched her heart in a way she couldn't ever describe. Then fear ran through her. _Oh, no! No! NO! That stupid idiot! Why? Why couldn't you just let this be a physical thing between us? Why did you have to go and fall in love with me? I can't feel this way. I'll lose my strength if I do and I can't…. I just can't. No, I won't! I won't be vulnerable to anyone least of all him! I don't care what he thinks or how I feel! I am not going to allow myself to love this idiot! Wait…. oh no! I do love this idiot! Yes, I do. Oh fuck! How did that happen? I don't want to love this idiot! How can I love him? I don't want to. I have to…. change his mind about this…. somehow. Maybe if I tell him to just forget about it that will change things. Yeah, that's right. I don't want him to love me. I don't want to love him. I do though. I love him. God, why am I such an ass? Why do I love him? I was stupid that's why. Oh, whom are you kidding! You've always loved him. You've just…. hid it very well. This is actually you're fault, Asuka. You were the one who wanted him to become stronger and come out of his shell and now that he has, you're scared because you've fallen in love with him. Idiot! Stupid fucking idiot! Why did you fall in love with me, Shinji? Why? Why? Why did you make me fall in love with you? I can't fall in love. I can't lose my strength. I won't let you make me vulnerable. I won't! No way! I'm not ready for this! _

Asuka watched him sleep for a while and then just when the sun was starting to rise and the rays of light came through the shelter, slowly she got up and was careful not to wake him.

She looked at him while he slept. He still had the dopey smile on his face and she wanted so badly just to reach over and hold him tight. She decided though she wouldn't. She was not about to give in to these feelings.

She quickly got dressed and then picked up her backpack and came out of the shelter. She looked around and then breathed in the morning air, it had become cold over night. It was just about dawn and the sky seemed to look clear and beautiful.

She closed her eyes as she stood outside of the shelter. She looked back towards the entrance of the shelter and saw him asleep. Her mind was twisted with confusion and her feelings were entangled with each other.

She walked forward as the wind blew through her hair and tears came down her face.

Her mind was flooded with indecision and fear. She wished that last night had never happened between the two of them. _Why? Why had I been so damned weak and stupid? I know why…I needed him. He made me feel safe and then passion took over. Damn those raging hormones! That was it. It wasn't about love…. it was sexual, that's all. I'm lying. I do love him. I love him deeply but I will not admit it. I can't do that! I know that if I let my emotions go then my strength would go too. I know that if I allowed my vulnerability to come through I would become weak, defenseless, at his mercy and I won't allow that to happen. I can't lose my strength; it was the only thing in this world I have left._

She sat down on the ground. She brought her knees up to her chest and then laid her head against her arm. "What do I do?" She asked herself aloud. _At least, we didn't have sex! I could imagine how much worse this might have been. Thank God we didn't go all the way last night. It was a big mistake to have happened what happened last night. We weren't ready for that. We're too young for this type of thing. I don't want to be in love now. Maybe later on, when we're older, yeah I can deal with being in love but definitely not now. At least last night was only foreplay and foreplay really doesn't mean anything. If that's true though, why do I feel this way? Why do I feel like we shared something totally special and unique and wonderful? Why do I feel like we made love? Stop it, Asuka. You can't feel that way. Snap out of it! I'll tell him to forget it! Forget the whole thing even happened…. yeah that's it. He'll be pissed at me for a while but this is Shinji we're talking about…. he'll get over it. I tell him I don't remember cuddling with him at night so why is this any different? Yeah that's it! It's just another….thing. I had a waking dream…. yeah, that's it. After all, he's an idiot. He'd buy that…. wait, no, why? Just say that it was a mistake, it should have never have happened. He's an idiot and I refuse to love him. I will not lose my strength to him! Fuck that! NO falling in love! I won't do it! I don't want to do it! Not me! Not now. Not ever!_

Chapter 36

In the morning Shinji yawned and stretched. He breathed in the cool morning air and woke up on his back feeling invigorated and restful. He was also hard as a rock and a smirk crossed his lips as a thought came to his mind.

He chuckled and then turned around to reach out for Asuka hoping of a repeat performance of last night but noticed she wasn't there as his hand felt the cold ground underneath his palm.

His eyes opened and saw the empty spot where she had been. He sat up and breathed out. _Something's wrong._

Quickly, he reached for the boxers and threw them on. Then grabbed his pullover since the weather had become a bit chillier and put it on. He got up and crawled out of the shelter.

He stood up, looked around and then he saw her, she was sitting alone, fully dressed, the backpack beside her. Her knees were up to her chest and her arms were wrapped around them.

"Asuka?" he asked. _Something is really wrong._

She shut her eyes as she heard him.

He walked over to her, surprised by what he saw, and as he got closer he heard her say, in an annoyed tone of voice that he had been all too familiar with over the last two months. "Go away. I don't want to be disturbed."

"Asuka?" he asked. _Oh please don't let it be like before. Don't tell me you don't want to remember it happened. Don't do that. I'm begging you. Please, Asuka, not again._

"What?" She said as she turned her head to face him. "You didn't understand me? I said GO AWAY!" _Back off, Shinji. It's not going to happen. I won't let it. Back off!_

"Why?" he asked.

"What part of _go away_ do you not understand?" Asuka snapped. _Don't look at me like that. Stop it. I'm not going to give in to you. It never fucking happened. It was a big mistake. Forget it. _

_Please, Asuka. Don't do this to me. Not after I fall in love with you. Not now. Please don't. _"I thought after…. last night…. that…you…"

"That after last night I'd what?" Asuka asked. _It's not working. He's not going to go for it. Turn up the bitch in you, Asuka. Make him forget it. Stop looking at me like that, Shinji. It's not going to work._

"I'd thought…you'd…want to be closer to me?"

Asuka sneered. "Closer to you?" She shook her head, stood up and looked at him. "It was a big mistake to have happen what happened last night, Shinji! A big mistake!"

Shinji breathed in and couldn't believe she had said what she had just said. _No. NO! Oh God no! Asuka, please don't. Don't do this. _"What…. what do you mean? You and me…we…connected to each other. Asuka, I…"

"Snap out of it, Shinji!" Asuka yelled. "It happened because of…coincidence. I was scared, you were horny, and that's why it happened! So let's forget it happened in the first place. It was all about coincidence and that's it! It was just foreplay! It was just sexual! It should have never happened!"

_She can't be serious! She's saying it was a mistake? That it was a coincidence? NO, ASUKA, DAMNIT! Don't do this to me. Please, don't hurt me like this. _"Coincidence? Just…. sexual?" Shinji asked. "No. It was not like that, Asuka! I don't care if it was a coincidence! What in the hell does that matter? You needed me. I needed you. We needed each other. Shouldn't that tell you something? It may have been coincidence but it was amazing last night! It was incredible! We made love last night, Asuka! Asuka, how can you just ask me to forget it?"

"We did not make love last night!" Asuka corrected.

"Yes, Asuka we did!"

"Oh, Shinji, just forget it even happened!" Asuka growled.

"I don't' want to!" Shinji yelled. 'I never want to forget that! That was amazing and great and I never want to forget that moment! How can you even say that to me? How you just ask me to forget it? Why do you want to forget it? Why, Asuka?"

"How? Easily! We NEVER should have gone down that route!" Asuka said as she crossed her arms. "It tells me that it should NEVER happen AGAIN."

_No, Asuka. You can't be telling me this. Please don't say that. Please don't be serious. I know you're afraid. Let it go _Shinji took a breath as he heard her words. "Why?"

"Because…" Asuka snapped. ", It…. just shouldn't."

"That's not good enough, Asuka!" Shinji demanded as he came closer to her. "Asuka, last night was so amazing to me. It wasn't just about being horny. It was real. It was something spectacular and great! I made love to you last night and Asuka, last night I fell…"

"Don't you dare say it!" Asuka yelled out as she looked at him, holding back tears in her eyes and running up to him. "Don't you DARE SAY IT!"

"Asuka…." He whispered to her.

"STOP IT!" She roared out as she stuck her finger in his face and stared deep into his eyes. _Oh, no don't let it come out! Don't let it. Fight back, Asuka. Control. Maintain control. _"Stop…." She said in a barely audible tone. Her eyes were starting to tear up and her bottom lip shook. "Just…don't." Asuka's voice began to crack and she ran away from him.

He watched as she stopped and then put her hand over her eyes, her back was turned to him. _Don't let him get to you. Don't let him see you cry. Find your strength. Fight back, Asuka. Fight it! You can't give in!_

"Asuka…" he asked as he looked at her and walked towards her. _Asuka, don't be afraid. I'm here and I'll always be here for you. I love you. Don't shut me out now. Don't break my heart like this. Please, Asuka. I can't deal with this if you do this to me…. don't do it!_

"Don't come near me!" Asuka said through tears.

"Asuka, why ….why are you crying?" he asked as he came closer.

"I am NOT FUCKING CRYING!" Asuka growled as she tried to hold back her tears. "Just stay away from me!"

_Asuka, you're breaking my heart. Don't be afraid. I'm here and I love you_. "How could you be so cruel to me?" he asked her as he looked at her, "What's wrong, Asuka? Why won't you tell me? Why are you upset? Did I do something wrong? What did I do? Why are you crying? DAMNIT, ASUKA, TELL ME!"

Asuka bought her arms to her sides and tightened her fists. She breathed in as she remembered her objective. _You will not get to me. I will not fall. I will not give into this!_

Asuka whipped her head around and then snapped. "Shut the fuck up and never bring it up again! You got your jollies on last night! You can consider that your one and only time with me! We didn't make love last night! We just fooled around!"

"It wasn't about sex last night, Asuka!" Shinji yelled out. "That wasn't all about sex! Goddamnit, Asuka, it was about something much more! What? Did you think that we didn't make love to each other? We did, Asuka! My heart connected to yours. We connected to each other, which to me, is making love! It was about something meaningful, something real, in the face of all of this hell! Asuka, it was so great last night! It was like nothing I ever knew before! Asuka, you need to know something. Asuka, what I am feeling for you is…."

"Shut up, Shinji!" Asuka growled.

"Asuka, please don't…" Shinji said as he walked closer to her. "Don't do this, Asuka. Let me say this to you…. I have to…I want to tell you that I have fallen…"

"I said, SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Asuka bellowed. Her eyes were wide and a tear rolled out of them.

She turned her back again and her voice cracked and shook. "It meant nothing! We were just…. fooling around and it got out of control! It was a mistake!" She breathed in as she held back her tears and she faced him.

His eyes widened as he looked at her and he breathed out, feeling like she had thrown a spear right through the center of his center. "Asuka?"

Her face was full of disgust. "SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT ALL READY!" Asuka yelled out as she glared at him and then turned her back to him again.

"Asuka?" Shinji said in a low voice. "I just want to tell you that I…"

Her face became bright red as she fought back the tears with all of her strength, then she yelled out. "DON'T YOU FUCKING SAY IT BECAUSE I DON'T! WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN YOU AND ME WAS JUST PHYSICAL!"

Shinji breathed in as he hard her.

Then she said coolly. "It was an animal attraction, Shinji! We got carried away! Animals mate and don't give a damn about each other and that was us last night! It was an instinctual, physical thing! You disgust me!"

Shinji began to breathe in and out rapidly as he heard her words. _How dare you! How fucking dare you! You fucking bitch! _"Physical? You're lying to me! It was not just physical! I know you feel something but you're not telling me! Don't be afraid!" Shinji shook his head at her and held back his own tears and his rage.

"I'm not lying!" Asuka said coldly. "I am not afraid of anything. I do not feel that way about you! You're a fucking idiot! You disgust me! You're weak and simple minded! I don't want to be in love with you! Why would I want that?"

_That's it! _His eyes narrowed at her and at his side, his fist shook with pure unyielding rage. He imagined the vision he had where he strangled Asuka and now he was feeling the same way. _You bitch! I could kill you for saying what you just said! How dare you! How fucking dare you! Asuka, you've wounded me in a way you could never comprehend. Now, it's my turn. Now you're going to see everything I hold back from you. Now you're going to see what you turned me into. Want to see the rage I used to unleash upon the angels? Now, it's going to be coming straight at you! I disgust you? You disgust me, you fucking whore! _

Looking at her, he was so angry, so hurt and so he called out as loud as he could. "YOU bitch!"

Asuka turned as he heard her snap off at her. He had never been that way with her. Usually, he took her garbage and then sulked but to call her a _bitch_? _That _was unusual.

"What did you just say?" Asuka asked.

Shinji ignored her and then walked over to the shelter and went inside.

"SHINJI, GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!" Asuka yelled out.

Shinji continued to ignore her. He was furious. _Last night meant nothing to her. Nothing. It was all for a waste. Screw it all._ _Now I'm going to treat her like shit just like she treats me. I won't be this weak guy she can push around anymore_!

He quickly threw on jeans with his boots and then grabbed his backpack. He walked out of the shelter and then walked up to her.

"Get your shit together!" he barked out. "We gotta get a move on. I'm not wasting valuable time so you can flap your mouth!"

Asuka's eyes widened when he yelled at her. "Don't speak to me like that you fucking idiot. I'll beat your fucking ass if you ever speak that way to me again!"

Shinji sneered at her and said. "No. You won't."

"You have no right to speak that way to me, you fucking idiot!"

"I'll speak to you anyway I want, you fucking bitch!" Shinji retorted. "You like to insult and degrade. I'll give it right back to you. Oh and one other thing, don't ever; EVER, fucking touch me in the middle of the night AGAIN! You want to cry at night? Cry alone!"

That irritated Asuka. "I told you…never to bring that up AGAIN! How dare you…."

"Yeah, I know what you told me!" Shinji yelled out. "You don't order me around any longer! Now pick up your shit and let's go! We're wasting daylight and we've got more ground to cover."

"You carry it!" Asuka growled.

"Pick it up or it STAYS there!" Shinji growled.

"Fine!" Asuka barked. "I'll go my own way. You can go off on your own!" She knew that would terrify him.

He sneered and shook his head. "Fine. Stay here by yourself with NO ONE! I'm going! I'd be better off without you anyway!"

He picked up his backpack and then began to walk away. Asuka watched as he walked further and further away and then quickly she grabbed her pack, put it on and chased after him.

He heard her running up from behind him and stopped, crossing his arms. She came running up to him, out of breath and looked at him with hurt in her eyes. _Good,_ he thought, I_ hit a nerve_. "Oh, so you decided to come with me, huh? What's your problem? Are you afraid to be left alone?" he asked.

"Just…" Asuka looked at his face, she couldn't say anything.

"Well?" he asked with a smirk.

"Nothing." She said.

"Nothing?" Shinji asked.

"Yeah." Asuka growled. "NOTHING. Let's go!"

"Wow! You have nothing to say? That's a first!" Shinji turned and began to walk with Asuka following behind him not saying anything at all.

Chapter 37

They walked throughout the entire day and it seemed like they found nothing. No signs of life. No towns left. Nothing. They knew sooner or later, they had to find something.

Shinji had also noticed that the weather had started to shift from unbearably hot yesterday to a chill. He stopped and took his backpack off, rummaging through the backpack to pull out the heavy jacket he had found a few weeks back.

He quickly put it on and then he turned to see Asuka with her arms around herself, shivering. .

"What the hell is going on?" Asuka asked in a shaky voice. "We go from hot to cold. This is insane!"

"It's the change in the weather." Shinji said. "The Earth is probably out of whack. Seasons are probably changing according to what's happening around us."

"That's just fantastic." Asuka said in an annoyed tone.

"Put on your jacket then!" Shinji barked.

"I can't, Asshole!" Asuka yelled out.

"Why not?" he asked.

"Because I don't have one!" Asuka said angrily.

"Before we left the bar, we went to that destroyed sporting goods store! There were tons of jackets in there! Did you take one?"

"Yes!" Asuka yelled.

"So where is it?" Shinji yelled.

"Somewhere!" Asuka yelled back.

"What?"

"I FUCKING LOST IT!" Asuka screamed as she crossed her arms and looked away, turning red.

Shinji snickered and she shot an annoyed look at him.

"WHAT?" She growled.

Shinji cleared his throat and crossed his arms as he looked at her with half a grin. "You…. lost your jacket?"

"Yes!" Asuka barked. "I used it as a pillow one night and I think I forgot to pack it up. I don't know what I did with it!"

"How in the hell…. DID YOU LOSE YOUR FUCKING JACKET? HOW COULD YOU FORGET IT?" he yelled.

"I. …DON'T…KNOW, SHINJI!" Asuka growled.

Shinji shook his head and then took a deep breath as he spoke in a more clearer and nastier tone. "That was **_stupid_**, Asuka! You should pay more attention to detail, Asuka. Now because you were **_stupid_**, you lost your jacket."

Asuka growled. _Stupid? Did he just call me STUPID? _"Who the fuck do you think you are?" She growled.

"I think I just called you stupid." Shinji said with a grin.

Asuka growled and then came at him. "You bastard!"

He watched her get angry and he smirked. Then she reared back and bought her hand down in which he raised his hand and snatched her wrist, he wasn't squeezing or being forceful. He simply just held it. .

She breathed out as he looked at her. She could see a mass of confusion in his eyes. He pulled her to him and stared into her eyes and Asuka's eyes went wide…because she saw pure radiated anger in his face and it scared her.

For the first time ever, Asuka backed away from Shinji.

"Don't ever try that again." He said in a growl as he let her hand go.

Asuka became red in the face. _At this point I pushed him too far. Last night had met something to him as it did to me but I…can't even admit it. Shinji, I am afraid. I am losing my strength because of this. I'm so scared. Oh god, what did I do? _

As she looked at him, she watched as his eyes narrowed and her voice shook as she said. "Shin…. Shinji, calm down."

"You will never touch me AGAIN!" He yelled out as she stepped back further from him.

"You called me stupid."

"You deserved it." He told her.

"Don't call me stupid."

"Fine." Shinji said to her as he looked back at her. He saw that she was shivering and it was getting colder. He was furious with her. He was tempted to let her freeze "Are you cold?"

"N.no!" Asuka lied.

He may have been mad as hell with her and developed more of a backbone but he was also still gentle and compassionate. Looking at her, he put his backpack down and unzipped his jacket.

"Take this." He told her as he took off his jacket and held it out to her.

Asuka looked back to him astonished what he had just done. "But what about you…"

Shinji smirked and then said. "I'm a guy. I can handle it. We'll come across another town soon and I'll get a jacket when we hit the next town."

Asuka would have normally taken that as a challenge and refused the jacket but she was cold and she decided to let it go. She took the jacket and then put it on, zipping it up.

She looked back to him. "Thank you." She whispered.

Shinji nodded at her and then rummaged through his backpack. He took a deep breath as he saw he had only two sweaters and a pull over for winters wear. He quickly took out one of the two heavy sweaters out and then put it on, and then he threw the backpack over his shoulder.

Asuka normally would have issued a nasty comment seeing at what he just did but knowing he had given her his jacket, she couldn't see how a belittling comment would be warranted in this situation.

"Come on." Shinji said.

Asuka nodded and they began to walk.

Chapter 38

When it became apparent as the day turned into the night, that they hadn't found any deserted towns or structures, reality set in that they would have to sleep outside. Asuka for the first time in two months did not start her _I-want-to-make-you-feel-guilty_ argument.

Shinji took off his backpack and then him and Asuka began to make up a campsite.

Quickly, they started a small fire, which burned brightly but still did not seem to be good enough against the cold night air that was now starting to get colder.

They hadn't spoken throughout most of the day. When they ate, which was not much, just a can of soup that they shared in order to ration out their food, they still were silent.

Shinji wondered how long this would go on for and she equally thought the same.

Then finally the silence broke. "Hey, that was really nice of you. Thank you for giving me the jacket." Asuka said to him in a low voice.

Shinji nodded his head and tended to the fire. "Its okay." He told her.

"Are you…going to be okay?" She asked.

"Yeah." He told her. All though he wouldn't admit it, the cold was starting to bother him. It was cutting right through the sweater and making him shiver.

"Do you want to sit over here?" she asked as she looked back to him.

Still angry at the way she had treated him in the morning, Shinji settled against a rock on the other side of the fire, opposite her. He glared at her and she could see the hurt in his eyes.

Asuka didn't want him to sleep over there. She wanted him nearby, as he had always been, but she had a feeling he wouldn't do that. So, she thought of other excuses to possibly getting him to sit by her. "It's going to be very cold tonight."

"Your point?" Shinji asked, knowing what she was getting at.

"Well don't' you think if you sat over here, we'd both be warmer?"

Shinji sighed and then pulled a blanket out of the backpack and wrapped it around him. "You've got some nerve." He told her coldly.

"I just mean it's going to be cold tonight. You'd be warmer over here."

Shinji sneered and then said. "Not particularly. I think I'd be colder by you."

Asuka knew what that statement meant. She knew she had that coming. "Okay then." She did want him nearby and thereby she knew it was time to suck up her pride and issue a formal apology. She knew that was the only way she would ever get Shinji near her ever again. "Listen," She said as she looked at him. "I want to tell you something about…last night…."

"I don't care what you have to say!" Shinji snapped. "I am not in the mood for your attempt at an apology. Nothing you could say can change that."

Asuka felt anger well up within her. Here she was ready to sacrifice her pride and apologize to him for being a bitch and he wouldn't even listen to her? _How dare he!_ It wasn't often that she apologized, actually she couldn't remember when she did apologize to him ever, but now she was going to and he didn't want to listen? "Oh, is that how it is?" Asuka asked sarcastically.

"That's how it is, Asuka." Shinji told her angrily.

"You know I'm trying to say sorry here…. can't you listen?"

"Oh, you're trying to say sorry now? Asuka, I don't care! No! I don't want to listen to you!" he snapped.

"Fine then! Good night!" She said as she settled down on the rock and wrapped herself in her own blanket, pulling up the hood of her jacket.

"Yeah good night." Shinji said as he looked at her and breathed out, again keeping the bat nearby.

As the night progressed, Shinji wished he hadn't been so stubborn about not sleeping with Asuka that night. It was freezing cold and he shivered for most of the night. Even though the fire was warm, he had to keep waking up in order to keep it going and frequently, he had to go and get more wood. More so, when he woke up to tend to the fire, he heard her. Small whimpers. Crying.

A large part of him wanted to go over to her and simply hold her but then he remembered to stand fast on his position. He would never do that again. Anytime he showed her affection, she simply became a bitch. She did it to him the night after the storm and she would no longer do it to him again.

Shinji could usually deal with the yelling, bitching, complaining, whining and screaming because then when they settled down after the day was over, they frequently found things to talk about and laugh about. She made him feel alive and when they fought, he found a spark in her that ignited in him as well.

However, what she had done to him today, where she wanted him to forget about his most important moment with her ever…that was asking too much. _Why though? Why did she want to forget about it? Had it confused her that much?_

Shinji sighed out and looked up at the stars and then at her. For the first time since they had been put together, he had not slept without her nearby. He didn't' like not having her close but he was angry.

_Asuka had gone too far with that comment…just too damned far._ However he knew the reason and he wondered if she would ever let her pride go for just that reason.

Chapter 39

The next day lead to no shelter, no towns and as Asuka looked in the backpack to make dinner, she growled out. "OH FUCK!"

"What?" Shinji asked as he stood near the edge of a cliff and looked out.

"We've got a problem! A huge fucking problem!"

Shinji turned to her as the wind blew through his hair and crossed his arms. "What's the problem?"

"The problem is we are down to five cans of soup! That's it. There's no more!" Asuka said nervously.

Shinji took a breath and looked out into the distance. "I know."

"You knew? You knew and you didn't feel that was crucial information to inform me about? Idiot!"

Shinji shrugged and looked out. "It doesn't matter. We can ration it until we…." His voice drifted off as he stared straight ahead.

"Are you listening to me?" She growled as she got up and ran over to him. "What the hell are you looking at?"

"Asuka, look over there." He said as he looked out.

She looked and saw it. It was a huge beautiful snow capped mountain in the distance and she thought to herself as she saw it. _That's the prettiest thing I've seen in this world yet well, since the world ended anyway. It reminds me of. …Home. Germany. It's beautiful._

"It's nice." Asuka said as looked out..

"Yeah." Shinji said as he looked out.

"So, are you going to stand there and look at the mountain and the sunset or are you going to help me with camp?" Asuka asked in an annoyed tone.

As the day was ending; Shinji and Asuka sat up camp. Asuka watched Shinji, as he seemed to be more tired then he was the day before.

It worried her to see him like that. _He looks sick_, she thought to herself, _Is that stress? Could he be getting sick? Am I the cause of it? _

She watched him set up the fire and then place his large bat nearby, she took a deep breath as she settled against a rock underneath the blanket and looked at him with worry.

"You want something to eat?" he asked her.

"Nah." Asuka said

"Me neither." He told her as he got up and then stood outside of the campfire, looking out.

Asuka watched him and then felt sleep come to her. She settled down and went to sleep.

Shinji then turned his head and looked at her. There was pain in his face as he looked at her.

_Why?_

It was the only thing he could think of as he looked at her. He shook his head and shut his eyes, he took a breath and then thought.. _Goddamnit, why?_

Chapter 40

The following night bought colder air then the night before and Asuka woke up from feeling chilly. As she awoke, she watched while Shinji shivered and moved closer to the fire. She sat up and looked over at him.

"You'd be better off over here." Asuka said.

"I don't want to sit by you!" Shinji snapped as he looked at her angrily and then covered his mouth as he coughed.

"Idiot! It's cold! We both are cold! It makes sense!"

Shinji bit his cheek as he looked at her, huffing angrily. "Be quiet, Asuka."

Asuka shook her head as she looked at him. "Are you…ever going to get past that?"

_Oh no you didn't! You didn't just say that to me. _Shinji sneered as he looked at her and shook his head at her. "Just shut your mouth!"

Asuka's eyes widened as she heard him snap off at her and watched as he settled against the rock and glared at her.

She knew he wasn't going to listen to her and she wondered if there was anyway she could get him to accept her apology. _Shinji, doesn't run when I'm affectionate with him. I have to try to get him to listen to me. Maybe this will work._

She got up with the blanket wrapped around her and walked over to him. He watched her as she came over to him and then turned his head away, refusing to look at her. She looked at him and then went to touch him.

He got up and moved away from her, sitting on a large rock, facing away from her. "Go away, Asuka." He said angrily.

Asuka got up and walked over to him. "Shinji?"

"Leave me alone!" he growled.

She stood behind him and then wrapped her arms around him, resting her head on his shoulder. "Don't be angry anymore." She whispered to him.

"I can be angry." He told her as he breathed in from feeling her touch. "I have every right to be!"

Asuka placed her hand on his cheek and gently, turned his face to her. She saw his eyes. He was hurt, angry and his eyes were starting to well up with tears. "Shinji…let me say something please?"

"No." He said to her in a breath as he looked away.

Asuka felt her tears well up in her eyes and her heart was full of hurt as she looked at him. "Shinji…. I'm sorry…" She moved close to him and kissed him on his cheek.

_Did she just say I'm sorry? _His eyes shut and his face radiated pain as his body tensed up and he began to breathe. "Stop it, Asuka!" He whispered to her. "Don't…"

Asuka kissed him on his neck and he breathed in again as she held him. He kept his eyes shut and felt her lightly caress his cheek and then turned his face to hers.

"I'm sorry." She whispered to him as a tear rolled out of her eye. He opened his eyes and she kissed him gently on the lips.

Shinji breathed in as she kissed him and all he wanted at that point was to hold her and kiss her for hours on end. "Asuka…" he breathed out as he kissed her. He looked back to her and then kissed her again.

"Listen to me, " She said gently in a whisper in between kisses. "Shinji…. I am truly sorry."

She kissed him again and his arms held her as her arms went around him.

"Oh, Asuka…." He held her tight against him with his heart beating wildly, and then as he looked into her face, he kissed her again, holding her against him. "Asuka, I…want to tell you…."

"Shinji…." she whispered as she kissed him again, holding him close.

He kissed her as if he hadn't seen her in years and then he heard her say. "Can we just get past this now? Can we forget about _that night_ and _move on_?"

Shinji breathed in and he opened his eyes.

He stared into her eyes and then held her back, looking at her with contempt. She tried to hold him but he held her back. His eyes narrowed again and he wanted to push her off of him.

Instead, he sighed angrily as he got up and stood with his back facing away from her, shaking his head, with his arms crossed, trying desperately to control his rage. _I could slap her for saying what she just said to me! Damn you, Asuka! You bitch! You manipulative little bitch!_

"Shinji?" Asuka asked.

"Don't do that, Asuka!" He told her with hurt in his voice. "Don't give me a fake apology! Don't try to play me for a fool! Get away from me! Just…. go to sleep."

Asuka breathed in as she heard his words, they cut into her like a knife. She backed away from him. She sat down and moved close to the fire. "Why won't you listen to me?" She asked sadly as she stared at the fire.

"Do you honestly have to ask me that? The answer is, I'm not interested in what you have to say!" Shinji snapped.

Asuka breathed out and crossed her arms saying coldly. "Nothing I do is good enough, is it? I try to apologize to you and you don't want to accept it! I am not playing you for a fool, Shinji. I am sorry for how I hurt you!"

"I don't care." He told her as he crossed his arms.

"Shinji, look I'm sorry for the way I treated you but Shinji, we got out of control with each other…. it should never have happened." Asuka told him.

"Stop talking about it, Asuka." Shinji said as he felt his rage start to bubble.

Asuka shook her head and then said. "Maybe I should just leave." Asuka said as she looked up at him. "Would you like that? Would you like me to leave, Shinji? Do you want to be by yourself?"

"Don't try that route!" he growled. "You're trying to manipulate me again! I know you. You're not going anywhere!" Shinji told her.

"The way you're treating me I could walk out on you right now!"

"Liar!" He snapped. "Whether you go or stay it doesn't matter. If you go, you'll be lonely and if you stay, at least you'll have a companion…. and that's all I'll ever allow myself to be to you."

"You don't think I would leave? The way you're treating me right now, I don't want to be anywhere near you!" Asuka growled.

Then as he turned around to her, he said as he narrowed his eyes. "So you decide what you want! You want to go, go. I won't stop you. If you go though, you stay gone. You know what will happen if you do go? You'll get lonely and then you'll want to die. The same thing will happen to me, Asuka. I'll get lonely and want to die. How in the hell will you survive, Asuka, by yourself? Same thing with me! We need each other, Asuka, that's the reality! Realty, we're here. So reality dictates we need each other. Besides, I know you; you're scared to death about being alone! So, leave if that's what you want! Leave and we'll both die! If you stay though, be prepared to deal with the consequences of your actions! Be prepared to realize that some things are not forgivable!"

"I am trying to deal with the consequences of my actions!" Asuka said to him angrily. "I…. I just want you to accept my apology! I want us to get past this! Damnit, Shinji, you're acting like it was the only thing that mattered! Doesn't the fact that we've been together for three years count for anything? Doesn't the fact that we've needed each other to survive matter? Shinji, we've been through life and death with each other. You've saved my life more times then I can count. You've protected me and taken care of me but Shinji…. that night…. we just… Shinji…we just went too far…and that's all…. I just…I…. want…. I'm sorry." Asuka said as she looked up at him.

"I don't want an apology from you!" Shinji yelled out.

"Why?" Asuka asked through a tear-strained voice.

"BECAUSE IT'S AN EMPTY APOLOGY, ASUKA!" Shinji bellowed. "YOU TOLD ME THAT IT DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU! YOU ONLY CARED ABUOT YOURSELF; YOU DIDN'T THINK HOW IT AFFECTED ME! YOU WANTED TO FORGET THE WHOLE DAMNED THING! FINE! IT'S FORGOTTEN!" Shinji turned his back again, trying to control himself from wanting to sob.

"I never said it didn't mean anything, Shinji!" Asuka yelled out.

"OH NO?" Shinji asked as he sneered and turned to face her. He shook his head at her and felt rage start to pour out of him. "You told me to forget it even happened! You told me you wished it never had happened, that we went too far! You said it was just sexual! You told me we just fooled around and that was it! To me that sounded like you didn't care! To me it sounds like it didn't mean anything to you at all. So any lame apology you can give me is an empty apology!"

"Shinji, damnit, we weren't ready for something like that! I shouldn't have been mean to you I admit that but Shinji…we went too far. So please just let me apologize. Please forgive me." Asuka said sadly.

"Its an empty apology." Shinji growled.

"Empty apology?" Asuka asked as she looked at him. "What does that mean?"

"Exactly the way it sounds." Shinji told her as his voice cracked and he turned his back to her so she couldn't see the tears in his eyes.

Asuka growled and then stood up, walking over to him and crossing her arms. "You explain that one!" she said as she stared at his back.

Shinji turned to face her and then said angrily. "Figure it out for yourself!"

"Listen you fucking idiot, I'm not going to stand here and play games with you!" Asuka growled.

"Games? GAMES! You're telling me that I'm playing games with you? Asuka, you've _been_ playing games with _me_!" Shinji yelled out. He shook his head at her and then said calmly in a vindictive tone. "Asuka, when it comes to playing games, you're a champion."

"What the fuck…"

"Don't ask me to explain it to you!" Shinji growled out at her as she caught his eyes welling up with tears.

"Shinji…. what?" Asuka said softly as she looked into his face.

"Just…" He said in a weak voice.

Asuka's face softened as she saw the hurt and pain in his face. It made her heart break. "Oh God, Shinji." She whispered. "Shinji, I…"

Then Shinji couldn't hold back any longer. He could feel the pain in his heart was getting to be too much and he didn't want Asuka to see him lose it.

He ran away from her as fast as he could into the darkness of the forest.

"Shinji!" She called out as she ran after him. "Shinji, damnit, what are you doing?" Asuka's eyes widened as she watched him disappear into the forest and then she sank down on to the ground.

She looked to the forest again and yelled out. "SHINJI, COME BACK!"

Chapter 41

Shinji ran deep into the forest, all the while he felt his tears stream down his face, and then leaned up against a tree, with his hand over his eyes.

"SHINJI!" Asuka screamed out from the distance.

He could hear her call to him. He looked over in the direction of her calling for him and then he started to bawl, feeling the pain in his heart and hating fighting with her the way he had.

Shinji didn't care. He didn't want her to see him cry like that. His heart felt so broken and he was so angry with her. He slid down the side of the tree and sat on his behind, with his face in his hands, crying his heart out.

"SHINJI! KNOCK IT OFF YOU IDIOT! COME BACK!" Asuka called out again.

Shinji looked up in her direction again

"Shinji, please come back?"

Shinji had heard her voice crack but still he didn't care. He never had felt any kind of pain like this before.

When he lost his mother, yes, that had been bad. He had been so little yet he knew that his mother was gone.

When his father left him, that hurt too. Gendo Ikari had basically abandoned him for the pursuit of his work.

However, the pain of losing the girl he loved, that was worse. Now she was trying to make up with him and just say, "I'm sorry?" _Bullshit. _

Shinji shook his head and then he felt the tears come down his face and he cried out loudly as he felt the pain in his heart. It was true that Asuka never had said sorry for anything before.

He couldn't believe she just simply wanted to say "sorry" and have everything be fine. Yet he was too angry with her and too upset with her to accept any type of an apology and it bothered him more then anything.

"Shinji?"

It was cold outside as he sat by the tree and held his face in his hands crying. He hadn't cried much in his life, when his mother died that was one. When his father left that was two, when he saw Asuka lying comatose in the hospital, fearing she would die, that was three and knowing Misato had died to save his life that was four. Now he was crying uncontrollably over his broken heart.

"SHINJI…. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

He wished the cold would eat him alive and take away this pain. He lifted his head and leaned it against the tree, feeling his heart shattered. For the first time in over three years, he felt like the old Shinji Ikari.

_Shy. Withdrawn. Unsure. Insecure. Empty. Scared. Alone._

Part of him wanted to die and just leave Asuka alone and the other part wanted to live and hope that someday things could change.

He didn't know what to think, he only knew what he felt which was an agonizing pain in his heart caused by the hurt of a broken heart. Nothing hurt worse then this rejection.

He was also angry with her for what she just had pulled. She thought by kissing him and begging for forgiveness, he would accept that apology? That was a lame attempt as far as he was concerned.

To him, that was another moment of crisis for her and tomorrow she would be a bitch about it. He wouldn't give her the time of day. He would let her know what she had done and hoped it would hurt her as much as it hurt him.

The memory still burned deeply within him. He loved holding her that night and kissing her. That night had been extraordinary. He loved being with her like that. He did things to her that had lived in his fantasies about her. He had tasted passion and experienced ecstasy. He made love to her. It had made him see things differently and more so, it had solidified something for him. He wanted her to know that…he had fallen in love with her.

"Shinji, stop it okay!" Her voice called out from the distance. "It's been two hours! Come back!"

At seventeen years old, almost eighteen, he thought he had it all together. He was almost an adult. He thought the days of wimpy, weak-minded, shy, low self esteem Shinji Ikari were behind him. Now though, he felt like he wanted to die.

In the past three years, Shinji had learned to find the strength and the confidence he needed to survive and in Asuka he had found a deep love.

Trying to survive from day to day, had bought out his strength, confidence and bravery. He had come so far and couldn't remember the person he used to be…. except at this moment, now he felt like he was so alone and unloved. He couldn't feel anything except the cold and the pain in his heart. He truly wished it would just go away.

"Shinji!"

"Asuka." He whispered as he shut his eyes and cried. Tears came down his face as he thought about her.

Shinji had never known for sure in the past if he truly loved Asuka. He had thought he loved her but it had never been allowed to go beyond a certain boundary because of NERV. It was for that reason, NERV, that he kept his growing feelings for Asuka at a distance. He kept it at a distance until he saw her lying comatose in the hospital. Then his heart started to ache and he was so afraid of her dying. Again though, he didn't know for sure if he loved her. He only knew he didn't want to be without her.

Help me, Asuka. Asuka, please! Wake up. Call me an idiot like you always do. Just…. I need you. Please, help me.

He remembered the words he had said to her. He had stayed by her bedside, begging her to wake up, begging her to help him. He wanted her to wake up and call him an idiot. She didn't though.

She didn't snap out of her coma until NERV was attacked. Misato had put Asuka into Unit 2 to keep her safe and then he remembered hearing over Misato's radio. "SHINJI! ASUKA'S ALIVE!"

_Asuka?_

He remembered when he first heard her voice over the radio saying; _As usual that idiot Shinji is nowhere to be found! Where the hell is he anyway?_

Suddenly, he had found strength hearing her voice.

Then when he had gotten into Unit 1 and seen Asuka, her EVA unit lying mauled, knowing she was dead, knowing she was gone, knowing he had been too late to save her…he had screamed a horrifying high-pitched scream out of pure grief. His thoughts had rumbled through his head. _NOT ASUKA. NOT ASUKA. No, don't take her from me! Asuka, no!_

Then after Third Impact, they were together on the beach. He couldn't believe she was real. He didn't know what to believe.

Third Impact had thrown them together.

They relied on another and became companions. They were closer then they had ever been before.

The growing feelings inside both of them had been kept dormant and at bay for so long and then little by little it started to change.

On the night of the storm though it reached a new level.

On that night, he saw she needed him as much as he needed her. He felt his heart give way and felt himself bask in the emotions he had kept to himself for so long. He could feel that she wanted it too and on that night, it had been about more then just sex or lust. Through their passion, he felt like he was one with her. He had remembered once hearing that when someone was truly in love and making love with another person they couldn't tell where they ended and the other person began. It was like that for him.

When he was with her, he felt like they were one with one another. He could feel her underneath him, her hands on his body, and her lips against his own. He remembered the way she looked as she moved underneath him. It had not just been about sex. It had been about love.

"I'm not waiting up anymore!" He heard her yell. "I'm going to bed now! Fuck you, Shinji!"

He couldn't believe though on the night that he totally and completely fell in love with her that she would have broken his heart the morning after.

She had been cruel and crass to him. To him it almost seemed vulgar the way she acted. She made like it didn't matter to her. She had basically informed him that she had succumbed to him in a moment of weakness, which meant nothing to her. Even though he could have sworn it meant more to her than that, she had told him she wanted to _forget it ever happened and that it never should have happened_. She said it had been a _mistake! How could she_?

"Shinji? Come back…its four hours now…. where are you?"

That night as he held her and touched her, he had seen something in her, something that he had never seen before. Her eyes had revealed only honesty and truth to him. He saw her love for him. He knew she loved him, he knew it. She couldn't have hid it if she wanted to. It was there. It was so obvious. He felt it in every single touch and every single kiss. He could feel the connection.

"Damn you, Shinji! What are you doing? COME BACKKKKKKKK!"

That night he saw the _REAL_ Asuka. The girl behind the tough façade was a frightened, lonely girl in need of someone like him. She was just like him. They mirrored each other exactly. He had heard it in her voice when she whispered to him for him to kiss her and had seen in her eyes, a longing and a need for him. _Why is she running away from loving me? What was so wrong about it?_

Now she had told him she just wanted him to _forget about it_. She wanted him to forget about the night that he fell in love with her? That had been asking way too much of him. It was one of his most precious moments with her ever and now she wanted him to forget it?

Shinji looked up to the sky and shut his eyes. He felt the tears run down his face and he clenched his fists as he felt the pain in his heart.

"Why…are you running away?" he asked her aloud in the darkness of the forest in a low whisper.

Then, he began to bawl.

He buried his face in his hands as he cried and thoughts rumbled through his head. _Why do you want to me forget about it? Why don't you want to love me? Why is it at the bar you wanted to know if I loved you? What is so different from the bar to now? Damn you, Asuka! What did I do? Ask me to forget the night I made love you? Tell me I can't tell you that I love you? HOW CAN YOU ASK ME THAT, ASUKA? __Bullshit! That was unfair. It was wrong! How could you? Why would she? Damn her to hell! Asuka, you've destroyed me._

Chapter 42

"SHINJI?" Asuka called out in a sobbing voice.

Asuka sat by the campfire and kept looking into the forest, wondering where he was. She had been calling out to him for hours with no response. She could feel the tears come down her face. She picked up his watch and looked at it. It had been a good five hours since he ran into the forest. She was scared and alone, she wondered if he had ran away or been hurt or…. she didn't want to think about it.

She felt like she was so wrong doing what she did. She had underestimated the situation and more so, she had not thought about how it would affect him. Now, she felt like she had miscalculated terribly and the ramification could be unforgivable. Why had she hurt him? She had to make it right…she had to.

As she sat near the fire with the blanket wrapped around her, she heard noises of twigs snapping.

Quickly, she reached for Shinji's large bat and then breathed a sigh of relief, as she saw him come into view. She put the bat down and she wiped her eyes and then watched as he walked over to the other side of the fire, sat down, and leaned against a rock while he poked the fire with a stick.

"Hi." She said as she looked at him.

He looked up at her and poked the fire and then breathed in as he asked her. "Why are you still up?"

"Oh, excuse me. I think I might have been worried about you?" Asuka asked.

"Worried about me?" Shinji asked.

"Uh yeah." Asuka said. "You just ran into the forest! Hello? Don't you think I might have been worried about you?"

"Yeah okay." He said as he yawned.

"Shinji, we need to talk."

"Not tonight we don't." he said as he got up and walked over to his backpack. He went into his backpack and took out the large blanket and then settled down onto his sleeping bag next to the fire.

Asuka looked at him.

She came up with her blanket wrapped around her and then lay next to him. His back was facing her and she simply stared at the back of him.

He sighed angrily and said. "Please sleep on the other side of the fire."

"Its cold tonight, idiot!" Asuka said.

"I don't care." Shinji snapped. "Go sleep over there."

"No." Asuka said. "We should sleep together. Its very cold."

Shinji turned to face her and looked at her with a scowl. "Why can't you just sleep over there?" he asked her.

"I don't want to." She said.

"Why are you doing this to me?" he asked her angrily. "Do you find joy in hurting me? Get away, Asuka!"

"Shinji…." she whispered as she touched his face. He closed his eyes and breathed in as he felt her touch and then turned away from her.

"Shinji, please don't…Shinji, I want to tell you…"

"Enough, Asuka!" Shinji snapped.

Asuka cuddled up close to him and tried to put her arm around him but he turned and looked at her saying angrily. "You can sleep here but don't fucking touch me!"

Asuka saw the look in his eyes and nodded her head.

He turned on his side and tried to ignore her and then shortly, he heard her. _Small whimpers. Asuka is crying again. _

He hated when she cried like that, it had been a while since she cried like that but now she was crying.

Just as she always did, he felt her move closer to him and as soon as he felt her arm come around him, Shinji got up and grabbed his blanket.

He moved over to the other side of the fire and wrapped the blanket around himself. "Stay where you are, Asuka." He growled. "Don't come near me."

Asuka lay awake on the other side and a tear rolled out of her eye. _I went too far. _She thought to herself. _I hurt him too much. He'll never forgive me for what I've done to him. He won't ever listen to me. Oh my God…I was so afraid of losing my strength. Guess what? I lost it anyway. Why did I do that? Why? He's right. I am a bitch._

Chapter 43

For most of the night, Shinji did not sleep at all. He had been cold and his mind constantly focused on Asuka.

When it finally became morning, he prepared a small breakfast for him and Asuka. He also made some coffee for them both. The morning air was still cold and he feared it would only get colder.

Asuka woke up to the smell of food and coffee. She sat up and he offered a cup of coffee out to her, which she took and then he gave her a plate of food that he had prepared.

"You're up early today." She said as she ate.

Shinji looked at her and nodded. "Yeah, couldn't sleep really."

"Oh?" Asuka asked.

She wondered if it was because he missed her being next to him but his answer to her was.

"Yeah, I had to keep getting up to keep that damn fire going. If I hadn't, we would have frozen to death."

"Oh." Asuka said as she continued to eat.

Shinji then coughed loudly. It sounded like a horrible hacking cough and Asuka looked at him with concern.

"Are you okay?"

Quickly, Shinji nodded his head and said. "Yeah, just went down the wrong pipe."

"Oh." She said. "Are you sure you're feeling okay?"

"I'm fine!" Shinji growled as he coughed again.

"Why are you coughing like that?"

"Just shut up, Asuka." Shinji said as he coughed again.

"Don't snap at me! Shinji, you are getting sick!" Asuka asked.

"NO!" Shinji yelled out. Then he took a breath and said, "After we eat, we'd better get a move on."

He stood up, and then he coughed again and shut his eyes as he held his chest and breathed in and sniffled. He breathed in and then coughed again, this time he almost lost his footing as he went down on one knee.

"Shinji!" Asuka said nervously as she put her plate down and ran over to him. "Shinji…. what the hell…you are getting sick, aren't you?"

"I am not!" He growled.

"Shinji…."

"Stop!" he growled.

"Let me help you." Asuka said as she placed her hand on his back.

"No!" He growled again as he shrugged her off and straightened up. He breathed in and held his chest and then turned to face her.

"You are getting sick!" Asuka yelled. "You should rest up. We need to find shelter! You can't go on being sick like that!" Asuka said.

"I AM NOT SICK!" Shinji yelled out in a raspy voice.

"You look sick!" Asuka said to him.

"I am not…. SICK!" Shinji growled back.

Asuka looked back to him holding back her quick sharp-witted insults and then asked. "Any idea of where to go?" Asuka asked.

"Yeah." Shinji said as he looked straight ahead.

Asuka turned and then saw the mountains. Her eyes widened as she looked back at him.

"Up the mountain? **Are you fucking crazy**?"

"Its our only chance." He said to her. "If we go up the mountain, we could get to the other side. There might be more on the other side. There's nothing here. We have to risk it. Plus, there are caves in mountains. If it gets bad enough, we can find a cave and use that for shelter."

"Shinji, what about the change in the weather? What if it's snowing up there?"

"We'd have a better chance up there then down here. There would at least be better shelter options. Down here, Asuka, there's nothing and it would take too long to go back to the other town. If it snows down here, we're fucked. We have to risk it."

"How long to reach it?"

"Four days I think…. maybe five." He said as he looked straight ahead.

"You think we should?" Asuka asked. "I'm not too crazy about this idea. You look like your getting sick."

"I'm not sick." He told her.

"Oh really?" She asked. "You look pale and tired. Look at yourself, Shinji. You are coughing and sniffling. You've got a cold and if you don't take care of yourself, you might get worse! Let me feel your forehead."

"Don't touch me!" he yelled out as he coughed again and sniffled. "I'll…. be okay."

"You didn't sleep at all last night, did you?" She asked. "Take some of the pills! If you've got an infection, it can clear it! How the hell can you expect to go on when you're exhausted and sick? We need to find shelter now. You have to nip this in the bud now!"

Shinji sneered and then said. "Well, someone had to keep the damned fire burning last night! I'll sleep. Don't' worry about me! Like you care how I feel anyway! Let's try to find a good shelter tonight and maybe I will be able to as long as I don't have to deal with any more of your bullshit!"

Asuka ignored the insult and instead said calmly. "Shinji, I'm really not crazy about this idea. What if there's a snowstorm up on that mountain?"

"Like I said, we'd have a better chance up there then down here. There are no shelter options down here. At least up there, we have a shot. Down here we'll be dead."

"What about our food situation?" Asuka asked. "What if we run out of rations?"

"Well, we'll have to hunt now, won't we?"

"Hunt?" Asuka asked.

"Or, would you rather starve to death?" Shinji asked.

"I do not have a good feeling about going up that mountain. Shinji, we should stay down here and build a shelter down here."

"What supplies do we have, Asuka?" Shinji asked.

"I know but…. we wouldn't be stuck on a mountain!"

"Asuka, it would take too long to go around the mountain range. We have to go over it. It would cut down on time and besides, I have a feeling that over there…. there's more for us."

"How do you know that? These feelings you have…. was it the same feeling when we left the bar, Shinji?"

"Don't start." He told her. "There is a better chance on that mountain then there is down here. The weather is getting colder and if we don't do something quick, we will die. Do you want to die, Asuka?"

:"No." Asuka said as she looked at him.

"Then we do it my way from now on!" Shinji growled.

"Oh, I see." Asuka said as she crossed her arms and looked at him. "You all of a sudden have become the leader, is that it? The Big Bad Man takes control? Big Man my ass!"

"I am telling you that down here the weather is getting colder and if it snows down here, we have no shelter at all! There's nothing down here! We'll die, Asuka. We'll freeze to death and die! Up there we have a chance for life. We have a chance to get to the other side!"

"What if there's nothing on the other side, Shinji? When then?"

"Then we deal." Shinji said to her. "I don't think that's the case though. I just…. I don't know…. I have a feeling that there is something on the other side. I can't explain it. I feel like we have to go there."

"Oh, you mean the same way you felt when we left the bar…"

"DON'T YOU GIVE ME ANY MORE SHIT ABOUT THAT!" He yelled as he pointed at her. "I am tired of hearing about the fucking bar! Shut up about it all ready! We are going up that mountain! I am going up the mountain! What you do is up to you!"

"You're out of your fucking mind!" Asuka growled.

"What do you want us to do?" Shinji yelled.

"I don't know!" Asuka barked.

"If we stay here, we're dead." Shinji said as he coughed and covered his mouth with his hand.

"If we go up that mountain we'll be dead!" Asuka said nervously as she looked at him. "Do you honestly think there's something on the other side?"

"There _HAS_ to be." He told her.

"What if there isn't and it's just as barren and empty?"

"Then, we do what we have to do to stay alive." Shinji told her. "I don't think that's the case though. Asuka, I feel like there's something waiting for us over there"

"Yeah?" Asuka asked.

"Yeah. Something is calling for us to go there. I can't explain it. I just felt that way since the day I saw the mountain range."

"Are you sure Death isn't calling to you?" Asuka asked.

"Very funny." Shinji told her.

"So four to five days to reach it?" Asuka asked as she looked over.

"Yeah."

"How can you think about going up a mountain with no winter jacket? You'll freeze to death! You're getting sick as it is!" Asuka protested.

"I am not getting sick!"

"Liar!"

"Watch who you call a liar, Asuka." Shinji told her with contempt in his voice.

"What if I say I wont' go?" Asuka asked as she crossed her arms and looked at him.

"Then, I'll leave you here." Shinji told her.

"You'd leave me here?" Asuka asked.

"I…" He looked at her and then couldn't answer and Asuka smirked.

"No, you wouldn't. You talk a tough game but you wouldn't leave me alone. I know you too well. Remember, where you go, I go. That's the way it's been."

"Asuka, stop it! Okay?" Shinji asked.

"What are you hoping for, Shinji? What is so important about going over that damned mountain?"

"I told you all ready how _I_ felt about it." He said to her.

"Yeah and I told you how _I_ felt about it!" Asuka growled. "Going up that mountain is suicidal"

"No, Asuka, if we stay here that's really being suicidal." He told her as he sat down by the fire and poked at the fire with a stick. "Asuka, we would not be able to venture further out without going around the mountain range. That could take months. I doubt there are any deserted towns or forests here. We're in the middle of the wilderness and going over that mountain, might be the only thing we can do. If we continue to wander in the wilderness, we'll run out of food. We'd eventually have to stop and find shelter and we don't know what is out here. Asuka, this is our best shot and we have to take it."

"Well, looks like we have no choice…do we, Shinji?" Asuka asked.

Shinji only looked at her and covered his mouth while he coughed.

Asuka looked over at him, sitting down beside him and then said softly. "Do you think we could talk about maybe…what's been going on between us lately? We need to talk about this. We need to find some way to fix this."

Shinji sighed angrily and rolled his eyes as he stood up. "I am going to say one thing and one thing only." He told her as he crossed his arms, looking down at her. "I will be okay. I will be okay as long as it is never spoken of again. I no longer wish to discuss the evening you chose to forget about. As far as I am concerned, it never existed! Okay? You got your wish. It never happened, Asuka. It was a figment of your imagination. It was all a dream, or as you would like to recall it as, a nightmare. So just like all bad dreams, let's forget about this one, okay? As long as it never existed, we never did what we did with each other. We never became more then what we are. In fact, let's also forget about the bar…. let's forget about the first time we kissed. Let's forget all of it and just be like brother and sister for the rest of our lives."

Asuka breathed in as she heard his voice. "Shinji…"

"Oh and …it will never happen again! Never again, Asuka!" Shinji growled as she looked at her. "Okay? Never. From now on, we're just like brother and sister, okay? I don't want you to touch me, or kiss me, or hold me. I don't want to sleep with you and I especially don't want to know your spying on me while I'm bathing."

"I never…" Asuka growled out as she stood up with her hands in fists at her sides.

"You're a fucking liar." He told her.

Asuka sighed angrily. She knew he was right but it still irritated her. "Shinji, look…."

Shinji held back pain in his heart as he spoke and looked at her. "I don't want to know about how you feel. I don't want to even have you attempt to cuddle with me at night. I want none of it! There will never be another sexual episode between us again! Just like you are resisting feeling what I know what you feel, I will never feel the same way about you! I will force myself to forget it entirely."

Asuka breathed in as she heard him and softly she said. "Shinji, don't you realize why it was a mistake? It was because we weren't ready yet! Shinji, we're too young right now…. but later…Shinji, we're the only man and woman left on Earth!" Asuka said.

"We were too young?" Shinji sneered. "Uh…excuse me but a few months ago, when you found that condom at the bar you were ready to jump my bones! You gladly would have had sex then! If I hadn't stopped, you would have fucked my brains out! Don't tell me then you would have said no! No, you would have let me do it to you over and over again and you know what, you would have been more then content with it just being a physical act. I wasn't content with that. You may be fine with hiding away in yourself and protecting yourself from whatever you feel but I'm not! You may have been the one who was more then happy to have it be just another game to you, just a sexual thing, but I wasn't! Now because one night it actually was emotional and not physical; because it involved you revealing your heart; all of a sudden you think it was because we were too young? Asuka, I can't believe you!" Shinji yelled out.

Asuka breathed in and then he continued as he raised his voice and she heard it crack as he yelled.

"I know it meant more to you. I know it scared the hell out of you when you realized what it was. That night you and me made love to each other and you wanted to forget about it? Guess what, Asuka, poof, it never existed! So, you know what… I don't care if we are the only man and woman left! What does it matter? I don't ever want to be like that with you again! From now on, consider us PLUTONIC!"

"Shinji, your crazy! When we're older we might…"

"NO! Never!" Shinji growled out. "We won't. The human race will die of extinction, Asuka. The human race will disappear from the face of Earth just like the dinosaurs and in my dying memoirs, I will write: the human race died because Asuka is a bitch! Be prepared for a plutonic, celibate lifestyle because I never want to be close to you again. NEVER! We'll become adults and we'll live in a shallow, empty, plutonic lifestyle. We'll grow old and we'll never be like that again. No matter how bad you may want it, I will never give into you because you feel nothing!"

"I see." Asuka said.

"I can't believe you would think that I would ever want to fuck you after what you did to me!" he growled out.

Asuka breathed in as she looked at him and stood up. "That I would want to what?" She growled out as she narrowed her eyes and then in a voice filled with sarcasm she said. "I would think…." She said as she breathed in. "…. That it would have sucked anyway!"

"Sucked?" Shinji sneered. "You think it would have sucked? Oh there's a lie right there! I didn't hear you complaining that night! As far as I could tell it was…. oh, yes, yes, Shinji, my God!" he mimicked with a sneer. "Oh, God, Shinji, oh yes, don't stop! Mmmmmm…. ohhhhhhh!" He said with a smirk as he crossed his arms. "I think it was something like that and of course, yes, yes, YES about a million times over! Actually, I lost count about how many yes's there were. I think every time you breathed in, you breathed out the word YES! However, as for the rest, you'll never know now, will you? I think my hand could pleasure me more then you could." Shinji told her as he crossed his arms and smirked.

Asuka sneered and chuckled as she looked up at him. "As I recall you were the one screaming out ASUKKKAAAAAAAA! And what other things, were there? Oh yeah, how could I forget?" Asuka smirked and then said in a deep voice. "Oh, baby! That's so good! Oh! Oh! Asukaaaaaaaa, you're amazing!" Asuka chuckled and then said sarcastically. "But now I suppose your hand would be the only thing to pleasure you since the size of your dick would hardly suit me at all!"

"You couldn't handle something that big!" Shinji snickered.

Asuka walked over to him and stared into his face. "You don't know the first thing about turning me on!"

He smirked at her and chuckled and then said, as he practically stuck his face into her own in a sarcastic voice. "I find trees that are more appealing then you. You're just like dead wood. You have no feeling at all." Then he stood there grinning at her, staring into her eyes.

Asuka again breathed in as she looked at him nose-to-nose, and felt she wanted to slap him hard across the face, the other part of her wanted to kiss him. "Get your shit together, Ikari! We're leaving."

"Fine." Shinji told her as he walked past her.

Chapter 44

For the next four days, Shinji and Asuka acted like basically strangers. He did his best to ignore her and she tried not to irk him. At night they never spoke and didn't sleep near one another.

Asuka had felt that she had made the worst mistake ever by doing what she had done and Shinji felt more alone then he ever had before.

He began to question his own judgment about going up the mountain, wondering if perhaps he was subconsciously leading them to a suicidal end, then he knew the answer…. it was because he felt something was there for them, something they had to find.

He hated the fact he couldn't be close to Asuka, especially when he heard her cry at night, all he wanted to do was take her into his arms and hold her, but he would banish that thought when he thought of the pain she caused him. _Asuka is a bitch and will always be a bitch; you don't want a bitch, Ikari. _

Yet at night, he couldn't help to focus on her while she slept. _I'm crazy to think I wouldn't want to be with her. Of course I do. I want to be with her forever. How long is this going to last for? Why is this happening to us? Why can't she just admit to me that she loves me? That's all I want. If she said that, everything would be forgiven, everything. She won't though. She's too stubborn, too strong willed; it's the German in her. Asuka wont give an inch. I've lost her._

Asuka too felt the thoughts flood her brain. _He is getting worse everyday. He is getting sick and he wouldn't admit it. He's so determined about going about that mountain. How can he think that? I hear his coughing getting worse all the time. He's getting sick. Why won't he stop just for a bit? He'll die if he's not careful. He also hates me. He wont' speak to me; he won't let me near him. Do I blame him though? No. I hurt him badly. I was so afraid of losing my strength if I admitted to loving him but now, I feel so weak about losing him. I was wrong. My strength may be the only thing is this world I have left but my strength comes from him and without him, I have nothing. I was so dumb. I've lost my strength because I've lost him._

Asuka closed her eyes and tried to sleep only to be woken up shortly after by horrible hacking coughing sounds.She turned onto her side and then she saw him.

Shinji was over by the fire, shivering, coughing, and looking very tired and pale. At that point, she wanted to get up, run over to him, throw her arms around him, scream at him that she loved him and then want to just take care of him. She hated seeing him get sick but more so, she hated that he was denying he was getting sicker.

It scared her to see him get so sick and then at the thought of going up the mountain? That was a thought that frightened her even more. _Damn you, Shinji_, she thought as she looked at him, _you're getting sick. You need to rest. You need to stop pushing yourself. I swear tomorrow you will not go up that mountain if you're like this. I am not going to let you get sick and die. I refuse to. I swear, Shinji, somehow I'll make this right. I don't know how but I will. I think its time I told you how I felt. Maybe if I was finally honest, you'd believe in me again. Maybe if you knew the truth, you'd be able to understand why I was an asshole and a bitch. Oh, Shinji, I am so sorry for what I've done. I am such a fool. A brazen stupid bitch just like you said I was. Look at me now, the tough unstoppable German firecracker otherwise known as Asuka Langley Soruyu. Tough, my ass! My heart feels like its been shattered. I feel so weak and lonely. I hate this. I need him. I can't lose you, Shinji. You're my heart. I can't take this anymore…. I have to make this right. I have to!_

She watched as he coughed and then clutched his chest, he looked over at her and saw she was awake.

She breathed in as he looked at her.

Asuka sat up and looked at him with a tear in her eye. "Shinji," she said softly as she looked at him. ", Would you come over please and sit with me? I need to talk to you. There's something I have to say."

"No bullshit tonight, Asuka." Shinji snapped as he looked at her. "Go back to sleep."

"Please, Shinji." Asuka said as she looked at him. ", I really need to talk to you. I want to tell you something. I have to tell you something."

"NO!" he growled. "GO BACK TO SLEEP!"

Then, he coughed again and got up. He walked away from her, holding his chest.

Asuka nodded her head and then laid back down, she started to cry. _It's over. It's done. I've lost him! I'm such a weak-minded stupid fool! _

This time though instead of having Shinji to cuddle up to, she cried all night, and cried alone.

He stayed outside of the campfire, trying to ignore her crying, but he couldn't. It went right through him and it made his heart ache. He felt the cold bite right through his pullover. He came back to the campfire and sat as close as he could to the fire. He was poking the fire with a stick and shivering, he felt so lousy.

He kept coughing and then as he looked at Asuka, he felt a pain like no other in the center of his chest. _This fucking sucks. _He thought to himself as he looked at her. He tried to settle close to the fire and get some rest. He couldn't though, his mind focused on wanting to be close to Asuka and his heart ached over her. _Maybe I shouldn't have cut her off so quickly before. Maybe she wanted to tell me something important to her, and I wouldn't listen. It was probably another attempt at an apology. Bah! I don't want an apology. I just want to know if you love me. I know you do. Just tell me for God's sake. If you say that, everything's okay again, I swear it but you won't. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you don't love me. Maybe…. you're right. You don't love me. You never did. I need to accept that. I've lost you. It's over. It's done._

(Edited for The fight between Shinji and Asuka had a lot more references that I felt were a little too descript for They were taken out. After Impact Uncut will be available through the author's website.)


	5. Chapters 45 thru 59

PART V – THE CAVE

Chapter 45

"You need to give it a fucking rest, Asuka!" he had yelled out in a raspy voice that morning as he packed up the backpack and laced up his boots. "We'll be fine. We know what to do! Stop acting like a fucking bitch!"

"It's not me I'm worried about!" Asuka yelled out. "It's you, you fucking idiot! You're sick! Can't you see it yourself?" Asuka then pulled out her small mirror from her pack and shoved it in his face. "Take a good look at yourself, Shinji! You're fucking sick! Stop this madness now!"

Shinji growled and then knocked the mirror out of her hand, looking back at her with anger. "I've had it with you! I am so sick and tired of your shit! That's it, Asuka! I am going! If you want to stay, then stay! I don't care anymore!"

Asuka took a deep breath as she looked at him and said. "Okay. You win. Go, Shinji."

Shinji looked over at her, growled and then picked up his backpack saying. "Have a nice life, Asuka."

Asuka stood by herself as he walked past her, then she shut her eyes, feeling herself start to cry. She sniffled and then she grabbed her pack and called out. "SHINJI!"

She ran after him.

He turned around to her and saw her come towards him. He breathed out as he saw her and then said sarcastically. "So, are you coming?"

"Where you go, I'll go." Asuka said.

"I don't want to hear one word about me getting sick, understand?" he asked her.

"Okay." Asuka said.

"I also don't want to hear anymore _SHIT_ about the bar, the weather, how pissed you are, nothing!" he growled at her.

"Okay." She said.

"Let's go." He told her.

"Shinji, wait!" She said tearfully as she reached for his arm.

Shinji froze and shut his eyes, and then he turned to her and saw her breathing heavily with tears coming down her face.

"Shinji, before we go…I need to tell you…that…. I…Shinji…. I…am sorry…I am so very sorry…. and you need to know that I…."

"…Asuka, just save it!" He had told her as he turned his back on her.

Asuka's heart had nearly shattered when he said that.

He began to go up the mountain. Asuka stood with her head bowed. She could feel the tears in her eyes and she quickly wiped them away.

"Hey." He called out to her.

Asuka nodded and looked up at him.

"You coming or what?" he asked her.

Asuka nodded as she walked toward him. He held out his hand to her and she took a deep breath as she took it and then he led her up the mountain.

"Zip up your jacket good." He told her. "It's going to be cold."

"It all ready is." Asuka responded as she looked at him.

He turned away from her and then walked up the mountain with her following behind him.

Chapter 46

Shinji became more and more tired with each step that he took. They had been walking since the first ray of dawn. The daylight was fading and nightfall was coming. He felt like he was a frozen block of ice. His teeth chattered and the cold bit right through the two sweaters he wore. He also felt like there was a fire raging inside of him eating him alive. On the outside he was bitterly cold and on the inside was warmth, warmth he needed and desired

Soon it would be dark and that meant it would be colder, he knew that shelter had to be found soon

As they trudged up the mountain, Asuka kept looking over her shoulder seeing Shinji appear more tired and restless with each step. She also noticed he was coughing a lot more and he was drinking a lot more water.

Suddenly she stopped as she noticed what appeared to be snowflakes. "Oh no." she said under her breath.

Shinji saw them too and felt fear well up inside of him yet on the outside, he looked calm and yelled out. "Asuka, c'mon let's go!"

Asuka continued to walk and then after a few more hours, the snow began to get heavier. Then she noticed that Shinji wasn't walking in a steady pace and his coughing was getting louder. "Just keep going." Shinji yelled out. "Keep going."

Asuka did as he instructed and all the while, he began to feel weaker and more tired.

The snow began to fall harder and with it the temperature dropped more. Shinji pushed through the cold and the wind with all of the strength he had.

As Asuka turned to look at him, she became increasingly worried. Breathing heavily, she ran up to him and then stood in front of him as he looked at her angrily.

"We have to turn back." She said. "It's getting too cold out! We have to go back!"

"NO!" he said in a fury. "Keep going! The more time you stand here flapping your mouth is more time we waste!"

"No, we need to stop. You need to stop! Damnit, your sick." Asuka said nervously.

"Are you that afraid of being alone? We need to go forward! Move!" he yelled out.

Asuka breathed in and nodded and then continued to walk.

He pushed on, ignoring her warnings and ignoring the sickness he felt dwelling within him.

He felt his vision become blurry as he looked at Asuka straight ahead in the distance and then he felt his knees give out on him. He tried to stay up but his strength had diminished. He reached for his chest as he breathed in and wheezed.

He sank down into the snow and fell down upon his knees. His eyes focused on Asuka. He felt weak and tired. He could hardly breathe. Pains ran throughout his body and then his eyes fluttered and he breathed out, falling down face first into the snow.

It was so damn cold. The warmth though that he desired was coming to him and it was starting to engulf him. It was inviting and warm and he felt good. He felt like he was safe and secure. He breathed out and smiled. One word escaped his lips as he felt the security of the warmth penetrating throughout his body. _"Asuka." _

Asuka trudged up further until she noticed what looked like a cave in the far distance.

"Shinji, there's shelter!"

When she turned though, she saw Shinji was laying face first in the snow and he was far back.

Her eyes widened.

"SHINJI!" She yelled as she ran over to him.

She knelt beside him, turning him over; he didn't seem to be moving.

"SHINJI!" Asuka yelled out. "Oh, no, Shinji! Please, God, no!"

She put her ear on his chest and then heard his heartbeat - it was slow.

He appeared to be out cold but he was breathing with a wheeze.. He shivered and his color was pale, white, almost.

Asuka cradled his body and looked at him with wide eyes as she said meekly through a tear-strained voice. "Shinji?"

Shinji opened his eyes half way and looked back at her. He smiled at her weakly and whispered in a raspy voice. "As…Asuka?' His eyes rolled back into his head and his head fell back as he head her scream.

"**_SHINJI!_!"**

Chapter 47

"**_SHINJI!_**"

Shinji's eyes flew open as he felt Asuka's hand strike his cheek hard.

He looked back to her, breathing hard, wheezing, feeling the bitter cold sweep throughout his body and the snowfall upon his face. He shivered. All around him was blinding snow and he felt horrible as he heard Asuka yell out through the howling wind.

"Shinji…. damn you wake up!"

"Asuk…. Asuka?" He managed to creep out before he began to cough horribly.

"HANG ONTO ME!" Asuka called out as she put his arm around her shoulder and trudged through the snow. "DON'T LET GO! HANG ON!"

He looked around, all he could see was blinding snow falling furiously and they were in the middle of it, stuck. Shinji felt cold down to his core. He shivered violently and was holding onto Asuka with every last bit of strength he had.

He couldn't imagine he had fallen asleep in the cold, icy wasteland but somehow he had and he wished he were still back within that dream, a dream he was hoping and praying would someday come true. Now though he could feel his fever ravage his body and he felt sick and congested as he coughed loudly and horribly, spitting up phlegm.

"HANG ON, SHINJI!" Asuka yelled out through the howling winds as she trudged through the snow to what Shinji could make out as a large rock structure.

He began to feel exhaustion claim him again and his body began to become limp as he lost his grip from around Asuka's shoulder and fell face first into the snow. "SHINJI!" Asuka called out, as she knelt down and rolled him onto his back. He was still breathing but she could tell it was shallow and he looked so sick. "SHINJI, DAMN YOU, STAY WITH ME."

"Asuka…." Shinji whispered as he looked at her through half lidded eyes. "Leave me, Asuka."

"NO! GET UP! GET UP, SHINJI! IT'S ONLY A LITTLE MORE. COME ON."

"Asuka, I'm going to die." He said to her as he looked at her. "Go on. Save yourself. I want to go back to that place. Asuka, its okay if I die…. I'll be okay."

"NO! I don't want to live if your not there! Get up damn you!"

"No………" Shinji could not find the strength; he simply looked back at her and closed his eyes.

He allowed himself to drift off into that warm place he had been a short while ago and there he saw her again, feeling pleasure sweep throughout his body and as quick as that dream had happened…it was gone when he felt Asuka grab his arm and trudge through the snow with his head on her shoulder and his arm around her other shoulder, carrying both the weight of him, and the backpacks.

Chapter 48

Asuka fought with every last bit of strength she had. She had no idea Shinji would be so heavy and she commanded herself to go forward and walk into the cave. She let out a sigh of relief when they made it.

She walked a few feet into the cave and rested Shinji down on the ground, against a cave wall. He shivered and coughed loudly and she looked at him wide eyes, his color was so pale and he looked like he was in agony. She quickly removed his backpack and her own.

She rummaged through them and found their cigarette lighter and then quickly, she began gathering dry sticks in the cave and anything else that would burn. She found some rocks and arranged them into a circle and then tried desperately to light a fire.

She was successful. The light started small and then got larger and then she grabbed Shinji and dragged him over to it, leaning him up against the rocky cave wall and finding one of his shirts for a pillow that she placed behind his head.

"Asuka…" he said through chattering teeth and then she watched as he shivered and looked at her with a small smile. "Let me die, Asuka…just let me die. I can't…"

Asuka's eyes went wide. She gasped and stared into his face, yelling out angrily. "Fuck you! I will not let you die! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO DIE, SHINJI! Why did you do it, Shinji? Why did you give me your jacket? Why did you go up this mountain with only the sweaters on? You're sick now because of me! Well, you stupid fuck? Were you trying to kill yourself and me too? Is that it?"

Shinji chuckled and coughed. "No.…I just knew we had to go…." He looked back at her and said softly through a raspy voice. "I had to do it. We have to go over this mountain! We have to!"

"You're sick now though! It's because of me, Shinji!" Asuka's voice began to crack as she felt tears in her eyes. "You shouldn't have given me your jacket! I hurt you! I made you sick! It's my entire fault! You're sick because of me…." Asuka's voice trailed off as she felt a tear come down her face. "Its because of me." She whispered as she turned her head away from him so he wouldn't see her cry.

"Asuka!" He quickly pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her. "No, it's not your fault." He whispered to her as he held her against his chest and heard her cry against him. "I insisted on going up the mountain. I was the one who gave you the jacket to wear. You were cold, Asuka. I didn't want you to be cold. So I gave it to you. It was me, its my fault, my doing, its not you…its not you at all." He kissed the top of her head, holding her against him while he heard her cry. "I did this, Asuka. Not you."

"But you didn't have to…." Asuka's voice trailed off as she held him and cried against him.

Shinji chuckled and held her tighter as he rested his head against hers saying. "You're not sick though. You're okay, Asuka. Asuka, its okay." He whispered. "I'm sorry, Asuka. I'm just…. I can't anymore…I'm too…. tired. I made a mistake…. I thought I could but I can't…. I can't…."

Asuka sat up and tried to choke back the tears. "No, Shinji." She said to him as she brushed the hair from his face. "Don't' die on me! You bastard! Don't you die on me! Don't you leave me, you fucking idiot!"

She looked into his face and he looked back to her. She saw him shivering, his color was pale but his eyes were burning for her.

"I want to stay with you, Asuka but I don't think I can. I…. don't think I have a choice, Asuka. I feel so tired."

"Shinji…. no." Asuka said as she looked back at him. "I won't let you die! Don't you dare leave me! Hang on a second, let me get this fire burning brighter okay?"

"Asuka…. I" Shinji could only watch her and lean his head back; all the while he coughed loudly and felt so tired.

Asuka broke from him and went to the fire; she kept one eye on the fire and the other one on him, checking back and forth between the two.

The snowstorms raged from the outside of the cave and inside Shinji coughed and shuddered as he tried his best to keep warm. Asuka was busy adding as many sticks as she could to the fire.

"Hang on, Shinji!" She said nervously. "Hang on."

Again, he coughed and leaned back against the wall of the cave shivering. He found himself drifting back to that warm place. A smile crossed his face as he saw her in front of him again and he was holding her, he never wanted to let her go. His eyes were shut and he felt the sleep take hold of him. He wanted it. He wanted her. He could feel warmth come to him and he could feel happiness. It was wonderful.

"Asuka" he breathed out.

Asuka's head turned and her eyes went wide. "NO! " She yelled out as she jumped in front of him and shook him. "No, Shinji! Don't go to sleep yet! DON'T!"

Shinji found the cold hit him again as he opened his eyes and looked back to her, pleading with her. "I'm so tired, Asuka." He said to her in a raspy voice. "I…I…just want to sleep. Let's go back…let's go to that warm place…. where I hold you forever…where I know the truth…. Take me there."

"No, damnit!" Asuka called out as she rubbed his arms trying her best to warm him. "Shinji? Listen to me you fucking idiot! Stay awake, okay? Stay with me, Shinji!"

"I want to go back, Asuka…"

"No Shinji! You can't go back there, if you go back, you'll die! You need to stay with me! Stay here with me, Shinji!" Asuka yelled out. "I have to get you out of these wet clothes! You have to stay here now! I'm here now! Stay with me, okay? Don't go to sleep!"

Shinji looked back at her and then nodded his head. "I'll …I…I'll try." He said sleepily as he wheezed through his breathing, and then he said with a smile in a low voice. "Asuka, it's so beautiful there though. We're there and its summer. The sky is blue; the grass is green. I see you. You're standing there in the middle of a wild flower field and you look beautiful. The wind blows through your hair and you wearing that yellow sundress that I love seeing you in. It takes my breath away. I want to go there because…I know the truth and we're happy. We're happy every day. Every day is like a dream."

Asuka's face dropped to worry. She grabbed a hold of him and dragged him as close as she could to the fire. "Shinji, stay with me…." She pleaded as she looked at him. She quickly began to undo the soaked boots he had been wearing and pulled them off. She then pulled off her gloves and placed her hand on his forehead and her eyes widened. "Oh my god! Shinji, you're burning up!"

"Burning up?" he asked her as he breathed in with a chuckle and rested his head back. "I…am freezing."

"Shinji, listen to me. You've got a really bad fever! These clothes are wet; they'll only make you sicker. I'm going to help you. You have to take these clothes off."

"Asuka…" he whispered as he again shut his eyes.

"I'm getting you out of these wet clothes, they will only make you sicker! Don't fall asleep…. tell me things…anything…just don't fall asleep just yet. Okay?"

"Okay." He told her.

"So tell me something okay?" Asuka said as she quickly worked off his the two sweaters he was wearing and then worked off his pants. As she unbuttoned his shirt, she touched his chest and gasped as she felt his skin. "Oh my God! Oh my God! Shinji, you're like ice!" She took off his shirt and then quickly grabbed the big blanket out of her pack, wrapping it around Shinji. "Shinji, hang on! Don't leave me!" She cried out desperately.

"Asuka…sleep is warm…."Shinji said as he shut his eyes. "I feel so bad." He said to her in a raspy voice as he coughed and shivered. "Asuka, I'm sorry."

"Don't say things like that, Shinji!" She said to him gently. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm the one that's sorry, Shinji. I was so wrong…" Her voice trailed off as she bowed her head for an instance and then propped him up; he shuddered from the cold.

"It's okay, Asuka. I forgive you. Asuka…I…I…can't…. stay…. I need to go…I am going back…. that place is warm…you're there with me…. and we're happy. Let's go together. Let's go back." He said through a whisper as he smiled at her and wheezed.

"NO!" She yelled out as she looked at him. Tears streamed down her face while the wind howled from the outside. "Stay here with me! You'll get better, Shinji! You have to!"

"I…. can't, Asuka…. I just…. I…. know I'm dying but Asuka…. I…." Shinji felt the last of his strength give out. His breathing became shallow, his eyes started to flutter, and he slumped down against the cave wall.

Asuka's eyes widened. She gasped while a tear rolled out of her eye. "No, Shinji. Don't die!" She cried.

Asuka's heart began to beat rapidly as she tried to hold him up. His eyes opened half way and looked at her, yet he had no strength to sit up. "Please don't leave me, Shinji! I need you! Shinji, don't leave me!"

Shinji's breathing was labored. He squeezed his eyes shut and coughed.

"SHINJI! GODDAMNIT, DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE! SHINJI! SHINJI!"

Shinji was barely alive. She shook him all she could but he would not move, his body was limp, and all though he still was breathing, and semi conscious, he would not move.

Asuka's voice was strained with sobs as she tried to hold him up. "No, Shinji! You can't…you can't leave me here! I can't be alone! No, Shinji! Don't leave me…Damnit, Shinji, I'm sorry! I was so wrong what I did to you! I'd take it all back if I could!" Asuka held him up, propping him against the cave wall and then said to him in a tearful whisper. "Listen to me, Shinji! I need you, Shinji, don't leave me." She put her head against his chest, closed her eyes, as tears came down her cheeks and sobbed uncontrollably. "Don't go, Shinji. Not yet. Shinji, I was wrong! No, don't leave me, Shinji. Oh God, Shinji. I'm so sorry! I never meant to hurt you! I was so wrong. . Don't leave me."

Shinji's eyes opened slowly and then widened as he breathed in. _I have to tell her. I can't die without telling her. _

Shinji shuddered as she sat up and stared into his face. He smiled at her and tried to fight exhaustion, he looked into her face as her tears started to fall. "Asuka, I…. I'm dying. You need to know something before it happens. I need to tell you something." He coughed again and squeezed his eyes shut and his breathing became shallow.

"No, Shinji! No!" She cried out. She shook him again and he opened his eyes, trying his best to stay awake.

Asuka continued to cry as she hugged his body. "Shinji, I was a fool! That night meant everything to me but I… I was so wrong what I did to you! I'm sorry, Shinji! Shinji, I was such a fool and so stupid! I am so sorry!"

Asuka looked deep into his face and watched as he coughed again and she held him close to her, rocking him gently back and forth, feeling tears come down her face and not sure of what to do.

He continued to cough horribly and shivered, then he leaned back against the cave wall and looked at her

Asuka took a deep breath as she looked back at him. He coughed horribly.

"Shinji! Take it easy okay!" She said as she put her arms around him and crushed him close to her. "Shinji…I'm going to help you, okay? You can't die yet, okay? You're not allowed to die, Shinji! Those are the rules! You can't die!" She said through a tear strained voice. "I'm going to help you."

His eyes fluttered back and he lost consciousness. She began to sob and shook him. He made small sounds as he looked at her with half lidded eyes.

Asuka felt tears stream down her cheeks, while she cried out. "SHINJI, NO!"

"Let me sleep, Asuka. I'm cold. Sleep is warm." He said weakly. "I'm so…. tired." Then he remembered, _not yet. I have to tell her. I have to. If it's the last thing I ever say, I will tell her._

"You're not allowed to!" Asuka growled. "You stay with me! You watch me! Okay? Look at me."

"Asuka?" he said in a weak voice as he opened his eyes half way.

"I'll keep you warm. Sleep is not warm. I'll keep you warm. Watch me, Shinji. Look at me." She said to him as he opened his eyes halfway and looked at her while he shivered.

"Asuka…. I wanted to tell you something…. I never got to…. Oh, God, Asuka." He smiled and then whispered to her. "I'm such a coward." A tear came out of his eye and he said tearfully. "I've only told you this when you slept but I should have told you before this happened."

"No, you're not a coward." She told him.

"I am a coward!" he said through clenched teeth as he tried his best to stay awake and look at her. Then he breathed out and said softly. "I've been afraid of telling you. Asuka, look at me?" He asked as he looked down at her and she looked up into his eyes, seeing a tear roll out of them, he took her hand into his own and said in a raspy, tearful voice. "I wanna tell you something' right now just in case, I don't get the chance to later. I may never be able to say this again…so I'm gonna tell you now…. You need to know this, whether you feel the same way or not, despite everything that happened…. I am saying this to you."

"Shinji, don't say things like that!" Asuka whispered. "You're not going to die, you fucking idiot! I won't let you…"

"I have to say this to you." He said to her as he smiled and looked deep into her eyes. He gently cupped her cheek with his other palm and then said. "Asuka, I love you."

A tear rolled out of Asuka's eye as she smiled at him, whispering. "Shinji…"

"I love you, Asuka." He said again with a smile while his eyes welled up with tears and then shivered as he felt exhaustion hit him while still trying to look at her. "I've wanted to tell you. I've always loved you. I may not get better so I wanted you to know in case…in case, I don't make it. If I can get better, I promise you you'll know just how much I love you but in case, I don't…and if I can…. if…"

"If you get better, Shinji? IF? IDIOT!" Asuka said with worry as she grabbed the blanket and said through tears. "You have to get better, Shinji! You just can't tell me you love me and then die on me! That's fucked up! That's too cliché! You idiot! Don't you know this isn't a movie or a book? You can't just say I love you and then die heroically! That's too fucked up!" She said with a smirk as she sniffled.

Shinji chuckled at her as he looked at her and then said in a raspy, weak voice. "Asuka?"

She sat up in front of him and felt a tear come out of her eye. When she felt her tears start to fall, she turned her face away. Then she looked deep into his face and said tearfully. "Shinji, I knew. I heard you when you said it. Shinji, you mean so much to me." Lightly, she put her palm against his cheek. He smiled at her and then she continued. . "Shinji, I…" then her voice trailed off in sobs and his heart nearly broke as he saw her.

"Don't cry, Asuka." He said to her. He reached up and lightly, wiped away her tears with his thumb as he cupped her cheek.

"Shinji?" She whispered tearfully as she covered his hand on her cheek with her own.

He smiled back at her and whispered to her. "Shush now…it's okay." He shut his eyes for an instant and smiled as he looked back to her. "I've told you what I've needed to. I can go knowing that."

She hugged him as she bought her arms around his neck and cried onto his shoulder. She said in a whisper. "Shinji…. you can't leave me. You have to get better! Please fight this with all of your strength! I need you! You can't die!"

Shinji looked back to her and she saw a tear roll out of his eye as he looked at her.

As she looked into his face, she cupped both of his cheeks and then said gently. "Here's a reason to live, Shinji! You want a reason? Here's a damned good one! I love you too. I love you so much, Shinji! My life would be nothing without you! Don't go…"

"…. What did you say?" He asked as his eyes went wide and a smile began to form on his face.

Asuka breathed in, wiping away tears from her eyes. She took a deep breath as she shut her eyes and then opened them slowly and looked into his eyes. She smiled at him, sniffled and then said in a soft voice. "I love you, Shinji."

Shinji's eyes went wide and his smile was even wider, he placed his hands on her cheeks. "Asuka?" he asked as he stared into her eyes. "Did you just say…that…. you love me?"

Asuka nodded her head and smiled gently, answering in a soft voice. "Yes So you can't die okay? Let me help you get better."

"Say it again, Asuka." He said to her with a smile as she looked back into his face, and he moved his face closer to hers.

"I love you." She whispered to him as she came closer to him

"One more?" He asked.

Asuka laughed and kissed his forehead. Then she looked into his eyes saying. "I love you, Shinji."

"Say it just once more." He said to her as he breathed heavy and looked at her face with a wide smile.

"You are such an idiot!" Asuka said with a laugh, as she put her forehead against his. She touched his cheek lightly, whispering. "I love you, Shinji Ikari."

He chuckled as he bought his arms around her waist and felt tears of joy in his eyes.

Shinji breathed in deeply and then moved in for a kiss to her lips, which was greeted by her hand lightly touching his lips.

"You fool your sick!" Asuka growled.

Shinji breathed out happily and held her to him. "You've made me happier then I've ever been in my life. I've wanted to hear you say that for so long."

"I've wanted to tell you," she said as she put her head on his chest and her arms around him. She listened to his heartbeat, which was now starting to get stronger. ", I was scared though…. I was afraid, Shinji. I was so afraid of how I felt. I thought I was losing my strength. I thought if I loved you, I would be weak."

"That's silly." He told her. "It's okay to have someone be strong for you too. I can be." He told her.

Asuka shut her eyes and breathed out as she listened to him and then said gently. "Shinji…. I have to be strong for me…. my strength is all I have left in this world…."

"No, its not, Asuka. Your strength isn't the only thing you have left. You don't have to be afraid, Asuka. There's nothing to be afraid of. You can never lose your strength because love doesn't take strength. Love is strength, Asuka." Shinji told her with a grin. "You told me once that I would need to find my strength in order to get through the pain in my heart and it was because of you. You gave me love and that love bought out my strength. So you see, Asuka, I know where strength comes from. It comes from love." He breathed out as he felt the heat from her body and sighed happily, saying to her. "You feel so good against me like that." Shinji said with a smile. "I wish I wasn't sick. You're in my heart, Asuka. Let me be strong for you, Asuka. Do you think I can give you strength too? Do you think I can be strong for you?"

Asuka looked up at him. She nodded at him as tears came down her face. "I know how strong you are. I believe in you." She said to him with a smile. "I never knew what it was like to be loved, until I met you. I know you can be strong for me." Asuka told him gently.

He smiled at her and then said to her gently. "I want to kiss you so bad. I wish I wasn't so sick. I wish I wasn't dying." He said to her as he looked at her.

"You won't die! I will make you better." Asuka said to him as she hugged him again and kissed him on his cheek. "Now, you can count on me. You've saved me a million times over. You've saved me in so many ways. You didn't just save me from an animal or a fall; you've saved my life because I always knew you loved me. Now, I'm going to save you. My love will make you better and I'll take care of you. You know something, I was such a fool!" She said as she held him. "What I didn't realize was I was so afraid of losing my strength because of love and what I came to know was, my strength comes from you. My strength is because I love you. Right now I have so much strength and I am giving it to you. You are the reason for my strength, you've always been. You can't die. You're the source of my strength."

Shinji laughed. "I knew you loved me, Asuka. I always knew it. You couldn't hide it from me. You let your pride control you too much but I saw it. I knew it was there." He said with a smirk

Asuka looked into his face again and gently, she kissed him on the forehead. Then she got up and went over to the backpacks.

Asuka rummaged through her pack trying to find anything. If he had been at home, a doctor would have given him medicine to make him better but there was no doctor and they had no home.

They had been stuck wandering the Earth for nearly two years and now it was all left up to her whether Shinji lived or died. She went through Shinji's pack and opened it. Then she pulled out the other blanket that Shinji usually used to sleep in.

As she looked at Shinji, his face was very pale, almost white and beads of sweat were on his forehead. He shuddered and coughed horribly. Yet he continued to watch her and smile, no matter how terrible he felt or how much he wanted to rest. She grabbed the blanket and knew what she had to do.

"I…I'm cold, Asuka…. but I want to know…if …" He said to her in a raspy whisper that trailed off as he watched her. Shinji shuddered from the cold and watched as she undid the buttons on her shirt. He chuckled and then said. "What are you doing?'"

Asuka shot an annoyed look at him and then said. "I'm going to keep you warm. "

"Asuka, I'm so cold…. but what are you doing…" Shinji's eyes widened and then he smirked as he watched her in front of him.

"Listen you, idiot. This is not what you think." Asuka said as she took off her shift and then lifted up the turtleneck that she had been wearing underneath.

Shinji's eyes shot open as he looked back to her dazed and slightly confused but he couldn't help to smile as he watched her undress in front of him. "Asuka?"

"Shinji, don't get the wrong idea about this, okay?" Asuka said nervously as she groaned as she removed her clothes and Shinji watched as she undressed. A large smile crossed his lips and she shot an annoyed look at him as he watched her undress.

"What…. are you doing?" He asked with a smile.

"Idiot! Stop watching me!" She demanded as she removed the last of her attire and then pressed her body, clad in only a bra and panties, up against his.

His eyes widened and he gasped then said. "Damn, ……" He told her with a smile

"What?" She asked as she looked at him.

"Your body." He said.

"What about it?" Asuka asked in an annoyed tone.

"I like you against me."

"You pervert!" Asuka growled.

:"Yeah, I know but you feel so good against me like that." Shinji said as he felt her against his body and smiled as he looked down at her, breathing shallowly.

"Good." Asuka said as she grabbed the blanket wrapping the warm blanket around them both.

Shinji smiled as he leaned his head back and felt the warmth of her body against his own and felt her arms wrap around him.

"Listen to me, I'm going to keep you warm with my body heat. You can't die on me. I need you. So, don't do that, okay? You are not allowed to die! That's the rule, Shinji! Rule number two: you're not allowed to die. Besides, rule number two follows rule number one. Where you go, I'll go. If you die, I'll die. I won't let you." She said as tears streamed down her face. "Hopefully this brings the fever down a little. Skin to skin body heat is quicker then a fire and you won't go into shock."

"I won't die on you." He said with a grin as he looked down at her and wrapped his arms around her. "I need you too. I won't…leave you ever."

"Then stay awake and tell me some more things, okay? Anything you want."

"Anything?" he asked and then he smirked as he said. "The time you snuck into my bed, back in Tokoyo-3, did you really know that I tried to kiss you?"

"That time in Tokoyo-3?" Asuka asked as she blushed.

"Yeah." He said.

"I knew it." Asuka whispered.

"Why did you call out Kaji's name?"

"To…. distract you." Asuka said nervously.

"Why?" he asked her.

"Because I…was afraid of falling in love and I was starting to feel that way about you. Shinji, you have to understand. I always had to be strong."

She placed her head against his chest and listened to his heartbeat. It was slowing down and she became nervous as she wrapped her arms around him tighter and let tears fall from her eyes.

"I couldn't show weakness ever." Asuka said as she bit her lip and spoke softly. "It was why I put up the fronts I did and why I always had to be the best. My mother had been weak and killed herself because of it. I never wanted to be that way. I also loved her so much and when she died, I stopped believing in love because everyone I love dies." Her voice trailed off as she buried her head against his chest. "I want to tell you something about that night of the storm. I did make love to you that night. I fell more in love with you that night than ever before. When I felt it though and when I heard you say it to me when you thought I was asleep…. that's when I…I…. lashed out at you…. but, I …I just…. couldn't allow myself to be weak. I felt that night on the storm when I woke up crying because of the memories of Unit 2, I felt so weak. When I was with you though, you…. gave me strength. My pride got in the way though, I thought if I admitted to loving you I'd lose my strength. I was so stupid for thinking that. You know when I felt like I lost my strength? When we were fighting, I felt so weak and alone. I felt like I lost my strength and it was because, I felt like I lost you."

"You'll never lose me." He told her gently with a smile as he leaned his head back and felt warmth come throughout his body. "I will protect you and love you forever."

Asuka continued to hold him throughout the night, talking to him, telling him anything to keep him awake, she knew he was very tired and needed rest but she also knew that if his fever didn't break, he could more then likely die.

"I'm so tired." He whispered to her.

"I know. " She said as she felt a tear come out of her eye. " You can't sleep yet though. You have to stay awake. Stay with me, Shinji."

"Will you tell me something?"

"I'll tell you anything you want to know." Asuka said in a tear-strained voice.

"Did you break my SDAT player that time?" he asked with a smirk.

"Yes." Asuka said with a laugh. "But it was only because…I was trying to make your bed for you. I don't even know why I did that. I guess, I just wanted to be nice and the other reason was, I hated the way you never made your bed. I didn't know it was underneath the sheet! Besides, I bought you a new one."

"I know." He told her gently.

"Why did you used to listen to that thing so much?"

"To escape reality." Shinji said as he held her. "I hated my life. I hated myself. I hated being in the EVA. I was scared of everyone. I hated my father. How could someone hate his or her own father? I wanted to love my father but I couldn't. I felt like he never gave a damn about me. Why should I give a damn about him? Music was always my escape. I could hide in it and be anything I wanted to be. When I was playing the cello, I used to feel that way…like I could disappear in the notes."

"I used to love to listen to you play." Asuka said. "The first time I heard you play, I just watched you and saw how much emotion it pulled from you. I think I stood there and just closed my eyes, feeling how beautiful that music was. I couldn't believe you could do that. That was when I realized that I felt something for you. I didn't know what it was at first, but all I knew is you were special to me."

"Did you really sneak into my bed that night? You weren't sleepwalking, were you? Did you do that purposely?" he asked.

"No. I wasn't sleepwalking." She said with a laugh. "I wanted to be next to you."

"You should have let me kiss you that night." He whispered to her.

"I distracted you because I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to stop kissing you." Asuka said.

Shinji smirked and then said. "Yeah, I could see how we could have gotten out of control. Is that why you pinched my nose too? Were you afraid of…. getting out of control?"

"NO! I pinched your nose because your breath tickled me." Asuka smirked and laughed. He chuckled too as he held her closer and kissed the top of her head.

"Oh so that was it?" he asked with a laugh.

Asuka laughed again and then said gently. "I can't believe I've told you what I've hidden inside of myself for so long."

"Me neither." He told her. "I'm glad though." He said with a smile.

"Me too." She said.

"You know, I think I really understand you now. I think I can see why you did the things you did and why you were afraid. You were like me, Asuka. We were meant to find each other." He said with a smile as he held her but then he coughed violently and Asuka held him. He leaned back and breathed in, looking back at her. "Goddamned flu!" Shinji growled out.

"It'll be okay." Asuka said gently. "I'm here and it'll be fine."

Over the next few hours, they stayed up and talked about anything and everything basically. Their secrets were revealed and there was no hiding. They were completely and totally honest.

Asuka raised her hand and bought it to his forehead. He wasn't as hot as he had been before. He was still warm with a fever but it was a lot cooler now and Asuka breathed a sigh of relief as she again gave him more water and then allowed him to lie down while she tended to him.

"Stay with me." He whispered to her as he reached for her arm.

"Of course I will." She said as she bought the blanket around them more and laid close to his body resting her head on his chest, hearing his heart beat slow and steady now while she hugged his body.

"Feels so good." He told her.

"I know, idiot. Rest."

"You'll stay?' he asked her

"Always." She responded as she closed her eyes and tried to rest.

"I can sleep now?" he asked.

"Yes." She said. "You can."

"Okay." He said as he closed his eyes with a smile across his lips as he drifted back off to his dream of being in that warm place with her. "Don't leave me, Asuka." He whispered.

"I won't." she said. "I'll stay right here with you. I'll be with you forever."

Shinji breathed in and then began to drift off to sleep but before he did he whispered to her. "I love you."

Asuka held him closer and whispered back. "I love you too."

Chapter 49

In the middle of the night, Shinji started to shiver violently and then Asuka woke up, quickly putting her hand to his forehead. "Schist!" She growled. "That damned fever again! You're burning up! What do I do?"

Shinji was shivering and coughing horribly. Beads of sweat were on his face and he made small groaning sounds as he shivered.

Quickly, Asuka jumped out from underneath the blanket and threw on her clothes. She then grabbed a small rag and ran out towards the entrance of the cave. She saw ice and then with a rock, broke off several pieces and wrapped them in the rag and then came back to Shinji.

"Here." She said as she placed the rag of ice on his forehead.

Shinji breathed out and then began to breathe in deeply as the cooling sensation hit him. She wrapped him up tight in the blanket and watched as he shivered and coughed. As the cooling sensation of the ice calmed him down, he stopped shivering and then breathed normally.

She took some water and poured it into one of the mugs. She took the ice rag from his head and put her hand behind his head and then bought the cup to his lips. "Drink some of it." She said. "You've got to drink as much as you can, okay?"

He nodded at her and then Shinji took slow sips and then breathed out. She let him rest again and carefully watched him. She took another rag and then dipped it in the cold water and lightly patted his face with it. She hoped it could bring his fever down.

She continued to do that for quite some time and then she gave him more water to drink. She sat him back down on the ground and watched, as he seemed to get worse and not better.

Then she went to the backpacks and rummaged through looking for food. Their rations were small but she found a small cup of soup and quickly made some for him.

She came back over to him after the soup was done and then gently fed him spoonful by spoonful. He took it down and then a few hours later when she checked his fever again, she noticed he was starting to sweat and finally, the fever was breaking.

"Oh thank god." She said aloud as she breathed out.

She let him get some much-needed rest and then walked over to the entrance of the cave, it was still snowing, badly. The snows were worse then before and she wondered how long she would be here for and when the snows would stop.

Asuka kept a careful watch on Shinji as she watched him sleep. He seemed to be getting a little better but he was still so sick and she knew the only thing that could keep him alive was she.

She walked back over to the backpacks and checked on their supplies. She rummaged through the backpacks and looked at their food situation and a pit formed in her stomach. _Two cans? That's it? How can this be all that's left? Shit! _

Then she heard a noise and turned and saw it. "What the hell…" At first, she was surprised to see it. It was gray with a long tail and teeth and it was right near Shinji. "Fuck!" Asuka growled as she picked up the bat. "Get away you goddamned rat!" She yelled out as she smashed the bat.

The rat made a loud noise and then hopped on the blanket covering Shinji, sitting on his leg. Shinji stirred slightly but continued to rest.

Asuka narrowed her eyes and tightened her grip on the bat. "If you bite him, you're dead." She told the rat.

The rat made another noise and then Asuka growled out and swung at the rat. She hit the rat dead on in the head and knocked it into the cave wall. She ran over to it and watched, as it seemed to struggle for life.

"Die!" She yelled out and then she hit it repeatedly in the head hard with the bat.

Blood splattered from the rat and then she saw it was no longer moving and it was dead. "Fucking rat!" She growled. Then an idea crossed her head, "Rats? Ewe…well, its either that or…. ugh! Rats!"

Chapter 50

"Asuka…"

She turned and saw him looking up at her, his eyes were opened half way and his color was pale. She quickly turned to him, kneeling beside him. "What's wrong?"

"Stomach." He said in a raspy whisper. "I…. feel sick."

"Are you gonna throw up?" Asuka asked.

"Don't know." He responded as she helped him sit up.

She reached nearby for a small pot and then gave it to him. "Go ahead." She said to him. "Its all right."

Shinji took the pot and held it nearby. He felt a little better and then decided to lie down. He shivered and Asuka covered him with the blanket. Then he sat up and grabbed the pot.

Shinji took a deep breath and then vomited into the pot, his whole body shook. . Asuka held him and then she smelled something horrible coming from him and Shinji growled out. "Ahhhhhhhhhhh fuck!"

Asuka picked up the blanket and looked underneath. She grimaced as the smell hit her immediately. _Goddamnit. _She thought as she pulled back the blanket. "Okay." She said gently. "Wait here."

"Oh God." He said as he looked up at her. "I can't believe I…. fucking shit myself! Damnit!"

"Its all right." She said to him. "I'll take care of you."

She took the soiled blanket away. He shivered and blushed. "I feel like an ass." He said.

"C'mon." She said as she knelt beside him and put her arms underneath his armpits. "Help me out here, get to your feet."

Shinji forced himself to get up and then she helped him over to the fire where she sat him down on the ground. Shinji shivered as he sat naked near the fire. Asuka quickly grabbed a warm rag and a towel. She took the small bar of soap out of the pack and then rubbed it against the warm, wet rag. She began to wash him and he shut his eyes as he felt her touch on him. She washed him thoroughly making sure he wasn't soiled anywhere, even though, he squirmed as she washed his rear. After she was done, she dried him and then wrapped him up in her blanket. He breathed in as he felt the warmth of the blanket surround him, and then she lay him down, near the fire, as he looked up at her and shut his eyes.

"Rest for a minute, okay?" Asuka said, as he made sure he was covered up.

Shinji nodded his head and breathed in as she got up and took the warm rag and the towel and put it in the corner, then she washed her hands and came back to him settling beside him.

She reached for the one of their camping cups and poured water into it. Then she took her arm behind his back and helped him up as she bought the cup to his lips.

"I don't want it!" he growled as he turned his face away.

"Drink it right now!" She demanded.

"NO!" He said as he shivered. "I'm NOT thirsty! I don't want it!"

Asuka sighed angrily and then said in a demanding tone. "If you don't' drink it, you'll get dehydrated and die! Drink the fucking water right now! Drink it or I'll pour it down your fucking throat!"

He looked back at her and then took the cup into his hands and drank the water as she told him to. When he was done, she gave him more and made sure he drank at least three cups.

"No more of it." He whispered to her.

"Okay." She said as she laid him down. "Rest now. Okay?"

"Okay." He told her. "It really stinks in here, doesn't it?" he asked her. "I'm sorry, Asuka."

"Shut up, idiot." Asuka said as she kissed his forehead. "Don't worry I'll take care of it."

"I'm sorry." He said as he looked at her slightly embarrassed.

"Don't be." She said to him with a smile. 'You're sick and I'll take care of you okay? Rest now."

Shinji smiled and then she laid him down and he looked up at her as he closed his eyes. She made sure that he was wrapped up in the blanket and lightly stroked his hair as she looked at him.

Asuka took a deep breath as she looked over at the mess on the other side of the fire and then went over to clean it up. She couldn't believe the stench that emanated from that spot. She then took the soiled clothes and blanket and washed them both out, leaving them to dry.

After she was done cleaning up the mess, she felt gross and decided to wash herself. She hid in a small corner of the cave that she was sure he couldn't see from where he was and she washed herself.

It was absolutely disgusting what he did but she also knew that he had no control and he was sick. As much as she hated it, she knew that right now he was her only chance for life and she would make sure he would get better.

After she was done bathing and put on fresh clean clothes, she took a small piece of bread and put it up on a rock and waited, holding the large bat in her hand, and then she saw one. It came out from the cave and nibbled on the bread.

"Hello sucker." Asuka said with a smirk as she tightened her grip around the bat and then she came at it. She called out as she moved quickly, swung hard and hit it dead on in the skull, knocking it into the wall and killing it instantly. "Homerun!" Asuka smirked. "One rat-tat-tooly coming up." She joked as she looked back at Shinji.

He was sound asleep, still shivering and sweating and she hoped that he would get better soon. She then went over to the dead rat and picked up by its tail and carried it over to the small cooking station she had made up.

Taking her knife in her hand and staring down at the rat, she began to chop at it all the while feeling sick to her stomach at what she was doing.

Chapter 51

For the next few days, Shinji did one of two things, he either slept or he ate. Asuka became increasingly worried when it would seem like his fever would break and then suddenly pick up again.

One night was especially cold. The snows and the wind blew harshly outside the cave. Asuka had piled on as much clothing as she could to stay warm and tried her best to keep the fire burning. She had bundled up Shinji as best as she could but she noticed that he kept shivering and no matter how hard she tried to keep him warm, he seemed like he was still cold.

She had been exhausted and restless because mostly she had one eye on keeping the cave secure and the other on Shinji.

As she took a nap, she woke up to the sounds of a horrible hacking cough. Immediately, she jumped up from her sleep and went over to Shinji.

He was shaking violently. His color was very pale. Sweat poured down his forehead and her eyes widened, as he seemed to wheeze as he breathed.

"Shinji, oh my God!" Asuka cried out nervously. She grabbed the blanket that she used for sleeping in and then threw it on top of the blanket that he was all ready wrapped up in. She went over to the fire and took one of the stores surrounding it and placed it on top of the blanket. She felt his forehead and she gasped. "Oh my God no! You're burning up again!" She quickly reached for a small rag and then got up, going over to the cave entrance. She broke off ice chips and then wrapped them up in the rag and ran back to him.

He looked up at her as he shivered and said in a raspy, weak voice. "As…Asuka, come here."

Asuka's eyes widened as she kneeled beside him and gently ran her hand through his hair while she patted his face down with the rag. . "Oh God! Shinji, no, don't leave me." She said as tears ran down her face.

He smiled at her and looked into her eyes. He reached for her hand and held it gently in his hand as he bought her hand to his lips and kissed her palm gently.

Asuka began to cry as she looked at him. She came closer to him and gently kissed his forehead whispering. "Don't leave me now."

He laid his head back and held her hand against his chest as he said. "I love you, Asuka."

"I love you too. No. Don't go now. It's not fair, Shinji, we haven't been able to…start our lives yet. You can't go." Asuka said painfully as her tears fell from her eyes onto his face. "Don't…"

"It'll be ok…" he said as his voice trailed off, he smiled at her as he looked into her eyes and then he breathed out, Asuka felt his grip loosen and then watched as life disappeared from him.

"SHINJI!" Asuka yelled out as she felt her heart break.

She tore off the blanket and put her head to his chest. There was nothing. Her eyes got wide and she gasped and then she laid her face down onto his chest. She began to shake and then she sobbed uncontrollably.

"NO!" She cried out as she raised her head and looked towards the ceiling. "DON'T TAKE HIM FROM ME! I WON'T LET YOU! NOT NOW! NOT YET! NOT EVER! NO, SHINJI! NO!"

She straddled his body and then began to do chest compressions, trying to remember her first aid training. She pushed down into his chest with both of her palms with all of her strength counting five compressions at a time, while tears streamed down her cheeks.

She came to the other side of his body where she tilted his head back and then pinched his nose as she opened his mouth. She knew that he had been sick and the odds of her getting sick from this were high but in order to save his life, she would so whatever she had to do.

She covered his mouth with her own as she breathed into him and watched his chest go up and then exhaled, then she breathed into him again and watched as his body blew out the air she had just blown into his lungs.

She sat up and pressed down on his chest again as her tears ran down her face. "COME BACK TO ME, SHINJI!" She cried out. "COME BACK!"

She continued with all of her strength as tears came down her face.

Then, she realized that nothing was happening. Shinji remained still.

She shut her eyes and began to bawl as she felt her heartache. She continued to do compressions on his chest as she cried, refusing to give up. "No." She whispered. "Please, God, don't leave me alone here. Don't take him from me. Bring him back! Please, bring him back to me. Please? He's the one I love. He's the one I'm supposed to be with forever. Don't take him yet. We haven't even started. I know I was wrong! I admitted it! I swear, I'll never hide away again! I just want him! He's my heart. GIVE HIM BACK!"

She continued to cry. Her heart was shattered yet she wasn't giving up. She continued with the compressions and breathed into his mouth. . _How could this have happened? Why did he have to die? NO! I wont' give up._

Then, Asuka's eyes widened and she gasped as she looked down at him.

He breathed in with his eyes wide. She looked down and saw his chest was going up and down. She put her ear down to his chest and then heard and felt it. It was his heartbeat and it was strong.

"You're alive." She said as she breathed out and looked into his face.

He coughed, and continued to breathe in deeply as she covered him with the blanket. She put her fingers near his neck and felt his pulse and it was strong.

She was hoping he wouldn't die but the damn flu had been strong and she didn't know how long he had actually been sick for. "Shinji…" She said as she placed her palm against his cheek. "You came back to me!"

Shinji reached for her hand and opened his eyes halfway and said. "I'm not going anywhere!"

"I almost lost you." She said as she gently stroked his hair and looked into his face. She sniffled as she looked at him and tears came down her face. "Let me get you some water, okay?"

Shinji nodded and then watched as she got up to get a cup of water and then came back to him. She sat down next to him and bought her arm underneath him and helped him sit up as she helped him sip from the cup. Then she gently laid him back down.

He looked up at her and then said. "Come here."

Asuka smiled at him as she lifted up the blanket and lay down next to him, placing her head against his chest and hugging his body. She closed her eyes and then breathed out a sigh of relief as she said. "Don't ever do that to me again."

"I won't." he said in a weak voice. "I promise."

Chapter 52

He found himself naked underneath the blanket and wasn't quite sure of where he was or what was happening. He sat up still feeling pretty lousy and coughed. Everything to him had been a big blur.

Asuka sat over by the fire and turned her head as soon as she saw Shinji sit up and cough. .

"You're awake!" She said as she came over to him and smiled at him.

"Uh…yeah." He said as he looked at her. "Why am I naked?"

"Because you would have gotten hypothermia and died you idiot! I had to take off your clothes!"

"All of them?" he objected.

"Would you rather have died?" She asked as she put her hand on his forehead "Damnit, its still high."

"What's high?"

"You're fever! Stay underneath that blanket!" Asuka growled as she pulled the blanket up over him. "Stay as warm as you can. I've got to get that fever down. How do you feel?"

"I feel like crap!" he said. "All though a little better somewhat." Then he coughed. "How long have I been out for?"

"You've been sick for about a week. You've been sleeping for a couple of days." Asuka said.

"Couple of days?" Shinji asked as he looked at her wide-eyed. "How long have we been here?"

"Over a week." Asuka told him.

"How long?" he asked.

"Seven days." Asuka said as she looked at him. Asuka ran her hand through his hair and then looked at him asking gently. "Do you remember any of it at all?"

"No." he told her as he coughed again.

Asuka breathed in and then said. "You were burning up with a fever, you were delirious, coughing like crazy, and shaking. You were also vomiting with diarrhea and I took care of you!"

"You did?" he asked as he smiled at her.

"Who the hell else is going to do it you stupid fool!" she barked out as she went over to the fire and picked up a small pot. She came back to him and settled next to him, taking a soup from the pot and holding it out. "Open your mouth!"

"What is that?" Shinji asked as he sat up and looked into the pot full of brown liquid.

"It's food! Open!"

Shinji opened his mouth and then the taste hit him. "Ugh! Asuka, what the hell…"

"Well, someone's got to make us dinner. I admit it doesn't taste too great but it will keep your strength up. Now eat!"

Again, Shinji opened his mouth and she fed him again. "I can feed myself you know!" he protested.

"Too damn bad! Eat!" She growled as she again fed him another spoonful

"Okay, Asuka, that's enough!" Shinji growled.

"No, it's not! Eat damnit or I'll force it down your throat!"

Shinji again rolled his eyes and ate the food. It wasn't the best tasting stuff in the world. Actually it was gross but it did fill his stomach and the nourishment did make him feel better.

Asuka though, despite his protests, fed him the whole bowl and then was rewarded with the coolness of the water in the canteen, which he drank down until there was none left.

As Asuka washed out the pot, she was quiet. Shinji took a look at her and could see she was hiding something.

"What aren't you telling me?' he asked her as he watched her.

Asuka took a breath as she said. "I almost lost you."

Shinji looked at her and then said. "I…. almost died?"

"No, you did die." Asuka said as she wiped a tear away.

"I…. did?" he asked her.

"Yeah, but you came back." Asuka said with a smile.

"I did?" he asked her.

"Well, unless I'm speaking to a fucking zombie right now I would assume you're alive!".

Shinji chuckled at her and said. "Did you…. bring me back?"

Asuka breathed in as she looked at him and then nodded saying softly. "Yeah."

As he watched Asuka over by the fire as she melted snow into a large bucket and washed the pots out in, he smiled at her, suddenly remembering something he had heard her say.

"D…do you remember anything from when you were sick?" Asuka asked.

Shinji took a breath and smiled as he looked at her. "I remember you were there the whole time."

"Idiot! Who else would be?" She snapped as she looked at him and prepared coffee on the fire.

"Well, I…. remember hearing you say something to me…." He said to her as he looked at her with her cheeks flushed. "I mean…. do you remember…saying anything…. in particular…. to me?"

"Oh?" Asuka said as she looked back to him.

Shinji took a deep breath and then smiled at her, not knowing exactly what to say, or if he should. "…. I'm not sure exactly what that might have been though. I guess I was really out of it."

"Oh!" Asuka said. "Must have been."

"Thank you." He said to her with a smile as he looked at her.

Asuka managed a smile and then said to him. "Your welcome."

"Listen, can I get up? I have to go!"

"No." She demanded. "You're staying right there until that fever is gone."

"I'm fine, Asuka!" Shinji protested.

"I will decide when you are fine!" Asuka said angrily. "That fever is still high."

"But, Asuka…I have to GO!"

"One or two?" Asuka asked.

"What?" Shinji exclaimed.

"ONE OR TWO!" She yelled back. "PEE OR POOP! Is it that difficult to understand?"

Shinji's face became bright red as he looked at her and then stammered. "I…I…I. have to pee."

"Okay that's easy enough." Asuka got up and then took a can from the cave wall; she walked over to him and then handed it to him. "Okay do it in that."

"With you right here?" he asked.

"SHINJI, GODDAMNIT! JUST PEE! IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL! FOR GOD SAKES I'VE SEEN YOU NAKED BEFORE ITS NOT A BIG DEAL."

"Yeah but…" Shinji asked as he became red in the face.

"SHINJI! I'VE SEEN YOU NAKED BEFORE! JUST DO IT." Asuka said.

Shinji took the can from her and put it underneath the blanket. Asuka stood arms crossed while she waited. Shinji, who was red in the face, simply looked up at her and then barked out. "AT LEAST TURN AROUND!"

"Oh my God! Shinji, you're forgetting…. I've seen you naked before!" She growled as she turned her back.

"It's different when you have to pee!" Shinji growled.

Shinji then relieved himself and then after he was done handed the can back to Asuka. Asuka in turn took the can and walked to the cave entrance and dumped it into the snow.

She came back and then picked up a moist towel and some soap and again settled down next to him.

"What are you doing now?" he asked.

"Sponge bath." She said.

"Sponge bath?" he asked.

"Just shut up!" Asuka demanded. "It'll be quick."

She placed the warm towel on his back and began to wash him. He at first became red in the face and then found himself enjoying the sensation and she washed him from head to toe. Even as she sat in front of him and scrubbed his chest, he couldn't help looking at her and finding a small smile across his lips.

"Are you still angry at me?" She asked as she washed him.

Shinji smirked and then said. "You saved my life. I think that's better then an apology. Thank you by the way, for saving my life."

"You're welcome." She said with a smile. "Well, I couldn't let you die, could I?"

As Asuka stared at him, she pulled back the covers and washed his abdomen and his legs.

She looked back to him, realizing that even though he was sick, he also looked good to her too and while she stared into his deep eyes, she could see that there was a longing in them…. a longing for her and in her heart, she had a longing for him as well.

Shinji lightly brushed his palm across her cheek and in an attempt that seemed a little bold to her, leaned forward and kissed her gently on the lips. At first it was all Asuka could not do to throw her arms around him and lay on top of him but then she remembered, he had been sick.

"What the hell are you doing?" She asked as she broke away and looked at him angrily.

"Uh…kissing you?" he said with a smirk.

"I know but you're sick you idiot. You want to make me sick too?"

"Oh." He said as he became red in the face. "I'm sorry."

Asuka shook her head at him and put the moist towel down and then took a dry towel and then dried him off, he smiled at her the whole time, wanting desperately to take her into his arms. Yet, he resisted for as she reminded him, he had been sick.

"Here!" she said as she handed him some clothes. "Put those on. It'll keep you warm."

"Thanks." He told her as he put on the clean clothes.

"Now lay down after you've dressed and try to rest. I'll give you more to eat when you wake up."

"Asuka?"

"WHAT?" She growled as she looked back to him and found herself yet again locked into his eyes.

"Will you…lay beside me?"

"You've got to be kidding after the stunt you just pulled!" Asuka growled.

"I won't try anything else. I promise. Just…. lay next to me and keep me warm."

"Okay. Put those clothes on first."

"Okay." he said as he threw the shirt over his head and quickly threw the sweatpants on. After he was done, she came over to him and snuggled up beside him. .

"I told you, don't try anything."

"I'm not!" He protested. "I just…. I just want to hold you."

"Okay." She said as she rested her head on his chest and let his arms come around her. He breathed in and then shut his eyes and she did the same and they slept together soundly and peacefully.

Shinji awoke shortly after and saw her sound asleep next to him; he smiled as he looked at her. "I remember," he whispered to her with a smile. ", I love you, Asuka." Lightly, he brushed his hand through her hair and then shut his eyes.

Asuka's eyes opened half way and smiled at him then she closed them again.

Chapter 53

The following morning Shinji awoke to sounds of rocks sounding like they were being banged together. He sat up and coughed, feeling that his flu, still hadn't left him, but feeling better then he had in days.

He also heard a slew of profanities coming from the cave. He turned his head and saw Asuka taking rocks and putting them against the opening of the cave, and then back away quickly and run over to the fire, shivering.

Shinji's eyes grew worried as he watched her, and then she turned her head when she felt his eyes on her. "So you finally decided to get up, huh?" She said as she picked up a small pot from the fire with a rag around it and then came over to him and sat down beside him. 'You slept a good ten hours. How do you feel today?"

"Better." He said with a smile.

Instinctively, she removed her glove and put her hand to his forehead. "Goddamn fever!" She growled as she took a spoon from the pot and then bought it to his mouth.

"I don't feel sick today."

"Well, according to your temperature you still are sick. You still are warm. Therefore, you still have a fever."

Shinji stared at the pot and then looked back to her grimacing. "I'm not hungry."

"Shut up." She told him as she inched the spoon closer to his face.

He turned his head away and in anger, she reached for his nose, pinched it which made him exclaim at which point, she stuck the spoon in his mouth.

"Yeeeeeeeeeeech!" Shinji exclaimed as he swallowed her disgusting concoction.

"Oh just deal with it!" Asuka growled as she took another spoonful and fed it to him. "It will make you better. You have to eat to keep your strength up."

"What the hell is in that?" Shinji asked as she bought the spoon closer to him.

"You are better off eating and just shutting the fuck up!" Asuka growled as he opened his mouth and ate the food.

"I can feed myself you know!" Shinji growled as he picked up the handle of the pot and then began to eat the food himself, grimacing with each bite until he felt his belly was full. :"Is that enough?" He asked as she looked into the pot.

"That's fine." Asuka told him as she took the pot away from him and then went over to the fire with it and placed it in a larger pot with hot water in it, washing it out while he watched her.

"So what was that?"

"You don't' want to know." Asuka said.

"What did you just feed me?"

Asuka groaned and then said. "Rat stew."

'RAT?" Shinji yelled out. "YOU FEED ME A RAT?"

"You've been eating rats for days. So have I don't feel bad. Would you rather starve? You told me if we ran out of food, we would probably have to hunt so I hunted!"

Shinji's stomach felt queasy and then shook his head. "You hunted…. rats?"

"Shinji, we are OUT OF FOOD! We have to eat something. It was either hunt or starve well in my case; I lured the rats and then bashed them on the head with the baseball bat! We have no choice."

Shinji sighed and then said with a smirk. "Okay. Rats!"

Asuka laughed as she heard him.

Chapter 54

The following morning, Shinji awoke to the loud sound of "SCHIST!" The loud shrill German profanities were echoing throughout the cave. He also heard loud noises and sat up as he watched Asuka over by the entrance, pile rock on top of rock and then run back to the fire, shivering and trying to make it burn brighter.

"Fuck!" Asuka growled as she removed her gloves and rubbed her hands together.

"What's the matter?" Shinji asked as he sat up.

"Its bad out there." She said as she looked at him. "The snow isn't stopping…it wont' stop. It just keeps fucking going! I've been trying to block up the entrance a little so the cave stays warm. It's so fucking cold outside. Fucking snow won't stop!" Her voice cracked and then she looked back to the fire.

Shinji could see the worry in her face. He pushed the blanket back and then got ready to stand up.

"Shinji, do not move from that spot!"

"Asuka, I'm fine." He told her. "I feel stronger then I have in days."

"I will be the judge of when you can get out of bed. Your fever was down this morning but you were still warm so when you are feeling like a normal temp, I will let you out, until then you will not move."

"I am not a child!" Shinji growled. "I can decide for myself when I feel better."

"Shinji, please." Asuka said with pleading eyes. ", You almost died. In fact, you're heart stopped. I was able to bring you back. I don't want to lose you again. Please stay in bed until you are better."

Shinji sighed and then looked back to her, nodding his head. "Okay." He said to her as he sat back down and pulled the blanket over him. "Happy now?"

"Here, you gotta eat." She said as she grabbed the pot and came over to him.

He grimaced as he watched her come over to him wondering if it was rat, rabbit or mouse in that pot.

"Eat it!" Asuka commanded as she took a spoonful and held it in front of his mouth.

Shinji ate it and then grimaced. "That is the most disgusting thing…"

"I know." Asuka said. "I hate it too but you know what, we have no choice. Our rations are done. We have to make do. The snow hasn't stopped, Shinji. I don't know what we're going to do."

"We'll be all right." He told her as he ate another spoonful.

"I'm glad your hopeful." Asuka said worriedly.

"I am hopeful." He told her as he reached for her hand. "When we get out of here, it's going to be okay."

"I don't know." Asuka said as she turned away.

"Listen, " he told her. ", we've got to do what we need to do to survive. I know one thing. I have a major reason for wanting to survive."

"What is it?" She asked as she looked at him.

"You." He told her.

Asuka was speechless as she looked into his face. She didn't know what to say. "Shinji, I…"

And at that moment, Shinji vomited all over the blanket and then looked back to Asuka embarrassed.

"Its okay." Asuka told him as she ran to get a rag. "Its all right. We'll clean it up. Actually, that's good that you did that you know?"

"It is?" Shinji asked as his stomach felt terrible. "Are you sure it isn't rat stew I'm throwing up?"

"Asshole, I have been eating rats too! I haven't been throwing up! You have been the one throwing up!" Asuka yelled out. "You're getting rid of all the bad stuff in your system. Its actually good."

"Well, it doesn't feel good." He told her.

Asuka smirked and then took the blanket off of him. "Get yourself over by the fire while I clean this up. Then," she said with a smile as she looked at him. ", I'll clean you up."

"Okay." He told her as he sat close to the fire and watched while she cleaned up the mess. After she was done, she came back with the small rag and towel and helped him to get undressed.

Shinji's lips turned upward into a smile. "Sponge bath?" he asked her.

"Yeah." She said as she came over to him by the fire.

Shinji smirked at her and then let her do her work after which, she made him lie down by the fire underneath the blanket. He smiled up at her and sighed out with contentment. "That was so good." He said to her as he looked up at her.

"Get some rest." She told him. "The sooner you sleep off this flu the better off we'll be."

"Okay." He told her as he yawned. 'Hey. What was it you were going to tell me before?"

Asuka took a deep breath and then looked at him with a smile. "I guess what I wanted to say was…Shinji, I've been mean to you and I'm sorry for it all. You see, it's always been hard for me to show people how I've felt. I always had to be strong and tough. I never wanted to be like my mother. I never wanted to be weak."

"You aren't weak." He said to her as he smiled back to her.

"I know but, there was something I was feeling inside of me that I thought that if I allowed myself to feel then I couldn't be strong anymore but I was wrong."

Shinji felt his exhaustion hit him but tried desperately to stay awake. He looked at her and wanted to listen. "Its okay, Asuka." He said to her in a sleepy voice. "I…."

"Let me say this." She said as she looked at him. "Just let me get this out, okay?"

"Okay." He said as he looked at her.

"This feeling…. it doesn't make me weak if anything it makes me stronger. I guess what I am trying to say is," Asuka took a deep breath and closed her eyes and then said. "That feeling is because of you. You've been kind to me and good to me and I've been horrible to you."

"Well, you've been a pain in the ass." Shinji said with a laugh as he shut his eyes and yawned. "It's okay though. You took care of me. I know that…"

"Shinji!" Asuka growled. "Will you please shut the fuck up and let me talk!"

Shinji opened his eyes and nodded. "Okay. Sorry. Go ahead. I'm listening."

"Okay." Asuka said as she turned her head and took a deep breath. "I said something to you when you were out of it and I don't think you remembered it but…."

"Uh huh." Shinji said as he felt his eyelids become heavy and feel sleep come to him.

"Shinji. I love you."

Shinji grinned as he heard her, he breathed in as sleep started to arrive.

Asuka took another breath and then continued saying softly. "I said it to you when we first came here but I don't think you remember because you were really sick. I wanted to tell you again. I was afraid to tell you before and now I want you to know. I am very much in love with you. I love you with all my heart and soul. I've wanted to tell you so many times and I was so afraid. Now though, I want you to know. So that's the truth, Shinji."

She waited for a response and then asked. "Shinji?"

She turned her head and then sighed as she heard loud snoring.

"Terrific."

He had fallen asleep.

As she looked at him with his eyes shut, resting peacefully and comfortably she smiled down at him. She breathed out and shook her head saying with a smile. "Schist. Perfect timing as usual."

Then as she looked at him, she came over beside him and watched as he turned and laid his head on her lap. She smiled down at him and stroked his hair. She listened to him as he seemed to let a small moan of enjoyment through his sleep and then she rubbed his back, making sure that the blanket covered him.

As she watched him sleep, she couldn't have imagined she could ever feel this strongly for him. She knew she always felt this way about him but to show it on the outside would bring down her façade of being tough and unstoppable. After all, didn't she always boast that she was the best? .

Yet now she didn't care about that. She only cared about wanting to see him get better. She wanted to tell him again, when he was better that she did love him but somehow by the way he was cuddled up next to her and laid his head down in her lap, she had a feeling that he all ready knew.

Chapter 55

Two days later, Shinji awoke in the morning and felt better. He felt one hundred percent better and as he looked at Asuka who resting near the fire, he smiled.

He got up out from under the blanket and stood up, stretching. He quickly threw on his pull over and jeans. He looked towards the entrance of the cave then walked over to it, the snow was still falling pretty bad. He sighed as he watched it and wondered when they would be able to get out of here.

Then he turned and walked over to her. He knelt down beside her and smiled as he watched her. "Hey." He said softly as he shook her shoulder gently.

Asuka yawned and turned her head. Her eyes opened and she smiled as she saw him. Then, her eyes widened and she jerked upright. With a scowl painted across her face, she barked.. "Why the hell are you out of bed? Get back to bed right now!"

"I feel fine though." He told her. "Really."

Asuka reached up and put her hand to his forehead. As she felt his forehead, she smiled and touched his cheeks. She laughed and threw her arms around him, holding him tight, "It is down! You feel cool! You…feel like a normal temp! Shinji, you are better!"

"Yeah." He told her with a chuckle and a smile as he looked back at her. "The snow though, looks really bad out there."

Asuka nodded. "I know."

"We might be stuck here for a while huh?" he asked her.

"We could be."

"How's the food situation?" he asked.

"Well, as long as there are rats…"

"That bad, huh?"

"Yeah." She said.

"What time is it?" he asked. "I can't find my watch."

Asuka reached into his pack and pulled it out, handing it to him. "What does it matter what time it is? If we don't get out of here, we're going to die."

"No, we won't." he told her as he put his watch on.

"I think you should still rest a little. I mean you just got better."

"How long have I been down for? Nine days, right? Well, I think I am one hundred percent finally." He stood up and looked around. "Wow." He said as he stretched. "Feels good to be well again."

Asuka smiled warmly at him and took a breath. She said to him softly. "Yeah, I'm glad you're better too."

Shinji grinned at her and then said. "Hey, is there anything to eat? I'm hungry as hell."

"Its in the pot." Asuka said.

Shinji went over to the pot and poured himself a small bowl of the stew. All though he felt it was disgusting; he ate it regardless and then drank some water, all the while, looking at Asuka.

"Hey you know," he said as he ate the stew. ", I think I am getting used to Rat Stew. Maybe you could make this one or two nights a week after we're out of here?"

Asuka rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Cute." She growled as she crossed her arms.

"That was just a joke. What's the matter?" He asked her.

"Do you honestly have to ask that question?" She snapped.

As soon as he was finished eating, he got up, walked over to her and sat beside her. He looked at her and then took her hand into his own, saying to her. "It's going to be all right. You'll see. Sooner or later, these snows have to stop and then…. then that's when we break for it."

"What if it never stops, Shinji? What then?"

"It will stop, Asuka." He said to her.

Asuka looked at him with worry and then hugged him, taking a deep breath. "Sometimes…it seems like it'll never stop. I…I am afraid, Shinji." she whispered.

"Don't be." He told her as he brushed the hair from her face and looked into her eyes.

"I am afraid, Shinji! What if we never get out of here? What if we die here? You almost died! I couldn't…."

She began to cry and he held her against him as he breathed in. "It's going to be all right, Asuka. I'm fine now. We'll both be all right." He said to her as he looked into her eyes and smiled. "Asuka, we won't die here. I'll tell you though, this is going to sound sick, but right here, with you, is where I want to be right now."

Asuka smiled at him and then said. "When I almost lost you, I thought…"

"Shh…." He told her.

"Shinji…."

Quickly, his lips came to hers as he kissed her gently and held her in his arms.

She looked back to him and said. "What are you doing?"

Shinji smiled and said. "I'm better now right?"

"Yeah but…."

Asuka felt her fear go away as he held her and kissed her, brushing the hair away from her face and holding her tight against him. "So I take it," he said with a smile. ", that this is allowed now?"

Asuka giggled at him and then he smiled at her and kissed her again, she held onto him tight and he held onto her.

"Shinji, you just got better. Do you think that we should…"

Her words were cut off as he kissed her again and held her tight against him. As they parted lips she said. "Pervert."

He chuckled at her and nodded. Then he lightly caressed her face and bought himself in for another kiss, holding her against him and gently laying her back. They turned onto their sides as they kissed long and deeply holding onto one another.

She smiled at him. Yet as he looked into her face, he couldn't say anything. He could only stare back at her. No words were said but their emotions spoke volumes and then as he looked back to her, he kissed her long and sincerely as his hands ran up and down her body.

Asuka giggled and then ran her hand up and down his chest. He smirked back and took her hand into his own and kissed her hand as he held it to his chest.

"I know." He said to her as he pulled her close to him and shut his eyes, his lips joined hers. She opened her mouth and felt him intertwine his tongue with her own as he held her close to him and shifted his weight.

He gently turned her onto her back and smiled down at her as he kissed her gently.

Her hands reached underneath his pullover and she ran her palms along his back. The kiss that they shared was passionate and was fueling them with arousal for one another.

She knew that this was now the moment as she looked into his face.

She kissed him on his neck as she pulled the pullover up over his back and over his head. He looked back at her breathing heavily wanting her more then he had ever wanted her before. His eyes shut as he felt the soft kisses she gave him on his neck while her hands ran over his body and through his hair.

He knew that this was their moment and it was right.

Then as his eyes opened halfway and looked back at her, she felt him press his lips to hers tenderly and hold her against him. She looked back at him and smiled lightly stroking his cheek and then they kissed again.

"Oh, God, Shinji." Asuka breathed out as her hands ran over his back.

"Asuka…." He said in between heavy breathing as he looked at her. "I love you."

"Shinji, I love you too." She said back with a smile as she drew him to her.

Shinji smirked and then his lips came back to hers and he kissed her gently as he looked back at her. "I heard you every night." He told her.

"I heard you too." She said with a smile.

"Oh, Asuka. I am so in love with you." He told her with a smile.

"Shinji, I'm in love with you too." She said. "I'm not afraid anymore. Your love is my strength."

"Yours is mine." He whispered to her as he smiled at her again and kissed her once more.

"Shinji," Asuka whispered to him as she ran her hand over his back. "Let's make love to each other tonight. Let's go all the way with each other."

He breathed hard as he looked at her, drenched with desire "Are you sure?"

"Yes." She whispered as their lips met.

They remained in their kiss as they removed each other's clothes from one another and held one another close as they lay next to the fire on their sleeping bags.

She loved the feel of his body. He had become so strong and yet he was also as gentle as he had always been. She felt his breath and his lips on her neck and ear and she breathed heavy as she touched him all over his body. He moved back to her lips and kissed her openly and deeply making her feel how much he wanted her and feeling in her kiss how much she wanted him.

Asuka watched as his lips trailed down her body, kissing her slowly and moving his hands all over her body and her thighs.

Asuka felt like she was in a state of absolute ecstasy as passion washed over her like a giant wave. For her it was incredible and it was better then it had been before.

He looked down at her body exploring her body with his hands and then looking back at her, he laid himself over her as he reached underneath her shoulders and held onto her, kissing her lips with gentleness and tenderness.

She felt so on fire from him and as he touched her, he loomed over her and breathed in.

Staring into her eyes, he kissed her tenderly as he tried to be gentle with her. She moved her head back and moaned holding onto him as he breathed in and out.

Feeling the initial shock of her barrier being violated, she breathed out as he tried to be gentle with her and not cause her so much pain.

He looked to her face as he saw the pain it caused, locking his eyes with her as he moved forward. "Are you okay?" he asked her through heavy breathing.

Asuka nodded at him and drew him to her for another kiss, holding onto him until the pain passed.

Soon though, the pain stopped and it was replaced by great pleasure and she moaned in enjoyment.

Shinji interlaced his fingers with hers feeling sweat start to run down his body and now experiencing the passion of their love.

Their bodies heaved together as he continued to move faster and kiss her while they made love to one another. They both explored one another with their hands and mouths leaving no part of the other untouched. They both were felt like they were one with each other knowing only true pleasure and passion.

Feeling ecstasy sweep across her body, she moaned out loudly as she arched her back and moved with him.

Her body was in sync with his body. With every movement that he made, she followed. They were moving in rhythm with each other as they called out loudly into the cave while their bodies became soaked in sweat. Their joy and pleasure mixed with red-hot passion and they bought themselves past the point of sheer ecstasy. .

As the night progressed, the two of them became immersed in their passion and became enthralled with one another. Their hands and mouth ran all over each other

She equally couldn't get enough of him. She couldn't imagine that he had this within him the whole time she knew him. .

She never wanted to let him go. She wanted to hold him as long as she could as he made her scream into the night with such pleasure. Her hands ran over his sweaty back and through his hair.

She loved how strong he was and the way his body felt against her. She had never known anything like this before the way he felt inside of her. The way he moved with her, touched her and kissed her made her want to fade away into him. It was absolute delight and happiness and she felt truly one with him.

He felt pure bliss wash over him as he grunted and moaned. He equally never wanted to let her go or stop. He wished he could have been with her like this forever experiencing ecstasy and pleasure.

He looked deep into her eyes. He so badly wanted to let go but he held back, driving himself more seeing she was almost at that point herself.

Then he felt her, she threw her head back and arched her back. She shrieked with pleasure as loud as her voice could carry.

It drove him wild. He groaned and grunted loudly as his face tightened. He called out as his eyes squeezed shut.

He laid his weight on top of her as he hugged her body and breathed in and out. Her arms came around him and she held him against her. As he heaved on top of her, he kissed her lips gently and hugged her body.

Chapter 56

Shinji awoke in the late afternoon seeing her beside him. They were lying on the sleeping bag. Their fire had kept burning. A blanket covered them both. The sunlight shone through the cave and he could smell the clean fresh air. He was lying beside her, his arm around her. She was still asleep, facing him, sleeping on her side.

He stared at her face, feeling so much love in his heart.

All though they had finally had sex with each other, it meant so much more.

Everything that had happened in this cave meant a great deal. It had changed everything.

As he looked at her, he felt an outpour of emotion coming out of him. He knew that they were so much more then what they were and what they had been.

Shortly after, she woke up and then saw that he was staring at her, smiling. She smiled back at him as she reached up and stroked his hair.

"Hi. Have you been awake long?" She asked sleepily as she let her hand rest on his chest..

"Not too long." He told her as he ran his hand through her hair. "I like watching you sleep."

"You were watching me sleep?" She asked as she cam closer to him and looked up at him.

"Yeah." He told her while his fingers ran down her back. "I love watching you sleep. I love looking at you. I love you."

"This is like a wonderful dream." She said to him with a smile.

"Loving you is like a dream come true. A hope for the future." He told her as he looked into her eyes.

She smiled back at him and felt her heart touched in a way she could never describe. She moved closer to him and lightly cupped his cheek with her palm. He raised his head and moved closer to her, he breathed in and smiled. She drew him closer to her.

Shinji kissed her gently placing his hands and feeling her body adjust to his own as he moved over her and held onto her body.

Asuka made a small noise and laughed as she felt something lightly poke her. "My god, do you always wake up this way?" Asuka asked as she looked up at him with a chuckle.

Shinji simply raised an eyebrow and then said. "You should know by now."

She laughed and then he kissed her again while their bodies melted into one another. He held her close to him as he kissed her.

They kissed passionately, moving in sync with each other rhythmically. She felt herself fading into the rapture of the passionate moment, moaning and cooing softly beneath him as he grunted and moaned with her.

He looked into her eyes as they moved with one another and thought to himself, he never wanted to be without her. He wished he could freeze this moment in time and make love to her forever.

Asuka didn't want to let go of him for a minute. She wanted to hold onto him forever and be everything to him that she could be. As she stared into his eyes, both of them had the same thought at the exact same time.

This is only the beginning of our lives. I want to be yours forever.

Chapter 58

They weren't sure of what time it was as they sat by the fire and ate.

Both of them hadn't bothered to change into clothes, they simply wrapped their blankets around each other and then ate a small breakfast-lunch-dinner with the remaining rations that they had.

As they ate, they kept looking at one another smiling at one another knowing that they both wanted to finish this break quickly and get back to what they had been doing for what was now a day and a half.

As soon as they were done eating, they looked back at each other, threw off the blankets and they found themselves in passionate embraces and deep kisses.

They all but threw one another onto the sleeping bag. She wrapped her arms around him and drew him to her as she laid down on the sleeping bag. He moved over her and once again found himself joined with her in body and soul as they both moaned out their pleasure.

They perspired heavily with one another and found their passion and ecstasy merging with another taking them into another world where only they existed. Their pleasure of one another was great, both of them felt equal to the other. There was no dominance, there was just them.

Each of them wanted to give as much of themselves to the other as possible. They wanted to make each other feel as much passion and pleasure as they could and it set them on fire with what they did to each other.

Then finally as he breathed out, doused in sweat, looking back at her, he collapsed onto her body and heaved over her as she heaved underneath him and held onto him loving the way he felt against her. His arms went around her shoulders as he laid his head against her neck and breathed in the scent of her hair.

She equally could feel so much a part of him. Their sleep came to claim them and they rested with each other remaining linked not wanting to disconnect, not wanting to let go.

Chapter 59

The following morning, she woke up with him still against her, still connected to him. She smiled as she breathed in and gently kissed him on his neck.

She felt him breath in and then as he raised his head and stared into her eyes, he gently stroked her cheek and kissed her gently.

She smiled through the kiss and thought to herself, t_his isn't a bad way to wake up. _

He smiled back at her and continued to kiss her and she wrapped her arms around him as he reached underneath her and held onto her shoulders while he kissed her deeply and moved.

She equally loved waking up like this; it felt like a slice of heaven in the middle of being stuck in an icy, cold wasteland. However, the last few days had been anything but cold. The last two days had been hot and passionate and for both of them it was paradise.

As his lips moved to her neck and his hands moved across her back, she moved her head back and then she caught something out of the corner of her eye. She turned her head while Shinji continued to kiss her neck and move his hands across her body.

Asuka turned her head and looked at the cave entrance, and then she smiled wildly.

"Shinji!" She exclaimed.

"Asuka…" he moaned out as with his eyes shut.

"No, Shinji! I mean…. uh…look." She said through heavy breathing.

"What?" he said as he kissed her neck.

"Shinji, look! Look!"

"Later." He told her in a breath as he continued.

"No asshole! Stop it and look!"

"What?" he asked in an annoyed tone as he stopped and looked at her.

"There!" She said as she pointed to the cave.

Shinji rolled his eyes and looked over and then he smiled and looked back to her. "Okay! So what? So, it stopped…. that's great. Let's get back to more of this. I'm not finished with you yet." He told her with a smile.

"Idiot!" Asuka growled as she sat up. She grabbed the blanket, wrapping it around her running over to the cave entrance.

"Asuka!" he growled, as he felt cold. "What the fuck?"

Asuka ran over to the cave entrance and then laughed loudly. "YES! Finally! Shinji, do you know what this means?"

Shinji looked at her and huffed. He put on his jeans, and reached for his boots as he threw them on and he walked over to the cave entrance, breathed in and raised his eyebrow.

"What does that look mean?" Asuka asked with a smirk.

"Uh…. I don't know…. maybe blue balls?" he asked her as he crossed his arms.

"Shinji, look…. it's over…. the snow stopped! We can get out of here!"

"Okay, we can get out of here later. I've got other plans for now." He said as he came over to her with a smirk.

"Shinji, you idiot!" Asuka growled as she put her arm up and held him back. "Don't you realize that the snows have stopped? Is you're hard on controlling your brain that much? Haven't you had enough sex? God, we've been doing it for two days now! Would you really prefer to have sex then getting out of here?"

"Uh yeah!" Shinji said in an annoyed tone.

"Shinji, look, idiot, we can make a break for it!"

Shinji looked outside and poked his head out. Snow was everywhere and he took a deep breath. "It might be really deep, we don't know."

"There's only one way to find out." She said as she looked at him with a grin.

"You're not going out there!" Shinji demanded.

"Watch me!" Asuka said with a smirk as she went back to the fire and started getting dressed.

"Are you nuts?" He said as he followed her and kneeled beside her. "Its been snowing for days! It might be deep and what if it is, then you'll fall through the snow."

"So, if that happens, rescue me." Asuka said with a smirk as she grabbed the jacket and put it on.

"I think you're crazy!" Shinji said as he looked at her.

"If we can get out of here, I'll take the risk." She said as she put on her boots with a laugh. Lightly, she gave him a peck on the lips and then ran towards the cave entrance.

Shinji sighed and then grabbed his pullover and threw it on. He huffed again and then walked over to the cave entrance. He stood by the cave entrance as she came out of the cave and stood in the snow.

She looked around and felt the sunlight on her face. The skies were clear and she laughed and spun around. "This is great!" Asuka called out happily.

He shook his head at her and then called out. "Be careful."

Asuka smirked and then all of a sudden fell back, screaming.

Shinji's eyes widened as he looked around. "ASUKA!" He yelled out.

He looked around again feeling worried. He inched out further into the cave. Then he saw her head pop up and saw her laughing.

"That's not funny!"

Asuka laughed and then fell back into the snow, laughing loudly while she made a snow angel.

Shinji simply watched her and shook his head, crossing his arms.

"Come out here!" She said as she stood up. "Its not really cold. I mean it's chilly but not too cold and it's not deep at all. Its great!"

Shinji sighed and beamed at her with an annoyed look. He had other plans this morning and it didn't involve playing in the snow.

He was happy the snow had ended but he had wished they had finished their early morning activity first.

"Come on out!" Asuka said with a laugh. "You haven't been out in so long. Get out here!"

Shinji rolled his eyes and then called out. "Okay. One second." He went back to the fire and grabbed another large sweater and quickly put it on, and then he grabbed the baseball cap out of his backpack and put it on. He went back to the entrance of the cave and then started to climb out of it and as soon as his head popped out, he felt something strike him and it was cold and made of snow.

He looked back to her with a frown and a raised eyebrow and she laughed at him.

"Gotcha." She said with a smirk.

He came out of the cave and looked at her with crossed arms and then he saw her bend down and make another snowball in her hand.

The look on her face was devilish.

He breathed in as he raised his arm and pointed at her. "Don't even think about it." He told her.

Asuka grinned and then threw the snowball at him, he ducked but it hit him in the shoulder. She laughed and then began to run away. He smirked and picked up a large amount of snow and quickly made it into a snowball and threw it at her.

She laughed as it made an impact on her back and then she picked up more snow and threw it at him as he tried to get away from her.

The two of them laughed and ran around throwing snowballs at one another. He chased her and tried to catch her as she laughed and then when he wasn't aware of it, she hopped on his back and covered his eyes with her hands.

"What are you…"

Asuka laughed wildly as she teased him. He lost his footing though and then she fell with him and landed into the snow, beside him. She couldn't stop laughing as she looked at him.

He sighed, shaking his head, saying. "You…are…crazy!"

Asuka continued to laugh and moved closer to him, saying. "It was fun wasn't it?"

"No!" Shinji said with a smirk as he sat up. "Do you realize I just got better? Do you want to make me sick again?"

"Knock it off. It's not that cold." Asuka said with a grin.

"Oh yeah?" Shinji asked.

:"Yeah! You had fun admit it!"

"No!" Shinji said with a smirk.

"I'll make you admit it then!" Asuka said with a devilish look.

"Really?" he said as he sat up.

"Yeah." She said as she looked at him and sat up.

"How do you think you'd be able to do that?"

Asuka chuckled and then said. "By doing…THIS!" She was quick; she pounced on him and made him fall onto his back in the snow. She laughed at him as she pinned him and he looked back at her with a smirk. "Gotcha!" She said with a grin.

"No you didn't." He said as he forced his body weight and turned her over. "I got you!" he said with a grin as he looked down at her.

"You think so, huh?' She said as she looked back at him.

"I know so." He told her.

"I can reverse it."

"I'd like to see ya." He told her.

Asuka smirked and then moved her head quickly and pressed her lips against his. He smirked and laughed as he fell into her kiss and then she turned him over onto his back and parted from his lips, smiling down at him, leaning on her elbow. "Just like that." She said with a grin. "See, now I got you."

He looked back to her and laughed as he cupped her cheek and said. "I know."

"Why don't we go back to the cave?" Asuka said with a smile.

"I thought you wanted to leave?" Shinji asked.

"We can leave tomorrow. We can enjoy our last day here the way we like and the way we started to this morning."

Shinji grinned at her and wrapped his arms around her, he kissed her again and then smiled at her as he sat up and watched as she ran back to the cave.

Shinji smiled as he chased after her. He ran into the cave and saw her by the fire.

He breathed out as he saw her. He smiled at her and removed his baseball cap from his head, dropping it beside him. He came towards her and then their arms wrapped around each other as their lips met.

As their lips joined one another, their eyes shut and they found each other settling down by the fire onto the sleeping bag. . He laid her down on the sleeping bag with his hand behind her head. They quickly undressed each other and then once again found their passion re-ignited. When his lips came to hers and they kissed each other with deep, unyielding passion their bodies became one with one another.

As Asuka looked into his face, she smiled at him and thought to herself that she no longer saw the shy, withdrawn boy that he used to be.

She thought to herself that she had seen the scared, frightened, lonely boy become a strong, brave confident young man. She had seen him protect her when he had to and do what they had to in order to survive. More so, now he was much more to her then a companion and a best friend.

Now he was the man that she loved.

(end of Part V….Part VI coming next. This scene was edited for this website. Again, the "first time" sequence had some lemon in it. It has been edited for this website. After Impact Uncut will be available on the author's website.)


	6. Chapters 60 thru 68

PART VI: A PLACE TO CALL HOME

Chapter 60

When the first rays of dawn came through the opening of the cave, Shinji and Asuka got up, packed up everything that they had, wore very warm clothing and ventured out to go down the mountain.

They had been at the cave for almost three weeks. It had been the longest that they had ever stayed in one spot. Now they were once again trying to find something, anything to help them in their quest.

They traveled down the mountain carefully. It was rocky and the snows made the journey tough. The air was cold but not as cold as it had been previously. The sun had been shining all day long and the warmth felt good as they made their journey downward.

Nearly five hours later as they reached the bottom. The mountain all though it had looked menacing had not been too hard to go up. It wasn't as high as they originally thought.

As they were coming down, Asuka could see the view from where she was. Looking up at Shinji, she smiled happily.

"Oh my God. Do you see it?"

"Yeah." He said with the same smile. "I can't believe it. C'mon."

Quickly, the two of them tried to get down as quickly as they could as they helped one another.

When they finally reached the bottom, they took a short break and then began to walk forward through the forest, as they came out of the forest, they breathed in the fresh clean air and couldn't believe how beautiful it was,

"This is the most prettiest place we've seen so far." Asuka said as she breathed in. "It's a valley, Shinji. It's so…. green. It's brimming with life!"

"I know. It feels so alive here." Shinji said as he looked around.

As they came out of the forest, they stopped and both of them breathed in at the same time. Asuka clutched Shinji's hand tighter and they looked back at one another and they saw what greeted them as they emerged from the dense forest.

Happily, as he took her hand they walked towards it and then stood before it, amazed.

"It's a house, Shinji." She said happily.

"I know." He said with a grin as he looked at it. "Asuka, I feel like I've seen this before."

"Really?" Asuka said as she looked at the house. "I do too. I mean, its just your average everyday one level house but…. I don't know. This is weird.. It's like I know this place."

Shinji looked at her and then back at the structure as he said. "Let me check it out first before you go in there."

"Okay." She said as she watched him go towards it.

Shinji took a look at the house and breathed in deeply. He walked up the small porch stairs to the front door and then gripped the door handle. His eyes widened as he pushed in the door_. It's unlocked?_

Slowly, he walked inside.

He stayed in there a while and checked on the structure. Asuka sat down on the ground waiting, wondering.

She stood as she saw him stand in the doorway and smile at her saying. "It's okay. Come inside."

Asuka smiled and then walked towards the house.

The house still had furniture in it. The outside pretty much was traditional in brown shingles with a gray roof. It was a one level family home, small but comfortable.

A small couch, a chair, a television, pictures on the walls was in the living room with a brick fireplace against the wall.. There was a kitchen off to side with a large round wooden table in it and four chairs. It had lots of windows and lots of light. The walls were painted white and there was soft carpet on the floor in the living room.

For the most part, it looked like a typical family home. Shinji looked over at her with a smile and she looked back at him, returning the smile.

They both took a deep breath and then started to get to work.

The house had no electric and but oddly enough did have running water. Despite that though, it was shelter and this had been the best shelter that both of them had found in a long time.

They both were relieved after all that they had endured that they had found good shelter like this.

They spent the remaining afternoon and evening straightening up, cleaning up, and looking around. They noticed that in the back of the house was a bedroom with a large queen sized bed and two smaller bedrooms. .

Knowing that it had been a while since it had been slept in, they decided that tomorrow that they would sleep in the bed and tonight they would sleep in their sleeping bags in the living room.

When they had finished straightening up, it had been very late. Both were very tired but also both were wondering about the other.

Both had been hungry. Shinji looked through the pantry in the kitchen and laughed as he saw an abundance of canned goods. He noticed that in the kitchen was a gas stove. He took a deep breath as he turned it on and then smiled with a loud laugh as the flame came on.

He quickly prepared dinner for him and Asuka.

They ate a small dinner at the table and were silent. Both were looking at one another but neither of them said anything and both wondered, is_ what happened in the cave still back there? _

After dinner, they lit the small lantern that they had.

Shinji had set up the sleeping bags on the living room floor knowing that sleeping in the bed in the next room right would have to wait until they cleaned up some more tomorrow.

Shinji went outside to some wood all ready chopped in a small stack. The wood was dry and he carried a few logs into the house.

Settling down beside the fireplace, he made a small fire in the fireplace. The heat began to warm the house and he took a sigh as he relaxed beside it. .

Asuka had settled down on the couch and was looking at the fireplace as she felt the heat warm the room. She removed her jacket and then relaxed as she breathed out and looked around.

Shinji wanted to say something but he wasn't sure of what to say.

Asuka equally wanted to say something too but she didn't know what to say either.

He took a deep breath and said to her. "Are you tired?"

"A little." She said as she looked at him and then looking down at her shoes. "Not…really though." She raised her eyes slowly as she looked at him.

"Oh." He said as he swallowed, then he came over to her and sat beside her on the couch. He looked at her, smiled and then asked. "So…do you want to…uh…do…. Something… maybe?"

"Do something?" Asuka asked as she looked back at him with a raised eyebrow. "Like what?"

Shinji swallowed and then stammered. "Like…. um…like…uh…well, you know?" he asked her with a smile as he moved his head towards the sleeping bag.

"What? Like what?" Asuka asked him. _Oh, are we playing the I-don't-know-what-do-you-want-to-do-game again? Just spit it out._

"You know what I mean." He said to her as he turned a shade of red and again motioned his head towards the sleeping bag.

"Idiot! What the hell are you trying to say?" Asuka asked him.

Shinji looked away from her. He took a deep breath. Slowly turning his head back towards her, he said in a low voice. "Asuka…what happened between us…in the cave…I don't want to lose that. I just want to know that it wasn't…like a one time thing. It wasn't right? It was real, wasn't it?"

Asuka sighed. She smiled at him and said softly. "It wasn't a one time thing. It was something special. It's something I want. I don't' want to lose that either."

"Then why are we…. like…I don't know…awkward right now?" he asked her.

"I don't know." Asuka said. "I guess from traveling down the mountain, then finding this place, working all day, it seems strange. Its just this whole day has been…odd."

"Bad odd?" he asked her.

"No, good odd." Asuka said with a smile. "I just can't believe…we are sitting in a house. We haven't been inside a structure in so long. A house…. it seems too much like I'm dreaming. Everything we've been through has been so hard and now it seems like this isn't real but still it feels familiar and right."

"I know what you mean." He said as he looked around. "It does feel right though, doesn't it?"

Asuka nodded her head and said. "Strangely enough yeah it does."

"I know." He said as he looked at her with a smile. "Asuka, I want…"

"What?" She asked.

"Asuka, I…I meant…I'd like to know if…" Then he shook his head and growled out. "Damnit!"

"What is it?" Asuka asked.

Shinji chuckled and then said. "Just, right now…I don't know what to do."

"About what?"

"Us." He told her softly as he looked at her. "I don't know what to do about us."

"What do you mean?" Asuka asked. "I thought after the cave we…"

"Asuka, listen to me." Shinji said quickly as he looked deep into her eyes and held onto her hands. He said in a gentle voice. "I just want to know that this is real now. We're _together_, aren't we? This isn't something you're going to want to forget about or push aside. Asuka, I want to know and I need to know that this is real before we go any further."

"Shinji, what do you mean?"

"Just tell me that this is real now." He said to her as he looked at her.

"Of course it is. Shinji, we've always been together just not at this level before."

"No, Asuka!" Shinji said in a frustrated voice as he held onto her hands and shut his eyes. "I don't mean like before. I don't just want the small moments at night and stuff!" He breathed in and opened his eyes as he looked back into hers. He said to her in the same gentle voice. "I need to know that you and me we're really finally being honest with one another. I mean, we're not hiding away from each other anymore, right? I mean that we're _together_ now. You know what I mean?"

"I know what you mean." She said softly, as she gently touched his cheek with her palm. "Yes." She said softly with a smile. "We are."

He smiled at her and chuckled nervously as he asked in a gentle tone. "So, we're really together now? No more hiding? No more secrets?"

"No more hiding." Asuka told him gently as she stroked the back of his hair and put her forehead to his. "What happened back in that cave was real." She whispered to him as she looked into his eyes. "Our feelings are real. I'm being real with you from now on. I will never hide from you again. We're together now. "

He smiled at her and took a deep breath as he hugged her close to him. "I love you." He told her gently.

"I love you too." She whispered as she looked back to him and tucked the hair behind his ear. "Don't worry anymore. I'm not going to hide from you. Now, Shinji, I am being real. I won't ever hide away again. Everything that happened between us in that cave is because I wanted it to. I still want to. I love you with all my heart. You are my man. You are my heart. I will never push you away again. I'm not afraid anymore. Your love became my strength."

"Really?" he asked her.

"Yeah." She said in a whisper.

He chuckled nervously and then said. "I was so afraid that…. we were going to…lose it once we left there"

"Never." Asuka told him. "I will never hide away from you again. We revealed our hearts to each other. I almost lost you. I never want to lose you. I will never hide away. I want to be with you now and forever." Asuka took a breath as she looked at him and then said. "Nothing will ever change that. Nothing will ever come between us. I'm yours."

"Do you…want to…"?

"What?" She asked him softly.

"You know…. do you…. do you…."

Asuka smirked at him and then said. "Don't be shy about it."

"What?" he asked her.

Asuka smirked at him and put her hand against his chest. She smirked at him and rubbed his chest gently. "You know what…" she told him in a whisper as she began to unbutton his shirt.

"Oh…" he said as he swallowed hard as he looked down seeing at what she was doing. "Uh…." He became red in the face as he looked at her and said. "Do you want to hear something silly?"

"What is it?" Asuka said as she looked into his eyes while she continued to unbutton his shirt. "Tell me anything you want."

She finished unbuttoning his shirt and then ran her hands underneath the fabric and over his chest back towards his shoulders.

He closed his eyes and breathed in as he felt her touch. He opened his eyes slowly and looked at her as he said. "I'm kind of…. nervous."

Asuka smiled at him as she rolled his shirt back over his shoulders. "Why?" She asked him.

Shinji chuckled as he said. "This is going to sound silly but, even though we did it like crazy in the cave, it's like…I'm nervous. Can you believe that?" he asked her as he felt her slowly push his shirt down his arms.

Asuka smiled at him and gently kissed him on his neck. "It's okay." She told him in a whisper.

Shinji closed his eyes and breathed heavily as he felt her gentle kisses and touches on his body.

"Asuka…" he breathed out. "Do you…"

"Do I what?" She whispered into his ear as he ran her hands over his chest and then down his stomach. "Tell me what you want."

Shinji looked back into her face and then said to her gently. "Asuka, do you…want to make love?"

Asuka smiled as she stood up in front of him and then said. "Yes, Shinji."

She extended her hand out to him and he smiled up at her as he took her hand into his own and then stood up, standing before her.

She smiled at him as he reached for the hem of her sweater and then lifted it over her head. . He came towards her and they kissed one another tenderly.

He looked back at her and smiled at her as he drew her closer to him and felt her body against him. He gently laid her down on the sleeping bag as they kissed one another tenderly.

Soon that kiss became deeper and more passionate. They removed the rest of each other's clothes, and then laid with one another on the sleeping bags in front of the fireplace.

The wood in the fireplace burned brightly and crackled. Soft light came through the room.

As he came back to her, and her arms went around him with her fingertips trailing down his back she said. "Make love to me, Shinji."

They smiled back at one another and then as their lips joined each other, their bodies became one again. They let themselves be carried away into the night with each other. Shinji found all of his nervousness and insecurity disappear when he joined with her.

She too knew a different side to him as a lover. When he was with her, the shyness, awkwardness and fear went away. Instead, she found a lover who satisfied her every desire and wish. He made her feel amazing and her heart was beating so fast as they pleasured one another.

She wished she could have it be this way forever. She never wanted to stop feeling this way. It was ironic to her, the one thing she feared was something she needed all along. She could feel the difference in her as she had transitioned from girl to woman.

It wasn't the fact that she had sex that made her into a woman.

It was the day she became honest with herself and let down all of her walls. It was the day she allowed the love he gave her to become her strength and her life. When she stopped resisting what she felt, what she knew was the truth, she realized she could never lose her strength because as Shinji had told her: love was her strength.

Chapter 61

In the morning he woke up next to her, she was lying on her side with her back against his chest. His head had been nestled between her shoulder and her neck. His arm was around her and as he breathed in, he cuddled her bringing her closer into his body.

She woke up as he began to lightly kiss her shoulder and she smiled as she turned around to look into his face.

"Hey there." She said with a grin as she lightly stroked his hair by his right ear.

"Hi." He said to her. "Good morning."

"Good morning." She told him. "Did you sleep okay?"

"I slept great." He told her with a smile as he stared into her eyes.

"So," Asuka said as she looked up at him. ", what do you want to do today?"

He raised his eyebrow and the look on his face made it like he was pondering the question very seriously. She laughed as he made the face and he looked back to her with a grin that spelled out exactly what he wanted.

"Knowing the way you've been lately, I should have known what the answer was." She said with a grin.

"Actually, we should get up. I want to look around here and see what we can find."

"We can do that…. later." Asuka said with a grin as she drew him to her. "First there's something else I'd rather do."

He chuckled as he came back to her and found himself in an early morning activity that he had come to enjoy very much since the first time that they had done it.

When they concluded with their early morning activity, nearly two hours later, they both got dressed and ate quickly.

They went outside and looked around the property. Shinji noticed that off to the side was a shed. He went over to it and opened the door and then smiled as he saw what was inside.

"Wow!" he said as he looked at it.

She turned to him and ran over to him in the shed and then she saw what was inside and said. "Is this what I think it is?"

"Sure as hell is." He said as he went over to it and opened the door, getting inside of it and rolling down the window. "This is Matsou pick up! It's got to be a 2014 model. Its cool!"

"Do you think it works still? I mean we've seen a lot of cars and trucks but most of them had been destroyed and none ever worked."

Shinji thought for a minute as his hands gripped the steering wheel. "Do you know how to drive?"

"No!" Asuka said. "Neither do you."

He smirked at her and then said. "There was something else Misato taught me."

"You know how to drive?" She asked.

He smirked at her as he moved his hand around the dashboard and opened the glove compartment and then he remembered what most of the military did at NERV whenever they got into their vehicles.

He reached up for the visor and pulled it down and then a set of keys fell into his hand. He smirked as he looked back at Asuka and said. "Move out of the way."

"Shinji, what the fuck are you going to do? That thing probably doesn't even work. It's probably busted."

"Let's see." He said to her as he took the key and put it in the ignition. He turned the key and heard it; the engine didn't seem to be turning over.

He pumped the gas pedal with his foot and then he tried it again, turning the key once more and then he heard it.

The engine started up and he laughed as it ran. "It works, Asuka!" he yelled out happily. "It really works! Stand back. I'm taking it out."

Trying to remember, he thought back to when he was fourteen years old sitting in Misato's sports car.

_"Okay, driving. Lesson one: first ignition. Turn the key to start it up. Second: shifter. Watch what I do and then you do it, okay?"_

_"Okay." He said as he looked at her._

_Shinji watched Misato with the shifter and she demonstrated what to do. He took a deep breath as he looked ahead and gripped the steering wheel._

_"Now pop the clutch."_

_"Okay."_

_"All right, shift to first gear."_

_"Okay."_

_"Now release the clutch and step down on the gas. Remember, clutch and shift. That's important. Whenever you shift, pop the clutch."_

_"Hey, aren't some cars automatic?" he asked._

_"Yeah but those are for wimps." Misato said with a laugh. "If you drive a stick shift, you can drive anything. So you are going to learn on my car. Only one thing, if you bang up my car…. I'll knock you in the head."_

_Shinji laughed as he looked at her and then said. "Will you teach me on an automatic too?"_

_"You don't need to learn on an automatic once you learn on a stick. I told you, if you can drive a stick you could drive anything. Besides, girls think that guys who drive sticks are sexy. Now, do what I say. Let's go forward."_

Shinji smirked as he remembered that first driving experience and as he looked at the truck, he saw that it was. "An automatic." He said as he laughed.

He pulled the shifter into drive and then slowly stepped on the gas and moved it out of the shed. Asuka stepped back as she looked at the truck.

"So, when we were you going to tell me that you knew how to drive?"

Shinji pulled up the truck along side her. Shinji smirked at her as he leaned his elbow out of the window and said. "How about now?"

"Idiot." Asuka said.

"Hop in. Let's test it out." He told her.

"Shinji! That truck has been sitting there for three years or more. How do we know its not going to stall?"

"It seems to be running okay." He said as he put the truck in park and cut the engine. He reached underneath the steering wheel and popped the hood, then he saw a rag lying next to him and he grabbed it.

He opened the door and got out going over to the hood and lifting it up. The engine was dirty and it looked like a few spiders had made a home in it.

"Okay." He said as he looked at it. "Why don't we check the oil, clean this up a bit, drive it around here for a while and test it out."

"You really know how to drive?" Asuka asked.

"Well, I haven't done it three years but I'm sure with practice I'll be fine."

"Who taught you how to drive?" Asuka asked. "Oh wait…. Misato did."

"Of course." He said with a smirk. "Misato taught me a lot of stuff."

Asuka shook her head at him and said. "How about fixing trucks? Did Misato teach you that?"

"No."

"Well, there's something you don't know about me." Asuka said as she went over to the truck. "My Dad's hobby was fixing up cars and I used to watch. Never drove one but I can get them to work pretty good."

"No way." Shinji said with a smirk.

"Yup." Asuka said. "So how much gas is in the tank?"

Shinji went back over to the truck and then turned on the ignition using only the battery. "It says…its ¾ full."

"Okay." Asuka said. "Now come out here and I'll teach you a thing or two about automotive maintenance. First though, you clean the spiders out. I hate them!."

Shinji smirked at her and came over to the engine. They worked on cleaning up the engine and the inside of the truck. Asuka showed him how to check the oil, transmission fluid and checked the brakes.

After an hour of analyzing the truck, she said. "Seems to be okay."

"So," he said as he shut the hood. ", Let's drive it."

"This truck has been sitting around for three years! You can't just drive it around after having it sit."

"Why not?"

"Because the gas is just like sitting there. It needs like…. new gas."

"So let's find some new gas." Shinji said.

"Well, what if it…blows up?" Asuka asked nervously.

"Then, we knew we weren't supposed to drive it now, wouldn't we?" he said with a grin.

"Idiot." Asuka said with a laugh.

"C'mon, hop in. Let me take you for a ride." He said as he got around to the passenger side door and opened it. "C'mon, it'll be fun."

Asuka shook her head at him and said. "Okay. Let's go ride around."

Asuka came toward him and got into the truck. Shinji shut the door for her and ran around to the other side. He got into the driver side and watched as she put her seatbelt on.

"What?" She asked as she looked back at him. "I'm used to putting on my seatbelt."

Shinji chuckled at her and did the same, and then he started up the truck, put the truck in drive and began to go forward.

They drove around the nearby area and laughed as they enjoyed the wind in their hair from having the windows open. The truck was driving pretty well and as Shinji looked at Asuka he said with a smile. "I'll bet there is a town nearby."

"You want to take this thing farther away from home?" She asked.

"What?" he asked her as he looked at her with a smile.

"Damnit, keep your eyes on the road." Asuka said. "I said, do you want to take this thing farther away from home?"

"Yeah." He said as he smiled. Thinking to himself, he smirked. _She called the house: Home. She's never done that before. Funny thing is. I feel that way too. _"Let's go exploring. It'll be fun."

"What if it stalls out?" Asuka asked.

"Then, we walk back."

Asuka again shook her head and said. "Idiot."

"Trust me. Just trust me." He said with a grin.

"Okay." Asuka said.

Chapter 62

As they drove they noticed about fifteen minutes away, by truck, there was indeed a deserted town. As they drove into it, they saw it was completely empty. They parked the truck and they walked around looking at the deserted stores.

"You know, now is a good time as any to get more supplies." Asuka said to him.

"You're right."

"Here." She said as she pointed in one direction. "You go…. that way and I'll go this way. We'll meet up by the truck."

"Okay." He said to her as he watched her walk away. "Hey?"

"What?" Asuka said as she turned on her heel and looked back at him.

"What are you going to get?" he asked her.

"Uh…. medicine, bandages, maybe some towels, sheets, maybe some curtains, maybe some house stuff…. I don't know. What about you?"

"Uh…you know the usual stuff I get. Pullovers. Tools. Food. Stuff like that."

"Okay. Meet ya back here?"

"Sure." He said.

She turned to walk away again and he smiled as he called out. "Hey!"

Again she stopped and turned back to him, crossing her arms. "Yeah now what?"

He smiled at her as he said. "I love you."

She smiled back at him and giggled as she said. "I love you too. Now c'mon, Idiot! The day is wasting."

"Okay." He told her as he smiled at her and watched her walk away.

He walked along the sidewalk and looked around. As he walked, he noticed an open door frame with no door on it. He raised his eyebrow and walked inside looking around.

It was a mess.

As he looked around, he gathered at one time it had showcases of some type that were now smashed. He wondered if when Third Impact hit, had people gone into frenzy and started looting. It looked like it had been broken into and robbed.

As he looked around, he was about to turn and walk away and then something shiny caught his eye. He looked around trying to find the source and couldn't find it at all. He went to turn to walk out of the store again and then yet again, the reflection of light caught his eye again.

Curious by it, he turned slowly and saw something shining in the light on the floor. He walked towards it and then stood over the source of the light.

He looked down at it and couldn't believe what he saw.

Quickly, he bent down and looked at it. "Wow." He said aloud as he looked down at it. He couldn't' believe that with this store so completely empty this was the only thing that remained.

He reached down to pick it up and looked at in his hand. "Where did you come from, huh?" he asked the small round object as he looked at it and turned it over in his hand. He couldn't believe how pretty it was. It was simple yet beautiful. Golden. As he held it, he felt something come over him. He knew what this was.

He kept staring at the object, turning it over in his hand and as he did, he had many different thoughts. They were all good thoughts though and things he never in a million years he would ever think about at this stage in his life. Yet as he held this object in his hand and thought about how he found it, how it seemed to find him, he began to feel something inside of him.

He looked at the object and then said aloud with a smile. "Yeah."

He stood up as he stared at the object . He smiled again and then he put it into his pocket. He chuckled to himself and then walked out of the jewelry store, he walked along the sidewalk checking on the other stores and gathering some supplies.

When he came back to the truck, Asuka was sitting in the passenger side with her arm leaning out of the window. As she saw him walk up in rear view mirror, she stuck her head out of the window and watched as he put several things into the back of the cab.

He came over to the passenger side of her window and smiled at her, gently giving a soft kiss on her lips.

Asuka smiled back at him as she said. "Come on let's head back. Before we do though, we better find a gas station and steal some gas from there."

Shinji smiled at her as he went around to the other side at the truck and opened the door. As he did, he saw something sitting next to her on the seat. He smiled widely as he looked back at her.

"Is that what I think it is?" he asked her.

Asuka smiled at him and said. "It was the only one left. I couldn't believe it. It's the same type of SDAT player you used to listen to. Hey this truck I noticed has an SDAT hookup. Plug it in."

Shinji picked up the SDAT player in his hand and got into the truck. He stared at it and smiled. "I thought…. I'd never see one of these again." He said as he looked at her with a smile.

"That's why I got it for you." Asuka said softly as she smiled back at him and plugged in the adapter for the truck. She turned the ignition and then Shinji heard music and he shut the door, closed his eyes and smiled as he heard the most beautiful music emanate from the truck's speakers.

"Asuka." He said in a whisper as he opened his eyes and looked back at her with a tear coming out of his eye. "I can't believe you got this for me…you know, I'm such an idiot I should have gotten you something. I can't believe…I didn't get you anything."

Asuka came closer to him and then gently stroked the hair above his ear and smiled at him saying. "You did give me something."

"What do you mean?" He said and then he remembered what he had in his pocket and wondered if he should take it out now or wait.

"You gave me a beautiful gift." Asuka said to him gently. "You gave me your love."

His mouth parted as he looked at her and not being able to hold back, he came towards her as he kissed her long and gently and held her against him. "I love you so much." He told her with a smile.

"I love you too." She said back to him as he kissed her again.

Chapter 63

Over the course of the next few weeks, they worked on cleaning up the house and getting it in order. Even though neither one of them said anything, they were acting like they were moving in permanently but was that what they were doing? Neither one of them were sure.

Asuka had noticed that Shinji hadn't mentioned moving on and neither had she. When they had first arrived here, Asuka thought she had been dreaming. It was a great house. It was a one level home with about three bedrooms. She gathered it had to have been someone's home at one time because all the furniture still remained. She loved it though. Even though there was no electric, they didn't care. Having running water though was definitely a plus. They didn't know how that was but they didn't care.

They loved it. Both were grateful to be able to take a shower or a hot bath but they also would sneak into each other's shower sometimes and find yet another place to make love in.

Asuka especially loved the huge bed that was in the master bedroom.

When they had put clean fresh sheets on the bed and a new comforter, Asuka celebrated by jumping up and down on the bed and when Shinji saw her doing that, he laughed as he reached for her and they tested the bed in other way nearly all afternoon long.

The roof needed work and all though Shinji wasn't much of a carpenter, he did his best to fix up the patches on the roof. He liked working outside though and all though it was a big job cleaning up the house, little by little, as they worked daily it started to shape up.

Both of them loved settling down near the fireplace and just relaxing after working all day.

They were happy that they had actually found a house. It was wonderful. This place that they had found quite by accident, seemed to be an Eden for them both

Finding this place in the valley after the snowstorms had stopped and they had been able to venture out, made the whole being left alone on Earth scenario, a little more bearable.

In fact, it had been the prettiest place that they had seen yet. It looked untouched by Third Impact's disaster.

Shinji had wanted to give Asuka the object he had found and constantly tried to think of how he would ask her. With each day though, he knew he wanted to wait until the right moment and he would wait until that time.

For the remaining of the winter, they stayed there.

Chapter 64

The spring had settled in and with it, they had been able to make a home here. Shinji had to admit; he liked the idea of chopping wood every morning and tending to the fresh vegetables in the garden that they had grown from seeds that they had found in the shed.

Asuka loved it too. She liked the idea of decorating and it felt, for the first time in a long time, they had found something permanent. Both of them thought the same thing about it, _this feels like home._

More so, whenever they were together they felt like they were more then just companions and friends, they even felt like they were more then lovers.

They both felt older then they were. In truth they were both eighteen, but they felt like they were older having endured the hardships of the climates and the loneliness of being the only two survivors.

It seemed funny. They were the only two alive. They knew it. The world, or what was left of it, was theirs to be reborn. Yet for three years, they had walked through the world, hoping and praying that somehow someone might have been left alive.

Their prayers were not answered.

With only each other, they went from day to day, trying to live. They had been companions. Now almost three years later, their relationship had reached a new level. They were in love.

They were their only companions; each other's best friend and now each other's lover. They had grown so much in three years time.

Now they were adults. . She had watched him change basically from boy to man within that time and he in turn saw her change from the loud-mouthed boisterous beautiful girl to the woman he loved.

All though by the end of the day, they were both very tired, when Asuka laid with him in the dark of the same room, she was usually in a session of lovemaking with him instantly.

Since the first time at the cave, and after that, their sex lives had become hot and passionate. Nearly every single night, they made love to one another. It had become their newfound joy with each other, something only they could share with one another and they couldn't get enough of it or each other.

Asuka loved being with him here. She used to think that the bar could have been a place that they could have called home but she had been mistaken. When Shinji told her that they needed to go over the mountain and that something was waiting for them, he couldn't have been more right.

It couldn't have been a better ending to a hellish winter. It was ironic, in the harshest and darkest time of their lives, more so then Third Impact; they had found the most peace and joy that they had ever known.

They had discovered their love for one another and their desire to be with one another. Despite the hell and hardships that they had endured, they came out of the ashes and found that they were deeply in love with each other and they were happy.

They sat together on the couch of the living room. His arm was around her and she enjoyed the intimacy after a long day of fixing up the house.

"It's getting late." She said as she looked over at him and cuddled with him on the couch.

"Yeah." He said as he kissed her head "We'll go to bed in a little bit."

"Good." Asuka said as she rubbed his arm. "That's my favorite part of the day."

He looked over at her once more and then took a breath. "I love you." He whispered to her as he held her and then covered her hand with his own.

She smiled and rubbed his chest, saying gently. "I love you too."

"Asuka?"

"Mmmmmm?"

Shinji took a deep breath and then said. "I've been thinking about things lately. We've been here for a while now. I'd like to ask you if…how would you feel about making this place …our home?"

She raised her head and looked back to him as he stared into her eyes and ran his hand through her hair. "Our home?"

"Yes, our home. Let's stop wandering. Let's live here. "

"Live here?" She asked with a smile.

"Yeah." He said to her. "How do you feel about that?"

"Do you mean to say that you want to stay here? No more wandering? No more searching…. just staying here now?"

"Yes." He told her. "What do you think about that?"

Asuka smiled at him as she said. "I love that idea. I love it here. I would love to make this our home. Shinji, you sound like…."

"What?" he asked her with a smile.

"You sound like we're married." Asuka said with a grin as she blushed.

Shinji smiled at he looked at her. "It's funny you say that. Asuka, we're adults now and I've been thinking a lot about us too. Asuka, this may sound odd to ask but…. I want to ask you something. This may even sound silly to ask being we're the only two left alive but there's something I want to ask you."

Her eyes widened when she heard that. "Yes."

Shinji smiled at her and then got up from the couch, staring down at her he smiled and then knelt before her on one knee. He reached for her hand, holding it gently and took a deep breath as he said gently with a smile. "Asuka, will you marry me?"

"Marry you?" She asked as he looked into his face.

"Yes." He whispered to her. "Will you? Will you become my wife?"

"You're…. wife?"

"Yes. I want to make you my wife officially. It's true we could just be together and live together and have it be the same but to me it wouldn't the same. Call me silly for feeling this way, but I wouldn't feel really married to you that way. I want to marry you. I'm in love with you and being here with you is like we're married. I feel like you are my wife but I feel myself wanting more. I don't want to feel like you are my wife; I want to know that you are my wife and I want to be your husband. It's true we could be like…poof, we're married but I want it to be special. Its like I want to have a ceremony with you and make it official between us. I want to marry you, Asuka."

"You really feel that way? You feel like I'm your wife?" Asuka asked.

"Yes, I do. Do you feel that way too?"

Asuka nodded and said. "Yes, I do." Tears fell from her eyes as she looked back at him.

He nodded at her and said. "Will you marry me, Asuka? Will you have me?"

Asuka looked back at him, smiled and then she whispered to him. "Yes, I will marry you."

He smiled widely and he held her in his arms and kissed her gently. "I love you so much."

She gently placed her palm against his face. He closed his eyes as he felt her touch "Shinji…." She said as she kissed his lips gently. "Let's go to the bedroom."

He stood up with her and looked at her as she looked back at him and smiled. She took the lantern from on top of the table and then with her hand clutching onto his, walked down the hall, leading him to the back bedroom.

She walked into the doorway and then released her hand from his. He stood in the doorway, leaning against the doorframe, looking back to her as she placed the lantern on top of a dresser. Then she turned to face him and walked towards him, taking his hand and leading him closer to her. She reached up and lightly placed her palm against his cheek, he drew her closer to him and then kissed her lips gently as he held her.

He laid her down on the bed locked in a passionate kiss and a tight embrace, as he laid her head against the pillow, she pulled back the covers and he threw the covers over them as he positioned himself above her and parted from her lips, breathing heavily.

Each time that they had made love to each other it was never routine even though by this time, they had done it almost every single night and nearly every single morning.

For both of them, it was still like that first time. His heart was beating strongly for her while her heart was beating just as fast for him. Every single touch, every moment was electrifying. Each time that they kissed each other, red-hot passion raged like on the night of the storm when they had first been intimate with one another.

It never felt routine,

When they had concluded, they were lying together in bed. He was leaning back against the headboard with her in his arms, both of them had been sweaty but neither of them cared.

Shinji looked at her and smiled. "You know it was a miracle finding this place."

"Yes. It was." She told him as she hugged his body.

"I can't wait to marry you." He told her.

Asuka smiled as she looked at him and said. "Neither can I. How are we gonna do it though?"

Shinji smiled at her as he kissed the top of her head and then said. "Any way you want to. Any time you want to. I'll marry you right now. I'll marry you tomorrow. We can do it anyway you like."

Asuka smiled at him and said. "I love you."

Shinji held her close to him as he turned over on his side whispering. "I love you too."

His lips met hers again and then as he turned her over onto her back, their arms wrapped around each other tightly and they began again.

Chapter 65

In the morning, Shinji got up and stretched. He stood up and picked up his jeans off of the floor and put them on. Asuka woke up from the sound of clothes rustling. She smiled as she saw him. He turned and saw she was awake as he put on his shirt. He sat on the edge of the bed and Asuka chuckled as she looked at him.

"What are you doing?"

"I thought I'd chop some wood." Shinji said with a smile as he looked at her.

"Chop…. wood?" Asuka asked as she propped herself up on one elbow and smirked.

"Yeah." He said as he smiled at her.

"You're going to…go chop wood now?"

"Yeah." He said with a smirk. "Why?"

"Come here first." She said with a smile.

Shinji smiled and then leaned down on the bed and kissed her gently. As he looked back to her and smiled, he closed his eyes and kissed her again, it turned into a deep passionate one and as he looked back to her he said. "Nah, I'll chop wood later."

Asuka laughed as he quickly undressed, grabbed the comforter and threw it over them both. He rolled her onto her back and kissed her. As they started to enjoy their morning activity, Asuka breathed in as she saw he was staring deeply into her eyes. .

"What is it?" she asked as she looked to him.

"Don't move." He whispered to her as he kissed her gently and held onto the kiss as long as he could.

As they parted lips, Asuka looked into his face and couldn't quite describe the feeling she had with him like this. :"Shinji…what…"

"Shh." He told her gently. "Don't move." He whispered to her. :"I feel like I'm apart of you. I feel like we're one like this in body and soul."

"We are." She whispered as she kissed him gently and placed her hand on his cheek. "You are a part of me, just like I'm apart of you. You're my heart, Shinji."

"I love you." He whispered to her.

"I love you too." She whispered back as he kissed her once more and then she felt him move and hold onto her body. .

Asuka felt like this was their home and more so, she had another feeling growing inside of her. She couldn't describe it. It was strange. It had made her wonder about what was happening to her. However, she didn't fear it as much as she used to. As she made love to the man she loved, she wasn't afraid of anything. Soon he would be her husband, to her he all ready was that, but like him, she had wanted them to truly commit to each other. She wanted to have an official marriage ceremony but _how to go about it_?

As she looked into his eyes, she suddenly had an idea. She smiled as she drew him closer to her.

Everything in her life felt right. This house was to be her home and the place where her and Shinji would build a future together. She wanted to stay here forever with him.

Shinji felt the same way as he looked at her. She was to be his wife, his life and his future. This house was now their home and they were one with one another.

Chapter 66

Shinji worked until dusk.

As he came down off of the ladder and looked at the house, he breathed out and smiled.

He felt like he had so much energy as he worked.

He had to admit, when he was young he was lazy about chores, but when he worked on this house and the yard, he loved it.

He felt a sense of accomplishment.

When he walked into the house after his long day of work, he was sweaty, dirty and tired. As he walked into the kitchen to get a drink, he had noticed that on the kitchen table was a large dinner with candles burning. He looked around the kitchen and wondered what was going on, and then he saw a note on the table with his name on it.

He picked it up and read it then he laughed as he read it aloud. "So, idiot? Do you feel like getting married today? Go inside, take a hot shower and then come out here and make me your wife."

Shinji laughed and put it down as he said. "Okay. Be back in a little while."

Shinji smirked and then walked down the hall. He walked into the bathroom and quickly disrobed, he took his shower, relaxing while he washed himself.

He tried not to linger too long and then once he felt he was cleaned up, he got out of the tub, with his towel wrapped around his waist. He shook his head as he saw the clothes that were laid out on the bed for him.

He smirked and then changed into the clothes that Asuka had laid out for him.

He wore a simple long sleeved white button shirt with black pants and shoes. He checked himself in the mirror and took a deep breath. He had this outfit for a while, since they had found the town.

Asuka had said to him. "Why don't you grab something nice to wear just in case… I don't know…. we feel like dressing up one night?"

He found that a little strange but now standing in front of the mirror, he realized why she had said that.

He put on the black jacket that had been lying on the bed and then straightened it out. Taking another deep breath he thought about what he was about to do.

Standing in the bedroom, staring at himself in the mirror, he took a deep breath as he ran his hand through his hair and swallowed hard. Suddenly, he was feeling nervous that he was about to take the most major plunge of his life.

As he looked at himself, he thought _I look so different. When did this change come into play? Hell, I'm grown up. When did that happen? Now I'm about to take a wife. Wow, who would have thought? _

He checked himself in the mirror, making sure he was clean-shaven enough and that he looked good. He breathed out and then nodded his head. Taking another deep breath, he cleared his throat.

He went to the bed and kneeled by the headboard and then reached underneath the mattress. He had hidden something under the mattress and had hoped Asuka wouldn't find it too soon. Then he smiled as he pulled it out and looked at it in his hand.

It was small and simple yet beautiful and glorious. He knew why he had found that and when he made the decision that was leading to what he was doing now.

"Shinji!" Asuka called out from the kitchen. "Are you getting cold feet?"

Shinji smirked as he got to his feet. He tossed the object up in air, caught it and then stuck it in his pocket. Then he took a deep breath as he walked over the bedroom door and then smiled as he walked down the hall, towards the kitchen.

Chapter 67

As Shinji walked into the kitchen, he looked over by the window and breathed in as he saw her.

As Shinji walked over to her, he couldn't take his eyes off of her. His mouth hung open as he looked at her and he said only one phrase. "You're beautiful."

She smiled when she saw him. She stood in a white dress and she had flowers in her hair. He couldn't stop looking at her.

He took a deep breath and walked over to her.

She smiled back at him as she looked at him. He looked so handsome standing there. His shirt had the first two buttons undone and looking at him, she couldn't have imagined a more handsome groom. His hair was neatly combed back and as he smiled at her, she took his hands into her own.

She led him into the kitchen and stood with him, looking into his face. She smiled at him and he smiled back at her, his eyes never leaving hers.

As he looked at her, he felt nervous.

Asuka smiled at him and then said softly. "On this day I will be your wife. One thing I want to do is marry you with my own words and just tell you what you mean to me. I want you to do the same, okay?"

Shinji nodded at her and took a deep breath as he looked at her. "I'm ready." He told her.

"Let me go first." She said as she looked at him.

Shinji nodded and then looked at her with a wide smile.

"Today we celebrate the start of our new life." Asuka told him softly. "Before I do that I want to tell you just how much you mean to me. When you asked me to marry you I thought to myself, how? We're the only people alive and it would be easier just to live with you and just have it be like that. When I thought about it though, I really wanted to have a wedding ceremony and commit to you. So today, I take you to be my husband. When I first met you, I thought you were so cute but I couldn't tell you because you were my competition…"

Shinji chuckled as he remembered how loud and overexcited she was and he smiled at her as she continued.

"…. I was so jealous of you because of your power and your strength. At the same time, you were always there for me and I always fought you because I never wanted to be weak. I realized though that you were the reason for my strength always. I am grateful to you for everything you've ever done for me. Shinji, you have loved me, protected me, sheltered me and just have been with me. I can tell you I love you a thousand times but what I really want to tell you is that you are a part of my soul. You are the man I am supposed to be with and I never want to lose you. Had Third Impact never occurred, I would have wanted exactly what we are doing right now. I have always loved you and I will always love you. I am your wife. Now and forever."

He didn't know what to say to her. His heart was touched in a way he hadn't felt before and his eyes were welling up with tears. He also felt she had probably been practicing what she was going to say and he honestly had not thought that today they would be doing this.

He swallowed hard, as he looked down at her hands and then suddenly he raised his head to look into her eyes. He didn't know exactly what to say as he stood there with her. He thought about the first moment he saw her.

When he first saw her on the ship, her hair was blowing in the wind, and the way she looked at him when he first met her had done something to him right then and there.

He thought about how later on how he became closer to her.

He remembered the look on her face when she thought that he was dying.

Then suddenly, he found the courage and the words he needed to say. He took a deep breath and then said to her gently. "There aren't enough words in this world to describe my love for you. You have been everything in my life that I've ever wanted. You've given me love, joy, courage, strength and helped me to define who I am now…"

Asuka could feel tears of joy in her eyes as she looked back at him. As she held onto his hands, he continued to speak gently.

"…You were the only one I've ever wanted. I love you with all of my heart. You are the other part of me. I couldn't imagine my life without you. There is something that a man gives his bride when he takes her as his wife. Asuka, I want to give you this as a symbol of our love…."

Shinji reached into his pocket, her eyes widened.

"Oh my God, Shinji…" She said as her voice trailed off, when she saw what he held in his hand, and she stared into his eyes.

He smiled at her and then reached for her left hand and said to her. "There is one phrase that I think is tradition at all weddings, " he said as he looked into her eyes. ", with this ring I thee wed." Then he placed a small gold band upon her third finger on her left hand.

"Where did you get that?" She asked as she looked at the ring on her finger.

He smiled at her and then said. "When we took the truck out, I noticed an old jewelry store. I went inside and the only thing left in there was that single ring on the floor. When I saw that ring, and bent down, I picked it up and held it. I imagined standing with you, marrying you, placing that ring on you and living my life with you. I imagined the children we would have, growing old with you and being happy forever. It was like it was waiting for me to find it so I could give it to you."

"How long have you had that?" She asked as she looked at him.

"Two days after we came here. I held onto it and hid it under the mattress. I was waiting for the right moment to ask you and then that moment came." He told her. "I've known that I have always loved you. I loved you when we were piloting together. You took my breath away. I could never tell you because I was so afraid of my own feelings. I was afraid you'd…reject me. I knew though that you felt the same though and you always wanted to appear strong and confident and never let anyone know the real you. . I know the real you. I know the woman you are. You were a feisty red head with a smile that was brighter then the sun and you still are. I thought I knew the real you but I didn't know for real until I was sick during the snowstorm. During that time, I saw the real you. I saw you cry, I saw you worry, I saw your determination and I saw your strength.. I saw everything that I loved and everything you were. I saw the real Asuka. I heard you say to me that you loved me and that you didn't want me to leave you. When I heard that, I didn't want to die. I wanted to be with you forever. Even when I did die, you brought me back. It was your love that brought me back. During that time, we had no boundaries and no walls. I saw the woman who sets my heart on fire and makes me filled with desire. I saw the woman who loved me. I want you to be with me forever. I've loved you since the first moment I saw you. From the first minute you said hello you had me. Every time you call me an idiot, it makes my heart beat so fast. Standing here with you now, every dream I have had has come true. Once I was weak and not sure of myself and now, I'm as strong as I've ever been. I feel like…. I'm a man now. I'm a man that can take care of you, protect you and love you until you're old and that's what I want. I want us to build a family and build a life. So I take you, Asuka, to be my wife. I am your husband now and forever."

Asuka looked at the ring on her finger and then back to him. "Shinji…." She whispered, as there were tears in her eyes.

Shinji stepped closer to her and placed his finger under her chin and then asked her. "May I now kiss my bride?"

Asuka smiled and then he drew her close to him and then kissed her gently on the lips. As she looked back to him, she smiled and he kissed her again. He couldn't describe the feelings going through him at that moment. He knew that his life had changed and she did as well.

Asuka couldn't have ever imagined that in her lifetime at eighteen she would be someone's wife but then again, standing here with him now, she couldn't have been happier.

He looked at the food on the table and then at her as he said with a smirk. :"What should we do now?"

"Pervert!" She said with a smirk. "Well, I did go through all this trouble to make us this dinner."

Shinji sighed as he looked at the table and then back at her.

"Just remember that good things come to those who wait." Asuka said with a seductive grin.

Shinji smirked then as they looked back to one another; she walked over to the table and sat down. He followed and sat down opposite her then they ate the dinner she had prepared.

He couldn't stop looking at her the whole time. The food was delicious but more so, he couldn't stop looking at her and she couldn't stop looking at him.

After the dinner was done and she took the dishes off the table, with him helping her as well, she stood at the sink and he came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her on the back of her neck.

"So when does the honeymoon start?" he joked as he kissed her on her neck and shoulder.

"Shinji…." Asuka whispered as she closed her eyes and put her hands over his.

She turned to face him and then he kissed her lips. She put her arms around his neck and he held her tighter to him. "How about right now?"

Shinji smirked at her then scooped her up into his arms, she smiled as she looked at him and laughed. He carried her out of the kitchen and down the hall to the bedroom.

He sat her down on the bed and then laid over her and there they continued their deep kissing and touching of one another as their clothes started coming off and soon their bodies were combined into one.

He had a contented smile on his face. He felt so…. different and it was a good feeling to have.

He no longer felt like the way he used to be. He felt stronger and more confident. He felt like he had the strength of one thousand men and, as he looked at her asleep in his arms, he wanted to be with her forever.

She acted like she was asleep but she wasn't. She loved the way he touched her and held her. She felt safe and warm. She felt like he would protect her and love her forever. She felt like she no longer had any reason to cry and that all of her fear was gone.

She cuddled up closer to him and he held her against him as he closed his eyes. He kissed her shoulder and whispered to her. "I love you, my beautiful wife."

Then sleepily, she replied in a whisper. "I love you too, my husband."

They both went to sleep holding onto one another feeling only happiness and love.

Chapter 68

Asuka saw Shinji working on the broken fence, she smiled devilishly and then came up behind him, wrapping her arms around him and kissing his back.

Shinji smiled and chuckled as he put the hammer down and turned to look at her. He smiled at her as he looked at her; she was wearing her favorite yellow sundress. Asuka stepped away from him with a smile and then continued backing away never leaving his eyes.

Shinji smirked at her and then started to walk forward, then he saw her run and laugh and he equally took off running and laughing calling out. "I'm gonna get ya!"

She ran out towards the field in the back laughing as she looked back at him. He was equally laughing as he chased after her.

It seemed as though a day didn't go by that they weren't happy. They had changed this house into their home. They decorated it as best as they could and frequently, Shinji tended to the repairs on the roof or in the garden that they had created with seeds that they had found in one of the deserted stores in the town.

Shinji found himself to be, for the first time in his life, truly happy and loved. He hadn't felt loved by anyone since he was a child and frequently, he had closed himself off. When his father had rejected him and abandoned him to go work for NERV, Shinji felt lonelier then he had ever been.

All he remembered was his father's back to him, walking away from him, from life, from his responsibility. Yet, as Shinji discovered, his father's purpose was much greater and all though, he had felt a great deal of remorse when his father died, the anger at his father had still been there but now he longer felt that anger or pain or loneliness.

Now though, he had found love in another person. Asuka. She had set him on fire like no one had ever done before. She was his wife. . He wanted to be with her forever. She made him happy. She made him actually enjoy the fact that they were possibly the only two people left alive on planet Earth.

Asuka, though she would never admit it, had been very lonely inside when she was young. She put up an image of a tough girl who no one could shatter. Her walls were so high that no one could climb them. Yet when she met Shinji Ikari he saw right through her. He had actually frightened her.

There were times when she would see the deeper more emotional sides of him, like when he played the cello or when he would risk life and limb to save her. There was a time when she resented him for his power of the Eva Unit 01. She had been jealous because he had this amazing power and control and she had tried with everything she was to be the best.

Now with him as her husband her life was different, she wasn't lonely anymore. She didn't need the brave fronts; she could be anything she wanted to be. He had crashed right through those walls she put up and given her a new reason to find strength. In Shinji, she had found comfort, safety and love.

This was their life and their purpose. They were meant to be with one another. They were meant to live together forever and be happy even in the aftermath of seeming like they were the only two left alive.

Was it true though? _Were they really alone in the world?_

She didn't know if there were still others left alive but the only thing she cared about was she was with Shinji, he was with her, and they were happy.

Shinji was chasing her around the field, both of them laughed and teased one another. Asuka ran around a tree, he went after her trying to catch her. Then as she ran out, she smiled back at him and as he looked at her he breathed in deeply.

She was standing in the middle of a wild flower field, her long hair blew in the wind and she smiled back at him. It took his breath away as he watched her.

He came up to her and looked into her eyes as he put his arms around her and gently kissed her lips.

Then with a wide smile and a loud laugh, he picked her up and swung her around. She laughed loudly. He lost his footing though and fell down onto his back. Both of them laughed hysterically, and then he watched as Asuka laid over him, leaning on one elbow.

It seemed as though not a day went by that they didn't know happiness or joy. They felt like the world was theirs for the taking and they could do anything. They were so deliriously happy and both of them had never known this before. There were days that all they did was play together in the sunlight and simply enjoy being together, laughing and being close with one another.

In fact, she couldn't recall a time before that she had ever seen Shinji smile or laugh so much. It seemed like he laughed more times now then he ever had before. She knew now that he wasn't alone and he was a different person now.

She had seen a strong man come out of the ashes of a once shy, lonely boy. He was a man she loved and adored and she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him.

It seemed like it was perfect.

Soon the two of them were locking lips in a passionate kiss. As he looked back at her and smiled at her, they kissed again and then they smiled again as they threw off their clothes and went into intense throes of passion in the middle of the day.

Both of them as they looked into each other's faces felt deliriously happy and joyful and even though they knew work had to be done, they were also newlywed and therefore, such practices like this were not uncommon for them.

Usually, during the day, they worked on the house to make it stronger and better. At night after they ate dinner, they would take a walk together and talk for a while. Sometimes, they would stop and watch the sunset. They would sit together as they leaned up against a tree. Shinji would hold her in his arms.

As nightfall came sometimes they would lay together looking up at the stars. Shinji would tell her stories of the names behind the constellations. Sometimes, they would sleep together underneath the night sky since, for the past two years, they had been used to sleeping outside.

There would be moments when they would engage in their chasing game where Asuka would do something to get Shinji to chase her around and then catch her. When he did catch her, he would hold her and swing her around in his arms and they would laugh.

Everyday they found something to do and they laughed like never before as they enjoyed the first year of their married life.

For both of them it was a wonderful time, they never felt so happy or so joyful before. The days of NERV, of Eva, of their lonely childhoods seemed so long ago and they were now finally, for the first time ever, happier then they had ever been before.

Sometimes, for no reason while Asuka was busy outside with laundry or Shinji had been working on the house, one of them would sneak up behind the other, which would usually lead to a romantic kiss.

Of course, their favorite activity to do with each other was sex. It seemed whenever they had a free minute; it ended up with the two of them having sex any place they wanted whenever they found the mood strike them.

Sometimes, they purposely tried to concentrate on other things but whenever the mood struck them, they would follow up on it.

They also knew that their love was something very special and everyday both of them made sure that the other knew it in some way.

Sometimes, the two of them would sit together and enjoy the music that Shinji used to use as an escape but now, instead of it being an escape, it was something he could share with Asuka. It was something that made him happy.

Other times he danced with her in the middle of the living room while the two of them listened to the SDAT player. He would spin her around and almost always; they would be laughing and having fun.

It seemed like all the sadness in their lives that they had known before no longer existed and that they were new people. They felt alive and happy. They wondered how it was it came to this but actually, they didn't care – they were just enjoying life.

Since his birthday was before hers, Asuka had wanted to make his birthday a memorable one. It was his nineteenth birthday and therefore, she felt it was a very special birthday for him. In all of them that they traveled neither of them had celebrated each other's birthdays mostly because they never said anything to the other. Now though, Asuka was determined to change that.

She had made him a cake and then her present was something he could not believe. Asuka had done her best to be sneaky about getting this for him because quite honestly, she wasn't sure if the deserted town would have one…but she did find one.

Utilizing the truck and doing it at times when Shinji was busy with the house, she snuck out and looked for this object.

She had found one through trial and error.

On his birthday, Asuka led him into the living room and then smiled as she made him shut his eyes and bought out her present for him.

When he opened his eyes, they were wide as anything as he stood up and went over to the object.

"Where did you…" he asked her with a smile as he looked at it.

"Happy birthday." She told him gently. "Do you remember how?"

Shinji smiled at her and he took a chair and sat in front of the object and then took a deep breath. "I think I can manage." He told her. He took a deep breath as he looked at her and then said. "I never thought I'd see one of these again."

"Surprise." Asuka told him. "Hey, why don't you play something?"

Shinji looked at her and then said. "I think I remember something." He took a deep breath as he held the bow and then began to play.

Asuka put her hand over her chest as she recognized what it was immediately. It was the same song he had been playing that day she had kissed him the first time. She smiled at him as he played and then as she wrapped her arms around his neck, he smiled as he continued to play with his emotions bursting out of him.

Then after he was done, he got up from the cello and went to her as he held her in his arms and said. "I love you."

Then he kissed her with all of his love and all of his passion as he picked her up in his arms and carried her into the bedroom.

As Asuka laid in the bed with her husband over her, she smiled at him and gently stroked his hair as she stared into his face. "I love you so much." She whispered to him.

He gently caressed her face as he looked back into her face.

"I'm glad you like your present." She said to him.

"You are the best gift I have ever received in my life." He told her.

Asuka smiled at him and then drew him back to her for another kiss which became fueled with passion and ended up with them making love.

Their lives were perfect. They were so much in love with each other and the happiness that they knew seemed to be all around them. It seemed like there was nothing wrong.

Nothing could come between them.

Or so they thought….


	7. Chapters 69 thru 76

PART VII: HOPE OF THE WORLD.

Chapter 71

It was in the wee hours of the morning. Shinji was lying on his side, fall was coming closer, and he could feel it by the change in the temperature and the change in the wind.

While he was lying there, he focused on Asuka sleeping next to him. Her back was facing him and she was wearing a small dress she had made herself for sleeping in. Shinji liked the way it fell on her and he smiled as he stared at her back and then gently ran his hand over her back.

Shinji had gotten in the habit of going to bed naked since he had gotten used to him and Asuka making love almost every night. Tonight, though she had seemed very tired and all though he did want to make love to her, he just kissed her gently and let her fall asleep.

Asuka had said she had felt really tired and just wanted to rest. She said that in the morning, she needed to tell him something important but it could wait until then.

Shinji said okay and let her fall asleep. Lately, she seemed to be very tired and he wondered if she was feeling okay.

One day last week, he had caught her in the bathroom throwing up and he wondered if she was feeling sick or coming down with something.

When they were in the town last week picking up supplies, he had noticed she had stockpiled on several things but she wouldn't tell him what they were and she asked that he'd be good and not look.

He respected that of her and kept his promise but he wondered _what was going on_?

However now he couldn't fall asleep.

He was too eager to hear about what she wanted to talk to him about and another idea hit him as well. Shinji moved closer to her and gently kissed the back of her neck. He knew that drove her wild and he smirked as he gently planted kisses down her neck and shoulder.

He heard her moan and then he heard her say in a sleepily annoyed tone. "Shinji…."

Shinji chuckled and then began to move his hands up and down the side of her body and across her chest. "Shinji…. I'm tired." She whispered with a laugh as he continued to assault her neck with his lips and then feeling that the urge was welling up inside of her, she turned around to him and wrapped her arms around him, kissing him passionately

All was going according to Shinji's plan when suddenly and abruptly; she pulled away from him and held him back, placing her hand on his chest and her other hand over her over her mouth.

"What's the matter?" Shinji asked her as he looked into her face.

Asuka immediately jumped up out of bed with her hand over her mouth. She ran into the bathroom and then vomited into the toilet.

"Asuka, are you okay?" he asked her as he too jumped out of bed, put on his jeans and went into the bathroom, watching her vomit into the toilet. "Asuka! Are you all right?" he asked as he put his hand on her back.

"Leave me alone!" She snapped.

Shinji was taken back by her insult. "Honey, what's the matter?" he asked her as he looked down at her and saw her throw up again.

He felt it was because she was sick and had become irritated He waited until she was done and then knelt beside her as she wiped her mouth. "Asuka! What the hell is wrong?"

"Nothing. Its okay." She said as she vomited again uttering. "Schist!"

He took a small towel next to the basin and soaked it in the water, wringing it out and then coming over to her, kneeling beside her. "Here." He told her as he offered it to her and brushed the hair from her face. "You're not feeling well?"

"No shit!" She barked out. "Just…go to bed, Shinji. I'll be fine."

Shinji did not want to leave her. She was sick and he wanted to take care of her. However, she looked quite annoyed and he knew when she was like that, she didn't want to be bothered at all.

"If you need me, I'm right here."

"GO TO BED, SHINJI!" She yelled out as she glared up at him. "I know what it is! I'll be fine! Just…go to bed damnit! You did this to me!"

"What did I do?" Shinji asked as he looked down at her.

"Shinji, I'm…" Then when she looked into his face, she felt the nausea hit her again and she vomited violently into the toilet.

Shinji's eyes went wide as he stood up and looked down at her. She had thrown up when she looked at him! It made his heart sink and quickly he stepped away from her and felt the old Shinji come back to him, the frightened boy, the lonely boy, the one who just felt his heart break.

Quickly, he walked out of the bedroom and sat down in the living room on the couch. He didn't hear Asuka call to him once. He was hurt and upset_. She had vomited when she saw me_! He thought. _Do I make her sick now? How could that be? Doesn't she love me?_

Thoughts pounded through his brain and he all but felt like the wonderful times that they had shared all year long were now over. _She doesn't love me anymore_! He thought to himself_. I want to die. _

He leaned forward and buried his face into his hands and then cried. He didn't care if Asuka heard him. He didn't want to believe it was possible that she couldn't love him anymore, that the very site of him made her sick! He felt lonely and sad.

Asuka heard him as she came out of the bathroom. _That sounds like he's…. crying? What the hell? _She walked down the hall and sure enough, he was sitting on the couch, his head in his hands, crying. It made her heart ache. She was confused by why he was crying, _what the hell had happened? Was he worried about me? Did I hurt the idiot's feelings? What is up with him?_

"What did I do?" he asked himself aloud. "What did I do to make you stop loving me?"

Asuka's heart nearly shattered when she heard him and her eyes widened. "How could you think that?" she yelled out as he came over to him and sat next to him on the couch. "You fucking idiot! Where the hell did you get that idea from?"

He raised his head and looked into her face, she saw there were tears in his eyes and he was so upset. "You…. threw up when you saw me? Do I make you that sick?"

Asuka then laughed when she heard him. Quickly, she covered her mouth. She shook her head as she looked at him, slapping him gently on the forehead. "You idiot!" She said through laughter. "I can't believe you don't…that you haven't figured it out…."

"What's to figure out? Suddenly the sight of me makes you sick?" he asked her.

"Well, tell you the truth, Shinji, yeah you kinda do." She said with a chuckle.

Shinji's eyes went wide and he backed away from her as if she had just stabbed him through the heart. "WHAT THE FUCK?" he yelled out as he looked at her.

"Shinji…"Asuka said as she came closer to him and touched him, only to have him shrug her away. "Shinji, no not like that! I do love you! I will always love you! But, this has been happening for a while now. Idiot! Haven't you ever heard of _morning sickness_?"

Shinji turned and looked at her and wasn't sure of what to say. "What? _Morning sickness_? That happens when you're…"

Asuka smiled at him.

His mouth fell open, as he raised his finger and pointed at her. "…. Y…you're? Asuka, honey, you're telling me that…. you're…. YOU'RE…are you…?" he asked her as his eyes became wide as saucers while his heart raced. "Did we? Are you? Are you…?"

"Shinji… I'm pregnant."

Then he just sat there and looked at her.

"You're what?" he asked her in a whisper as he leaned forward and looked into her face.

Asuka smiled at him and touched his face gently, saying to him in a soft voice. "This is what I wanted to talk to you about, Shinji. I was going to tell you in the morning. I'm pregnant, Shinji."

"Pregnant?" He whispered to her.

"Yeah. We're pregnant, Shinji." Asuka said with a smile.

Shinji breathed in and chuckled. "We're…. going to have a…baby?" he asked her as a tear came out of his eye and smile went across his face.

Asuka giggled, nodding her head at him.

"A baby, Asuka?" He chuckled as he looked at her and asked in a whisper with the same smile. "We…. are gonna…have…. a baby? I…. did…. you are…. oh my God! A baby?" he said in a whisper as he smiled and chuckled. "Honey, when did you know? How did you know?"

Asuka smiled at him and then answered. "I thought for a while I might have been but then… …I found out for sure…yesterday."

"How?" he asked her with his voice going up an octave. "How do you know?"

Asuka smiled and then said. "Remember when we were in the town and I went in the stores to look for supplies? I found a few pregnancy tests and I took a few…just in case, something like this happened. You see, I haven't been feeling well lately and I've noticed I've put on some weight, not a lot just a little and also I haven't had my period in over a month…. well two months really. . I also have felt strange so I thought maybe…. I could be. So I took the tests and bought them home."

"You did?" he asked her.

"Shinji, you had to know it yourself that this could happen."

Shinji took a deep breath and then nodded his head. "I thought it could but…. I guess I hadn't thought much about it. I've just been enjoying it."

"I mean it occurred to me that we've been having a lot of sex. I mean we do it all the time and I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner then this. I mean we've been married almost a year now and it hasn't happened. It didn't happen after the cave or when we started doing it here. I thought for a while maybe…we wouldn't be pregnant and you know, I was kind of sad about it. Then one day, when I started throwing up, I thought maybe I could be pregnant…. and it scared the shit out of me! I thought about it again though and all of a sudden, I was just…. happy. I mean didn't you find unusual that with all of the sex that not once did I get pregnant?"

"Well, I haven't…really…I found it unusual but I figured…How long have you been throwing up for?" Shinji asked.

"Truthfully?" Asuka asked.

He nodded.

"About a month."

Shinji swallowed hard and then asked. "That long? So, did you do…. one of the tests?"

"Yeah." Asuka said. "I…tested myself."

"And?" he asked her.

"Idiot! I just told you!" Asuka growled, then her face softened and she said softly with a smile. "It was blue! I did it twice and it was blue both times! It was blue, Shinji!" Asuka said as a tear rolled out of her eye. "It was blue." She said as she touched his cheek lightly.

"Blue?" he asked gently as he smiled back at her.

"Idiot! White not pregnant. Blue pregnant." Asuka told him with a smile.. "It's true, Shinji! I'm pregnant. We're having a baby, Shinji."

"A…. baby?" he asked her as he looked into her face and smiled with a tear coming out of his eye. "We're…. going to have a…. baby?" he asked her gently.

"Yeah." Asuka said to him as she looked at him and then placed her hand on his cheek. "_Our_ baby. _WE_ made a baby, Shinji."

"We made a baby?" he asked her with the same smile as his eyes went wide. He only could stare at her. _Pregnant? _The word hit him like a ton of bricks. _She is pregnant? I got her pregnant! Pregnant? PREGNANT! OH MY GOD, SHE'S PREGNANT! SHE'S PREGNANT! Wow, she's pregnant. Oh my God, what am I going to do?_

"Shinji? Honey? Are you okay?" Asuka asked while she stared into his face. "Yoo hoo! Shinji?" Asuka called out as she waved her hand in front of his face.

The thoughts rumbled through his head as he stared blankly into her face, he still had a small smile on his face. _I'm going to be a father._

Asuka wasn't sure of what reaction she would have received but she knew he had to deal with it in his own way. She looked into his face, she saw a man who was smiling with a look of fear in his eyes but happiness on his face. .

My wife is going to have…a baby? He thought to himself. I'm going to be…a father? Wow, I'm going to be a father. Wait! Hold up! How can I be a father? I don't know what to do! How can I? What will this child do with a father like me? How can I be? Still, she's having a baby. My baby. Our baby. We made a baby together. Oh my god, this is incredible! She's having my baby. We're having a baby? The winter is coming! It'll be cold! She'll be pregnant with our baby during the winter! Fuck! What am I going to do? How am I going to do it? What do I do? I'm not ready for this. I'm too young to be a father. How can I do this? What do I say? But, wow, this is amazing! I'm so confused. I feel happy and yet…. oh my god, I'm so scared. What do I do? How am I going to pull this off? What can I say? Still, we made a baby together. We're going to have a baby and I'm about to become…. a father. Wow.

Asuka let a great deal of time pass while he just stared blankly at her with his mouth open and his eyes wide. "Shinji?" Asuka asked.

Shinji still stared blankly at her. He did not move or say anything. He just stared and thought. A baby?

"SHINJI!" Asuka called out loudly.

We're having a baby. Wow. Still there was no response and in order to get his attention, she reared back and slapped him hard across the face.

Shinji wound up on the floor, holding his reddened cheek with his hand and looking back to her, stunned. "ASUKA, WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR?" Shinji yelled out as he sat up.

"Because you were in shock!" Asuka yelled back as she sat on the couch and looked at him and he noticed that a tear rolled out of her eye that she quickly wiped away. "Let me guess…you hate the idea, don't you?"

"No!" he said as he sat up.

"Yes, you do! I can see it!" Asuka yelled out as she turned her face away.

Shinji looked at her and then came over to her; he knelt in front of her and looked into her face. She seemed sad that he hadn't said anything and now she was looking down, trying to avoid eye contact. "I'm sorry." He told her.

"Sorry?" Asuka asked as she looked into his face and started to cry.. "What are you sorry for? Sorry you got me pregnant? Sorry, you haven't said anything about it? Just what exactly are you sorry for?"

"Well, yes…. I mean, no…I mean, ….I am sorry…. that…. that… I…just…. Asuka, …I meant…. what you just told me…Asuka, it's like…." He told her as he forced a small grin.

"Well?" She asked as she looked at him. "Can you tell me what you were thinking?"

Shinji took a deep breath as he looked at her. He simply smiled at her and brushed the hair from her face, letting his palm rest on her cheek and he said to her with confidence in his voice. "I am scared to death."

Asuka took a breath as she looked at him. "So am I." She responded.

"Asuka, I am petrified!" He told her as he looked at her and spoke softly. " I don't know how to be a father, Asuka! I don't know anything about it at all. We're so young. Our lives will change so much. Asuka, I am afraid. I don't want know what to do…. I don't know how to handle this. We have no hospital; we have no way to make sure that everything will be okay. We don't know how to be parents. We're in a big bind here."

Asuka took a deep breath as she heard him, then she started screaming out through tears. "You hate the fact that I'm pregnant, don't you? DON'T YOU?"

"Asuka…."

"I was always afraid of this happening but we had each other, I thought if it happened …it would be okay. I mean we're married and we live here. We have a home and we'd be able to build a family. I feel like this our home and we're safe here and we could do this here. I mean its not before with wandering around having nothing and now we have a home…. I wasn't so afraid of it happening. You hate it, don't you? You bastard! You're the one who did this to me! It's not okay, is it?"

Then he held onto her hands and she looked into his face and he spoke again with a stronger tone in his voice. "It is okay." He said to her as he brushed the hair from her face and smiled at her.

"But, you said…. you're scared? You told me…you don't know how to be a father and now you're saying it's okay?"

"Yes." He told her with a smile. "Asuka let me explain. I am scared. Yes, I don't know what it is to be a father but Asuka, I love you and I am so happy right now!"

"Shinji…"

"Let me finish…." He said as he looked at her and spoke gently. "Inside of you right now is something that we created together. The baby has a part of you in it. I love you with everything I am so I all ready love what's growing inside of you right now. How could I not love it?" Shinji smiled as he looked at her.

"You do?" She asked him as she saw in his face the kindness and gentleness coming out of him and more so, she could see strength in him. "You really do?"

"Asuka, I love you. You're carrying our baby inside of you and I'm so unbelievably happy. Asuka, I won't run away from this. You are my wife. I made a vow to you."

Asuka smiled and sniffled as a tear came out of her eye. "Shinji…."

"Asuka, I promised to take care of you and love you. I said to you I wanted to be with you forever and build a life with you and that included a family. I wanted children, Asuka. I always said I did. I still am very scared about this baby. You know what though? I am so happy right now. I love you with all my heart and soul. I would die for you, Asuka. I would kill for you. I would do anything in this world to make you happy and protect you. To know that you have something inside of you right now, that we created together, is a feeling I can't put into words."

"Shinji…." Asuka whispered.

He came closer to her and put his forehead against hers. Then gently, he placed his hand over her stomach and smiled with a nervous chuckle as he said to her gently. "Asuka, to know that you have my baby growing inside of you now makes me want to protect you both and love you both with everything I am. Asuka, listen to me. I will be the man you expect me to be, Asuka. I'm not a boy any more. I will be the father this child needs and the husband you can always believe in. I want a family. I've always wanted a family since I never really had one. I want to be with you until the day I die. Part of marrying someone…. is…. having children too. The day I married you, I knew it wasn't just going to be me you and me forever. I wanted this someday. Looks like someday is today. Now seems as good a time as any. Asuka, you…. have to understand. I was in shock but more out of happiness then anything and yes, I'm afraid but I know we can do this. I'll tell you right now though, I don't know what kind of father I can be but with you by my side, how can I go wrong? Something tells me being a father is not about not knowing what to do; it's about how much love you want to give. I have a lot of love to give. You gave it to me. So now, I am going to give a lot of the love you gave me to our child."

Asuka's breathed in as she felt a tear in her eye, staring into his face. He was being strong and confident. Asuka noticed something about him; this wasn't a boy speaking to her, this was a man. This was her husband and the father of her child.

"Shinji, I've never heard you speak that way before. I am so scared too but what you just said, you take away my fear."

"And you take away mine." He told her. "We can do this together. We can accomplish anything, Asuka, as long as we're together. We can do this."

"You know what?" She said as she sniffled and smiled at him with a tear rolling down her cheek. "I think you all ready know what it is to be a father because right now, I am seeing the best father who ever lived and he's the love of my life."

Shinji drew her close to him and held her in his arms; he shut his eyes and breathed out. "I will be what you need me to be, Asuka. I will never leave your side. I will never let you down. I will love you with all that I am I will be the father that my father could not be to me. I will be the husband you deserve to have. You will never be scared or want for anything as long as I am here. I will make sure you both are safe and happy for the rest of your lives. Our family will be strong and we will love our children and teach them well. Asuka, this is the greatest day of my life."

Asuka rested her head on his shoulder and cried happily. Her tears were one of joy and she held him to her closely and next when she looked into his face, she saw his whole demeanor change, his head was held high and in his eyes was love for her and their child.

She knew at that point this was the day that the boy in Shinji left and the man arrived.

"Let's go back to bed." She whispered.

Chapter 72

Over the next few months, Shinji made strong preparations to assure that the coming winter would not do to them what it did to them last winter. Throughout Asuka's pregnancy, he was extremely attentive to her every need and made sure she didn't do anything that he considered strenuous.

Asuka would smile at him, as she would watch him tend to the house and to her. She had never seen him like this before. The way he was, so protective and attentive, it was like he was a totally different person.

Then she knew the reason, the man she loved was about to become a father and for that reason, he was acting like one.

He made sure that there was enough firewood to last as many days as possible. He frequently checked their supply of food and made repairs to the house in any areas that he felt were vulnerable.

Taking the truck into the town, he stockpiled on medicines, bandages, food, and clothing. He looked around the town for old stores that might have had baby furniture, baby clothes and anything else he thought was baby related.

Asuka watched as day after day, he brought home something new. He worked on the room for the baby; pouring everything he had learned about carpentry into building what he would consider the perfect room.

Asuka went with him a few times into town to check on painting supplies and various toys and what not. While she decorated the room and told him what color of paint to buy, what toys to get and whatnot, she watched him as he worked the hardest she had ever seen him work before.

She watched as he cursed all day long putting together the baby's crib and then after he was sure it was put together right, spending all night painting the baby's room.

He found books on childbirth, parenting and any other resource he could find to prepare him and Asuka for the next stage of their lives.

Then by accident, he happened upon something really incredible. He couldn't believe he had found such a thing but he was happier beyond belief.

Then he also took from a sporting goods store an object that he'd swore a long time ago that he'd never use.

When he got back to the house, Asuka was curious at what he was doing. He wouldn't let her know, he told her he would let her know later.

When nightfall came, Shinji stepped outside for a brief moment to bring in the many supplies he had and as he looked over at Asuka he smiled at her and said to her. "I have a gift for you."

Then he went over to a light switch and Asuka's eyes lit up when the lights in the house were on.

"What? How?"

Shinji smiled and then told her. "I found a generator. A gas powered generator. I took enough gas to last us. This should power us through the winter. Asuka, we have electricity now!"

She was so happy that she ran over to him and threw her arms around his neck, giving him a long kiss on his lips, with a smile that ran from ear to ear.

"Hang on a second, I'll be right back."

He went outside of the house and then when he returned, her eyes widened as she saw what he held in his hands.

"A gun?" She asked. "Shinji, that's a rifle!"

He took a deep breath as she watched as he bought in the rifle and hung it above the fireplace. He took a deep breath as he turned to her, then walked up to her, taking her hands into his own. "I know a long time ago I told you I would never carry a gun but now I'm older and I realize that there are two things in this world that I will never leave unprotected. Asuka, listen to me very carefully. I will do what is necessary to protect my family and to provide for you. If it means that I have to use a gun to do it, I will."

Asuka nodded at him and gently touched his cheek. He reached for her hand and held it gently. Then he smiled at her and said. "How about we watch a movie? Now that we have electricity, we can do that."

Asuka smiled and then watched as he pulled out a few DVD's and after discussing them at length, he put one into the DVD player of the TV that they had never used and settled on the couch to watch a movie.

"This is so great." She said as he rested against him. "I haven't seen a movie in years. Shinji, this is wonderful."

"Yeah it is." He told her as he put his arm around her, then he looked over at her stomach that was now starting to show and he smiled as he rested his hand over her stomach while he held her.

While the weather became chillier, Asuka watched her belly grow.

One day as she stood by the window and looked at her large stomach, rubbing it, he came over to her and stood behind her. He put his arms around her and then lightly kissed her neck. "What are you thinking about?" he asked her softly as he held her.

"That I am a fat ass cow." She said through a giggle as she rubbed her stomach.

Shinji chuckled. "No you aren't." he told her with a smile. "You're having my baby. You're beautiful." He moved his hand across her large stomach and smiled, as he kissed her neck and shoulder. "You're stunning and so beautiful. I don't think I've ever seen you so beautiful as you are now."

Asuka giggled and blushed as she heard him. "How can you think that? Look at me! I'm huge."

"You're having our baby." He said to her as he turned to her with a smile.

"Idiot." Asuka said with a laugh.

He smirked and continued to rub his hand across her stomach and then his eyes widened. "What the…."

Asuka giggled as she felt it too. "Did you feel that?"

"Yeah!" he said as he knelt down in front of her and put his ear to her stomach. "Wow." He said happily. "The baby…. it…IT KICKED!"

"Uh…yeah they do that." Asuka said as she ran her fingers through his hair.

He listened again and then he felt it again and smiled. "Wow." He said with a smile as he stood up and looked at her. "I felt it again! I think it knows."

"Knows what?" Asuka asked.

"That I am its Dad." Shinji told her. "It kicked when it heard…. my voice. Wait! Whoa!…. There it is again…it does know, Asuka! The baby knows!"

"I think it knows too." She told him. "You're happy aren't you? You want this don't you?"

Shinji smiled at her and nodded his head. "More then you could ever know. I can't wait until it gets here. I am so excited. This is like…nothing I could have ever expected. Its funny, Asuka, I was so damned scared when you first told me but, I just want it to be here now. I want to know…. " He said as he rubbed his hand across her stomach. "I can't wait to hold it and play with it and show it everything…I just can't wait! I just…. I want to know what it is to be a father…."

Asuka smiled at him and then said. "You all ready do."

He smiled at her as he looked up at her and then he stood up and looked into her face, smiling as he still had his hand on her stomach.

"Shinji," Asuka said as she breathed in. ", I want to tell you something."

He looked into her eyes and saw her smiling at him. She gently covered her hand over his and then said. "I am so proud of you."

Shinji breathed in and smiled at her as she said it. "Honey…"

"No, I mean, I really am so proud of what you've become." Asuka whispered to him. "You're not like the way you used to be. You're so strong, so fearless, gentle, kind, loving."

"You gave me the strength I needed to change, Asuka." He told her gently. "All these years, you've been helping me in more ways then you count."

"I love you so much, Shinji." Asuka whispered.

"Honey, I love you too." He told her as he put his arms around her and held her to him.

Chapter 73

Asuka awoke to the sound of gunshots. Instantly, she sat up and grabbed her robe. She followed the sound and then looked out of the back window of her bedroom and there her eyes widened, as she couldn't believe what she saw.

Shinji was outside with his rifle.

He stood in his winter jacket, holding his rifle, aiming it at soup cans that he had perched along the fence.

Asuka watched as he fired, missed. Then, fired again and missed another can. She chuckled as she watched him curse over missing the can but saw him continue to try no matter how lousy he was.

Every morning, he practiced shooting cans. All though it seemed like he never improved, he continued to practice. As he continued to practice, he became more and more skilled. It had been quite a while since he had fired a gun.

At NERV, Shinji, Asuka and Rei had to undergo Basic Firearms Instruction. It was done so that they could operate the weaponry on the EVA unit. Shinji never liked it. Yet, he had also picked up on it fast and had gone through the course quickly. Asuka too had done well with it and gone through the course quickly. Rei too had advanced quickly.

In nearly four years time, neither him nor Asuka, had picked up a gun. Now four years later, he was holding in his hands a rifle. The purpose of this rifle was to protect his family and to provide for them if necessary. Soon as Shinji began to practice more and more, his firearms training from his days at NERV kicked in and he was shooting all of the cans with perfect aim.

Soon the fall crept away and the winter came and with the same harshness as it did the year before. Shinji worked hard on the house to make sure it was warm and the repairs were done to make it a sanctuary from the harsh cold and snow that fell.

His main goal was keeping his pregnant wife safe and secure. He would do whatever he had to do to make sure of that.

Yet even though the winter was harsh, and their food supply was getting to be low, Shinji took a deep breath as he made a decision. The snows prevented him from driving the truck into the town. So in order to have food for him and his wife, he made a decision to do something he swore he'd never do.

Asuka watched him load up the gun that morning, dress himself warmly and go out into the snow with the rifle slung over his shoulder.

When he returned an hour later, he bought home two dead rabbits.

The first time he had done it, had shocked her.

She had never believed Shinji had it within him to kill. That time with the wild bobcat thing, he had killed the animal in self-defense. As an Eva pilot, he had killed the "angels" but to actually kill a living creature, like the rabbit he bought home the first time, shocked her.

His response though was what she never expected him to say. "We need to survive. I need to provide for my family. I'll do what needs to be done."

Asuka had been proud of him.

Every night he also stuck to reading the same book about childbirth, reading it cover to cover, memorizing everything. When the time came, he would be ready.

She wasn't afraid with him preparing so much. True, she would have wished for a doctor and a hospital but she knew that with all the research Shinji was doing, she would be okay.

Another question came to Asuka's mind one night, while the two sat on the couch, reading together.

"Shinji?"

"Yeah, Hun?" he asked as he read the book.

"Shinji, have you ever thought that maybe…we aren't alone?"

Shinji turned to her and breathed in as he asked. "What are you getting at?"

"Shinji, I've been thinking lately like…animals survived Third Impact, right?"

"Yeah." He said.

"The only people so far have been you and me but what if elsewhere, there were people who survived Third Impact? Have you thought maybe some people might have been able to survive Third Impact? Maybe, Shinji, some people survived it too. Maybe we aren't alone, maybe we never have been. Maybe, we're not alone in the world."

Shinji's face then dropped to a frown as he slammed the book shut and got off the couch, going over to the window and standing in front of it, looking out as if he was looking for something.

"Shinji? What's the matter?" Asuka asked as she got up off the couch and went over to him.

"I don't' want other people to ruin our lives." Shinji said flatly. "I want this to be our home. I don't want anyone to ever come between us or our happiness."

Asuka looked at him with shock. "You wouldn't want to live in society again?" She asked. "You wouldn't want to be with other people?"

"Society is bullshit." Shinji said as he looked at her. "Society almost destroyed us. No, I'm done with society. I'm done with governments. I'm done with people. The only person I want is you. I want what we have. I would never trade it. Would you?"

Asuka looked into his face. She missed the comforts of their former lives. She missed television, stores, people, friends and every other accommodation with it but as she looked at him, she also would never trade her life with him for anything. "No." She said as she wrapped her arms around him. "Where you go is where I go, remember?"

"Society almost destroyed us, Asuka. SEELE tried to execute us. I hate society!" Shinji said as his face dropped into a scowl.

"Okay." She told him as she felt his arm come around her.

"We don't need them. We have each other. That's all we will ever need."

"I know, Shinji." Asuka said as she closed her eyes and looked out the window with him as they watched the snowfall.

"That's what you want too, isn't it? Just us?"

"Yeah." Asuka said as she looked at him. "Just us is fine."

Chapter 74

Shinji had been on top of the roof applying some patches to weak spots. It had been cold that day and snow was falling. Rather then have the house not be warm, he climbed up on the ladder and decided to fix the roof regardless.

"**_SHINJI!"_**

When he heard Asuka's cry from on top of the roof he all but jumped down from the roof. He ran into the house to find her on the couch, holding her stomach and in the center of the floor, he saw liquid, the hammer he had been holding dropped out of his hand, then he looked back to her and breathed heavy.

"Shinji…help?" Asuka asked.

Shinji's eyes went wide. He removed the gloves he had been wearing and stuffed them into the pocket of his jacket. He rushed over to her side and knelt beside her, taking her hand into his own. "Asuka, I'm here!"

"OH MY GOD…. THAT FUCKING HURTS!" Asuka cried out as she gripped his hand and squeezed with all of her might.

Shinji felt pain go through his right hand and looked into her face. He was afraid. He didn't know what to do, his body shook and then he heard her scream again as she gripped his hand tighter and made him call out in pain. _I'm not ready for this, _he thought to himself. _I can't be a father. I can't be a husband. What was I thinking? I can't do this…. I can't…I'M still a kid…. I'm nineteen, almost twenty, and all ready a father and husband…. what the fuck was I thinking?_

Asuka turned to him and looked at him with tears in her eyes, she said in a weak voice. "Shinji, I'm scared. Help me. Please, help me. I am so scared…please help me."

There were tears in her eyes and pain radiated on her face. Shinji looked into her eyes. He could see her shaking and sweat come down her face. He was scared too and then looking into her eyes, he began to find something within him. _No. NO! I wont' run away! Enough of that!_ _She needs me. She's scared and she needs me. I can't run. I'm not a boy anymore. I'm a man now. I have to be here for her. I have to. I am this child's father. I am her husband. She needs me. I have to be here. I won't run away. I can't. I love her too much; I have to get her through this. I'm not like my father. I will be better then him. I will act like a father should. I have to find my strength. _

Shinji took a deep breath and clutched her hand tight. "Shh…." He looked at her, remembering every passage from the book on childbirth and smiled at her, lightly running his hand through her hair. He spoke to her gently but with confidence in his voice. "Don't be scared, Asuka. I'm here. I'm going to be right here. Listen to me; I'll get you through this. You are going to have to do a lot of work here but I'm going to help you. I'll be with you the whole time. I'll never leave your side." He gently kissed her on her forehead and then smiled back at her as he said gently. "When the pain hits, breathe and count. Never let go of my hand. I'm going to figure out how soon you are from delivering okay? When another contraction hits, we're gong to count together okay? Hang onto me. I'll keep you safe. Okay?"

Asuka nodded and then felt a pain hit. She breathed in, clutching onto Shinji's hand counting down and then breathed out. Shinji quickly looked at his watch.

"Did that help?" he asked as he unzipped his jacket and took it off.

"Yeah." She said as she nodded her head and closed her eyes.

"Okay." Shinji said as he rolled up his sleeves. ""Five minutes apart." He said nervously as he realized that she wasn't too far away from delivering.

Asuka nodded and then she felt another pain. She breathed out and screamed in pain, clutching onto Shinji's hand, squeezing as hard as she could.

"It's okay, Baby." He told her sweetly. "Hold onto me. I'm here for you."

"Shinji…. oh my God…. this hurts…so bad." She cried out as she held onto his hand.

"Can you get up? I want to get you to the bedroom, okay?"

"Okay." Asuka said as she sat up and he grabbed a hold of her and then gently but quickly took her into the bedroom and laid her down on the bed and then ran quickly to get towels and sheets.

"Shinji!" Asuka called out.

"I'm here!" He said as he ran to her side, throwing the towels and sheets on the bed. "I'm here, Honey." He whispered to her as he took her hand into his own and kneeled down by the bed.

"Honey, I'm so scared…"

"Don't be scared." He told her gently. "I'm going to be here the whole time. We're going to do this together. You can rely on me."

He sat beside her on the bed and looked into her eyes, as he held her hand and smiled at her.

He let go of her hand just for a minute to place towels and sheets underneath her and across her. He put pillows behind her so that she was comfortable and eased her pants off of her as he got ready for the next stage of their lives.

"This hurts!" Asuka cried out as she felt a contraction and squeezed her eyes shut. "Oh God, Honey, this hurts so bad!'

"Baby, its okay." He said to her with a firm but gentle voice. "We're going to do this together, okay?'

"Okay." She told him as she squeezed his hand

"I'll be here the whole time, Asuka. I won't leave you alone for a second. I'm going to help you do this. It's going to be hard though, okay?" he said to her gently.

Asuka nodded and smiled, then she gripped his hand tight and squeezed her eyes shut as she winced in pain "Shinji…oh fuck!" She yelled out as a pain hit her.

"Breathe, Asuka! C'mon, breathe with me." Shinji said as he felt pain go through his hand.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP! I KNOW!" Asuka growled.

"Asuka, listen to me! "Shinji said firmly. "Breathe! You can curse me at me all you want but breathe!"

"FINE!" Asuka yelled out and then she began to breathe.

Shinji watched her for about two hours as her pains became closer and closer together and then finally, she began to deliver.

"C'mon, Asuka." Shinji said to her gently. "Its time to push."

Screaming out in anguish, Asuka felt pain rip through her body and out of her mouth ran a series of profanities, all directed at Shinji. "Oh you mother fucking idiot bastard son of a bitch from Hell! Push, Asuka, push, and push! You fucking push!" Asuka screamed out. "You fucking are the cause of this! Shinji, I'm gonna beat your fucking ass!"

Shinji's eyes went wide as he felt pain come from his groin and he winced. "Asuka, honey! That hurts!" he said in a painful voice as she gripped his crotch and squeezed.

Then she leaned forward and said sadistically. "OH? Does it hurt? Good! Now you can feel pain, just like me!"

"But honey…I'm not…. trying to cause you pain!" Shinji said in anguish as he felt pain go through him as he looked at her face and squeezed his eyes shut..

"Oh? You may not be trying to cause me pain BUT YOU ARE THE FUCKING CAUSE OF IT! It was because of you, Shinji! You did it! You and your dick did it!" Asuka screamed out and then she said in an even more sadistic voice. "Hey, Shinji! Idiot, do you know what I'm gonna do to you? Do you want to know what I am going to do to you? DO YOU WANT TO KNOW?"

"Asuka, this really hurts." He said as he looked into her face. "Please stop."

"Oh does it hurt? Does it hurt, Shinji? Good! Then you can feel what I AM GOING THROUGH! YOU DID THIS TO ME, SHINJI and…. I'm gonna rip your dick right off of you!"

Shinji's eyes went wide as he looked into her face. "Asuka, calm down…"

"NO! NO!" Asuka said with an evil laugh. "I'm going to break right off of you, Shinji, so you can NEVER put me through this shit again!" Asuka laughed evilly and then said in a growl. "Oh you bastard! You are so dead after this! It's coming off, Shinji! RIGHT OFF! I am gonna rip your dick right off! We are never having sex ever again! Never, Shinji!"

Shinji swallowed hard as he looked at her and held onto her hand. "Uh…uh…. uh…its okay, Asuka. It's…its okay, honey…." Shinji said nervously in a high-pitched voice.

Then he heard her scream out horribly and looked at him with pleading eyes as she released her grip from his crotch.

Shinji took a deep breath as he felt her release her grip and then looked into her face.

"Oh God, Shinji! Oh my God, it hurts so bad!" She cried out as she grabbed onto his shirt.

Shinji held onto her hand. "Its okay." He told her as he kissed her forehead. "I'm right here. I love you and I'm right here."

"Shinji?" Asuka said while tears streamed down her cheeks. "Honey, I'm sorry I called you a mother fucking idiot bastard son of a bitch from Hell. I'm not going to break it off, I swear. I didn't mean what I said about never having sex again. I am so sorry I tried to hurt you… I'm just…. in so much PAIN!"

"Its okay, Baby. I know you hurt a lot. I'm here though. I'm right here. You can curse me as much as you feel like cursing me. I did do this after all." Shinji said with a laugh. "You can call me anything you want. I love you."

"I love you too…." She said gently and then she breathed in as she felt another pain and then she screamed out again and Shinji's eyes became wide as he looked down.

"Oh you are a fucking asshole!" Asuka screamed as she felt pain rip through her and she bore down. "This is like pushing a bowling bowl out through the size of a fucking lemon!"

Shinji looked back at her and then he quickly did what he needed to do to help her as he watched with wide eyes and had fear run through him like never before.

"Oh my God, Shinji! It hurts! This hurts so bad!" She cried out.

"Its okay, Asuka." Shinji said as he breathed heavy. "Let's do this together. Breathe and push okay?"

Asuka nodded and then bore down with all of her might as Shinji watched his baby start to be born. A small head emerged and his eyes went wide and his body shook as he was amazed by what he saw. He was also terrified and felt like he was going to pee his pants.

"Whoa…"Shinji said under his breath as he swallowed and was in awe of what he saw. Sweat poured down his face as he watched with wide eyes.

"Oh fuck, Shinji!" She cried out in pain. "This hurts so bad…I'm scared, Shinji."

"I'm here." He told her. "Asuka, I'm scared too but I'm not going to let the fear take over me. I'm the father and I'm going to act like a father. I am going to protect you and take care of you and I'm going to get you through this but you have to work with me!"

"GO TO HELL!" Asuka growled. "YOU DO IT! I QUIT! I'M NOT DOING IT ANYMORE!"

"No, Asuka!" Shinji told her firmly. "You can't fail on me! You push this baby out, Asuka! You have to work hard here and then after this is done, you can beat my ass." He said with a smile as he looked at her.

Asuka smirked and then nodded her head. "Okay." She said as she reached for his hand.

"C'mon now." Shinji said as he held her hand. "Let's do this! Asuka, push, c'mon. I see the head. C'mon, Asuka."

Asuka nodded and then bore down, sweat came off of her and she pushed hard. Then she took deep breaths and looked back at Shinji with anger. "Shinji?" she growled. "IDIOT!"

"Push, Asuka! C'mon, PUSH!" he said in a loud voice.

"FUCCCCCCKKKKKKK YOUUUUUUUUUU!" Asuka screamed.

"One more push, Asuka and we'll have our baby. C'mon, Asuka. Push. One more. Now!"

"FUCK YOU! I AM DONE PUSHING! THIS IS YOUR GODDAMNED FAULT, SHINJI! YOU DID THIS YOU FUCKING IDIOT!" Asuka yelled out.

"Asuka, push!" Shinji pleaded. "You have to!"

"Fuck off!" Asuka growled as she breathed out and laid back saying in a tired voice..."I can't…. I don't want to…. I'm too tired…."

She did not move then Shinji said gently. "Look at me, Asuka. Look into my eyes. Look into my eyes…. and use my strength…push, Asuka. You have to!"

"I can't, Shinji." Asuka said as she breathed heavy. "I don't have any more…strength."

"Yes, you can!" he told her. "You have to, Asuka! You look into my eyes, Asuka. Let me be your strength. Use my strength, Asuka. Look at me."

. "Shinji…"

"ASUKA!" Shinji called out loudly and firmly. "LOOK AT ME! YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT ME, ASUKA!" Shinji breathed in and then said gently. "Look into my eyes, Asuka." He whispered to her. "My strength is yours. Use my strength."

Asuka raised her head and then looked deep into his eyes and she saw the comfort and the love she had always seen.

She found her strength as she breathed in and then pushed with all of her might, never breaking eye contact between her and Shinji.

"Shin…. ji!…" Asuka called out. "**You…idiot**!"

"Look at me." Shinji said to her gently. "Look in my eyes. Take a breath. Now, release and push! Concentrate. Push, Asuka. Push!"

She reached for his hand, squeezed and then screamed out in agony as she bore down. 'SHINJI!"

Shinji breathed in as he looked down. .

His eyes went wide as he felt a new life come into his hands from Asuka and he couldn't believe it.

His mouth dropped open and he breathed in as he laughed loudly.

Asuka breathed out and lay down on the bed; she was covered in sweat and breathed heavy. "Shinji?" She asked in a tired voice as she closed her eyes. "Is it over now?"

"Oh my God." Shinji said as he looked down and felt a tear roll out of his eye. "Oh my God Asuka!" he said tearfully as he looked at her with a wide smile and then back down at the baby in his hands with tears running down his cheeks. "Asuka, " he said to her as a tear rolled down his face. ", we have a…a girl."

"A girl?" Asuka's eyes opened slowly as she raised herself up on her elbows with a smile.

Shinji nodded and then looked down at his baby daughter and cried. "Asuka, she's beautiful."

Asuka then smiled widely as she heard a sound that was the most beautiful and softest sound she had ever heard before. It was a soft but strong cry. She couldn't believe it herself. "Shinji? Let me see, Shinji?" Asuka asked.

Shinji nodded his head. He raised the baby up to show his wife.

Asuka's eyes softened and tears rolled out of them as she smiled and looked back at him. "Our baby?" She asked.

Shinji nodded at Asuka as he looked back at the tiny baby in his hands. .

"Can I hold her?" Asuka asked.

"Okay. Let me just clean her up a bit, okay?"

Asuka nodded and watched while he cleaned up the baby and then wrapped her up in a small blanket.

Shinji walked over to her and then handed the baby to Asuka. Asuka smiled from ear to ear when she saw the baby and began to cry.

"Shinji, our baby is here." She said happily as she held the tiny baby in her arms.

"I know." Shinji said to her as he knelt down by the bed and looked on with her. "Isn't she great?" he asked as he looked at his new daughter and wiped a tear from his eye.

Shinji laughed and smiled widely, he said to her with pride in his voice. "I've never been so happy before." He looked back to Asuka and then wiping another tear away from his eye he said to her. "I love you so much. You did so well."

Asuka smiled as she looked at her child. "Shinji, she's beautiful." She felt tears form in her eyes as she felt a love in her heart that she had never known before. "Shinji…. she's so beautiful. I can't believe this is what we made together…." She looked up into his eyes and then said gently as she touched his cheek. "Shinji, all that pain was worth it. I love you, Shinji."

Shinji smiled and held onto her hand, he gently kissed her lips and smiled back at her. He looked at his child and smiled. "She's so little. She looks…. just like you. She's beautiful." He told her as he kissed her gently as the two of them looked at their new baby. "What should we call her?" Shinji asked.

"I was thinking of a name that I think is a good one for this particular time."

"What?" Shinji asked her.

"You said something to me once about a hope for the future. Hope." Asuka whispered. "We could call her Hope. Our hope for the future."

"Yeah. I like it." Shinji said. "Hope Ikari. It works. Okay. Her name is Hope."

Asuka looked at her daughter and smiled as she breathed out. "Welcome home, Hope." Asuka smiled and laughed as she held her baby and Shinji looked on with her as the two of them were amazed by what had just come into their lives.

"I'm a father now." Shinji said as he looked at his daughter and smiled.

"Yes you are." Asuka said to him with a smile.

He looked back at her and sat up on the bed with his wife and new baby daughter. He put his arm around Asuka and gently, stroked the top of the tiny baby's head. He breathed in as he put his head against Asuka's and chuckled as he watched over his wife and child. "It's so funny."

"What is?" Asuka said as she looked at him.

"How something so small could be something I was so afraid of." Shinji smirked as he looked at her. "Looking at her now, all I want to do is protect her, love her, make her happy and be the best Dad I can be."

"You all ready are." Asuka said to him gently with a smile. "I've seen you risk your life for me and face danger head on but what you did today, I don't think I've ever seen a more braver man then you were. You are a great father, Shinji. You will continue to be."

He smiled at her and breathed in as a tear rolled out of his eye. "I will do my best." He said to her.

Asuka smiled as she looked at the child and then said. "I hope that I can be a great mom to her. I really want to be a good mother."

"You are." He told her. "Asuka, we've got a lot to learn and Hope will teach us. We'll be fine and we'll teach her well. We'll make her a happy little girl." He said with a smile.

"I love you." Asuka said to him.

As he looked at her he kissed her lips tenderly and then whispered. "I love you both so much. I'll spend my life making you both happy."

Chapter 75

Now that they were parents, Shinji and Asuka's lives changed dramatically however, they discovered that they both loved it.

Asuka had never seen a man more in love with his child then Shinji was. When he held his daughter and played with her and made her smile, there was a love that was unmatched to anything she had ever seen before.

She too loved being a mother. When she was with her baby, she wanted to protect her and keep her safe with all of her might.

When the two of them put her to bed at night, they felt so much pride as they watched their baby grow from day to day.

Asuka never knew what it was to really be a mother until the day that Hope arrived. Every morning when she would hear her cry, Asuka would hold her and listen to her baby coo. Shinji would stand by the door and watch with a smile and then shortly after come over to them both.

Asuka felt a very special bond between her and her daughter and she had never known anything like it before. She was amazed still every time she looked at her that this was something that her and Shinji created together. It amazed her.

The love between Shinji and Asuka grew deeper. All though they had a child, their passion and love for one another never diminished. As time went on, it seemed to get even hotter and better.

Time went on and as Shinji and Asuka watched Hope grow, they saw a happy, smiling, laughing, smart toddler emerge.

Asuka couldn't believe the amount of love she had for this tiny little person who, as time went on exhibited both traits from her mother and her father.

It was truly a happy time for them as they watched their daughter grow. Shinji was so proud of her when she first began to talk and uttered her first word. Asuka was ecstatic as well.

Then as Hope began to take her first steps both parents felt so much pride over their little one's accomplishments.

They loved playing with their little girl and teaching her new things and Asuka felt so much joy in her life. It was odd. The world had basically ended and here with only the three of them, they were starting over.

In Hope they could their love for one another and their happiness. Hope was a very happy child. She was active like her mother and feisty with a little bit of a temper. She could also be mellow and gentle like her father.

Never in their entire lives had Asuka nor Shinji felt so much love or joy.

As they were outside one beautiful spring afternoon, Shinji had Hope on his shoulders and he was pointing to objects and chuckled as Hope repeated what he said.

"Big Tree." Shinji said to his daughter.

"Big Tree." Hope repeated.

"Bird." Shinji said as he pointed to a bird flying over them.

"Birdie." Hope said. "That's the grass, Daddy!" Hope said as she pointed to the ground.

"That's right, honey." Shinji told her as they continued to walk together and then Hope smiled and laughed as she pointed to Asuka.

"Mommy."

"Yes." Shinji said with a smile as he looked at Asuka. "Mommy."

As Asuka watched her family she smiled as a thought came across her head, and as she continued to walk with them, holding onto her husband's arm she looked over at him and smiled. He took a deep breath as he walked with them. This was like nothing he or she could have ever imagined.

He looked back to her and smiled back.

Chapter 76

It was about a month later after that day, Asuka had settled into bed, she was wearing her nightgown, reading a book. Shinji came into the room a few minutes later and he smiled as he looked at her.

"Is she asleep?" Asuka asked.

"Yup." Shinji said as he began to unbutton his shirt.

"Rabbit and Hen book?" Asuka asked.

"Works like a charm." He said with a grin. "She's out like a light."

"Always does." She replied as she put the book away and grinned at him.

He caught the grin and smiled back at her.

Asuka knew what he wanted. It was so obvious. She closed her book and put it away. She watched while he finished taking off his shirt and then his pants. He smiled at her as he sat down on the bed and then removed his underwear and lifted up the covers.

She turned to him and then felt him put his arm around her and kiss her. As she looked back into his face, she smiled at him and said. "Shinji, there's something I need to tell you."

He looked at her strangely. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing. Nothing is wrong at all." Asuka smiled at him and rubbed his chest saying softly. "Do you like being a father?"

He chuckled at her and then said. "What kind of question is that? Of course, I do. I love being a father. What's up with you, Asuka?"

"Shinji, I'm pregnant." She said to him with a smile.

He smiled at her and looked into her eyes. "Another baby?"

"Yeah." She said with a smile. "Another baby, Shinji."

"Really?" he asked her.

"Yeah. How do you feel about that? I mean I know last time it was tough and this time might be tough too. Are you okay with that?"

He held her hand and kissed it as he looked back into her eyes and then whispered. "I would love to have another child, Asuka."

"You really would?" Asuka asked.

He smiled at her and nodded. "Yeah. I think it would be fantastic to give Hope a little brother or sister to play with. I've been thinking that…. I want a lot of children. Hope's given me so much. I've found that being a Dad is something that makes my life really different and good. You make me feel whole, a family just makes everything fit good. I love being a father and your husband. I love our family.."

"You're really happy, aren't you?" She said with a smile.

"Asuka, my life is so full and rich. I have you and Hope and now, we're going to have another child and I can't wait. That life we left behind us seems so long ago. I don't feel like that anymore. I feel so strong now and so much more then what I was. You did that to me. Hope did that to me. Asuka, I am so happy right now." He told her with a chuckle as a tear ran out of his eye. "Asuka, this is what our life was meant to be. Our lives are so good and wonderful. It's like a slice of heaven, Asuka"

Asuka smiled back at him and sniffled as she said. "I love you so much."

"I love you with everything I am." He told her as he moved closer to her and kissed her. Looking back into her face, he kissed her again and then slowly turned her over onto her back where he lifted the nightgown over her head and smiled back to her as they made love.

They felt nothing could ever destroy their happiness

**_…. They were wrong._**


	8. Chapters 77 thru 87

PART VIII: RETURN

Chapter 77

Shinji wandered through the cold snow in the forest. He didn't want to go too far from home with Asuka all ready seven months pregnant, or so he estimated. Hope had begged to go with him but he decided he would not take his daughter hunting until she was older and so she remained at home.

His rifle was slung over his shoulder and he looked around carefully and then he saw it. He was hoping to get this done quickly because Asuka was home alone with Hope. He didn't like being too far from her knowing that soon another baby would come into their lives.

Shinji smiled as he thought about a second baby being bought into the world. Hope had brought him so much joy and love. When he thought of a second baby, he could feel the love pour out of him. He was so proud.

He couldn't have imagined when he was young that at eighteen years old he would have taken Asuka as his wife and then been given a baby the following year.

Yet being Asuka's husband was what he had wanted and he couldn't imagine a day without her. As he thought about Third Impact, he realized what his mother had meant. He had embraced his existence and lived his life. He wasn't afraid anymore of anyone or anything. The only thing he feared was if something happened to his family and he would make sure that it would never happen. If it did, the party responsible would pay: with their lives.

At twenty-four now he was still a young man but he felt so much older.

It was ten years after Third Impact.

Regardless though he was happy, he had a wonderful family and a great house. They no longer had to struggle to survive because Shinji worked on never having them want for anything. He worked hard to be a solid provider and more so was pleased about his life.

A small white rabbit looking for something to eat was close to a tree and then Shinji nodded his head as he pulled his rifle carefully off of his shoulder and adjusted the rifle to the aiming range.

He took a deep breath to prepare for the recoil and then fired the gun. The bullet hit the rabbit and killed it. Shinji pulled back his gun and then once again slung it over his shoulder, going over to the animal and picking it up by its ears.

The animal was dead and he felt bad about killing it but his family's nutrition was more important to him and for that reason, the rabbit would serve to make them strong. As he stood up and placed the rabbit in the bag he had bought with him, he thought he heard something, a small noise from the distance, getting louder.

Then he recognized it and his eyes widened as he looked up and from overhead he saw it. It was huge. It was flying at a low distance and he quickly hid in the brush of the forest.

His gasped as he saw it. He couldn't believe it.

"Helicopter?" He said aloud as he saw it come into view.

A large green helicopter, military model, and then he saw the markings of it and his fist tightened.

"United…. Nations…. oh my God!" He seethed as he looked at it.

His eyes narrowed and quickly, he grabbed his rifle from his shoulder and cocked it ready to fire, then his eyes widened as he saw where the helicopter was heading. "OH MY GOD! ASUKA! HOPE!"

Shinji dropped the rabbit and took off running. He held his rifle and ran as fast as he could back to his home. He knew that the helicopter was fast .

He looked out and he saw what appeared to be soldiers coming down from ropes. He picked up his speed andran as fast as he could through the snow.

Chapter 78

Shinji came across his house and it looked like nobody had arrived yet. He looked around and then watched as his front door flew open. He watchedas two soldiers dressed in black with helmets on their heads came out, one had Asuka by the arm and the other his daughter under his arm.

When Shinji saw the soldiers grab his family, his rage bubbled. 'FUCKING BASTARDS!" Shinji yelled out as he ran forward and aimed his rifle.

Asuka saw Shinjj with the rifle and her heart began to beat rapidly as her eyes widened. "SHINJI!" She yelled out.

The soldiers stopped dead in their tracks.

"SHINJI!" Asuka called out as she struggled.

"DADDY!" Their daughter squealed.

"Get your hands off of my family!" Shinji said with anger in his voice as he aimed the rifle right at the soldier's head.

The soldiers stopped dead in their tracks

"Do I have to repeat myself?" Shinji asked as he growled.

"I…. WANT ….MY…. DADDY!" Hope squealed.

"SHINJI IKARI?" A familiar female voice called out.

"I'LLYOUR MEN IF YOU COME ANY CLOSER!" Shinji demanded. "RELEASE MY FAMILY."

The soldier stopped.

Shinji spun to his left and there he saw another soldier coming towards him with a weapon in her hand. "DROP IT!" he growled.

The soldier dropped her gun and put her hands up.

Shinji stood his ground as he watched as a soldier approached with arms raised.

"You are Evangelion Unit 01 Pilot Captain Shinji Ikari of NERV. Serial number: 415-0789-A4101. Your companion is Captain Asuka Langely Sorhyu of NERV. Serial number: 567-1324-Z9702. You are both ordered to come with me by order of the governing council of the United Nations and by the order of SEELEin accordance with the Third Impact Recovery Act of 2021."

"Fuck you and fuck SEELE! Get away from my family or I'll kill you." Shinji responded.

"Captain Ikari! You need to listen to me!"

"I'm not Captain Ikari! I NEVER held a military rank." Shinji growled. "I want you to leave. I want you and theses soldiers OFF OF MY PROPERTY or I'll kill every last one of you and I can do it! Don't test me! Release my wife and my daughter or I open fire!"

"Captain Ikari, please…don't do anything you might regret."

"I won't regret killing you one bit." Shinji said. "RELEASE MY FAMILY OR I WILL KILL YOU!"

The soldier looked at the one holding little Hope.Hope was gently set down on the ground.The other soldier released Asuka.

"Dumpkoff!" Asuka growled at the soldier. Asuka immediately went to her daughter and held her in her arms.

Hope was scared and crying.

Shinji was furious when he saw his daughter cry.

"BRING THEM OVER HERE!" Shinji yelled as he aimed his rifle at the soldier.

The soldier nodded her head.

Asuka walked over to Shinji holding their daughter. Shinji breathed a sigh of relief as he watched her walk over to him and then stand beside him.

Shinji looked at Asuka out of the corner of his eye and then said in a whisper. "When I tell you to, go around me and get into the shed, get into truck and drive out of here fast with her! The keys are in the visor. Don't worry about me. I'm going to make these bastards pay."

"Shinji…." Asuka said as she looked at him with worry.

"Captain Ikari, put the gun down!" The soldier said to him.

"GO TO HELL!" Shinji barked.

"Shinji, no!" Asuka said as she held her little girl. "Please, don't."

"Asuka, get ready!" Shinji said in a low voice.

"Shinji…. please don't. Stop." Asuka pleaded.

"Damnit, Asuka! Do as I say!" Shinji growled as he narrowed his eyes at the soldiers and called out to them. "GET OFF MY PROPERTY! GET OUT OF HERE AND NEVER COME BACK! IF YOU DON'T LEAVE NOW, I'LL KILL ALL OF YOU!"

"Shinji, stop!" Asuka pleaded.

"Asuka, damnit, listen to me!" Shinji said in a growl. "These bastards will not get away with this!"

Then another soldier dressed all in tight fitting black fatigues with a dark helmet on, stepped forward and tapped the one on the shoulder to move aside as she said. "It's all right, Shinji."

Both Asuka and Shinji looked at her strangely for a minute.

"Shinji, put the gun down." She said calmly as she walked forward.

Shinji now aimed his rifle at the soldier who was walking toward him. "STAY WHERE YOU ARE!"

"Shinji, you know who I am."

"I DON'T KNOW YOU!" Shinji told her as he tightened his grip on the rifle and aimed it at her.

"Shinji, damnit!" Asuka said as she held her daughter. "Put the gun down!"

"Asuka…I don't trust them." Shinji told her.

"Shinji, you _know _me." The soldier said as she walked forward.

"I WARN YOU!" Shinji told her as he looked at her with hatred. "I'LL KILL EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU SEELE BASTARDS!"

The soldier stopped in her tracks. She knew he was fueled by hatred and she also knew he was protecting his family and a man that protected his family was dangerous when one had a rifle aimed at her head.

She knew she had to appeal to him. She knew somehow she had to get him to trust her.

"Shinji, remember that day at NERV…. I found you…you were in the corner, underneath a staircase…."

"SHUT UP!" Shinji yelled out.

"…. You were begging Asuka to help you…they had a gun to your head…. I came and I saved you…then right before I pushed you into the elevator, remember…_the kiss_…"

Shinji froze. _Nobody could have known that._

Asuka's eyes widened as she looked at the soldier and said. "Shinji…. did anyone else know about that?'

"It can't be." He said to Asuka. "It's impossible! She's dead! Her blood was on my hands! They shot her!"

"Do you still have my cross, Shinji?"

Shinji lowered his rifle as he looked at her with shock and then watched as she removed the helmet and stood before him with a smile.

"Misato?" he whispered. "No, Misato is dead. SEELE forces shot Misato! They murdered her. You are not Misato! I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!" Shinji growled as he aimed his rifle at her.

"Shinji…." She said calmly.

Shinji stared into her face. Then he breathed out. "M…. Misato?"

"You know who I am." She said with a smile.

"Misato?" he asked again as he looked at her while he lowered his rifle.

"It is Misato." Asuka said as she looked at her.

"Hello, Shinji." Misato said with a smile and a tear in her eye. It was she. She was older, her hair was still dark but nonetheless, it was she.

Shinji took the rifle and then put the safety back on, he slung the rifle over his shoulder and took Asuka by the hand and walked over to the woman.

At first he could only stare at her with tears in his eyes. Then, he threw his arms around her and hugged her, crying onto her. "Misato." He whispered to her.

Misato breathed out as a tear rolled out of her eye.

"Hey there." She said with a smile as she hugged him back and patted his shoulder. "Long time no see."

He parted from her and smiled back at her. "You could say that."

"You've grown." She said as she looked up at him.

"A little." He told her as a tear came out of his eye.

Asuka became a bit jealous watching her husband with Misato but then smiled when Misato came over to her and hugged her. "Hi, Asuka." Misato said with a smile. Then Misato caught a glimpse of Asuka's stomach and she looked back over at Shinji and smiled as she looked back to Asuka and then said. "Well, you and Shinji look like you've been busy."

"Just a little," Asuka said with a chuckle. "Misato, its so good to see you." Asuka hugged Misato. "How did you…what happened? I thought…"

Misato smiled and looked back at her. "I thought the same about you. I had no idea you were alive." Then she looked at the little toddler standing beside Asuka, hiding behind her. "Asuka, is that… your child?"

Asuka looked at Hope and then back at Shinji. Then she nodded her head and laughed. "We named her Hope."

Misato smiled at the little toddler and then said. "Hello there."

"Hi." Hope said shyly with a smile as she hid behind her mother and clutched onto her leg.

As Misato looked at her she saw the happy little girl with the red hair like her mother and gentle blue eyes like her father. Misato breathed out when she saw her. "She's beautiful, Asuka." Misato said with a smile.

Hope still hid behind Asuka and peeped her head out to look at the woman with the friendly smile and warm eyes.

Misato knelt down and smiled gently as she said. "Hi, Hope. I'm a friend of your Mommy and Daddy's. I've known them a very long time. It's very nice to meet you."

"Hi." Hope said as she hid behind Asuka.

Misato chuckled as she thought to herself. _She is her father's daughter._

Shinji walked over to her and as soon as Hope saw her father, she came out from behind Asuka and ran to him with her arms raised. "Daddy!"

Misato smiled as she watched Shinji, who now resembled his own father, a great deal, pick up his little girl and hold her close as he gave her a hug and smiled.

"It's okay." He whispered to his little girl. "It's okay. Hang onto me. Daddy will keep you safe."

Hope held onto his neck as he walked over to Asuka and stood with her. He looked back to Misato but still he was uneasy about soldiers being on his property and forcing his pregnant wife and little girl out of their house.

Misato nodded her head and looked at Shinji saying. "Wow, you guys have been busy, haven't you?"

Shinji chuckled and nodded his head. "How did you survive?" he asked Misato. "You were dying. How? What happened, Misato?"

"What happened was I awoke in an infirmary." She told him as she looked at him. "I almost died. I can't tell you how I got there but I can tell you, I'm here and so are so many others."

"Who?" Shinji asked as he looked at her.

"Your friends, Shinji. Some didn't make it but some did. I can't tell you how we're here but we're here. "

"How?" he asked.

"It's difficult to explain." Misato said. "Shortly after, Third Impact, or what we believe is a short time people just started appearing in groups, in their own homes…. let me ask you…. what year do you think it is?"

"2025." He said to her. "It's ten years after Third Impact."

Misato breathed in as she heard that. "2025?"

"Yeah. Third Impact was November 12, 2015."

"So you believe it's 2025?"

"I know it is." He told her.

"Shinji, our calculators say its 2021."

"What?" he asked.

"You both were alive after Third Impact, weren't you? You can remember it all, right?" Misato asked.

"Yeah." Shinji said. "Can't you?"

"No." Misato said. "We just remember…. white…. and then being alive. This means that for four years, you were the only ones left alive."

"What do you mean?" Shinji asked.

"What I mean, Shinji, is that it seems as though there are four years missing from my life. If you think that it is 2025 and we believe it is 2021, then…there are definitely things we need to discuss." Misato said.

"What about that chopper? That's a military chopper! Why?" he asked angrily as he pointed to it.

"Yes, I know. I am a Colonel in the UN Peacekeeping Forces. I also happen to be in charge of SEELE. SEELE will never again exploit Eva or cause Fourth Impact. We are now governed by the United Nations. The world has come together, Shinji. People have come together. The population is a lot smaller now but we've been able to see through our mistakes of the past and we were able to rebuild. You are no longer alone. You and Asuka can return to your lives."

Then she watched as his face dropped and he stepped back, holding onto Asuka's hand. "Our lives are here. We don't want to return to society.. We want to stay here and live here freely. Misato, my life is here with my wife and my children."

Misato took a deep breath as she looked at him. "Maybe we can go inside and discuss it okay?"

"There's no discussion!" Shinji snapped. "My family is here! I live here! I don't want any part of society! The rest of the world can go to hell."

"Let's talk okay?"

Asuka looked back at Shinji and then nodded at Misato and all four of them walked back into the house together while the remaining soldiers waited outside.

Chapter 79

Shinji sat at his table looking back at Misato, Asuka sat next to him as he held onto her hand. Hope was on the floor playing with toys laughing.

Misato smiled as she watched the little girl and then looked back at Shinji, now a grown man, and very determined about what he wanted.

"This house is beautiful." Misato said as she looked around. "I see you've managed to have electric."

"And running water." Shinji finished. "I worked hard on it. Why are you here, Misato?"

"Because, " Misato said. ", we've been searching for you…for years. I have. Your father…. especially wanted to find you."

"My….father?" He asked as he looked at Asuka. "My father is alive?"

"Yes, Shinji. He is alive and the governor of the state. Gendo Ikari was responsible for so much. He pulled the city together and helped us to redefine our way of life. He's truly become quite a remarkable man. He has been searching for you for quite a long time"

Shinji breathed in as he felt uneasy. "My father did that?" he asked.

"Third Impact changed many people." Misato said with a smile. "We never thought that you could have survived Third Impact…we've had satellite reconnaissance for years that tried to find people and not until recently, six months ago, did we find you."

"Why?" he asked.

"What do you mean why?" Misato asked. "Because we wanted to find you both! We thought you were killed! When your father found EVA Unit 1 in space…. he thought…."

"What?" Shinji asked.

"Eva Unit 1 was found orbiting around the Earth. We recovered it and…. the bioplug had been ejected…. we thought that you…."

"I really don't remember how I got out of Unit 1." Shinji said. "Just white…. and then I woke up on the beach…." Then as he turned his head, he smiled as he said. "…. lying next to Asuka."

"Shinji, would you ever…return?" Misato asked.

At that point, Shinji got up from the table and stood at the window, shaking his head. "This is my home. I don't want a part of that life."

"Shinji, it's not like that anymore." Misato said. "We need you and Asuka. Shinji, there's something you need to know…we've been using the Eva series to protect us from a threat. The Eva's though are being used to protect, not destroy. We need you, Shinji."

"Protect from what?" Shinji said as he turned around and walked behind Asuka's chair. "What are they protecting us from?"

"Somehow, I don't know how…but the angels were summoned back to earth. The angels haven't attacked. They just send messages. The message that it keeps repeating over and over again is: _Ikari. Return_. It's calling for you."

"I don't get it."

"Shinji, we didn't get it either! We thought you and Asuka were dead! The angels though kept sending the messages. The angels would appear in certain cities and then leave! They have not attacked but in case they do, we are ready for them. You have to understand; things are not the same, Shinji. We have reactivated the EVA series so that in case of an attack, we're prepared. Only the EVA's can defend us against an attack and only the best pilots can successfully coordinate such an effort. The best pilots ever on record were you and Asuka."

"No more Eva." Shinji seethed. "I won't do it anymore. I'm done with that life. It's behind me!"

"Shinji, please…when you were younger you had a great gift, if we need you…. you should return and use it to protect."

"The world can go to hell." Shinji growled. "Why did you decide to head up SEELE? SEELE tried to murder you! They tried to kill Asuka and me! What I want to know is why do they need us? They tried to kill us, remember? Why do I want to help someone who wanted me dead?"

"Because you and Asuka had the best sync ratios of any EVA pilot and there have been quite a few since Third Impact. Shinji, when the angel was spotted it sent a message: _Ikari, return. Ikari, return_. We believed you and Asuka were dead. We tried to communicate this to the angel. However, it kept repeating the message: _Ikari, return_. Shinji, we found you by mistake. In 2019, the acting government instituted the Third Impact Recovery Act. Basically, the aim was to find people cut off from society who thought they were alone. We found a lot of people. Of course the size of the population is now around 40 million as opposed to six billion but we hope that with time, we'll be able to make the world better. We built a city. It's a living-breathing city and the world is starting to become better, more connected. It took us to a while to pull ourselves together after Third Impact but we did it. When people started appearing, we realized we had a shot for life again. We realized that we had to do a better job. Six months ago, we found your home on a satellite photo and then we saw you. We ran the photos through the computer and we discovered that it was you and Asuka. We couldn't believe that you and Asuka survived and were living in what we now call Ground Zero. I couldn't believe it was both of you at first but when we rechecked the data, it was you. I almost cried knowing you were alive! You've been the only humans who successfully survived Third Impact in that region. You've been listed as being killed in the line of duty since Third Impact. Then we received the message again: Ikari, return. Shinji, immediately made plans for recovery."

"Is this what you call recovery?" Shinji asked. "You broke into my house and forced my family out of it! That is not recovery! That to me…is kidnapping…. or attempted kidnapping."

"I admit that tactic was wrong." Misato said.

"If I didn't know who you were, I would have killed every last one of you." Shinji told her angrily. "Now something is bugging me. When the hell did I become _Captain _Ikari?"

Misato took a breath. "When you went to work for NERV, both you and Asuka, you were in a military operation therefore, regardless of your age, you needed a military rank. You were classified as junior lieutenants when you started. Both you and Asuka held the same rank. When you left NERV, you were both classified as captains. You have a military rank and the back pay that comes with it."

"Our ranks are still active?" Asuka asked.

"I don't want to be Captain Ikari. I don't want to be associated with ANYTHING to do with EVA ever again. I will not set foot in any SEELE base. I will not leave my home."

"Shinji, please reconsider. You don't understand. We really need you."

"NO!" Shinji growled. "My life is here. SEELE can be damned. My family is what I live for. Nothing takes me away from them! Nothing! Not you! Not SEELE! Not anything!"

"Shinji…you can't stay here. There's nobody here! Honestly, what kind of a life is this? You have this cute little house in the middle of nowhere. What in the hell do you do? Do you and Asuka run around all day, have wild sex and make babies together? Is that your existence?"

"She's my wife." Shinji told Misato. "We work on this house. We live happily. We don't need SEELE to come in and disrupt it."

"What about the world?"

"The world can go to hell." Shinji told Misato angrily. "Society is something I no longer wish to be apart of."

"Shinji…" Misato said as she looked into his face. "Don't you care anymore?"

"About society? No." Shinji told her. "I care about my family's well being. Society almost destroyed us, Misato. SEELE tried to kill you. SEELE tried to kill me. Asuka was brutally attacked in her EVA. Do you think I want any part of it? Do you think for a minute that I want to go back to a life that I would rather forget about? Do you want me to put my wife through another hellacious attack? Never! This is my home and we're staying for our own well being."

"Speaking of well being, what about education for your daughter? What about medical care? Your wife is pregnant, Shinji! How have you been caring for her? What about when she's ready to deliver? What about your daughter's future? What about her life? Don't you want a good life for her? I can guarantee it if you come back with me. You two can still have your lives. You can have a lot more then here."

Asuka looked at Shinji and saw the look on his face as he looked at Misato. She felt him place his hand on her shoulder and then she reached for it, holding onto his hand.

She knew he loved this place. She knew it was what made him happy and to leave it was not something he was prepared to do. Yet, she missed society and the comforts of it. The urge to get back in the pilot's seat again in her was strong. Living in society again was something she missed. She knew that it was good for their daughter but this place was something else, it was peaceful and good.

It was the home that her and Shinji had always dreamt of and now to leave it was asking too much. Both of them had worked hard to provide a good home for their daughter.

"Shinji…. do you just arbitrarily make decisions for your family without asking them?" Misato asked as she looked at him.

"Of course I don't!" Shinji told her angrily. "I just…. Asuka knows how I feel. Asuka loves this place too. We both love it and we don't want to leave. This is our home, Misato. We built a life here. We formed a family here. We want to grow old and die here. You don't understand. Our lives are with each other now. We want this for ourselves."

Misato then turned to Asuka and smiled saying. "Is that true, Asuka? Can you honestly say you are happy living here like this? You remember what it was like to be an EVA pilot. Wouldn't you like that opportunity again?"

"My life is with Shinji." Asuka responded. "I go where my husband goes."

"So, you two are really married huh?" Misato asked.

"Yes, we are!" Shinji told her.

"Well, why don't you two discuss it? I can leave and come back tomorrow. If you want to stay here, we'll leave you alone and never come back. I'm hoping though that you might want to. I'm hoping you might want to see what you missed in the world. I'm also hoping that you might care enough to see the people you left behind, Shinji and the people who cared about you. I'm sure that's something that appeals to you."

:"Why is it that I don't believe you, Misato?" Shinji asked as he looked at her.

"Have I ever lied to you before?" Misato asked.

"No." Shinji said. "But that was before you became part of SEELE!"

Misato nodded her head and then stood up. "I will come back tomorrow and see what you decided. Just so you know, it was great to see you both again. Please think about this. Shinji, I know you are angry at SEELE but SEELE is different now."

"When SEELE breaks into a person's home and forces someone out of it, I don't trust that at all even if the leader of it was once someone called my friend. You're a part of SEELE now and your no friend to me." Shinji told her coldly.

Misato breathed out and looked at Asuka, nodding her head. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Shinji watched as she walked out the door.

Chapter 80

After Misato left, the family ate dinner together and enjoyed their family time after dinner. Shinji put his daughter to bed by reading her a story, giving her a kiss on her forehead and telling her. "Good night princes." He told her with a smile. "I love you."

"I love you too Daddy." His daughter told him as he tucked her in and then turned off the light.

Then he came into the bedroom he shared with his wife and they both got into bed and lay against one another while thoughts pounded through their brains.

"You really don't want to leave do you?" Asuka asked him.

"No, I don't." he told her.

"Shinji?"

"What?" he asked her. He sighed out, as he knew the answer. "You want to go, don't you?"

Asuka sat up and looked into his face. "I love it here too, Shinji, but I look at Hope and I think what about her? What about her life? Doesn't she deserve everything in the world?"

Shinji looked back at her and knew it was true. "Yes she does." He told her.

"Shinji, I only want the best for our family. Home is not a structure. My home is you. As long as I have you, I'm home. We've lived four years here. We had our baby here. It's selfish of us to deny our children the right to know other people. Don't you want them to get married someday and give us grandchildren? Shinji, I've also been thinking that I miss being in society but let me tell you something, it will never make me ever change how I feel about you. Also, I want to pilot again. You may not want to but I do."

Shinji looked at her and he knew it was partially the reason why he wanted to stay. "I don't trust them, Asuka. Asuka, they tried to kill us! They brutally attacked you! If something ever happened to you…. I'd kill them all! Even though it's Misato, its still SEELE and SEELE tried to kill us, remember? Asuka, if they…do anything to jeopardize your life…. I will kill them all."

Asuka breathed out as she wrapped her arms around him and breathed out. "Don't think like that. If you want me to stay, I'll stay here forever with you. I go where you go but I think we need to try this, Shinji. I think we should for our children's sake. Also, I feel a responsibility to do what I have to do. Shinji, I am an EVA pilot. Even though I was attacked and went through a lot, I can get back in that pilot's seat and I can defend this world. I need to! We used to think we were the only two left alive and now, we're not. The world is still alive, Shinji. Our children will have more to be and aspire to. Shinji, we've grown so much. To them we may be young but we know that we're not so young anymore, Shinji. We may be twenty-four years old now but I've felt like we've lived a lifetime all ready. Shinji, I love you now and forever that will never change. Nothing could ever change that. You are my husband and I am your wife now until forever. I will agree to whatever you want but I am hoping that you can see good in this too. I am hoping that you can realize that this is important. I am thinking of the world and I'm thinking of our children."

"I know, Asuka." He told her.

Asuka smiled and nodded. "Shinji, I just want our family to have every opportunity that they can. We may be happy here but will they be? They'll grow up isolated from the world. What kind of life is that for them?"

"I don't want anything to do with SEELE, NERV or EVA ever again." Shinji said. "I won't pilot anymore. I won't do it. They can't make me do it."

"They won't." Asuka told him.

"You want it though, don't you?" he asked her. "I saw your eyes when Misato bought up the word EVA. You miss it. You love it. I hated it. I always did. The only reason why I piloted was because…. I could. Now though I don't need it in my life. My life is with you, Hope and our baby. That's what my life is now. That's the only thing I live for."

"Shinji, I do miss it but I won't do it unless you're with me. Where you go is where I will go. Where you live is where I will live. I won't go without you ever. I never have and I never will. You are my home. As long as you are with me, I'm home."

Shinji looked into her face and then taking her hand into his own he asked her. "What do you want, Asuka? Tell me."

"I want us to give our children good lives and I want us to be happy. We can be happy anywhere, Shinji. A house is just a structure. A home is in your heart."

"Okay." He told her. "If you want to go, we'll go. Just promise me, you'll wait to go back to duty until after the baby is born. I mean you can't be on active duty while your pregnant."

"I promise I'll wait." Asuka settled against his chest and put her arms around him, smiling happily. "I love you, Shinji Ikari." She told him.

"I love you too." He told her as he held her tight. "I love you so much."

Chapter 81

The following day, Misato and her soldiers returned. Shinji sat at the table with his wife beside him. Hope, as usual, played on the floor.

Misato took a deep breath as she looked at them both. Shinji took a look over at Asuka and held her hand tight.

He looked back to Misato and then said. "We've come to a decision. We will…. return."

Misato nodded her head as she looked at him; she looked back to Asuka and then said. "Is that what you want too?"

Asuka looked over at Shinji and then glanced over at her daughter. Looking back to Misato, she said. "Yes. It is."

"There are some things though, that must be agreed to." Shinji said to Misato as he held Asuka's hand. "One, I want to retire fully. I do not want to remain active duty. Second, you will not put my family in harm's way."

"Okay." Misato said. "That we can agree on. I'd wish you'd reconsider. We need you. These messages seem to be directed at you."

"I will not be active duty ever again." He told her firmly.

"Misato," Asuka said as she looked over at Shinji. ", I will remain active duty."

"Are you sure, Asuka?" Misato asked.

Asuka nodded her head. "Shinji and me have talked about it. After the baby is born, I want to be reinstated. I want to keep my rank and I want to be an EVA pilot."

Shinji breathed in as he heard her.

"Are you okay with this?" Misato asked.

"Yes." He said firmly. "I am."

"There's a few other conditions." Asuka said. "We want this property and this house to be legally ours. We don't' want anyone except for us to occupy this land ever." Asuka stated firmly. "We also want a clause that states we can return here at any time. I want to see this document in writing and I want to be legal."

"Okay." Misato said.

"The other thing is when we return, we want our marriage recognized. " Asuka said as she looked at her husband. "True, we didn't have an official marry us but Shinji and myself are married. We married each other in the eyes of God and we are married. We want the state to recognize it as legal. My name is Captain Asuka Langely Soruyu Ikari and that's how I want my name to be. My daughter is Hope Ikari and my husband is Shinji Ikari."

"Okay." Misato told her again.

"Now what we are getting for moving back?" Asuka asked.

Misato breathed in as she said. "We will give you living quarters and all the NERV backpay that you have rightfully coming to you at the current rank you are now. In essence, you'll both be given a ten year backpay installment in one lump sum."

"Money doesn't interest me." Shinji growled.

Asuka clutched onto his hand as she said. "I would assume that would be only fitting."

"Your active duty will begin six weeks after your child is born. Are you okay with that?" Misato asked.

"Yes, ma'am, Colonel." Asuka told her firmly.

"You'll need training. I'm sure you remember your military training but I'm going to give you a refresher course. Okay?"

"Okay." Asuka said.

"Now when would you like to leave?" Misato asked. "I can supply people to help you with your belongings."

Asuka looked over at Shinji and took a deep breath and as he held her hand, he said in a low voice. "Immediately. Asuka will be due soon and I want a hospital for when the baby is born."

"Okay." Misato said as she took a deep breath as she pulled out her phone. "I am pretty good at negotiating. I'm sure that your requests can be granted within a couple of hours including the signed legal document that Asuka requested."

"Do it." Shinji said.

Chapter 82

The ship docked at the pier. Several people dressed in brown uniforms were standing off to the side by a large doorway.

As the ship was anchored, the doors opened and Misato, along with Shinji with his daughter in his arms and holding onto Asuka's hand came down the steps.

Shinji took a look around. He felt odd in the blue suit that he was wearing while Asuka seemed to be perfectly happy wearing her brand new uniform that designated her as Captain officially.

It seemed so different to him. He saw people walking around and a feeling he hadn't had in quite some time began to form in him, it reminded him of the way he used to be.

They came down the stairs and as both of them stepped onto the pier. They looked around. Asuka smiled at Shinji as she looked up at him and cuddled the small bundle in her arms.

Shinji smirked as he looked at his wife with their second baby. He couldn't believe that during their journey from their home, on the ship, Asuka had gone into labor. As he looked at the newborn in Asuka's arms, he thought about that day.

Chapter 83

When he came out from the ship infirmary wearing green surgical scrubs, he walked up to Misato holding Hope on her lap. Smiling, he knelt down in front of his daughter and said.

"Remember how Daddy told you that inside of Mommy's tummy was something very special?"

Hope nodded her head at her father answering. "Yeah."

"Well, Baby," Shinji said with a smile as a tear came out of his eye. ", Mommy and me gave you a baby brother."

"A…. brother?" Hope asked with a big smile.

Misato also smiled as she heard him. "Congratulations, Shinji." She told him.

"Yeah, a real baby brother." Shinji whispered to her. "So you know what?"

"What, Daddy?" Hope asked.

"You are his big sister and he's gonna need a good friend to hang out with and stuff like that. Do you think you could do that?"

Hope smiled and laughed, nodding her head. "Yeah."

"Good." He said with a smile as he kissed her forehead.

"Can I see Mommy?" Hope asked.

"Yes. You can see her in a little while. Mommy is very tired. You see it takes a lot of work to bring a baby into the world and Mommy worked very hard. In a little while though, you can go see her and your new brother too."

"I love you, Daddy." Hope said with a smile.

Hope reached out for Shinji and he hugged her as he whispered. "I love you so much, Hope. You are my little princess, do you know that?"

"Uh huh." Hope said as she kissed her father on the cheek. Shinji looked into her face and then said. "You stay here for a little while, okay?" he asked. "Misato, do you mind?"

"Not at all." Misato said with a smile.

"Thank you." He told her.

"You don't seem to be as angry with me as you were." She said.

"I'm sorry for what I said." he told her. "You have to understand though, some things they just…. never went away."

"Shinji, I'll make you a promise." Misato told him. " I will never do anything that puts your family in danger. Never. I swear to you on my life."

Shinji grinned at her and then said. "Okay." He looked back at his daughter and then said. "Daddy has to go check on Mommy. I will be back in a little while, okay?"

"Okay." Hope said.

Chapter 84

Now as Shinji stood on the pier with his wife, his daughter, and his newborn son, he looked out into this new world that they had come to.

He breathed in as he looked around. Asuka caught the look on his face and smiled at him, whispering. "It's going to be okay."

He nodded at her and he looked over at the people in brown suits. Misato was walking towards a tall man with graying hair, spectacles and a cane. His uniform was similar to Misato's and as they talked, Shinji breathed in and his eyes widened as he realized whom that man was.

"Asuka," he whispered to her as he looked ahead. ", That's…my father."

Asuka looked over and she gasped as she saw him. "Oh my God."

Chapter 85

Misato walked forward and then stopped as she saluted a tall man with graying hair and a beard.

"Governor Ikari." She said.

"Colonel Katsuragi." He replied.

"Sir, mission accomplished." Misato said.

He returned her salute and then looked upon Shinji as he took a deep breath and walked forward.

Shinji took a deep breath as he watched the man walk toward him. Shinji did not flinch or move. He simply stared at the man and then watched as he nodded at him and said.

"You look well." He said.

Shinji stared at his father as he breathed in. Still, there was no emotion between them. Shinji simply looked at the man and the man looked back at him.

"Thank you, Father." He replied flatly.

As Gendo looked at his son, he thought he was looking at a mirror image of himself. Shinji resembled him so much except in the eyes. _His eyes are so much like Yui's_..

"It's been a long time since I've seen you last." Gendo said. "We thought you were dead."

"I thought the same about you.." Shinji replied.

For the most part, Gendo still looked the same. His hair was graying and his beard was gray with brown speckles. He still wore the same glasses. He wore a long uniform coat that had been fastened at the top of his shoulder with red trimming it His pants were black. "So much time has passed." Gendo said as he looked at his son.

"Yes it has." Shinji said as he looked back at him.

Gendo Ikari took a look at Asuka and saw the little girl standing beside her with red hair and eyes like his son's. He also noticed that in her arms was a small bundle.

He walked towards her and then smiled saying. "It's good to see you again."

"Thank you, Commander…I meant, Governor." Asuka said.

"Why not Gendo?" he asked her. "Or, you may call me Father as well." He told her with a small smile.

Gendo Ikari stared at the small bundle in Asuka's arms and then at the little girl beside Shinji, clutching onto her father's hand. Gendo took another deep breath as he looked at the little girl and then at the small bundle.

"You have beautiful children." He said with a small smile.

Shinji took a deep breath as he looked at his father. "Perhaps you can visit us when we're settled?"

Gendo smiled at his son and then said. "Perhaps I will."

Shinji nodded his head and then said as he stammered. "I think…it…it would be good for my children to know their grandpa."

Gendo detected the bitterness in his son's voice and then watched as his little granddaughter laughed and smiled as she looked at him.

"Grandpa?" The little girl asked. "Are you…. my grandpa?"

The little girl looked straight into Gendo Ikari's eyes. The commander breathed in as her saw her looking at him. It melted his heart and made him feel something he hadn't in such a long time.

"Yes." He told her. "I am your grandfather."

"You're my…Grandpa?" Hope asked.

"Yes." Gendo said. "I am."

"You're my Grandpa?" Hope asked again.

Gendo removed the spectacles as he looked at the little girl and knelt down to her level. He smiled at her and said. "Yes, Hope. I am your grandfather."

"Will you come and see me later, Grandpa?" Hope asked.

Gendo smiled at her as he looked at his granddaughter. He had lost his chance with Shinji so many years ago and now looking at the little girl, his granddaughter, he felt maybe he might have a way back into his son's life. "I will come and see you." He told her gently.

"You look…. like my Daddy." Hope said with a smile.

"Really?" Gendo asked her.

"Uh huh." Hope said.

Gendo smiled at her and stood up, looking down at her. Then he looked back at his son. He took a look over at Asuka and looked at the small bundle in her arms. "We have much to discuss." Gendo said as he looked at his son. "I am sure there are questions you have that you want answers to. I have questions for you. I have much to say to you, Shinji. If I was to visit with you, would you allow it?"

Shinji walked forward as he looked at his father. He had so many mixed feelings inside of himself concerning Gendo Ikari but throughout his life, he only wanted one thing of the man, he wanted to connect to him. "You can come and visit." Shinji said. "I will allow it.".

"I all ready think you are a far better father then I was." Gendo said.

"I know I am." Shinji said with disdain.

"My past actions cannot be undone." Gendo told him.

"I know that all too well." Shinji said to him as he stared his father in the eye. "You and me should talk though and you should get to know your grandchildren."

"You would allow me to visit you?" Gendo asked.

"I would." Shinji said. "You are after all…. my father."

"At least, that's a start." Gendo said.

Shinji nodded at him and took a deep breath.

"There is something you must know." Gendo said to him as he looked at his son. "I am proud of the man that you've become."

Shinji breathed in as he heard him. "Thank you."

Gendo turned to Misato and then said. "I have to go now, Colonel."

"Yes, Governor." Misato said. "I will handle the rest."

"Very well." Gendo said. Then, he took another look at his family and he smiled as he walked away.

Shinji watched as his father turned his back and began to walk away. His daughter clutched onto his hand as she watched while her grandfather walked further away.

Asuka took a look at Shinji and could see how painful seeing his father again was. On the outside, he held it together very well but Asuka knew Shinji all too well and she knew that on the inside his feelings were turning in knots.

Misato turned back to them and then told them. "Come on. You're belongings will be bought to your living quarters. We'll take you there after the briefing."

Chapter 86

Shinji, Asuka, Hope and Souke spent three hours being debriefed. Hope and Souke grew a little restless but nonetheless were well behaved. Before they were taken to their living quarters, Misato arranged for a tour of the base, which included the Hanger Deck.

As they walked along the bridge, Misato stood proudly before the four units that stood there.

"There they are." Misato said as she looked up. "Living history."

Asuka breathed in as she saw Unit 02. It looked brand new, shiny and red, a huge mecha that was her pride and joy so many years ago. She clutched Shinji's hand as she stared upon it. "Is that the original?"

"No." Misato said. "That's Unit 2-A. Unit 2 was complete non recoverable."

Then Shinji looked over and saw the device that had been a part of his life and made him an instrument of destruction. "That's the original Unit 1, isn't it?" he asked her as he looked up at it.

"Yes, it is. Unit 1 is non operational. We just keep it here. It accepts no one as its pilot." Misato said.

"No one?" Shinji asked.

"No one." Misato had responded.

Hope clutching onto her father's hand, simply looked up at the giant purple thing and said. "Wow!"

"So many years." Asuka replied as she stood looking up at Unit 2A as she stood holding her newborn son. "I've been gone for so many years."

"Well, now you're back. You'll have a different life now and you'll enjoy it." Misato said with a smile.

Shinji breathed in as he looked at Unit 1 and said in his head. _I'm here but I don't belong here._

After the tour, Misato showed them to the living quarters.

Chapter 87

Misato had told them, "You are living in some of the best accommodations in the city. This is a four-room family home complete with every convenience possible. If you need anything at all, there is a concierge downstairs who will direct you. We also have a car for you should you require it at any time. Your belongings will arrive shortly. In the meantime, this house has been furnished for you. We hope you enjoy it. It's my gift to you both."

In their living quarters, Shinji looked out of the windows. It overlooked the city, that had been reborn out of the ashes of Third Impact and now it was a busting metropolis. He watched as air cars streaked across the sky and down below, people conducted their daily lives.

He took a deep breath as he stood in front of the window and looked out into the night sky. The city was noisy and he wasn't used to it. Everything had been a huge transition from leaving a quiet life to this.

In the window, he could also see himself; his reflection was staring back at him. As he breathed in, he noticed how much he had changed.

True, he was twenty-four now. In a long time he hadn't seen the face of the boy he used to be but now as he stared at himself, he saw that boy's reflection staring back at him.

So much in his life had occurred and he thought to himself that despite the fact it had come with the destruction that Third Impact brought, he would never have wanted to take back a moment of it.

He frequently wondered that if Third Impact had not occurred, would he still have married Asuka? He breathed in as he thought to himself that he couldn't imagine that not happening or having Hope and Souke in their lives.

The living quarters were a far cry from the little house down in the valley that they called home for four years. It was more modern and he didn't like it for the most part. It was filled with too much convenience. There was a television, stereo, the furniture was modern and the kitchen was too automated, even the stove spoke, both in German and Japanese.

Asuka loved it. She thought it was great.

He hated it.

Shinji's life was a big question mark. _What do I do now? What's my purpose? My existence? What can I do? What am I capable of?_

He stayed at the window just watching, breathing in and out. Then as he shut his eyes, he felt arms wrap around him and he smiled as he felt her press herself against his back..

"She's asleep now." Asuka whispered. "She never wanted to go to sleep, not until I read her the book about the Rabbit and the Hen. That works like a charm."

"It always does." Shinji told her as he covered her hand with his own.

"You're uncomfortable." Asuka said to him gently.

"You know me too well." He said.

Asuka lightly kissed him on his back and held him tighter as she said. "It'll be all right." She told him. "It'll take some time to get used to. It still feels weird, doesn't it? A week ago, we were the only ones, we thought, that there were still alive and now we find that we aren't anymore. It seems so unusual."

"I don't know if I belong here." Shinji said to her as he shut his eyes. "I got used to a life down in the valley where I took care of you and Hope. I got used to working on the house everyday and being outside every morning. I don't know what to do here. This place doesn't feel like home to me. This…. city feels so strange. Asuka, what do I do now? What's my purpose here?"

"You'll find it." Asuka told him as she snuggled up against his back. "It's a huge transition, Shinji. It will take you time to adjust. I love you so much and I know you'll be okay." She told him gently.

"I love you too." He told her. "Asuka, I feel like…. this is not for me. I miss our home."

"I know." She said.

"You fit in here." He said to her. "I don't know what I want. I only know I want two things. I want to be your husband and the kids' father. I feel so different here though. I can't explain it. It's like I know I have to do something but I don't know what."

"You'll find it, Shinji. You got used to a life without EVA. You became something different and there's nothing wrong with that. You became used to another life. A life of survival and now you'll find what you're purpose is."

"I don't know." He told her as he shut his eyes. "Seeing my father again was something I didn't expect. I believed for many years that he was dead. I got used to that idea and do you want to know that I never once mourned him?"

"I know you and your father had a distant relationship." Asuka said as she held him tighter.

"I would like to get to know him." Shinji said.

"You will." Asuka whispered.

"Well, we know the truth now, don't we?" he asked her.

"Shinji, we'll be okay." Asuka whispered. "We have to make this work some how. We can make it work."

"I know we can." Shinji told her as he turned around to her and took her into his arms. "The only things I need in this world are you and the kids. That's all. As long as I have that, I can do anything."

Asuka smiled as she held him tight and nestled her head against his chest. "It's not going to be easy." She told him.

"I know that." He whispered to her. "Asuka, I keep remembering why we came here. This is for Hope and Souke. This is for their well being."

"I'm always here for you." Asuka whispered to him. "You can always…. always count on me."

"I know that too." He told her gently as he held her in his arms and then turned his head to look out at the night sky, he breathed in and he held her and shut his eyes. _Do I know that of myself?_ He thought as he held her tighter.

(PART IX – DUTY & HONOR …. Coming next. )


	9. Chapters 88 thru 114

**PART IX: DUTY & HONOR**

Chapter 88

Asuka got into the EVA simulator and adjusted herself to the pilot's seat. She wore her black uniform that showed her name: **_CPT. IKARI S.L.A_**. stitched in gold on the right side. On her collar, she proudly wore the silver insignia, which was a small leaf with a star, clipped to her collar on opposite sides.. Her long auburn hair was now shoulder length, neatly cut at her shoulders and brushed back.

Since her rank had been reinstated, Asuka had gone through six months of training. She had waited for this moment for a long time. Six months of training, preparation, and briefing had bought her to this moment.

She was more then ready, she was born for it.

"Control to Captain Ikari." A voice said over the headset.

"Captain Ikari here." Asuka said as she breathed in.

"Asuka, ease into this transition slowly. Remember you've been out of the pilot's seat for over ten years. The simulator is one thing, the actual unit is quite another. This is going to take some getting used to. The simulator will mimic Unit 2-A's movements precisely in essence you'll be syncing directly with the unit."

"Acknowledged, Control." Asuka said. "I think I've transitioned enough. Give me something to do."

"Okay, practice evasive techniques."

"Evasive techniques?" Asuka said with a smirk. "Piece of cake!"

Asuka gripped the controls and breathed in and she pulled on them. Almost immediately, she found herself in control and ready to do battle if necessary. She felt more in sync with the unit then ever before and all though this unit wasn't the original Unit 2, Unit 2A's harmonics and design had matched its predecessor perfectly.

Asuka was ready.

For four hours, Asuka sat in the pilot's seat and tested the speed, strength and agility of Unit 2A. For her it was pure fun.

For Control, it was nerve racking.

After simulation testing, Asuka came out of the unit and entered into the Control room. Misato stood and shook her head at her as she said. "Nothing changes with you, does it?"

Asuka grinned and laughed. "It feels just like the old one. How soon will the real thing be ready?"

"Well, we want to ease you into that slowly." Misato told her. "Asuka, you've just returned to duty. Don't _you_ want to ease into this transition slowly?"

"Hell no." Asuka said. "Misato, its great to be back! I've missed it so much. I've forgotten how much fun it is. I love what I do."

"Shinji doesn't feel the same way, does he? I mean he completely retired. He'll never reconsider will he?"

"Shinji has a lot of resentment towards SEELE and towards his father. He won't let that go. Shinji's been talking to his father and Hope just adores her grandfather so little by little, Shinji's coming around." Asuka took a breath and removed her combat gloves as she continued.. "I don't think I'll ever see him in the pilot's seat again. Shinji is all about our family now. He doesn't care about the EVA series. You have to understand, Misato, Shinji was more then content to live in the valley for the rest of his life. He's changed so much."

"I can see that." Misato said with a smile.. "Something tells me you had a hand with that."

Asuka grinned as she said. "We both changed while we were out there. We had to grow up quickly. It was only us and our survival depended on each other. He surprised me though. I've seen him do things that I never thought he could. He's risked his life for me. He's so much stronger now. He's not like he used to be. I suppose that's how we fell in love…. we both changed from what we were like to what we could be like. Shinji developed strength and courage. I found peace and love. I no longer felt I had to be the way I used to."

"Is that why you married him?" Misato asked.

"Yes, it is." Asuka said with a grin. "I saw the man I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. He was so strong and so courageous. He never for a minute referred to doing things as I or me, it was always us and we. He amazed me."

"How does he feel about all of this?" Misato asked.

"Oh, he hates it. He understands that this is what I want to do but he hates it."

"Any idea on what he wants to do now that he's back in society?"

"He's been going to school during the day. He's been taking classes in music theory."

"Music theory?" Misato asked. "Interesting choice."

"Lately though, he doesn't seem happy. When it comes to what he wants to do, I'm not even sure he knows the answer to that question." Asuka said as she took a breath and walked towards the locker room.

Misato took a deep breath and then walked back to her office.

Chapter 89

Shinji sat at the bar, pouring a shot of whiskey down his throat. The liquor felt horrible to his taste but he was angry.

"Hit me again." He told the bartender who came over with the bottle and refilled his drink.

As he sat alone in the bar, he thought about the fight he had with Asuka an hour ago. He felt so different. He didn't know anything. He hated this city and her job. He hated being here and wished that they had never returned.

Sitting in this bar, getting drunk off of shots of whiskey, it eased his pain a little but he was still so very angry with her for what she had done today.

She had come home as usual and found him sitting in his chair, looking out the window. Shortly after an argument ensued.

_The day had started off normally. Asuka came through the door, picked up Hope and gave her a big hug, then she went over to Souke, hopping up and down in the playpen and picked him up, cuddling him and making him smile. She had walked over to the window and saw Shinji sitting his lounge recliner looking out the window, staring into space._

_Asuka had grown tired of seeing him do this day after day for six months straight and finally she decided she was going to address it. "What in the hell is wrong with you?" She asked as she crossed her arms._

_"Nothing." He said as he said continued to stare. "You're home late. Simulation testing again?" Shinji asked as he breathed in._

_"Bullshit, don't lie to me!" Asuka said firmly. "Something is bothering you. Its **been **bothering you! Don't tell me that its not! Talk to me! I am your wife! Tell me what's going on!"_

_"You've changed." He said flatly as he crossed his arms._

"What?" Asuka growled.

_"You've…. changed, Asuka. You're all about your job! You're all about promotions, hanging out with your friends from work, shopping, trips, what schools Hope gets into! You're so…pretentious lately!"_

_"What?" Asuka growled again. _

_"Its this damned city." Shinji said angrily. "It's changed us! It's changed our family! Our way of life is not the same way it's been! I hate this city! I hate everything about it! I hate what its done to us! I see it in you, Asuka. You've changed."_

_"You fucking idiot!" Asuka screamed at the top of her lungs. "How dare you say that to me!"_

_"Deal with it!" He growled. _

_"You think that I've changed? Look at you; you were a man once, Shinji. You were strong, fearless, and confident. You used to set me on fire when you made love to me. You used to make me feel like there was nothing we couldn't accomplish together. Now, you're weak, beaten, and empty. When we make love its like you're not even there. Now you're nothing but the shell of that man! I don't know who you are anymore!"_

_Shinji's fist had tightened and his face became bright red. "You…" He said calmly as he got up from his chair and walked up to her, staring into her face. "You think that I am a shell of a man that I used to be? How can I be what I used to be when everything I loved WAS TAKEN AWAY? The home I used to have? The life I used to have? The love we had? Everything has been changed around and distorted. You say to me that you don't know who I am anymore? I don't know who you are, Asuka!"_

_"Mommy!" Hope called out in a scared voice from the next room. Then, soft cries came from Souke's room._

_Asuka shut her eyes as she realized that for the first time ever; her and Shinji were fighting within ear's shot of their children. "Shinji," she said in a low voice as she looked at him. ", I'm sorry, Honey. I didn't mean…"_

_Shinji breathed in as he heard her words. Angrily, he picked up his jacket and stormed to the door._

_"Where are you going?" Asuka yelled out almost tearfully._

_"Out!" He growled as he opened the door and slammed it shut._

_"Shinji!"_

He found himself walking along the streets until he came upon this bar and there he had walked in, settled down on a stool at the bar and had been drinking solid shots of whiskey for about a hour.

Shinji sat with his head bowed, staring at the shot of whiskey in front of him. _I haven't been drunk like this in years._ He thought to himself as he held the shot glass and picked it up. _It felt lousy then, it feels lousy now. I hate this city. _

He felt a slender arm come around his shoulder. He turned his head and then his eyes widened when he saw her.

"Hey." She said with a grin. "Care for a partner?"

"Misato." He said as he eyed her. "What are you doing here?"

"Felt like a few drinks." Misato said. "Hey, give me a shot of So. Co. straight up!" She called out to the bartender.

"Sure." The bartender said.

Misato smirked as she said to Shinji. "I had a rough day at the salt mines today. I come here sometimes. The crowd is usually good, the music is great and the drinks all taste the same.".

"You shouldn't drink so much." He told her as he stared down at his drink.

"Neither should you." She said with a grin.

He chuckled as he looked back at her. "Yeah okay." In one gulp, he took down the shot of whiskey and then put his shot glass down onto the bar, where he pointed to it again and had the bartender fill it back up.

"What brings you over here?" She asked.

"Asuka and me had a fight. My wife thinks that I am a shell of the man that I used to be." Shinji said as he picked up his shot and drank it down, squeezing his eyes shut and breathing out as his fist clenched. "I can't believe she said it. The funny thing is, she's right." He looked over at the bartender and pointed to his glass, breathing in with a scowl on his face..

"I'm sure Asuka didn't mean it." Misato said. "You know sometimes, people don't mean what they say when they're angry. What you should do is get up off of this stool and go home to your wife!"

"Home? I don't consider that apartment my home." Shinji said as he picked up his shot and quickly poured it down his throat as he slammed the glass down on the bar. "I don't even want to see her right now." Shinji growled as he pointed to his glass. "Asuka meant every word and like I said, she was right I don't feel the way I used to." Shinji watched while the bartender filled up his glass and then took the shot into his hand. "I can't seem to talk to her lately. I feel like…. she's so different. Cold. I make love to her and it doesn't feel the same. It feels detached. I feel detached. I hate this place. I hate everything about it!" Again, he took another swig of his shot and struggled to drink it down. He breathed out and put the glass back down, pointing to it again.

"It was a tough transition for you, wasn't it?" Misato asked as she sat down at the empty stool next to him.

"Misato, six months ago, I was the happiest I had ever been in my life." He said to her as he looked into her face with a smile. "I mean it too. I was really so happy. I had it all. I had a wife whom I adored and who loved me. I had a beautiful little girl who smiled so much that it melted my heart whenever I looked at her. Then, we had another baby, our second baby, on the way. We lived in this wonderful little house down in the valley in the shadow of a mountain that I nearly lost my life on. It was so perfect. The way we found it, the way it was with the furniture still inside, running water and no electric and it was paradise. It was our paradise. I found so much love there. Asuka and me have been through hell in the past ten years. We struggled every day to survive. We faced life and death together. Somehow, we managed and found our love for each other. Now though, it's so different. Six months ago we discovered that the world was still alive. People had survived. You survived. My father. Why aren't I happy? Why do I still keep wishing for that life that I used to have? I came here for my children, to give them a life, to give them the chance to be more then we ever could be. I feel so empty inside and I hate my life now and I hate myself. So, maybe Asuka is right, maybe I am just the shell of the man I used to be. I don't even know myself who I am anymore or what I am anymore."

Misato breathed in as she heard him, looking into his face, she saw the boy he used to be coming out. When she had first seen him six months ago, he was strong, confident and knew what he wanted.

Now he looked weak, defeated, empty and alone.

Misato gently stroked his hair near the nape of his neck and he shut his eyes as he felt her touch. She leaned over to him and gently kissed his cheek, whispering. "It's all right, Shinji."

"Misato…." He said as his voice trailed off. "Who am I?" he asked as he looked at her. "What am I? What's my purpose…. what direction should I go in? Why am I here?"

"Shinji, I know this is hard on you but you've come such a long way from the boy you were to the man you are. I know this place feels different and awkward and it doesn't feel like home. I never really had a home you know so I never felt like I left it behind. I can only imagine the hurt and pain you feel at leaving your home behind."

"I miss it so much." He said. "It was home for so many reasons. Asuka and me were crazily in love. Our family was happy and our lives were good and rich. We didn't have wealth in dollars but we had it in so many other forms. We had each other and then we came back here and I didn't feel like I belonged here. I decided to go back to school about maybe three months ago and I study music theory because I love the cello. I still play, y'know. So I decided to study music and I sit in the classroom. While I'm there I don't feel like I should be there, I feel like I'm not doing what I should. In the valley, I did feel that way every day of my life. I felt like I had a purpose and a reason to get up every morning. I still have my family, Misato but I don't have the purpose that I need. I don't feel like here I'm doing enough to be a good father and husband. Here, being a provider means to have a good job. I don't have that. My wife works instead of me and I'm okay with that. However, I want to do more for my family then just…make them breakfast and dinner! Misato, I would do anything to get back that time and go back home."

Misato nodded her head and said. "You look like sometimes you wish you never came here."

"I do feel that way." He told her flatly.

"Even though you could see your father again? Even though you could see people you haven't seen in a very long time? Even though, you could see me again?" She asked gently.

"Misato…."

"Shinji, I know it's been hard but you have to get through this somehow. You'll find your way. You just need to look inside to find it."

"Misato…" he said as he looked into her face.

"Hang on a second." Misato said as she raised her head and moved her head to the beat of slow music coming through the jukebox. "I love this song. I haven't heard this in years. Oh, wow, its great…you know this song, Shinji! Remember?"

Shinji listened for a minute and nodded his head. "You loved this song. I remember." He told her with a smile.

Shinji watched as she moved over to the center of the floor and then started dancing, moving slowly with a smile on her face. Her eyes were shut as she enjoyed the music. "This such a great song…. haven't heard it in years…oh wow!" She said with a laugh.

Then just as he had done when he was young, his eyes focused on her bottom as he sipped his drink and watched her move.

Shinji stared at her as he sat at the bar. He couldn't take his eyes off of her. She was wearing a simple black dress, sleeveless, with a low neck and a low back. It cut off to the mid section of her thigh. Her hair was neatly pulled back and her make up made her look like a movie star.

Shinji just sat at the bar, watching her move, and taking in every movement that her body made. The bartender behind him leaned up against the wall watching her.

Shinji looked around the bar; he saw that most of the men in the bar had their eyes focused directly on her.

She turned and looked at him sitting over at the bar and smiled. He smiled back at her and watched as she turned around.

He breathed in as he watched her bottom move and shake. His eyes focused directly on her.

Taking the shot glass into his hand he drank the whiskey and then stood up from the bar. He took off his jacket, placing it on the back of the stool. He walked over slowly and stood near the wall, leaning against as he watched her.

She turned and smiled at him and he breathed in deeply with a smile as he continued to watch her.

Breathing in again, he walked over to her, standing behind her; he slowly slid his hands on her hips, and placed his head against her as he moved with her, slowly and rhythmically, drawing her up against his body.

"Shinji!" Misato said with a laugh. "…You haven't danced with me since you were a kid and never like this!"

Shinji smiled as he bought his lips close to her ear and whispered. "I'm no kid."

The response caught Misato off guard as his hand moved over her stomach and swayed with her. Her arm reached up and draped behind his neck as they continued to move. She leaned up against his chest with her the back of her head against his shoulder. His eyes shut as he moved with her, breathing in and out as the scent of her perfume went through him.

She felt the way he held her and moved with her was like unlike any time before. His chest was hard and muscular and his touch was gentle as they moved with the beat of the music with each other.

Misato breathed in as she turned to face him, he bought her closer into his body, as his eyes burned into her own and slid his hand along the side of her thigh holding her close against his body, smiling seductively back at her.

"You do this pretty good." She said in a low voice as her arms came around his neck. "I'd say I taught you well."

"There are more then a few things that you taught me well." He said to her with a smile as he moved his hand gently over the small of her back.

Misato smiled as she looked back at him, feeling uneasy.

In all of ten years, Shinji had never seen another woman except for Asuka. As he looked at this woman, with his arms around her, dancing with her slowly, having her up against his body, thoughts were going off in his head and it scared him.

Misato couldn't stop looking at him as they danced together on the floor, slowly and rhythmically. She remembered telling him _if you could move well on the dance floor, you'll move well in the sack._ The way he moved against her now, it seemed to be a good indication of how he was like in the sack.

She stared deeply into his eyes. They were sad, as she had always remembered. The shyness though was not evident, instead she saw something else in him: _desire_ and it was directed at her at this moment.

Right now, Asuka did not exist to him. The only person that existed was Misato and he wanted to hold her close to him as long as he could. Misato was making him feel strong again, confident again and as he looked at her, he looked at her like he was looking at a beautiful woman. The liquor in him had probably compelled him to be a little freer with himself then he would be usually but this moment to him was golden.

Being with Misato, he felt temptation knocking at his door.

She equally did not see the fourteen-year-old Shinji Ikari that she had known. Now she was seeing a man who happened to be named Shinji Ikari. He was strong, muscular, he moved well with her and his touch drove her crazy.

Ten years of growing into an adult had been well for him. He was like a good wine that had been aged to the point of where drinking it could be an incredibly pleasurable experience.

_She wanted that experience_.

Misato breathed in as the song ended. The two of them sat down by the bar having more drinks and enjoying conversation.

Shinji still could not stop staring at her.

He stared down at the ring on his finger.

When they had returned, Asuka had bought him a gold wedding band to match her own since he had never had one while they were down in the valley.

Their lives were far more different now as they had been.

Asuka had thrown herself back into her work and Shinji felt that even though they were together, they were distant at times.

As he looked back at the woman who stood smiling at him, now winking at him with a smile that he had missed seeing, he had an odd feeling come over him.

"You feeling okay?" he asked her.

"Yeah." She told him. "We've been sitting here talking for hours. I just…I shouldn't drink so much. I should get going, it's getting late."

Shinji smiled as he picked up his drink and sipped on it, staring back at her, eyeing her body. "Do you want me to…walk you to your car?" he asked her.

"You wouldn't mind?" She asked him.

Shinji shook his head and then got off the stool. "Not at all."

Misato smiled back at him and finished off her drink. She got up off the stool and then he grabbed his jacket as he put it on and he followed her out of the bar into the street, with his hand in the small of her back.

They walked along the sidewalk and he took a look at her, feeling very strange and wondering why he felt this way.

"You've changed so much." Misato said to him as they turned a corner and then walked out to a dimly lit parking lot. "It's hard to believe you're all grown up now."

"I am all grown up now." He told her with a grin.

She stopped in front of her car, and leaned against it, saying to him with a smirk. "I see that."

"I'm very grown up now." He told her as he leaned his hand on the car and looked back at her, eyeing her up and down.

"Shinji, it's late…. we should be going home."

He leaned in closer, whispering into her ear. "Good idea."

"I…. mean…. I should be getting home." Misato took a breath as she said. "Wow, I had a lot of fun with you tonight. You've changed so much."

"So have you." He told her as he looked at her. "You've become even more beautiful then I remember."

"You shouldn't…." Misato said as her voice trailed off. Misato felt strange as she looked back at him. She looked down at her keys fumbling with them in her hand. "We've both been drinking and I should go."

"You shouldn't be driving." He told her in a low voice. "You're right. You've been drinking."

"Shinji, don't…" Misato whispered as she looked into her eyes.

"There's something I haven't been able to get out of my head for years." He said to her as he stepped closer to her.

"Shinji, you're a married man. You shouldn't…." Misato told him as she sensed what his intentions were.

"I know." He told her gently as he gently moved a strand of hair from her face. "You shouldn't be driving though."

"Shinji…."

"Let me drive you back. I'm fine."

"Shinji, that's not a good idea." Misato said as she looked up at him.

"I know." He told her. "I want to anyway."

Misato took a deep breath as she looked into his face. She gently took his hand and placed the keys in them.

Shinji clutched onto the keys and walked around to the passenger side of the car, he unlocked the door and held the door open.

Misato smirked as she walked around to the passenger side of the car door and got inside. He watched her as she got inside and then he closed the door.

Coming around to the driver side, he opened the door and got inside, settling into the driver's seat., shutting the door as he stared back at her.

The song that had just been playing in the bar was playing in his head as he looked at her and it seemed to fit so right. He looked towards the windshield for a moment, taking a deep breath and trying to maintain his control.

"Shinji…." Misato said in a low voice.

Slowly, he turned to her and saw she was staring back at him.

"All those years ago," he told her gently as he looked at her. ", I haven't been able to get it out of my mind. That kiss…. was electrifying…you did something to me that I couldn't ever get out of my head. When I was the elevator on my way to Unit 1, I saw your blood on my hands…you gave your life for me."

"I would have." Misato told him with a smile. "I felt like I was going to die and then all of a sudden, there was white…. just this blank void of white…."

"That kiss was so different from anything I ever knew before." He told her as he looked at her. "I was a boy back then and I'm not that boy any more, Misato." He said to her as he looked at her.

"I know that." Misato whispered back at him.

Staring into her eyes, he came towards her and then she came at him. Their lips pressed against each other, their eyes shut, and their arms wrapped around one another and they kissed each other deeply.

_What-am-I-doing? What-am-I-doing? What-am-I-doing? What-am-I-doing? _Shinji's head went around in circles doing what he did with another woman who was not his wife.

Misato too felt the pangs of guilt at betraying the woman who she called her friend but she also was satisfying a need for a man that she waited for such a long time for.

Their kiss ran deeper as Shinji moved in closer to her, breathing hard through the kiss and knowing that what he was doing was wrong but, as he thought, _I want this. I need her. I've waited so long for this. I'm not passing it up._

He couldn't stop kissing her though.

Her arms reached around him, underneath his jacket and ran her palms along his back.

As he kissed her, he became even bolder and ran his hand up and down her thigh.

"Shinji…" Misato whispered in between the kiss.

Shinji breathed heavy as he looked back at her and then he kissed her again, letting his passion for her unfold, holding her up against him as he became bolder with her and reached for her breast while he kissed her.

It was dark where they were.

They were parked in a parking lot that was pretty much emptied out. The car had tinted windows so that vision from the outside was protected. Inside this car, they had complete and total privacy. Prying eyes could not see in and they could be free to do anything they wanted.

He moved over her and kissed her neck, running his hand through her hair as his other hand slid along her thigh.

Misato fell into his kiss, she knew she was wrong for doing this, but she wanted this. She needed to be with him and feel his body against hers. She needed to satisfy a want she had for far too long.

All those years ago, Shinji had been a boy. Yet, even when he was that shy boy all those years ago she felt something for him. She had genuinely cared for him. Right before Third Impact, she had given him a good-bye gift and kissed him.

It was not a friendly kiss.

It was the kiss a woman gives a man when she wants him to know that she loves him. She had kissed him that day with a fire and passion that she made sure he knew existed. She wanted him to carry that all of his life. She had told him, "_That's a grown up kiss. We'll do the rest when you get back_."

_Now, he was back_.

She had hoped it would give him strength and propel him to conquer his fear even in the face of her death.

It had.

Now years later, after she had been given a second chance at life, she found him again. He was a married man with two children. His wife was her subordinate and her friend. To do this would be wrong but Misato was no stranger to sin.

He was still someone she had wanted to know again and as she was with him now, she didn't want to let him go.

_She needed him_.

She worked his jacket off of him, leaving him in his white long sleeved shirt. Quickly, she began to unbutton his shirt as her lips moved over his neck and made him breathe heavy.

He pushed up her dress, reaching underneath her, moving his hands along her thighs and discovering that Misato was not wearing panties.

His lips came back to hers, his touch was making her breathe heavy.

They both knew at this point they could not return from where they were headed. Shinji was committing an affair and Misato was betraying her friend.

He was no longer a boy.

He was a man and she was a woman.

She was a lot older then him, this she knew all too well but still, they were adults with a need for each other and a want for each other.

As she opened up his shirt and kissed him on his chest, he quickly undid his belt and undid his pants. He slid his pants and boxers down his legs and then he came towards her.

He kissed her deeper with an unyielding passion and fire and then she moaned as she felt him.

He breathed heavy as he moved over her, holding onto her, calling out her name, running his hands through her hair and over her body.

He pushed her dress up over her body and over her head. She was in her black bra and he quickly unsnapped it and took it off of her while he kept his momentum and stamina up.

She pulled on the automatic seat lever and allowed the seat to go back slowly, lying flat as he moved over her.

She moved her hands on the inside of his shirt, pulling it open so his chest was pressed up against her breasts and his abdomen moved against her own.

He was sweating heavily and she quickly rolled his shirt off of him, running her hands along his strong back drawing him closer to her.

His hands explored her body thoroughly and his mouth ran all over her body while they continued knowing they were wrong for doing what they were doing but not being able to hold back the wanton desires they had inside for one another.

She threw her head back as she moaned repeatedly. She smiled as she enjoyed what she felt from him.

Passion. Fire. Heat.

All of these emotions collided as she moaned out loudly while they moved with one another and kissed each other with a savage fervor.

Everything he did to her made her go into intense waves of passion and she held him against her.

She watched as he squeezed his eyes shut and then tightened his face as he held onto her and then she felt him let go.

He relaxed, holding onto her, breathing heavily. Her arms came around him and held him to her as they both breathed heavily, sweating from their passionate moment.

Then as he raised his head to look at her, he thought to himself. _What have I done?_

"Shinji…." Misato breathed out as she opened her eyes and stared into his own. She lightly touched his cheek and then pressed her lips to his and his eyes shut as he felt her kiss. He fell into that kiss and kissed her deeply, holding onto it as long as he could.

_Asuka is my wife. _

Suddenly, he broke from her with his eyes wide; he reached down and pulled his boxers and pants up.. He settled back into the driver's seat and leaned back.

Misato snapped her bra back on and began to pull herself together. .

He was buttoning his shirt back up when he gripped the steering wheel, shutting his eyes and shaking his head. _What have I done? _

"Damnit." .

"Shinji?" Misato asked as she put her dress back on and looked at him.

"I'm sorry." He told her as he turned his head and looked at her. "What I've done…. oh my God, Misato! What have we done?"

"Shinji, it's okay…" Misato said gently.

"No, its not." Shinji said as he looked back at her. "Misato, I've wanted to do that for so many years but…that was before Asuka became my wife. What I've just done…I've been unfaithful to her."

Misato breathed in as she said gently. "I wanted it to happen, Shinji."

"I did too." He said in a whisper. "That's why I feel so…guilty. There's only been one woman for me, Misato. Asuka is my wife. She's been my only one."

"I know that." Misato said gently. "Shinji, what just happened between us…I don't know…I think it was meant to happen."

Shinji breathed in as he heard her answer. He ran his hand through his hair and held the back of his head with both hands, laying his head on the steering wheel. "Goddamnit!" He growled. "Since I've been back here, my life has been out of control, spinning out of control! I have no control over anything! I don't even have control over myself!"

"Shinji." Misato said gently as she drew him to her and held him while his head rested on her shoulder and his arms came around her. "It's all right."

"I just feel so empty…so different. Asuka can never know, Misato. It would kill her. I can't do this ever again."

"It's okay." Misato told him gently. "This could last a lifetime for me. One memory of having been with you tonight is all I need. One time and the last time is fine."

He looked back to her as he gently touched her face and then whispered. "Misato, I've always loved you." He told her softly.

"I know." Misato told him. "I did too."

"My wife never even knew that." He told her gently as he looked into her eyes.

"It's okay, Shinji. This is our secret. Only ours forever." Misato told him as she ran her hand down his back.

He held her tighter and breathed in as he looked back into her face. He found himself drawn her to once more and they kissed gently and tenderly…for the last time.

Chapter 90

Shinji walked into his apartment in the dead of the night. As he checked his watch, he saw it was 3:30 and he was sure that if Asuka were awake a fight would result. He was quiet as he walked through the house. He took off his jacket and put it on the back of a chair.

He walked into the bedroom and saw she was sound asleep.

Quickly, he headed into the bathroom and then turned on the shower. He took off his clothes and could smell Misato's perfume all over his shirt. He knew that if Asuka caught wind of this he would be in major trouble.

He went into the shower and shut the shower door. The warm water came down upon him and in his mind, he heard that song playing in his head from the bar and then he saw himself with Misato in the car over and over again.

He washed himself and tried to fight the memories in his head and the guilt he felt.

I cheated on Asuka.

His thoughts were so confused. He couldn't believe that he had done such a thing and yet, he had known he had wanted to which made him furious.

I was unfaithful to my wife.

As he stepped out of the shower to dry himself, he put the towel around him and went back into the bedroom.

He saw that Asuka was still asleep. He reached into the drawer and pulled a pair of boxers and a t-shirt.

He dropped the towel to the floor as he put on his boxers and then as he was about to put on his t-shirt, he heard.

"You're home late." She said.

He turned to look at her and felt the enormous pangs of guilt pulsing through him. He put the shirt on and then went for the bedroom door.

"Where are you going?" She asked.

"I was…. going to go sleep on the couch." He told her as he held the doorknob.

"You don't have to." Asuka said to him as she turned to face him. "Shinji, about before, I am so sorry I said what I said. Things have been…"

"…. Different." he finished.

"Yeah." Asuka told him.

"We've been so…"

"…Cold." he finished for her again.

"Yeah." Asuka said as she sat up. "I don't like that."

"Me neither." He told her as he looked away.

"Stay here with me, Shinji." Asuka whispered. "I need you."

He took a deep breath as he looked down and then back at her. "I can't tonight, Asuka. I'm sorry."

Then, he walked out of the door and went into the living room where he laid down onto the couch.

As soon as he did, a few minutes later, he heard something. He got up from the couch and followed the noise, it was coming from the bedroom, and he listened on the other side of the door. His eyes widened as he realized what it was.

Crying. Asuka hasn't cried like that in over five years.

He put his palm against the door and then taking a deep breath, he turned the handle and walked in.

Asuka sat up in bed as she looked at him with tears in her eyes. He stood in the doorway and looked back at her, he shut the bedroom door and then sat down on the bed looking at her.

She stared back at him as a tear rolled down her face. "Shinji…I don't want to lose you."

"You won't." he told her. "I told you a long time ago, I would protect you and love you forever. I meant it."

"Then, why do I feel like…we're losing each other."

Shinji reached for her hand and held it in his own as he looked back at her and said. "Because, we both want different things now."

Asuka nodded her head and then said. "I'm sorry what I said earlier. You aren't the shell of a man that you used to be, Shinji."

Then as he breathed in, he said. "Yes, I am, Asuka."

"No, you aren't!" Asuka said as she leaned forward and put her palms on both of his cheeks. "You are my husband! I love you! You are the love of my life! You're the father of my children! You are not the shell of a man that you used to be!"

"You're wrong." He said to her in a low voice. "I am."

"Shinji…don't believe what I said."

"It's the truth though, Asuka." He told her. "I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know what I am. Six months ago, we had a happy life and we had passion in our marriage. Now I'm not happy and our passion has diminished. The only thing I have here are you and the kids. This is not my home, Asuka. This is not the life I want! I'm nothing here, Asuka! Nothing! In that other life, I was something. I was a father, a husband, and a provider! Here, I have no life! I have no goal in mind of what I want to do! You tell me I could go back to school. So I go back to school and I study music theory and I sit in this lecture hall looking around the room thinking that I don't belong there. I don't know where I belong anymore! I want to go home, Asuka. I want to go back to a life I loved. You don't though. Now you have discovered that civilization is alive and you go shopping. You spend hours talking to your friends and having lunch, and playing with the kids, and taking them to daycare and going food shopping! You go to work and you get into that goddamned EVA simulator! You push yourself as hard as you can and you are great at it. You've become Captain Asuka Ikari and I'm proud of you for it! Asuka, that's your life. That's what you've always wanted. You wanted to be a great pilot. You did it. I know you love the kids and you love me but Asuka, sometimes its not enough. We have to do something, Asuka or we're both going to be miserable."

"I don't know what to do. I only know…I can't lose you."

"I can't lose you either." He told her. _What have I done? I cheated on my wife._

"Shinji." Asuka whispered as she put her forehead against his own. "Let's make love, Shinji. Let's do it the way we used to. Let's be the way we used to be."

Shinji shut his eyes and breathed in deeply, then he answered her softly. "I can't." he told her as he held onto her hand, and opened his eyes slowly to stare into her eyes welling with tears.. "I can't tonight, Asuka. " Feeling guilt well up in him, he looked into her eyes and whispered. "I've done something very wrong." _I have to tell her. She has to know…no, I can't tell her. She'll never trust me again. I can't ever let her know._

Asuka breathed in as she heard him and then asked. "What is it?"

Shinji stared into her eyes, thinking about what he had done with Misato only a few hours ago. He took a deep breath as he thought about whether or not, he should tell her and then taking a deep breath he said. "Asuka," he breathed out again and then said. ", I drank so much tonight. I shouldn't have…I passed out…. and I woke up it was late…. I just drank too much…"

"You're home now, it's okay." Asuka said to him. "I was so worried about you. I tried to wait up but…I didn't know. I thought I pushed you too far."

"You almost did." He responded.

"Shinji, we can get through this. We have to." Asuka told him.

"I know." He told her. "I just don't know how."

"Stay with me tonight." She whispered. "We don't have to make love tonight but I want you nearby. I need you."

He took a deep breath as he looked at her and then he lifted up the covers and got into bed, lying down.

She snuggled up next to him and his arms came around her. He held her close. While he held his wife though, thoughts of another woman went through his mind and he breathed in as he realized the crime he had committed and had hoped that his life could be better.

Chapter 91

Asuka walked in the door and sat her metallic briefcase down by the small end table in the apartment. As soon as she came into the living room, her daughter came running out of the kitchen and ran to her with open arms.

"Mommy!" She cried out happily.

Asuka smiled and picked her up, snuggling her close and giving her a kiss on the head. "Hey kiddo." She said with a grin. "Whatcha up to today?"

"A lot!" Hope said with a smile. "We went to the petting zoo today!"

"You did?" Asuka asked.

"Uh huh. Daddy let me pet a llama." Hope said with a smile. "The llama spit at Daddy."

"Uh oh." Asuka said with a chuckle as she sat her down. "Where is Daddy?"

"Looking out the window." Hope said.

_Figures. _Asuka thought. "Well, why don't you off and play and I'll go see how Daddy is."

"Okay." Hope said as she ran off to her room.

Asuka walked into the living room of the apartment and there by the window, sitting in the chair, just staring out into space, she saw her husband.

"Hi, there." She said with a grin.

He turned to her and smiled back at her and then continued to stare out into the window, staring out into space.

"What's wrong?" She asked as she walked over to him and stood in front of him.

:"Nothing." He said flatly. _Except I lie to you. I was unfaithful to you. I hate this place. I feel like I'm worthless._

"I heard a llama spit at you today." She said.

Shinji chuckled and nodded. "Yeah."

"Shinji, what the hell is wrong? You've been moping around for days. You need to talk to me!"

"Nothing's wrong." He snapped. "I…. just…. I'm just relaxing."

"Yeah, you seem to be doing a lot of that lately." Asuka said.

"What is that supposed to mean?" he asked her as he looked at her.

"Just…. you haven't done anything lately. You just sit around here all day. We've been back here for almost a year now and all you do is laze around the house. You gave up your commission so you're no longer an officer but there's got to be something you want to do with your life!"

"Oh, I see!" Shinji said as he stood up. "You think I'm a lazy bum, is that it?" he asked.

"I didn't say that." Asuka told him. "Just…. haven't you given any thought as to what it is you want to do?"

"I don't know." He said as he looked out of the window. "I just…I don't want to be a pilot anymore. I don't want to do it."

"Have I ever said that?" Asuka asked. "I never said that you should get back into the pilot's seat."

"No but you thought it!" Shinji told her.

Asuka breathed out and then shook her head. "I'm not dealing with you like this."

"Like what?" he asked her.

"Like this! You're being an ass."

"I'm being an ass?" he asked her. "How am I being an ass? You think I'm worthless and lazy! Just how am I being an ass? I'm just sitting here."

"That's the problem, Shinji." Asuka said. "You do this everyday. Tell me what's wrong. Don't tell me that nothing is wrong. I know you too well. When you were younger and something bothered you, you used to stare up at the sky for hours and nothing has changed. Shinji, you're acting like the way you did when you were younger, when we were at NERV and you used to bottle everything inside of you. You don't talk to anyone! You don't talk to me! You avoid Misato like the plague! You won't even talk to your father when he comes to visit and he tries to talk to you! I know something is wrong so why don't you tell me!"

"I HATE BEING HERE!" He yelled as he stood up and looked at her. "I HATE THIS WHOLE THING! I HATE THIS APARTMENT! I HATE THIS CITY! I HATE YOUR JOB! I HATE SEELE! I HATE THE EVA's. MY LIFE MEANS NOTHING HERE! I WANT TO GO BACK HOME! I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE ANYMORE!"

"I see." Asuka said.

"You told me any time we wanted to go back, just say the word. I want to go back! I don't feel like I belong here." Shinji told her flatly. "I don't feel like I have anything to contribute. I don't know what I want to do. I feel like I'm being pressured to pick a goddamned career and be something I'm not! Asuka, I want our life back! I want the life we lived down in the valley, in our home, with our family! I loved being there. That was my home, my life, and now, this…this life…I hate it!"

"Shinji, it will take time but it will get better." Asuka told him.

"No, it won't!" he said to her. "Not for me it won't!"

"Shinji, damnit, you need to give it a chance! You may not like this life but I DO! I like being what I am. I feel like I have a purpose. You may want to go back to living in those conditions but I don't! You can't ask me that! I like it here! I won't do it! I feel like I belong here."

"I don't." he told her as he turned and looked out of the window. "Asuka, ever since we came here our lives…. haven't been the same. We're not happy the way we used to be. I'm not happy. Everything about us has changed. We're not even as passionate as we used to be. We've been here for about a year and nothing is fitting in! I don't like that feeling! I want our life back!"

"Are you saying you want to go back to having nothing? To living the way we used to?" Asuka asked.

"I want our life back!' Shinji said firmly. "Yes, I want to go back to having our house in the valley. That life was good. I was happy there."

"I am happy here!" Asuka said firmly. "Why can't you understand? This is not about you anymore!"

"I NEVER SAID IT WAS ABOUT ME!" He yelled. He took a deep breath as he said calmly. "I just…I hate it here. Asuka, I don't know what I want to do. I don't feel like I fit in here. You fit in fine. You wanted the pilot's seat back and you do well at it. You're Captain Ikari and I know you love being a pilot again but Asuka, I don't feel like I'm worth anything here. I feel like I'm nothing."

"How can you think that?" Asuka asked him as she stepped closer to him. "Shinji, I love you very much. You are a wonderful husband and a loving father. You are a smart man and you have so much inside of you." Asuka wrapped her arms around his waist and put her head against his back. She shut her eyes as she whispered. "Shinji, I know this is hard. I know you miss our home and this place is very different. I know it's been a huge transition going from what we were to what are now. Honey, I need you though. You're my heart, Shinji. As long as you're here, I'm home. Remember, our rule? Where you go, I go. I don't want to leave. Don't tell me you would."

"Asuka, I hate it though. I don't feel like anything. I don't feel…like I belong." Shinji breathed in as he looked at her and turned away from her. "I want to go home, Asuka."

"This is home, Shinji." Asuka said. "My home is with you. As long as you're here with me, I'm home. Why can't you feel that way too? Aren't I enough for you? Isn't this enough for you?"

Shinji looked at her and said. "No, its not! Give it up, Asuka. Give it up and let's go home. You said to me anytime I wanted to go back home just say the word. I'm saying it! Let's go! Let's go back to our home. Asuka, we were happy there. I just want our home in the valley and I want you with me."

"I don't want to leave here, Shinji. I will not leave the city."

Shinji breathed in as he looked at her. "Whatever happened to where I go you'll go. Whatever happened to, I'll never leave you. Whatever happened to I am your wife now and forever."

Asuka breathed in as she said gently. "It's going to take time, you have to realize this, but soon you'll feel good again. Honey, there's so much you are capable of. What about music, Shinji? Isn't college working out for you? I know how much you love music. Isn't that an option?"

"I don't feel like I belong there." He said to her.

"Why not?' Asuka asked him. "You constantly read while we were on the move. You educated yourself so much. Shinji, could that give you a purpose? That could be something you could be happy with, couldn't it?"

"I don't know." He said to her as he turned to her and held her against him. "Asuka, I'm just…I'm so uncertain. I don't know what I'm supposed to be. I want to be a good provider for our family. I just don't feel like I am here. Asuka, I've made…. so many mistakes here. I'm nothing here. I don't feel like I'm worth anything."

"You give our family so much love, that's more then money or wealth could ever be. Your work could be anything you want it to be. I don't care what you do; I just want you to be happy. You could even be a carpenter…you were good at that back home. You could do that here! I don't care what you do. I want you to be happy. I want the man who used to be my husband back…I need you, Shinji. I love you and I need you. You need to come back to me."

"Going home would make me happy." He whispered to her.

"Shinji, I know you miss it." Asuka said to him. "You have to understand though, Honey, I love what I do. I really do love it but if I don't have you and the kids, then I don't have anything. When all of us are together, I feel like…I can do anything. You are the source of my strength. You give me the will to do anything in this world that I put my mind to. Honey, find your strength. Look inside of yourself. Use my strength, Shinji. Use it to its fullest potential. Honey, I want us to stay and try this. I want us to try and make this work. In order to make it work though, I need you and our family. Please, honey, please try…I know I am asking a lot but I just want you to try…please?"

Shinji took a deep breath and then nodded his head. "I don't think I want to."

Then he walked away from her and settled back into his char, staring at the window.

Asuka took a deep breath as she walked away from him.

Chapter 92

Two weeks later, Shinji was in the park with Hope and Souke was in his stroller. He watched while his daughter played with another little girl in the sandbox and he looked down at his son in the stroller and smiled.

_Six months_. He said to himself as he looked around the area. _I've been here for six months now. Why does it still feel…so unfamiliar, so cold, and so unwelcoming? I see people and I don't know them. Misato. I look at her and its not the same. I can't get that night out of my head. I look at her and I see someone different. My father. Who is he? Why is it I know no one? Why is it I feel alone? Asuka even seems different now. She's found her purpose. She's an officer. It's like she has a new life, a life I don't belong to. We're getting worse. We don't know who we are anymore. Who am I now? All I want is our home in the valley, the life we used to have. This is for Hope and Souke I know this all too well but they could have that there too. Why did I come back here? Why is it I feel like I don't belong but yet, I do in some way? My questions go unanswered. My life feels so out of order. What am I doing?_

"Daddy!" Hope called out as she ran up to him. "Can I go on the monkey bars with Renko? He's the little boy over there! Please, Daddy?"

Shinji took a deep breath as he nodded. "Be careful, okay?"

"I will, Daddy. I promise." Hope said with a large smile as she ran off to play with a little blond headed boy.

Shinji smirked as he watched her and then he heard Souke in the stroller. He looked down and bent over the stroller, picking up his son and holding him in his arms.

"Ikari?"

Shinji raised an eyebrow as he heard a voice from behind him; it was a man's voice. He recognized it but it still felt unfamiliar. He turned around slowly and there his eyes widened as he saw a tall man with a dark hair, wearing a sweater and jeans looking at him with a wide smile.

"Holy shit!" The man exclaimed as he saw him. "It is you! Shinji! Holy shit!"

Shinji looked back at him and then he breathed in with a smile as he asked. "Suzi….hara?"

"Yeah!" he said with a wide smile. "It's me!"

Shinji laughed as he looked at him and then said. "Oh my God, Touji!"

"Hey, Shinji!" He said as he came over to him and smiled widely. "Whoa…. I can't believe…. that…. you're…. standing here, in front of me! It's been like ten years!"

"At least." Shinji said.

"I thought you were dead." Suzihara said to him as he looked at him.

"I thought you were too." Shinji said.

"Hey, is that…no way, Shinji! Is that your baby?" Suzihara asked as he saw the little boy in Shinji's arms.

"Yeah." Shinji said with a smile. "This is Souke."

"You're married now?" Suzihara asked.

"Yeah. Almost six years now." Shinji said as he showed the ring on his finger while he held Souke.

"Six…years?" Suzihara asked. "What? Wait, a second…. who did you end up with…. wait a minute…wait a second…"

Shinji chuckled as he looked at Suzihara and then he heard.

"Daddy?"

Suzihara looked over at the little girl with bright red hair and deep blue eyes coming towards them and then as he looked over at Shinji, he chuckled as he said. "No…. don't tell me."

"Hey Daddy?"

"Yeah, Baby?" Shinji asked as he turned around to her.

"Daddy, is it okay that I go on the slide now?"

"Yeah, honey, go ahead." Shinji told her with a smile.

"Daddy?" Hope asked as she looked over at Suzihara. "Who's your friend?"

"This is Touji." Shinji told her.

"Hello there." Touji said with a smile as he looked at the little girl.

"Hi." She said. "I'm Hope. I'm five years old."

"Oh." Suzihara said as he looked over at Shinji and then back at the little girl. "Its nice to meet you."

"You too." Hope said. "Daddy, can I go play?"

"Yeah, Baby." He told her with a smile. "Be careful, okay?"

"Okay." Hope said as she ran off.

"I should have known." Suzihara said as he looked over at Shinji. "You and Asuka. Figures."

Shinji chuckled and nodded his head.

"What is it we used to call you two?"

"Oh no." Shinji said as he rolled his eyes and looked at his friend.

"Oh yeah." Suzihara said with a laugh. "The newlyweds!"

Shinji chuckled as he shut his eyes and shook his head. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Two kids huh?" Suzihara asked.

"Yup." Shinji said as he held his son.

"Hey, you know I haven't seen you in ages! Do you think your wife would object to me taking you out for a few drinks?"

"I don't think so." Shinji said.

"Great. So why don't we do that later?" Suzihara asked.

"Sounds great." Shinji said. "Hey, where's Kensuke? Do you still hang around with him?"

Suzihara's face dropped as he breathed in and then said. "He never made it back, Bro."

Shinji then suddenly felt sadness wash over him as he breathed in. "He…. didn't?"

"A lot of people didn't." Suzihara said. "Goddamned Third Impact. So many disappeared you know. I thought for years you were gone. Now to see you standing here, in the middle of the park, with two kids and…well, it makes things a little better now."

"Yeah." Shinji said. "It does. Why don't you come back to our house? We can have some lunch and then when Asuka gets back we'll go out."

"Sure." Suzihara said with a smile.

Shinji grinned at him as he put his son back in the stroller and as he stood up he felt strong arms around him giving him a hug and a slap on the back.

"It's good to see you." Suzihara said as his voice cracked.

Shinji smiled and hugged his friend back as he slapped him on the back saying. "You too."

Chapter 93

When evening came, Suzihara and Shinji went to a local bar. Before they had left, they spent a few hours at Shinji and Asuka's house just sitting, laughing, and reminiscing about old times.

Asuka, when she came from work that day, was surprised to see him but happy nonetheless to see an old friend.

Asuka knew that Shinji hadn't seen any old friends in such a long time and therefore, agreed to him going out with Suzihara while she stayed at home with Hope and Souke.

The only thing she asked was that he not get too drunk and that he be home at a somewhat reasonable time.

As Shinji and Suzihara sat at a bar near to where Shinji lived, they laughed and talked as they downed beers and just enjoyed hanging out.

"So," Suzihara had told him. ", You and Asuka are the newlyweds, aren't you?"

Shinji had laughed when he heard him and nodded his head. "Not so newlywed now. All though, we still act like we are." Shinji had said with a smirk and a laugh.

Suzihara had laughed at him and patted his friend on the back. "Its good to see you again, man. Damn, look at you. You've…. changed."

"Yeah." Shinji said to him.

"So, at eighteen you married Asuka?"

Shinji nodded his head again. "I couldn't imagine not doing it." He told him. "Touji, you have to understand what it was like. We thought we were the only people alive."

"Yeah and I'll bet you had non stop sex nearly every single day didn't you?" Touji asked.

Shinji chuckled as he said. "Well, not at first…it took a while."

"How long?" Touji asked.

"Ah, c'mon." Shinji said as he sipped on his beer and smirked.

"Seriously. How long?"

"Three years." Shinji said.

"Three years?" Touji asked with a laugh. "You guys thought you were the only man and woman left on earth and it took you three years to have sex with each other? Not for nothing, Ikari, I would have been slamming that ass that the second day I was there."

"Hey, hey, hey!" Shinji said. "That's my wife you're talking about! I was also fourteen going on fifteen at the time…it was different back then."

"Well, its true! Dude, I've seen your wife, okay? Asuka was slamming back then and she sure as hell is now as well." Suzihara said with a grin. "I would have."

"Well, I'm not like you." Shinji said. "All though when it did finally happen, the first time lasted a little over…two days." Shinji said as he sipped his beer with a smirk.

Slowly, Suzihara turned and looked at him as he said. "Get the fuck outta here! You and Asuka? Two days? Straight?"

"Well, not straight." Shinji said. "We did rest and eat. But after that, yeah." Shinji said with a grin. "Since then, it has not stopped."

"And you only have two kids, Ikari?" Suzihara asked.

"Yeah." Shinji said. "Believe me, I'm surprised about that too!"

"Why is it you never tried to contact anybody?" Suzihara asked.

Shinji chuckled and said. "Believe it or not, we never thought about it. We figured there was no one. The telecommunications where we were were completely destroyed. Please, if we actually found a place with electric we were lucky."

"So, you lived outside most of the time?" he asked.

"Yeah." Shinji said. "For three years, we concentrated on survival and of course, each other." Shinji said with a chuckle as he drank more of his beer.

"Hey!" Suzihara said as he put his friend in a loose headlock and called over to the bartender. "Another round for my buddy here. Keep 'em comin' okay. I got this bill."

"Knock it off!" Shinji said with a laugh as he drank his beer and was released from Suzihara's headlock. "Let me give you some of it at least…"

"Nah, you keep your money. I make enough." Suzihara said. "I haven't seen you in ten years, Ikari. Ten years! We're drinkin' tonight and it's on me."

"Thanks, Suzihara." Shinji said. "So, what did you end up doing?"

"Well," Suzihara said as he drank more of his beer. "After my retirement from NERV, I went to college. I met a few hotties and I decided, what the hell, I'll be a teacher."

"You're a teacher?"

"High school math." Suzihara said. "Funny, isn't it?"

"You're a teacher now?" Shinji said with a chuckle. "Okay, I could see that." He said as he began to laugh and drank more of his beer.

"What about you? Any idea of what you're going to do in this civilized society?"

"Not a clue." Shinji said. "One thing is for certain, I'll be damned if I set foot on a fucking SEELE base ever again."

"Asuka kept her rank though, right? She didn't retire?"

"Nope." He said. "Asuka didn't retire. Captain Asuka Ikari. She's in the damned EVA simulator almost everyday."

"You hate it, don't you?" Suzihara asked.

"Is it that obvious?" Shinji asked with a scowl. "I thought after the baby she'd slow down a little. Not Asuka, not for a minute."

"Oh yeah." Suzihara said. "In fact, when you look like that you look like the way you used to."

"I hate what the EVA's did to us." Shinji told Suzihara. "The EVA's almost killed Asuka. SEELE tried to execute me. Now they want us back? What will they do once we've exhausted our usefulness? Will they try to kill us again?"

"Yeah but Misato is in charge. Its different."

"Politics are always the same." Shinji said as he sipped his beer. "I don't trust them and if they try to hurt Asuka, I will kill them."

"Okay." Suzihara said. "Enough downer shit now. Let's get back to talking about…I don't know…Asuka's ass?"

Shinji shut his eyes and began to laugh as he looked back at his friend and said. "I can't believe you just said that!"

"Got you off of the subject, didn't it?" Suzihara said. "C'mon, Ikari. Get drunk. Be happy. Go home later. Have your wife yell at you and then you can have make up sex "

"Deal." Shinji said as he clinked his bottle with his friend's. "Oh! First, Asuka has to beat my ass."

"Your wife beats you up?" Suzihara asked with a laugh.

"Yeah but, " Shinji said with a laugh. "Its so worth it for what happens after." He said with a laugh as they both drank their beers and laughed.

"You're a sick fuck, Ikari." Suzihara said as he handed him another beer and they prepared to drink. "Hey, I'm glad you're here."

Shinji nodded his head and said. "Its good to see you too. "

Chapter 94

Shinji opened the front door to his apartment and staggered in, laughing hysterically. Suzihara was behind him also laughing.

The apartment was dark and as they laughed Shinji put his finger to his lips. "Shh…. you don't want to wake up Asuka. She'll kick your ass."

"Oh goody." Suzihara said with a laugh.

Shinji also began to laugh and then the lights came on and Asuka was standing in the middle of the living room in her long, red terrycloth bathrobe, arms crossed, looking quite irritated.

"Hello, Suzihara. Hello, Idiot!" She growled.

"Idiot!" Suzihara said with a loud belly laugh. "Oh, my God! She still calls you idiot?"

"Yeah, its her pet name for me." Shinji said as he began to laugh as he looked at his wife.

"Shinji! Goddamnit, Shinji!" Asuka growled.

"Hi, Honey!" he said as he outstretched his arms with a wide smile.. "I'm home!" Then, he busted up laughing as Suzihara fell on the floor cracking up with roaring laughter.

"Touji, will you be quiet? My children are sleeping!" Asuka snapped.

"I'm sorry. That was just…too fuckin' funny." Suzihara said as he stood up.

"Good night, Suzihara." Asuka said firmly.

"Good luck." Suzihara said as he patted his friend on the back.

"You're not driving right, Touji?" Asuka asked.

"No, Asuka. Automated driver. Preprogrammed. I wouldn't get behind the wheel like this. Remember, I'm a role model! A teacher has to set an example!"

"Good. Get out!" Asuka said as she looked at her husband who straightened up and couldn't stop laughing.

Suzihara waved bye and then walked out of the door, shutting it behind him, as he laughed.

"You're drunk." Asuka said as she walked forward.

"Uhhh…. yeah. I thought you liked me when I was drunk." Shinji said with a laugh.

"Seeing that I've only seen you drunk one time before this one, I would say no. You're silly as hell when you get drunk." She said to him.

"Yeah, you know you like it." He said to her with a smirk as he looked at her.

Asuka narrowed her eyes at him and walked up to him.

She took a deep breath as she looked at him.

"Lights off!" Asuka said aloud and the lights in the apartment dimmed, leaving only the moonlight from the window, as she looked at him. "I was worried about you, you idiot!" Asuka said softly as she grabbed onto his jacket and looked into his eyes.

"I was just out with Suzihara." He said to her. "I haven't seen my friend in ten years. Can you cut me some slack?"

"I understand that you wanted to see you friend but damnit, Shinji, its one am! I was worried! You're in trouble, you idiot." Asuka said to him.

"Oh really? I like it when I'm in trouble with you." He told her as his arms came around her. "I love it when you call me an idiot."

"Shinji…"

"Shh…." He whispered to her as his lips came towards her.

Asuka fell into his kiss. Her arms went around his neck as he held her tight. His hands ran up and down her back as he held her tight, kissing her gently and tenderly.

"Shinji…." Asuka breathed out. "…. you haven't kissed me like that in a while."

"I know." He whispered into her ear as he kissed her neck gently.

Asuka reached for his jacket and then pushed his jacket off of him, letting it fall to the floor as he held her in his arms and kissed her lips and held her tight against his body.

He kissed her deeper with more passion, their breathing quickened and then he started to back her towards the bedroom.

"Shinji…you are in deep…." Asuka breathed out as he kissed her neck.

"I can't wait." He told her with a smirk as he kissed her lips and held her in his arms.

"What are you doing to me?" She asked with a laugh.

"Exactly what you expect of me." He told her again in a breath in between the kiss that they exchanged as he pulled her robe open and started to pull it down.

Her hands went to the buttons on his shirt as she quickly started unbuttoning them and then led him into the bedroom, where they walked in and shut the door.

Shinji and Asuka fell onto the bed with one another, their arms entangled around one another, working their clothes off of each other as quickly as possible as passion took over.

"It's been way too long." Asuka whispered to him.

"I know." He told her. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too." She responded as he kissed her and held her body close to him as they soon found the intensity and fire that had long since been absent in their lives since they came back here.

Chapter 95

In the morning, he awoke with his arms around her. Clothes were strewn all over the floor and the bed looked like the sheets and comforter had basically been tossed all around. As he lay on his back with Asuka against his chest and his arms around her with just a sheet covering them both he breathed in deeply as he felt rejuvenated in more ways then he could ever count. He snuggled her closer into his body and kissed the top of her head.

She stirred and moved her hand over his chest as she opened her eyes and looked up at him with a smile.

"Good morning." She said.

"Good morning." He told her with a smile.

"You look rested." She told him with another smirk as she leaned on her side while his fingers traced up and down her back.

"I feel terrific." He told her with a smile.

"There's something I've missed seeing." Asuka said to him as she lightly tucked his hair behind his right ear.

"Oh, what's that?" he asked her.

"Your smile. I've been wondering where that went to." She said gently.

"I've been a jerk lately." He said to her. "It wont' be like that anymore."

"No?" Asuka asked.

"No." he told her.

"Are you sure this isn't like an after sex promise?"

"How about a lifetime commitment?" he asked her. "If you want us to stay here and make it work, we will. We will, Asuka. I'll try to find something that is good for me and will be good for me. I will try to be what you need me to be and what you expect me to be."

Asuka smiled at him and said. "That's the guy I remember."

"He's back." Shinji said with a smirk.

Asuka smiled at him as they kissed one another tenderly. She moved over him and he held her in his arms against his body, smiling back at her as he kissed her again.

Chapter 96 

Keeping true to his promise, Shinji tried to make an effort to stick to what he promised. He went to school regularly and when the family ate dinner together, the conversation was lively and happy.

Their children were a lot happier too as they noticed that Mommy and Daddy weren't fighting at all.

The Ikari's also entertained a lot more. They frequently had people over like Shinji's father for example, Touji and his girlfriend, Misato and a few friends both Asuka and Shinji had made either through work or by getting to know their neighbors.

For Shinji and Asuka their lives seemed to be returning to a normal speed. Shinji had even learned to forgive himself for the affair he committed and moved past it.

When Misato came by for a visit he took a minute to speak to her privately as he said. "I've come to understanding how I feel now. I'm not scared of anything anymore. I feel like….I should feel and how I used to. Everything's going to be okay. " He told her with a renewed smile.

"I'm glad." Misato said to him gently.

"You helped again, you know." He told her. "I found what I needed to find, Misato and now my life feels…. whole."

Misato smiled and nodded her head as she watched him with Asuka and their children. She knew what had happened between them was a one-time thing and only because they both had been drunk and confused.

Now though, she could see his reasons for life and she smiled. Misato would keep what happened between her and Shinji a secret. She swore that she would never tell a living soul and take it to her grave.

Chapter 97

Shinji had just returned from class and picked up the newspaper. He walked in the door and checked his watch. It was half past three. Asuka would be home from work soon with Hope and Souke.

As he walked in and set his knapsack down on the floor, he settled into his favorite chair and looked through the paper. _Real Estate listings – Five bedrooms, three bath…good school district…hmmm, don't like the way it looks. Four bedroom, 2 and half bath…kitchen, dining room, great room…. for sale by owner, good school district…."_

Stretching, he said aloud. "House hunting is going to be tough."

He had an odd feeling today and couldn't quite explain it. He breathed in and then looked back towards the west, towards, what he still considered, his home. He took another deep breath and continued to read through the paper.

Moments later, he heard the front door fly open and then looked as he thought he saw Asuka running into the bedroom.

"Asuka?" he called out.

"Yeah!" Asuka yelled out from the bedroom.

"Where are the kids?" he asked.

"Day Care!" Asuka called out.

"Well after we pick them up, do you want to go to that suburb we talked about yesterday? I want to take a look at that house over by Ohana Nui Circle. It was that Western one remember? I can't wait until we get a new house! I don't like the apartments too much! A house will be perfect! Especially that one we saw the other day, that school district was great and there was the pool down the block. You know the one I'm talking about? The one you said was kind of European slash Japanese? What do you think?"

"Can't, Honey. I gotta go." Asuka said as she came out of the bedroom, dressed in her uniform, putting her battle gloves on, and picking up the phone.

"Where?" he asked her as he put the paper down.

"Shinji, I have to go. Central Command has called a Red Alert. There's a potential for an angel attack."

"Here?" he asked as he got up from his chair and walked towards her. "You're joking, right?"

"No, I'm not. Shinji, I have to go. I was on my way to get the kids and I got the call. The car is waiting out front. I have to go, Honey."

Shinji shook his head at her and then yelled out. "Asuka, don't tell me your going to fight in a potential attack?"

"Shinji, its' my job." Asuka told him as she looked at him. "Right now I have a duty to fulfill."

"Duty?" Shinji asked as he looked at her angrily. "What about your duty to me?"

"I am…. I am not doing this right now with you." Asuka growled as she turned her back.

"Don't you walk from me!" He growled out.

Asuka stopped in her tracks as she bit her lip and turned to look at him. "What did you just say?"

"You heard me. Don't you walk away from me!" He said angrily.

"You don't issue ultimatums to me!" Asuka growled back.

"I am your husband, damnit." Shinji said firmly. "You will listen to me when I speak to you!"

"Oh really? You fucking idiot, how dare you!" Asuka asked sarcastically as she walked forward. "What in the hell is wrong with you?"

"Do you have to ask me that?" he asked her as he shook his head. "You ran in here. Changed into your uniform and just informed me that you have to go fight in a battle and you don't think that's major?"

"Damnit, its my job. I have to be out there to defend against an angel attack!" She told him.

"What if it goes bad?" he asked her. "Don't go out there. Don't risk your life like this."

"It is my duty and my responsibility." Asuka said firmly.

"Duty and responsibility?" he asked her. "There used to be one duty and one responsibility in your life, Asuka! It was us! Your family! How can you trade up like that?"

"Trade up?" Asuka said as she raised her eyebrow. "How dare you!"

"You don't care how I feel about this, do you, Asuka?" Shinji barked. "You just do whatever you want, whenever you want and to hell with what I think!"

"Damnit, its my job!" Asuka growled. "I know what I'm doing. I've been training for over a year. I'm the best shape of my life. I am not afraid to get out there to prevent an attack! It's my duty. I want to be promoted, Shinji."

"Promoted? Now your career is worth more then your life?"

"Don't you go there with me!" Asuka growled. "This is about me getting in Unit 2 today. This is about keeping me away FROM MY JOB! You don't understand, Shinji! I am a born pilot! This is what I'm supposed to do! I am an EVA pilot and I love being one."

"What about being my wife?" he asked her. "What about being a mother, Asuka? Is that important too?"

"You son a bitch!" Asuka growled.

"Asuka, I am scared. If you get in that thing, I'm afraid you won't come back."

"Shinji…." Asuka said softly as she looked at him.

Shinji walked over to her and then took her into his arms as he placed his forehead against hers saying gently. "If you died, I couldn't take that. I don't want to do to Hope what was done to me when I was a child. She needs you, Asuka. Souke needs you. I need you most of all. Why can't you see from my perspective? If I lose you, I have nothing."

"Shinji, believe in me." Asuka whispered. "Let me do my job. I can do this. Believe in me, honey, please. I'm strong enough to defend off this enemy!"

"Please don't do this." He said to her gently. "Don't get into the unit today. Don't put your life at risk for these sons of bitches!"

"I have my duty." Asuka said firmly.

"What about your duty to me? What about your duty to your children, Asuka?" Shinji asked her as he backed away from her. "I am your husband!"

"And I am your wife!" Asuka yelled out.

"Asuka, damnit, stop being so full of yourself!" Shinji yelled out.

"You know what, I'm going. I don't give a damn what you say." Asuka yelled as she went for the door. "This conversation is over."

"Asuka!" Shinji called out.

Asuka continued to ignore him and walked out the door. Shinji sighed angrily and then chased after her saying. "ASUKA, DAMNIT, GET BACK HERE!"

As Shinji ran down the hall, he saw her by the elevator and as she stepped in, he yelled out. "Asuka, we need to finish this."

"Finished." Asuka said with a smile as she rose her middle finger at him while the elevator doors closed and an elderly woman looked at Asuka with her mouth open. "Close your mouth, you'll catch flies." Asuka said to the elderly woman.

"Asuka!" Shinji yelled out as he hit down on the elevator panel and then he looked over at the door to the stairs and ran to it, running down the stairs as fast as he could. He ran down seven flights and then just as he came down, he saw Asuka in the street getting into a car.

"Asuka!" Shinji yelled as he tore out of the building.

Again, Asuka waved at him and got in the car.

"Asuka, wait!" Shinji yelled out as he ran up to the car. "Asuka, roll down the window! Asuka! Asuka!"

Asuka looked at him from the window and smirked again as she blew him a kiss and waved at him as the car drove away, leaving Shinji on the sidewalk furious.

"Damnit, Asuka." He growled. Quickly, he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed. "Misato, its Shinji."

"Yes, Shinji."

"I need to get inside."

Misato was silent for a minute and then said. "Where are you?"

"Home." He told her.

"I'll send a car for you with clearance."

"Thank you, Misato." He said as he hung up and took a deep breath as he looked in the direction of where Asuka's car went.

Chapter 98

"Control, this is Captain Ikari." Asuka said into her headset. "Let's start this party."

"Captain Ikari, you are Go for launch."

"Roger." Asuka said as she flipped switches and then relaxed in the pilot seat. She felt herself doused in the liquid that bridged the gap from her to her EVA unit and made her in sync with it. Then with a smirk she said. "Show time."

The unit launched through the tunnel and came up on the surface and Asuka smirked as she charged forward, running with all of her speed, crashing through everything in sight.

Asuka smiled as she felt the joy of the power that she had once possessed a long time ago. It invigorated her and she removed her weapon of choice from the side holster on the EVA, her battle knife.

Asuka then saw the object. It was oddly shaped. Almost like a pentagon. It was silver and lights pulsed all along it. It was not moving. It simply hovered. It had a huge eye in the center of it and then the eye shifted towards her.

Grinning from ear to ear, she stared her opponent down and said. "Try me."

The object stood its ground and didn't seem to be exuding energy of any type. It stood at a standoff with Asuka's unit.

For months, Asuka had prepared for this day. She had been in the simulator nearly every hour that she was on duty. She knew this Unit one hundred percent and she knew what she was capable of.

"C'mon!" Asuka said with a chuckle. "Let's see you try to get me down."

Then she heard in her head, a voice, a familiar, yet unfamiliar voice and spoke to her. _Asuka Ikari, do not resist. Ikari must return._

She breathed in as she heard it and then asked aloud. "Who…. are you?"

The voice repeated again. _Asuka Ikari, do not resist. Ikari must return._

Chapter 99

In the control room, Shinji had just arrived. He stood before the monitor watching the standoff. Misato stood behind the officers at the terminals with her arms crossed, watching Asuka carefully.

Misato adjusted her headset and then said. "Asuka, do not, repeat, do not engage the target until it makes an aggressive stance. Is that clear?"

"Roger." Asuka's voice said. "It's sending a message are you reading it, over?"

"No communication detected. What's the message?" Misato asked.

"It's telling me not to resist. It's saying: Ikari return. It wants Shinji. I won't let that happen, over." Asuka said firmly. "Colonel, I advise engaging the target."

"Negative, Captain. You will not engage the target unless the target makes an defensive action, is that clear?"

"Understood." Asuka said.

Shinji's breathing quickened, as he knew that his wife could be in great danger if this target decided to attack. His heart was beating rapidly. He wished earlier that he could have taken back what he said to her before she left to go. He wished he could have held her and told her he loved her.

He only wished right now that she were out of that monstrosity and back with him. Yet, he knew Asuka too well. She was a dedicated officer, an excellent pilot and a strong fighter – nothing would deter her from her objective.

Her objective was clear.

Prevent an attack at all costs.

"Colonel, " the officer at the desk said. ", strange energy readings coming from the target."

"ATV field?" Misato asked.

"Unknown." The officer said.

"Get her out of there." Shinji said to Misato. "Get her out of there now!"

"Shinji, calm down." Misato told him as she focused on the screen. "Asuka knows what she's doing. Control to Captain Ikari."

"Captain Ikari." Asuka said over the comm..

"Asuka, do you read an ATV field being emanated from the target?"

"Roger. No threat to Unit 2." Asuka said. "Anti-ATV holding. Unit 2 is primed and ready, over."

"Damnit, Asuka." Shinji said nervously as he gritted his teeth.

Then in a very Asuka-like fashion she said. "Control, is _Mr_. Ikari there currently?"

Misato grinned as she looked at Shinji and then said. "Uh…. yeah, Asuka. Shinji's here."

"Tell my husband that he is AN IDIOT!"

"Did you hear that?" Misato asked Shinji.

Shinji nodded his head with a smirk and said. "Yeah." He scratched the back of his neck as he looked over at monitor.

Misato chuckled as she said. "Some things never changed between the two of you, did it?"

Shinji grinned and then said. "Some things didn't. I'm still the idiot."

Misato laughed, and then cleared her voice as she said. "Asuka, stay on approach. Maintain your cover."

"Roger." Asuka said over the comm.

"Misato, can I something to her? I need to." Shinji said.

Misato smiled as she took off her headset and handed it to him.

Shinji took the headset and put it on. He took a deep breath as he said. "Asuka, can I tell you something?"

"Shinji…. what are you doing? Why are you on base? Who gave you clearance?" Asuka asked.

"Asuka, listen to me. Please, Asuka." Shinji said. "I need to tell you something…Asuka, damnit, please listen to me."

"Oh! Excuse me! When the hell did you get a higher rank then me? Oh wait! Wait, forgot. You're a civilian. Oh, wait, that means…. you can't tell me to do shit! Not here! Not home! Not anywhere!"

Shinji breathed out as he said. "Please, be careful. I love you."

Misato breathed in as she heard him. She took a look at him realizing that the past indiscretion was wrong but still it was fresh in her mind. To hear him say that to another woman, even though she was his wife, was still unsettling to her.

"Oh so now you're on my side?" Asuka asked angrily.

"Asuka, what I said earlier…listen to me. I just want you to come home." He said to her.

Asuka breathed in as she heard him and then said. "I love you too…Idiot!"

"Be careful, Honey." He told her.

"Shinji…. I will." Asuka whispered to him.

Chapter 100

Asuka looked at the target in front of her and then quickly, it moved. Asuka jumped into action. She charged forward and unleashed her ATV field at the object, smiling as she watched it shake.

She cut her field and got ready to strike and then looked at the object in front of her and that's when it came at her fast and she shrieked as she felt pain rip through her.

"_ASUKA IKARI, DO NOT RESIST_."

"Who the fuck are you?" Asuka asked in pain as she felt shocks of energy go through her system.

"_Do not resist._" The voice said to her again.

"Go to hell!." Asuka said as she unleashed her ATV field again.

"_Asuka, you have to trust us_."

It was Shinji's voice. Asuka looked around as she said. "Shinji?"

"_Trust us, Asuka._" Shinji's voice said to her.

"You aren't my husband!" Asuka yelled. "Kiss your ass goodbye."

Then the EVA launched a missile directly at the target and it exploded on contact.

"_You have left us no other choice_!"

Asuka shrieked in pain as she felt pain rip through her. It was like when she was attacked all of those years ago and suddenly she found herself saying the same thing she did back then. "I'll kill you! I'll kill you! I'll kill you!"

The energy pulsed through her body. It was agonizing and horrific. She felt like she did all those years ago when she was descended upon, ripped apart, her mind ravaged, her fear was great and she couldn't move.

While she was being tortured she called out as loud as she could. "**SHINJI! SHINJI!"**

Chapter 101

Shinji's eyes went wide as he heard her voice call his name over the comm. He looked at Misato and then up at the screen, he breathed heavily and found his anger pulsing through him, his fist clenched.

"Contact with EVA Unit 2-A has been terminated!"

"What?" Shinji yelled out as he looked out at the screen.

"Re-establish communication!" Misato ordered.

"Negative, Colonel. She's not receiving our signal. The angel has initiated jamming radar. The ATV field that's confining Captain Ikari is NOT preventing any communication from us to her! We're losing cohesive factor! Colonel, the angel is using an ATV anti-stabilizer, it's breaking down. We can't reach her."

"Eject the pilot!" Misato yelled out.

"We can't, Colonel." The operator said as she looked up at Misato and Shinji. "We have no control over EVA Unit 2-A."

Shinji looked out at the screen. His heart was beating a mile a minute and he wished he could jump through that screen and rescue Asuka.

"What's happening to her? Damnit, Misato, tell me!" Shinji yelled out.

"The angel has confined EVA Unit 2-A. The ATV field is slowly dissolving the unit and the pilot." Misato took a deep breath as she said. "Send Unit's 3 and 4 into action. Ready all pilots to disable that ATV field Recover Captain Ikari at all costs!"

Shinji looked back to the screen and then began to breathe heavily as his hand turned into a fist. _Asuka is dying. I can't let that happen._

As he looked at the screen, he heard Asuka over the COM scream again.

"**SHINJI, I NEED YOU!**"

He looked back at Misato. He took another breath as he looked at the screen and then taking a deep breath, he stood up and asked firmly. "Is EVA Unit 1 operational?"

"Shinji," Misato said as her eyes widened. ", You haven't been in an EVA in over ten years. EVA Unit 1 has been off line for ten years! It accepts no one! How can you expect to pilot it?"

"I know I can." Shinji said. "Unit 1 will accept me. To save Asuka I will pilot Unit 1."

"Out of the question. Its too dangerous." Misato said angrily.

"GODDAMNIT, MISATO! THAT'S MY WIFE!" Shinji yelled out. "I can do it. Give me clearance to Unit 1!"

"NO!" Misato said firmly.

"Belay that Order!"

Shinji looked up and saw the older Commander Ikari stand and look down at him. "His sync ratio will still match. Colonel Katsuragi, re-instate him. Send Captain Ikari to EVA Unit 1."

"Sir!" Misato said as she looked up Gendo. "Captain Ikari has not logged in a SINGLE PILOTING HOUR since he left NERV ten years ago! It would be too dangerous to let him pilot."

"Can you do it, Shinji?" Gendo asked. "Are you positive that you can pilot?"

"Yes." Shinji said as he looked at him. "Dad, let me pilot it! Let me save my wife!"

"I object to this!" Misato yelled out.

"The more time we spend here debating this issue is the less time Asuka has. I was too late to save her last time. I won't let that happen again! Let me save my wife!" Shinji demanded

"Your objection is noted." Gendo said as he sat down. "Prepare EVA Unit 1 for launch."

Shinji took a deep breath as he looked at his father and smiled at him. "Thank you." He told him.

Gendo nodded his head and then sat down in his chair, putting both of his elbows on the desk, interlacing his fingers together under his nose and looking back at the screen.

Misato shook her head at Shinji and then crossed her arms, saying. "This is way too dangerous."

"My life is worth risking for her." Shinji told Misato. "I have to save my wife, Misato. Wouldn't you do the same for Kaji if he was still alive?"

Misato took a deep breath and held back tears in her eyes as she remembered the love that did not survive Third Impact.

"Walk with me, Misato." He told her.

Misato nodded her head and then followed Shinji out of the control room and down the hall to the elevator. There she inserted her private key into the elevator and the doors opened. Her and Shinji stepped inside and the doors closed.

"Here." He told her as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small object. "I've carried this with me my whole life. I've kept it in my pocket wherever I've gone and whatever I've done.. You gave this to me for strength." Taking her hand he placed the object in it and then covered it with his own hand. "Misato, I found my strength."

Misato nodded her head and looked back at him. She placed her hand on his cheek. "I guess I don't want to lose you so soon after finding you again."

"Misato, listen to me." Shinji said as he looked at her. "If Asuka and me can't come back, then you take care of my daughter and my son. Take care of my children and raise them well. Show them the love that you showed me. Show them how to be good people and live well."

"Shinji, you will come back." Misato told him as she looked at him with a tear in her eye.

He gently brushed the hair away from her face and told her in whisper. "Maybe, but I'm not afraid anymore."

The doors opened up and he went through, as the doors shut, Misato looked back at him and saw him smile at her. Then she realized what he was about to do and she looked at the cross in her hand and clutched it close to her chest while she thought. _Shinji, you have to come back. You have to save her. Please, Shinji, come back for your children's sake and mine too._

Chapter 102

Shinji ran down the bridge towards EVA Unit 1. Then he stopped, as he looked at that giant mecha in front o f him.

As he stood in front of a device he once hated and despised, he suddenly felt something within him. _This is what I need to do, what I have to do_. Staring at his former EVA unit, he took a deep breath.

Then he said firmly to the unit.

"I'm here."

The Eva's eyes opened for the first time in ten years and then Shinji unzipped his leather jacket. He stepped into the Pilot Transfer tube and then braced himself as the computer voice came on.

"State transfer?"

"EVANGELION UNIT 1"

"Identification please?"

"Shinji Ikari."

"Accepted."

The door of the transfer tube shut and then Shinji was thrust into the bioplug of EVA Unit 1.

He found himself in the cockpit as he took off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves. He picked up the headset and put it on

"Sync activated." The computer voice said.

The liquid came through the cockpit and he closed his eyes as it filled the area. He felt himself suddenly become attached to Unit 1. He could feel that the Unit was once again accepting him as its pilot.

As he opened his eyes, he said aloud. "With all of my strength, EVA, let's go save Asuka."

He felt the Unit's acceptance of the task he had asked of it and then found himself completely comfortable in the pilot seat of a device he swore he'd never operate again.

For ten years of his life, Shinji had not been in an EVA unit yet as he sat in Unit 1 he knew every single operation that he needed to conduct. It was like yesterday but now the purpose of using this Unit was for a far greater reason.

"Control, permission to launch." Shinji said into his headset.

Misato stepped into the control room area and then nodded her head as she called out "LAUNCH EVA!"

Chapter 103

The Eva unit traveled up through the gateway and then Shinji found himself above ground and he could see Asuka's EVA Unit 2-A being engulfed by the angel's ATV field.

Shinji took a deep breath as he made the EVA run towards Asuka and he forced himself between Asuka and the ATV field.

"LET HER GO, GODDAMNIT!" Shinji yelled out at the angel as he felt an overwhelming anger come through him.

Then Shinji roared out as loud as he could that echoed through his EVA as he made his arm come down and hit the angel dead on, sending it flying across the landscape

The attack released the ATV field on Asuka's EVA Unit 2-A and then Shinji spun around to her and watched as the giant mecha was about to fall. Quickly, he ran over to her and his EVA unit caught hers. He cradled it in his arms and then shouted out.

"ASUKA! ASUKA, TELL ME YOU'RE OKAY!"

The monitor came on and Shinji breathed out a sigh of relief as he saw a weak Asuka look back at him.

"Show off." Asuka said with a laugh as she looked back at him.

Shinji's heart nearly fell out of his chest as he looked at her. She was so weak and so tired. Blood trickled from her mouth and he could feel her pain.

"I'm gonna get you outta here." Shinji said nervously. "You just need to hang on, okay?"

Asuka looked back to him and then put her hand up on the monitor as she said. "You won't be able to in time."

"Control, I have secured Unit 2-A!" Shinji said into his headset through tears. "Eject the pilot NOW!"

"Negative response." Control said.

"Eject her!" Shinji yelled.

"We can't, Shinji." Misato said.

"Asuka, do manual override. Eject yourself from the cockpit." Shinji told her.

"I can't." Asuka said. "It's…. offline. EVA has no control. I have no control."

"I…I'll get you out." Shinji said. "I…. will…"

Shinji's face dropped as he watched her look back at him. He placed his hand on the monitor covering her own. She seemed so weak and in so much pain as she stared at him.

"There's…no time left."

"Don't say that to me!" He said as he felt a tear come out of his eye. "You can't do this to me, Asuka. I love you too much for you to go! Don't give up, Asuka! You're not allowed to die! Remember, it's the same for you as it is for me. The kids need you! I need you! You're everything to me. You're not allowed to die. Those are the rules! Remember the rules? You wouldn't let me die. Violating rule number two breaks rule number one. Where you go, I go. I can't let you die. I won't let you. You are not allowed to die on me! " He told her.

"Shinji, I'm sorry." Asuka said as she looked back at him. "I had to do this though. I had my duty. Honey, I'm so sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for." He said to her. "I love you with all that I am."

"Honey, I can die knowing that things will be all right."

"No, Asuka." He whispered to her as he cried.

Asuka smiled at him and then said gently. "Shinji, I'll always be with you. You're my heart, Shinji. You need to take care of our babies. They're going to need you now."

"No, Asuka." Shinji whispered tearfully. "You can't leave me yet. I can't do this without you. I have so much I want to say to you…. I have the rest of my life to spend with you. Asuka, no! I can't do this without you, Asuka."

"Yes you can." Asuka said. "Shinji, I am giving my strength to you. Your love was the best gift I ever received in my life. Our children mean everything to me. You can do this. You are not like Gendo, you are better then he was. Take care of our babies, love them and protect them. You've given me…. strength. Give that strength to our children. A part of me will always be with you. Always."

Shinji shook his head and felt a tear come out of his eye. "This isn't right." He said to her.

"Shinji, listen to me, you idiot." Asuka said with a smile as blood trickled from the corner of her mouth and a tear fell out of her eye. "Shinji, I am a better person because you loved me. You made my life whole. You fulfilled every dream I have ever had." Asuka breathed in and squeezed her eyes shut. "Listen to me, Shinji…I love you…with everything that I am…Shinji…." She said as her voice cracked as she lay back in the pilot seat, never taking her hand away from the monitor.

"Asuka…ASUKA!" Shinji yelled back as he watched her slump down into the pilot's seat and then he saw and felt the EVA Unit 2-A go limp in his hands as his wife's lifeless face stared back at him.

"ASUKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" He roared out as loud as he could as he felt his heart shatter and his grief run through his body. He sat the EVA Unit 2 down on the ground and then cried over Asuka's lifeless body on the monitor.

Chapter 104

In the control room, the officer behind the desk breathed out and bowed her head. She looked up at Misato and said sadly. "Life signs from Captain Ikari…. have ceased. Sync harmonics have dropped. We have control over Unit 2-A."

Misato bowed her head and tightened her fist. "Asuka." She said under her breath as tears fell..

Misato took a deep breath as she felt sadness hit her. A tear rolled out of her eye and Misato turned away, putting her hand over her eyes. "Recall Unit 1." Misato said. "Have Unit 2A recovered and pull Captain Ikari's body from it."

"Colonel," the officer said as she looked at the pilot. ", target is on the move. Direct heading towards Unit 1."

"Recall Unit 1 NOW!" Misato said as she turned around and walked over to the terminal.

"Colonel, Unit 1's sync ratio…is going higher. Harmonics are…harmonics are matching exactly to the pilot…80 100 200! Shinji is trying to take over Unit 1."

"Open communications to Unit 1." Misato said.

"Comm link open." The officer said.

"Shinji, this is a direct order. Abort and return to base. Do you hear me? Abort and return to base! Respond, Shinji!" Misato yelled.

There was no response.

"Shinji, do you hear me?" Misato asked. "Abort, this instant and return to base!"

There was no response.

Chapter 105

I was too late again. I've lost her forever. I was too late.

Shinji sat alone in the cockpit of Unit 1. His heart felt shattered. He could hear Misato yelling at him over the COM but he wouldn't respond. He just sat alone in the cockpit, staring at the monitor, staring at Asuka's lifeless face looking back at him. His pain was immeasurable and his tears ran down his face, he felt like he was dead inside and that all of his strength had left him in the second that he had watched her die.

He shut his eyes as he cried.

He wished they hadn't fought before she left to go to work. He would have done anything to hold her one last time or kiss her one last time.

He kept seeing images in his mind of when they were young, how they met. The first time he saw her on the ship with her long hair blowing in the wind, looking down at him, then upon meeting him smiling at him and then humiliating him.

He remembered when he woke up on the beach, after Third Impact, how he saw her lying next to him and how she came to be his companion, best friend, lover, wife and mother to his children.

He thought of when she was lying comatose in the hospital, and he stood over her, keeping vigil. He remembered about how he begged her to wake up, begged her to help him heal the pain in his heart.

Then he chuckled as he remembered their first kiss, the way she had pinched his nose because his breath had tickled her. He breathed in the day he kissed her for real without pinching his nose and remembered the feelings that went through him like an electric shock.

He let his tears fall as he remembered the night of the storm and his heart ached. He remembered their last night in the cave together and all the times they made love to one another.

He thought about when he was sick and almost dying how she took care of him and told him. "…. You want a reason to live? Here's a damned good one! I love you too."

He saw the way she looked the day Hope was born and how happy she was when Souke was born.

Her beauty captivated him as he recalled the day he married her and when he heard her say. "I am your wife. Now and forever."

As he cried, he felt his anger swell inside of him and his grief overwhelm him. He felt his blood boiling and his rage was more then he had ever known before. Slowly, he opened his eyes and could feel tears stream down his cheeks. He couldn't stop looking at her on the monitor and wished he had been there to hold her as she died.

He swore a long time ago if anyone or anything harmed his family, they would pay…. _with their lives._

Shinji began to breathe heavily as he felt the tears come down his face. "Asuka?" he whispered.

Then he thought of what he had done. _I let my strength go when I came back here. I became empty and alone. Asuka sensed it and she drifted away from me. I was unfaithful to my wife. I had an affair with Misato. Now…it all doesn't matter. She's gone. My life means nothing to me. Nothing._

Then he watched, as she seemed to slowly disappear. Her body was slowly dissipating and he breathed in with his eyes wide as he watched her disappear in front of him.

She was gone. No trace of her. The monitor went black.

He snapped his head back and bellowed. "NO! NOT ASUKA! NOT ASUKA! GIVE HER BACK TO ME! YOU CAN'T TAKE HER! NO! NO! DAMN YOU!"

Chapter 106

"Open the comm. To Unit 1." Misato said.

The officer nodded and then said. "Comm open."

"Shinji!" Misato said firmly. "Abort immediately. Do you hear me? Abort, Shinji. That is a direct order! Abort!"

"No." Shinji said flatly over the communications system.

"Shinji!" Misato yelled. "Shinji, respond! Respond! That is a direct order. Don't go against me, Shinji! Get back here! You can't help Asuka now! Get back here! ABORT!"

"I don't care." Shinji said over the comm. "It took Asuka from me…. it will pay."

"COLONEL, Unit 1 has disabled communications." The officer at the desk said.

"What the hell is he doing?" Misato asked.

"COLONEL! LOOK!" The officer yelled out as they watched on the screen.

Then she heard loud warning klaxons and she breathed in as she raised her head. 'OH MY GOD, UNIT IS BERSERK!"

"General, Unit 1's sync ration has…. gone to 400…..400 PERCENT?."

"That's not possible." Misato told her. "Recheck it."

"I have. " The officer said, "Shinji has taken over Unit 1. We have no control. He's completely in control of Unit 1."

"Damnit!" Misato growled.

Chapter 107

On the outside, the EVA threw its head back and roared loudly, and then energy began to exude from it. Large strobes of energy surrounded the giant mecha, they were blue and red in color and they surrounded Unit 1.

Unit 1's eyes began to glow red and then Shinji was in complete control as he raised his head and felt power go through him like he never experienced. He breathed in slowly and deeply with his rage and grief fueling him.

He knew what he had to do.

"I'm going to destroy you." Shinji said as he breathed heavily, staring at the object in front of him.

Shinji bowed his head and his fist tightened and shook. As Shinji looked up, his eyes fueled with a murderous hatred as he stared at the angel.

Shinji felt the tears roll down his face and then he roared out in grief as he spun around and saw the angel directly in front of him. He charged right at the giant object. He hit it with everything he had dead on.

He then exuded his ATV field and shot it directly at the angel watching as it shook in his ATV field suspended in mid air.

"You messed with the wrong guy." Shinji said. "You took my wife. You're going down."

Then he heard a voice in his head.

"_Shinji Ikari. Release your field_."

"NEVER! I AM GOING TO DESTROY THIS THING FOR WHAT IT DID TO ASUKA!"

"_Shinji Ikari_." The voice said again gently. "_You need to release your field_."

"NO!" he said. "I AM GOING TO **Destroy **IT! IT TOOK MY WIFE! IT'S GOING TO DIE!"

"_Shinji Ikari, please release your field or you'll leave us no other choice_."

"Go to hell!" Shinji barked.

The angel unleashed a ray that went right through him. He yelled out in pain as he looked at the target and his face went into rage.

"Go ahead. You've taken everything from me!" He told the target. "Kill me! Go ahead and kill me! KILL ME JUST LIKE YOU KILLED ASUKA!"

Then with all of the strength he had he unleashed a stronger ATV field and directed it at the angel with a murderous look in his eyes. "I'll take you with me." Shinji said with rage.

A strong beam exuded from the angel. Shinji's eyes went wide as he saw it.

In an instance, he saw nothing…just white.

Chapter 108

"SHINJI!" Misato yelled as she ran up to the monitor with her face twisting in pain. "SHINJI, NO!"

In the control room the officer breathed in again as she said. "Unit 1's life signs have been terminated."

"T…terminated?" Misato asked.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?" Gendo asked as he stood up from the desk and looked down. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN TERMINATED?"

"Sir, there are no life readings." The officer said as she bowed her head. "There's no bioreadings of any type inside of Unit 1."

"No." Misato breathed out. Then she turned around and put her hand over her eyes as she fell to her knees. "First Asuka and now Shinji?"

Gendo Ikari turned away from the monitor as he closed his eyes, his fist tightened. Then he said firmly. "What's the status of the target?"

"It's gone, Governor.." The officer said. "Shinji destroyed it."

Gendo turned back to the officer and nodded his head. "I see."

Chapter 109

Shinji's sight became clearer as he began to notice he was standing in the center of a white void.

He looked around and became nervous. He was on solid ground yet he could only see white. He turned and looked around, confused by where he was.

"What have you done with me?" Shinji yelled out. "Where am I?"

Shinji ran forward only to find that there seemed to be no exit to where he was and he wondered if he was alive or dead. Then he called out. "Asuka, are you here? Asuka?"

"_Shinji Ikari_." A voice said.

Shinji spun around and then answered. "Yes."

"_You are safe_."

"Am I alive?" Shinji asked.

"_Yes_." The voice said.

"Is Asuka here too?" he asked as he looked around.

"_Yes_." The voice said.

"Are you…. one of them?" he asked.

"_Yes_." The voice said again.

"Why did you kill her?" Shinji asked tearfully. "Why did you take her from me?"

There was no response as Shinji waited for an answer.

"Answer me damnit!"

"_Is that answer to the question you desire_?" his voice answered back.

Shinji breathed in as his fist tightened. "Stop playing your fucking mind games!" he told them. "Answer me now! Why did you kill my wife?"

"_Kill. …Your…. wife_?" A familiar voice answered.

Shinji spun around and then someone coming into view. He saw that it was a woman and then he breathed in and stepped back as he saw her. She was coming closer. She still looked the same and she still sounded the same. "

"_Was that the one whom you chose_?"

She came closer to him and then smiled at him.

"Ikari."

Chapter 110

Misato sat in her office at her desk, the door was locked and she was hunched over the desk crying onto her arms with her head bowed.

_How could this have happened? How? Why?_

She continued to cry as she thought about how she would explain this to Hope. Hope was barely six now and to tell a five year old that both of her parents were dead, how could she?

Take care of my children and show them how to be good people.

I'm a terrible person…. I hurt Asuka…I killed Kauro. I deserve to die!

I'll pilot Eva. It's the only thing I can do.

Misato! MISATO!……….NO,

I was a boy back then and I'm not that boy anymore, Misato.

I'm not afraid anymore.

Misato raised her head and breathed in deeply, she leaned back in her chair as she looked at the picture on her desk. It was she, Shinji, Asuka, Kaji, Ritzko, Touji, Kensuke and Rei all gathered together ten years ago. Before Third Impact, before Asuka had gone into a coma.

Those were difficult times but at least for the most part good times.

Now though, this day marked the saddest day of her entire life.

Chapter 111

"Ayanami." Shinji gasped as he looked at her. She was wearing the school uniform that she and Asuka used to wear. She was still pale, her hair was still a light blue and it looked like time had stayed still for her only one thing was different, her eyes were blue.

"Answer me, Ikari. Was that the one you chose?" she asked.

"Yes." Shinji told her. "She was. Why did you kill her?"

"Kill her?" Ayanami asked.

"You killed her!" Shinji said tearfully.

"No." Ayanami answered.

"NO?" Shinji growled out. "I saw her die! You killed her!"

"No, you saw her leave her current existence." Ayanami said.

"What do you mean?" Shinji asked in a confused voice. "I watched her die."

"She can be returned if that is what you wish."

"What the hell is this about?" Shinji asked. "Why have the angels returned to Earth?"

Ayanami laughed as she looked at him. "That is a silly question, Ikari. You know the answer."

"Why is it a silly question, Rei?" Shinji asked.

"Do you realize we gave you the ability to decide the course of the human race?"

"What?" Shinji asked.

"We asked you to choose the one who would be with you. You chose the Second Child. We asked you to choose the path you desired. You chose EVA. We asked you to choose the one who will cause the world to be put into balance and you chose that one too."

"What do you mean?" Shinji asked.

Then he saw an image in front of him. "Hope." He breathed out. She was laughing and smiling and she looked at him and rose up her arms. Shinji gasped. "HOPE!" he yelled out as he ran to her. Then he watched as she was picked up by him and spun around happily with them laughing.

"This is from your memory. That is the one that has put the world into order and will continue to put the world in order."

"What was the point of going into my mind and showing THIS memory?"

"Because it's interesting how the bond between a man and a woman is and how because of it, a hope is formed between the two of them. That's what you and Asuka were meant to do. You formed a bond and the hope of the world was formed."

"What are you talking about?" Shinji asked.

"This child." Rei said as she pointed to a happy, smiling Hope. "The Hope of the world. When you bought her into this world you chose life and because of that life continued. She will continue to be the Hope of the world.."

Shinji's breathing became quickened. "How do you suppose that will happen?" he asked Rei.

"She has great power and great strength. It is this power and strength that will save mankind from extermination."

"I don't understand, Rei!" Shinji yelled out. "Why did you kill Asuka? Why her?"

"We did not kill Asuka, Shinji." A man's voice answered.

Shinji turned around again and his eyes widened. There he stood, the tall lanky guy with the smirk and the ponytail, he looked the same as the last time that he had seen him. He was dressed in a blue button down shirt with his black tie and black pants. His face still needed a shave and he still had that smile. Shinji knew who it was in an instant.

"Kaji?"

The man smiled at him and nodded. "Hello Shinji." He walked forward and nodded his head as he looked at him.

"Kaji…. how are you a part of this?"

"I am not…Kaji…as you knew him. I am the memory of Kaji as you recall him. It's confusing, isn't it? You see, you identified with this person in your life so therefore, I am a representation of that person to speak to you so you can be at ease."

"Uh…"

"Can't say I understand it much myself." Kaji said with a grin.

"What about Asuka?"

"Your wife isn't dead, Shinji. We're not that cruel."

"Kaji, I saw her die! I saw her die! Why did you take her from me? Kaji! Answer me that much!"

Kaji smirked and then nodded his head. "There's a great many things you don't understand yet. First of all, Asuka is not dead, as you would conceive it. What you saw was her life-force going into another existence and we had to do it otherwise, she would have died."

Suddenly there was a flash and then Shinji saw her. "ASUKA!" He yelled out as he went forward. Asuka was floating suspended in the air, she was unconscious and unharmed and then he looked back at Kaji. Shinji went to grab her and then was pushed back by some kind of field that surrounded her. He tried to get to her again and again was knocked back on his rear.

"Free her immediately!" Shinji growled as he stood up.

"Its amazing the love he shares for her. I always knew there was a great love in you, Shinji but I had no idea it was for that loud mouthed redhead."

Shinji turned around again and then he saw him. "Kaoru?" Shinji said as he looked at him.

Kaoru nodded and stepped forward. He wore a white shirt and jeans like he used to and he looked exactly the same. "I have to say I am impressed with you. You've developed such strength." Kaoru said with a smile. "At least you aren't' like that any longer." Kaoru said as he pointed his finger to an image that made Shinji angry. "You remember that person don't you? The way you used to be, unsure of yourself, alone, living in self-despair, a borderline sociopath. Look at you now though, confident, strong, and finally now a man."

Shinji looked at the image. It was he at fourteen, the way he used to be. He looked back to Kaoru and took a deep breath. "I remember him all too well. I'm not that boy anymore. I have no problem with killing you for trying to kill me or my wife." Shinji stepped forward and looked into his eyes. "I want answers now! I want to know why have the angels returned to Earth! I want to know why you did that to Asuka!"

"You honestly do love her, don't you? There are a great mysteries to life, Shinji…"

Then Shinji's hand wrapped around Kaoru's throat and he yelled out as loud as he could. "Shut the fuck up and tell me!" Then he threw Kaoru down on the ground and snapped his head around to Rei whose mouth hung open. "Answer me! Why have the angels returned to Earth? What is this about my daughter? TELL ME DAMNIT!"

"Okay." Kaji said as he stepped forward. "Okay, calm down."

"You back up!" Shinji said as he walked up to him. "I'll knock the shit out of you. Angel or no angel I'll bring this whole place down! You tell me now! What the fuck is going on, Kaji?"

Kaji breathed in as he said. "You want the truth, here it is. Plain and simple with no sugar coating, you and Asuka inherited the Earth after Third Impact. You were asked choose the one for the hope, you chose Asuka. You and Asuka created the hope of the world. When you choose to create life, you brought life back to Earth. Since she was the one who is chosen, she will be the one to save the Earth. Man is looking to be selfish again and there are plans in the works that will eventually lead to the destruction of Earth. Man doesn't realize it right now but eventually through his stupidity, Earth will be destroyed and it will be worse then Third Impact was."

Shinji took a deep breath and then looked back at Kaji angrily. "What does it have to do with me?"

"Shinji, there was a reason why you and Asuka survived Third Impact. We always knew that you and her had tremendous power and it was this power that allowed the both of you to sync with the EVAs so well. It was also because between you both was love and it was there from the beginning. You both survived Third Impact to bring about change. Shinji, when you decided to come back to Earth and were asked to choose the one for the hope, you asked for Asuka. With Asuka you created a hope for this world. That's why you're here now. That's why we're here now. Asuka's determination and fire and your power and strength are what has created the new hope for this world."

"Why did you attack, Asuka?" Shinji asked. "Why?"

"We're sorry about that." Kaji said. "Asuka went on the defensive. If we hadn't stopped her, she would have destroyed us. We hate to say this but we had to use Asuka to get to you."

"Why?" Shinji asked. "Why did you use her? Why couldn't you have just contacted me some how?"

"Because there was no other way. We knew that Asuka's desire to be a pilot again was strong and we used to our advantage. We thought that if we put Asuka's life in danger it would bring you back to the EVA. The only way was through EVA. EVA is like an angel; therefore communication could exist between the two. With you in the EVA, we could communicate to you and bring you here. Our purpose is not malicious. The prior angel attacks were not meant to be what they were. It was defense. It was not aggression. Man attacked us first. We tried to co-exist and we couldn't. The angels then tried to stop man from creating the end of the earth. Now the reason we have returned is to ensure mankind's survival. When you chose Asuka you all ready were set to deliver the hope of the world. You did that. Shinji, you have been looked after. Everything that you and Asuka have been through, we have been protecting you. You were guided in some aspects to find safety when you needed it. Now, Shinji, you and Asuka need to be given a message. It is this message that will carry your daughter to fulfill her destiny. Actually, all of your children figure prominently. You and Asuka will carry this message. You will deliver it to your daughter throughout the course of her life."

"Why are you messing with my family?" Shinji asked angrily. "Why can't you leave us alone? Why is my daughter so important to you?"

"Ikari." Rei said as she approached. "You're daughter is key."

"Key?" Shinji asked.

"What is your daughter's birthday?" Kaji asked.

Shinji thought for a second and then his eyes widened as he looked back to Kaji.

"That's right. You're daughter was born on the fourth anniversary of Third Impact. Did you realize that?"

"No." Shinji said. "Why is that so special?"

"Misato told you that there were four years missing from her life, correct?" Kaji asked.

Shinji's eyes widened as he suddenly realized what Kaji was saying. "Yes."

"When you chose to create life with Asuka, that life bought the lives of those who wish to return back to Earth. Remember when Third Impact occurred and you asked if others could come back? They had to choose to come back. However, you had to be the instrument to carry that out in Instrumentality. You and Asuka needed to create a hope, a life, in order to bring life back to Earth." Kaji said with a smile. "What is your daughter's name? Hope. Why do you think you named her that?" Kaji asked.

"Hope for the future?" Shinji said as he looked back to Kaji.

"That's right. Hope for the future. Hope for mankind. Hope of the world. Did you ever wonder why you named her that? For every action, there is an opposite and greater reaction. Every thing you have done is for specific reasons. The storm. The time you found shelter in the cave of the mountain. When you fought the bobcat because Asuka's life was in danger. When you found the perfect house in the perfect setting with everything you needed to build a life, all of it was preordained to you. All of it was given to you to guide you. Now though with mankind returning to Earth, mankind's arrogance is getting out of control again and the Hope will bring balance to this world."

"I don't understand why I'm here."

"Because if you didn't come here, you wouldn't be able to receive the message and it is the message you will deliver to your daughter over the course of her life. This message though will help her to balance the world and make whole the mistakes of the past."

"So," Shinji said as he put his hands in his jacket. ", You lured me here? You used my wife to get to me so you could have me deliver a message?"

"That's right." Kaoru said.

"What about Asuka?" Shinji asked.

"She will be returned to you unharmed as before." Rei said as she looked over at Asuka. Rei's eyes flashed and a light appeared.

Shinji took a deep breath as the field surrounding Asuka burst. She took a deep breath and then fell to the floor. His eyes widened and he ran over to her. He knelt down beside her and turned her over. She opened her eyes and then gently reached up and touched his cheek saying. "Oh, I feel sick."

He chuckled at her as tears ran out of his eyes. "Asuka." He said gently as he sniffled and brushed the hair from her face.

"Shinji am I…. alive?" Asuka said with a smile.

He smiled at her and crushed her close to him, as he closed his eyes. He opened them slowly and looked back into her face. Then he looked back at Rei, Kaji and Kaoru who all stood together. He looked back at Asuka and smiled as a tear rolled out of his eye. "I thought you were gone." He told her tearfully as he held her.

"I couldn't leave you yet. Someone has to be around to nag you, you idiot." Asuka told him with a smile as she lightly touched his cheek with her palm.

Shinji chuckled and held her closer and kissed her lips gently as he looked back to her. "I love it when you call me an idiot. Oh God, Asuka, I love you. I love you with all my heart. Never do that to me again, okay?"

"You can't get rid of me that easily." Asuka told him. "I love you too damned much for that. As for what you said earlier, I'm going to beat your ass later."

"Do anything you want." Shinji said with a smirk. "As long as you here, I couldn't be happier."

"I love you, Shinji." Asuka said gently as he held her and kissed her lips.

Kaji shook his head and smirked as he watched them. "Uh, I hate to interrupt you two but um…. we have some business that needs to be accomplished."

Shinji smiled as he looked back at Asuka. "Can you stand?"

"Yeah." Asuka said as he helped her to her feet.

Asuka looked around at the three and then walked forward as she saw Rei. She nodded at her and then looked at Kaoru and then saw Kaji who walked forward as he smiled at her.

"Hello Asuka." He said to her.

"Kaji?." Asuka said back as she smiled at him. "Kaji…wow."

"You've done well for yourself I see." He told her with a smile.

"I think so." She said with a smile.

Kaoru stepped forward and told them both. "Now, you both will receive the message that you will pass on."

Shinji and Asuka blinked their eyes as blinding light shot at them. It came at them fast. Images. Many different images came to them all at once. There were too many to make sense of but somehow they both knew that there was sense to it all.

After the light had passed, Shinji and Asuka stood beside one another and looked back at the three who looked on at them with smiles on their faces.

"You have been given the message to pass onto to your daughter." Kaoru told them.

"How we will know what to say?" Shinji asked.

"You will not know." Kaji told them. "It will come out during the course of her life. The message is not necessarily in words but also in emotion, in actions. You will see the end result of it, this I assure you. Because of this, your daughter, the hope for the world, will be able to change the course of the earth and save mankind from extermination."

"Is that why you're here?" Asuka asked.

"Yes." Kaoru said. "You and Shinji were asked to save the Earth the first time. You and Shinji were also asked to produce the one who would protect it. You did that. Now Hope's responsibility is to save mankind from itself and she will be successful."

"I still don't really understand." Shinji told them.

"There isn't much to understand." Kaji said. "The only thing you need to think about is raising your family. Everything will come to you, as it should. Everything you need to show your child has been given to you along with the instructions. You may not be aware of it but you will see for yourself when the time is right."

Then an image appeared and a tall young slender woman wearing a uniform, similar to Asuka's, stood. Her hair was cut short but it was red and her eyes were a gentle blue and then as Shinji and Asuka looked at her, they realized who they were looking at.

"That's our daughter, Asuka." Shinji said as he looked at her. "That's what Hope is going to be."

Asuka breathed in and smiled as he she saw the image. She clutched Shinji's hand and looked at the three in front of her. She smiled proudly when she saw the image of her daughter. "That's why we always said she was our hope for the future. She is going to be just that." Asuka said.

Then the image shifted and another image of a young man stood. He looked very much like Shinji. He was tall, broad, and strong and then Asuka said. "That's Souke. Shinji, that's our son."

Shinji breathed in as he watched the images of his children and then they disappeared.

"So, my children will save the world?" he asked.

"In a matter of speaking." Kaji said. "They may not know it until the time is right but they will be important to the survival of mankind."

"Oh, they'll be much more then that." Kaoru said. "But that is a long time from now. We are sorry for the way in which we had to get you here but rest assured, we've come with only peace and hope in our hearts. You will not remember any of these experiences here. We will leave now and we will not return for a very very long time. When we arrive the Hope of the world will welcome us and together we will give mankind the good future it deserves to have. Now you go back and live the life you deserve. Live and love. That is what I want you to do."

"Your Hope is our hope." Rei said to them. "Your lives are now your own."

Then there was a blinding flash of light. Shinji pulled Asuka close to him, shielding her with his body, holding her against him and shut his eyes as the light engulfed them both.

Chapter 113

The light subsided…next they both saw a long corridor…

_Where are we?_ _**I don't know**_

The slender, athletic woman with bright red hair and soft brown eyes walked through the corridors. She had on a red and gray uniform and on her head was a small cap. In her right hand was a small metallic attaché case and in her left was a small plasma pad.

_Who is that? Is that Hope?_

**_Is this the future?_**

_Are we a part of it?_

She walked up to the desk at the end of the long corridor and then handed the man behind it the display.

He checked it and then said. "This way, Major." He wore a uniform similar to her own and he got up from his chair and walked with her down another long corridor. The door slid open and she walked inside.

**_Asuka, that is her!_**

She looked around the large room and then proceeded to a turbo lift where she stepped inside. A computer voice came on and said.

"State current destination?"

"Evangelion Unit 1."

**_Unit 1?_**

_She's an EVA pilot…. like we were._

"Identity please confirm?"

"Major Hope Ikari." She responded.

"Accepted."

**_What's happening, Asuka?_**

_I'm not sure._

The turbo lift rose up to the large purple mecha that came into her view. She stepped out of the turbo lift walked up to the giant and then said firmly. "I'm here."

The Unit opened its eyes. Hope took a deep breath and said. "For the hope of the world, Eva, with all of my strength."

**_ASUKA…. WHERE ARE YOU? ASUKA? ASUKA!_**

Then there was nothing…just white.

Chapter 114

"ASUKA!"

When Shinji opened his eyes, they were outside, sitting on the grass. She was in his arms and as she looked back to him, he kissed her with tears in his eyes. He held her close to him and breathed a sigh of relief.

"Oh my God I almost lost you." He said to her as he held her. "Are you okay?" He asked her.

Asuka nodded her head and then said.. "Yeah. What the hell was that?"

Shinji looked at her and said. "I don't know. I just know…someone saying…..hope of the world."

"I know." Asuka said to him. "There was white and then…hope of the world…. with all of my strength? Did you understand it?"

"No." he said. "Do you remember any more of it? Was there anything?"

"No, just white." She said. "Was…. I…. dead?"

"I thought you were…" He said to her as he brushed the hair from her face.

"Shinji…" Asuka said as she looked back at him.

Asuka looked back and saw Unit 2 lying on the ground with Unit 1 hunched over it. She looked back into his face and smiled at him as he put his forehead against her own but as he looked at her and then looked back at Unit 1, Shinji breathed in as he made a decision.

_I love you, Asuka. I love you too much to ever let this happen again. Forgive me for what I have decided to do._

( This chapter has been edited for this website. After Impact Uncut will be available on author's website.) 

Author's Note:

Two things I should tell you about Chapter IX: Duty & Honor. First up, the affair scene was edited six times. Originally, after the fight with Asuka…Shinji follows her to the Control Room and watches as the Angel beats her up and then decides to go into Unit 1 to save the day which is then followed by the whole meeting of Rei/kaji/Kawro sequence inside "the white void." The Misato-Affair was thought of six months ago and then taken out, re-edited, taken out,re-edited, and then finally re-done prior to finishing the book. The final idea for the bar sequence came while I was watching, of all things, the movie Shall We Dance? Strange huh? Reasoning: the scene where Jennifer Lopez and Richard Gere are doing the Latin dance in the studio. That is a very sultry scene and here's from one who knows: a good dance move is very important when romancing. By accident, Al Green's Let's Stay Together comes on the radio afterwards and bam! Got the idea to do a dance sequence in the bar. What did you think? A bit of a shocker huh?

Second: I thought of dividing Duty & Honor into two parts and cutting it right after Shinji has his "reaffirmation" of his life and then letting the rest unfold in the upcoming Part X: Where You Go…. But I figured you've had enough cliffhangers lately.

Many thanks to everyone who has read this story and posted a review. I am very grateful to you for your comments and I am so pleased that you loved the story. I hope that Part IX-Duty & Honor has lived up to your expectations…. now for the conclusion of After Impact Part X: Where You Go...)


	10. CONCLUSIONChapaters 115 thru 116

**PART X – WHERE YOU GO…**

Chapter 115

Asuka watched as he stood in the bedroom with the open suitcase on the bed, watching him pack away his belongings and as he looked at her, he could see the tears in her eyes.

"Please don't do this."

"I have to." He told her.

"Damnit, why!" Asuka cried out as she came up to him, holding onto his arm.

"Asuka, I want my life back." He told her as he turned to stare into her face with a small smile. "Yesterday, I almost lost you. It made me realize that I can't go through that again. Asuka, I have to go."

"What about Hope? What about Souke?" Asuka asked. "Your children need you. I need you."

"We'll…figure it out. I just…can't be your husband here." He told her as he packed up the last of his belongings and then closed the suitcase, locking it.

"So you think that leaving me is a better way of living your life?" Asuka asked.

"Unfortunately, yes." He told her as he looked at her and then grabbed the handle of the suitcase.

"This breaks the rule, Shinji." Asuka said as she breathed in.

"Asuka, I'm sorry. I don't belong here. I need to be back home. I can't live here." He picked up the suitcase from the bed and then walked out of the bedroom door, he stopped and then said. "Come with me, Asuka. Remember, what we always said, where you go, I go. I want you to come with me. Let's go home."

"I'm an officer, Shinji. My life is here." Asuka said firmly. "You said you'd try…" She whispered to him as she cried. "Why? Why, Shinji?"

"I can't be here, Asuka. I just…I know I have to go back. I can't explain it. I'm sorry, Asuka." He said to her as he walked out of the bedroom.

Asuka breathed in so her children would not see her cry. She wiped away her tears and as she came out of the bedroom, she saw Shinji crouched down holding Hope, rocking her back and forth.

The happy little girl had tears running down her cheeks as she held onto her father. "Daddy, don't go." Hope whispered.

"I have to, Baby. Daddy doesn't belong here."

"I wanna go too." Hope said.

"You can come and visit me, Baby." Shinji whispered to her. "Remember that Daddy loves you very much. I love you and Souke and Mommy with all of my heart. I'm sorry, Honey but Daddy can't stay here."

Hope nodded her head as she looked back into her father's face. He gently wiped away her tears and then stood up, going over to the playpen and seeing Souke standing up, holding onto the playpen, and looking up at his father with a big smile.

Shinji reached down into the playpen and picked up the small baby. He held him in his arms and closed his eyes as he breathed in, hating this moment. "I love you, Souke." He told his son. "I'll see you soon. I promise."

He gave the baby a kiss on his forehead and then gently put his son back into the playpen.

Then he turned and saw Asuka. He breathed in as he looked at her. He knew though that he had to be quick about this because his mind flipped flopped from wanting to go and wanting to remain with the people he loved.

He walked up to her and gently put his arms around her, holding her close, telling her. "If there's a way, Asuka, it'll work."

"Go, Shinji." Asuka whispered.

He looked back into her face and then nodded as he turned and picked up his suitcase and then walked to the door, where he opened it and walked out, walking down the hall to the elevator.

He got inside of the elevator. The doors shut and then he shut his eyes as he thought about what he was doing.

_I'm leaving my family, just like my father left me._

Chapter 116

Shinji breathed in the cool air as he sat underneath the tree that him and Asuka used to favor sitting under so many times. He looked out towards the distance and felt so alone. He thought that being back home would be better, that his life would be whole again and instead, he felt even more empty then before.

_I miss them so much_. He said to himself as he sat underneath the tree. _Nothing feels right without them here. I miss Asuka most of all. I've never been without her in all of ten years and now I find myself totally alone and isolated. It was a mistake! Why did I leave? Why was I so selfish? I left to get away from the city. I couldn't face losing her ever again. Now, I am so alone because I am without her. Perhaps this is my punishment. Perhaps I deserve it._

_The engineering crews have given me electric and phone service out here. The town is being rebuilt so that families can come out here and live. My life is …nothing. Without my family, my life amounts to nothing. I made a mistake coming back here. I miss them. It's been a month seen I've seen them. Asuka hasn't called. Hope calls three times a week. Misato calls me more then my wife does. Maybe Asuka does want a divorce. If that is what she wants, I'll give it to her. If she needs to be happy, I will do that for her. I love her. I'd do anything to get her back. _

He stood up and dusted himself off as he walked back to the house and took a look at the fence. He went over to the fence and looked at it. _This old fence could use some reinforcement. I'll go get my hammer._

He went into his tool shed and pulled the hammer down from the wall. He walked back to the fence and began to pound away at it. _I feel better when I'm working on the yard or the house. Maybe if I keep this up, I'll feel like my old self again. I don't know. I should…I should go back. Go back to my family. Try to make it work. Try to make it…I don't know. I miss them. That's all I do know. I hated the city but being here alone is no life either. I'd rather hate the city then be here alone._

He continued to work on the fence for the remainder of the day and in that time, removed his shirt, despite that the fall weather was starting to get colder. The work he was doing was keeping him moving, keeping him motivated.

Then as he worked he felt something slam into the back of his leg and clutch onto him tight. He froze and then looked down, smiling widely and reaching down to throw his arms around the source of it.

"Daddy…. where you go, _we _go."

"Hope!" he cried out happily as he stood up holding his daughter. "Baby, Daddy missed you so much!" He closed his eyes as he felt tears well up in them from happiness and then as he opened them, he breathed out as he saw someone walking towards him.

"Where you go, is where we'll always go." The voice said as it continued to walk towards him and then stood in front of him, looking into his eyes.

"Asuka…" his voice trailed off as he stared at her. She wasn't dressed in her uniform. She wore a turtleneck with a denim shirt over it with a pair of jeans and boots. In her arms, she carried Souke.

"Hi, Honey. I'm home." Asuka whispered to him as she looked up at him.

"What about your job?" He asked her as he looked at her.

Asuka breathed in as she said. "I'm still active duty but I'm assigned to this region. Misato gave me this terriotory. Its perfect for a newly promoted Major like myself who is getting her first command."

"Asuka…" he breathed out as he sat Hope down on the ground. "Whatever you want is okay with me. If you want the city, I'll give it to you. Whatever you need…"

"I want to go with you." Asuka told him. "I want our life. My life means nothing if you're not in it. Can we…have our life back? I realized that I love it here with you. I didn't like the city either. Sure, I said I liked it but actually, I want to be home with you here…happy…. forever."

He smiled as he looked at her and came over to her staring at his son in her arms and then looking down into her eyes. "My life is with you." He told her gently.

"Our lives are with you." Asuka smiled at him and then felt his arms come around her and Souke. Hope ran over to them both and hugged both of her parents. "_All _of our lives." She said as she took his hand and moved it down to her stomach, covering his hand with hers. "I found out yesterday…" She said with a tear in her eye.

He smiled widely and he leaned in and kissed her lips, smiling back at her with tears in his eyes. "I love you." He told her gently.

"I love you too. This is where we belong, Shinji. Here, forever."

As Asuka looked at him, she smiled back as the family enjoyed their reunion.

_They were at the place they all most wanted to be._

_They were home._

END


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